Deep within the shadowy confines of Blacktin’s forest, Cane rested atop a towering tree, slumbering peacefully until the sudden ring of his phone broke the silence. “Damn it, who the fuck dares disturb my much-needed rest?” he responded irritably, snatching up the device. “This had better be a matter of life and death.” Cane answered the call, his gruff voice laced with annoyance. “Who the fuck is this?”
“It’s me, you asshole! Rocket!”
“I can hear that. What the hell do you want? I was trying to sleep,” Cane snapped.
“You’re such a lazy-ass,” Rocket retorted.
“Excuse me, but I burn a lot of energy and require lots of rest. Now, what’s the reason for this call?” Cane asked, his patience wearing thin.
“There’s a job for you. Some blue-skinned prick jackass didn’t pay Inkedge’s taxes, and Inkedge wants you to take care of him.”
“Why me?” Cane questioned.
“Because Inkedge said so. Are you going to do it, or do I need to tell Inkedge you’re being an ass about it?” Rocket pressed.
“Did you say the guy was blue?” Cane’s tone suddenly distracted.
“Yes! What, are you fucking deaf?” Rocket exclaimed, growing increasingly irritated.
“Does the piece of shit have yellow eyes and big fat yellow lips?” he asks, his gaze fixed on the dirt path below.
“How the hell did you know that?”
“You won’t believe this, but a blue guy with that exact description is headed this way, looking like the smug piece of shit he is,” Cane reported, his eyes focused on Binkedge, who was busy kicking small objects along the dirt trail.
“Good for you,” Rocket’s voice carried a distinct lack of enthusiasm. “Take care of the dick and call me when you’re done.”
“Fuck, fine,” Cane let out an exasperated sigh, as he hung up the phone. “I don’t see why Rocket couldn’t handle the blue-looking retard himself. Guess I’ll have to do it.” He paused, mentally preparing himself. “First, I’ll wait for the jackass to get over here.”
Down below, Binkedge’s mind was consumed by thoughts of the Duck Mafia, his frustration boiling over. “Fuck! I wish I knew who called those duck-fuckers. We helped you, and now we want you to pay. We get raped all the time by each other for fun. Bunch of fucking assholes.”
Suddenly, Binkedge stepped on a piece of paper which stuck to his shoe, causing him to stop and look down. “What the hell is this?”
Picking up the paper, he read the announcement: “Come to the Groove Disco club and challenge the famous dancer, Disco Dude, to a dance-off. Winners get $1,000 in cold hard cash, so try your best, losers.” He considered the offer. “Dance for fucking money… only if I really need to.”
Tossing the paper aside after crumpling it, Binkedge continued walking, only to stop again when he noticed a woman in a jester costume holding large beer bottles in both hands. “What the fuck?” he muttered, unsure of what to make of the strange sight.
Without warning, Cane suddenly jumps down from the treetop, slamming into Binkedge and knocking him to the ground. The jester-clad woman carrying beers fled, screaming in terror as Cane rose and viciously kicked Binkedge in the side.
“Hello, blue man. How’s it going?” Cane asked with twisted glee as he bounded away, allowing Binkedge to struggle to his feet.
“What the fuck! You asshole dickhead motherfucker!” Binkedge spat, clutching his injured side.
“Damn, you’ve got quite the mouth on you,” Cane remarked. “Anyways, I heard you didn’t pay the tax collector. Not a very smart move, blue dude.”
“Fuck you fuck face. Because of that asshole, I have to pay some other assholes called the Duck Mafia.”
“I don’t care about your gay problems. Why don’t you be a good blue little boy and pay up? I need to get back to sleep.”
“Sleep? Are you fucking with me?” Binkedge asked, annoyance in his voice.
“I never mess around, fuck face,” Cane replied.
As Binkedge fully regained his footing, he discreetly pulled an object from his pocket. “Well, I have something to say to that.” With lightning reflexes, he spun and flung his yellow rubber band, striking Cane in the left eye and sending him tumbling down in agony. “Perfect shot!”
Clutching his injured eye, Cane cried out in pain. “My eye, you blue bitch!”
“Take that, asshole!” Binkedge yelled in victory.
Sparks began to crackle from Cane, delivering a jolting shock to Binkedge and leaving him paralyzed, before dropping on the ground.
“How did that feel, monkey?” Cane said, standing up and covering his left eye.
“Not as bad as this is going to feel fucker!” Binkedge grabbed the nail from his pocket, loaded it into the yellow rubber band, and flung it at Cane’s right eye. The strike drew a scream of pain from Cane once more, and blood sprayed out, hitting Binkedge’s face.
“Fucking sick!” He wiped the blood from his face as sparks continued to crackle from Cane’s body. “Oh no, not this time.” Grabbing his brass knuckles, he charged at Cane and smacked him hard on the back of his head, slamming him to the ground. “See you later, ass-face!” Binkedge punched Cane’s head once more and dashed off.
“Come back, fucker! I’m going to murder you!” Once his vision cleared, he got up and gave chase.
“I need to lose the dick head.” Binkedge glared back at Cane, who had just tripped over a tree root. “Dumbass,” he said under his breath, when suddenly he crashed into a tree, slamming backwards onto the ground. “Fucking bitch, just what I needed, a hit to the face,” he groaned, wincing in pain.
Rolling onto his side, Binkedge spotted a cave hidden behind an overgrown bush. “Isn’t that something?” Positioning himself on his knees, he cautiously crawled into the dark opening.
Still unable to see clearly, Cane had ran right past the bush, leaving Binkedge momentarily relieved. “Great, that fucker’s gone. Now to find a way out of this place.” Staring into the blackness and hearing strange noises, he hesitated to venture in. “Fuck, it smells like a sewer down here. Forget this, I’m going the other way.”
But before he could leave, Binkedge heard Cane’s voice booming from outside. “There’s nowhere to go, you blue bitch! I’ll stay out all night if I have to find you. I got nothing better to do, so just give up and make things easier for me.”
“Damn it, looks like I’ve no choice, I have to go into this shit hole. Son of a bitch, I hate that guy.”
Holding his breath, he steadily made his way deeper into the dark cave.
…
