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??? POV

'Hey, did you know? We are actually really talkative, so much that you would wonder how we were quiet before.'

'. . .But that's only because we are talking about things that we consider interesting.'

'Right, also because we are comfortable with the person or very rarely people we're with.'

'. . .If only I could say the things I want to say without actually saying it directly.'

'But. . .since that's impossible━'

•__________________________________________________________•

"Ah!"

I gasped as the sceneries displayed before me disappeared and I went sent back to Naiko's room.

"So? How was it?"

She was, as always, sitting on a chair, and reading a book calmly. She asked that question without even looking at me.

". . .It was terrible. It was really noisy and I hated it."

". . . . ."

I told her exactly how I felt, and she finally looked at me.

"I see."

"Those were my memories, right?"

". . .That's right."

I looked down for a while, I didn't know what to say. Somehow, I was at a loss for words.

thump*

She closed the book that she was reading and approached me.

"Do you still have anything you want to ask?"

I wanted to say something, but no words came out.

". . . . ."

Seeing my slumped shoulders, she sighed and━

"Here, want to read it?"

She gave me the book she was reading just now.

"Uh. . .okay."

I stared at the book. The book looked elegant, sheer, and glossy black cover, and such a majestic design. It made an impression that it was a book about royalties and such. The title was The Happiness I Felt.

'Such a bizarre title. I wonder what it's about.'

I was about to open the book when she suddenly spoke up.

"Sit down. It's a long one."

She sat down at her usual place, at the short table where her laptop was. She patted the seat beside her and offered me a place to sit.

"Th-thank you."

I did as she said, I sat down and read the book. She was right, it was a long story, but it was a really good one.

It was a story about 2 people who had different lifestyles, different circumstances, and they had different mindsets.

Girl A was a loner who didn't think much of life, she merely worked hard to gain whatever she wanted, she only got a few acquaintances, she didn't devote herself to anyone and lived the best of what life has got to offer. She led a life of success. In the end, she died alone, peacefully. 

Contrary to that,

Girl B was a social chameleon, she got along with everyone, made many friends. What the others didn't know was that she was faking it. She just didn't want to be different from others, so she imitated what everyone did and liked. She may have had many friends, but no one stayed in contact with her after she graduated from school. Although she led a life of success, in the end, she was just somebody. She died alone, full of regret.

". . . . ."

"Now then, which one of them actually gained happiness? Can you tell?"

As she recited the last words of the book, she looked at me, waiting for my answer.

". . .Wouldn't it be the girl who peacefully died alone?"

"Why do you think so? Because she died peacefully and not full of regret?"

What she said made me think twice.

'Now that I think about it, it said she died peacefully, not happily.'

". . . . ."

"Just because she lived a successful life doesn't mean that she was happy, of course, the other one didn't feel happy either. Both of them led a life of success, not a happy one."

". . .Then, the title."

"It probably meant the happiness that they felt when they were themself. By the time that girl A realized that she thought differently than the others, she did what she wanted in life, didn't deceive herself, and lived."

". . ."

"On the other hand, girl B was different, she wanted to be like others, she deceived others as well as herself, and as a result, she ended up having no one. She did become successful, but her life ended up full of regret."

I kept on wondering why she explained the story further, then it clicked on me.

". . .Neither."

". . ."

"Neither one of them ended up happy."

"Now then, what about the title?"

". . .There was no happiness at all. But then, that's just━"

"At least both of them had similarities, can you tell?"

". . .They led a successful life?"

"And?"

I wondered a little bit more and thought of their endings.

". . .Both of them. . .died alone."

". . .That's right."

". . .Where's the happiness in that?"

". . .Did you know? Some people consider death as the end, some may think of it as an escape route, and some people think of it as a blessing."

"Huh? Ah, right."

". . .For them, death is the happiest thing that ever happened to them."

". . ."

I didn't know how I was supposed to react to that. I was kind of tensed up when she said those words. I wonder why?

Both of us grew silent, and realized one thing, while this book wanted to reflect on how happy the characters became, it was the opposite.

This story was a tragedy.

Both people didn't have a place to go and ended up alone their whole lives.

But still, why tell me all of this? It's kind of random how she wanted me to read this book all of a sudden.

'Is there any relation to me and her in this book?'

"There is."

She suddenly spoke up again.

"Which one of the two do you think I am? Which one of the two do you think you are?" she asked.

I felt a sudden chill, similar to the one I felt before I met her.

'Which one am I?' 

•__________________________________________________________•

As silence enveloped the whole room, the girl who was just sitting there, thinking, probably about the question I asked her.

'. . .Did you know? The more you reject yourself, the more you'll lose sight of yourself. In the end, you won't recognize who you are anymore. Because of that, I hate you.'

Wanting to be like others when you're different from them, is an act of rejection towards who you are.

Forcing yourself to like something you don't like just because the majority of the people you're with like it.

'. . .Did you know? It was really tiring for me. You made me do things I didn't want to do. In the end, you realized that you can't be like them as long as I am here, and━'

'You killed me.'

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