Part 2

“Rather frequent is the game of passing blames. The reason for frequency being, the human desire to maintain eternal stability. ”

-Shiroyama Seniichi, The AoF storyteller

 

[29^th of November, 1997; 17:11 hrs]

[A rather ragged apartment in Karuizawa, Nagano prefecture]

It has been three days since Hitomi-san, my wife, has been discharged from the hospital. She has lost a bit of weight post pregnancy, has she not? Her usually sparkling black hair, extending all the way down to her waist, and covering a part of her back, is now covering almost whole of her back. She has grown so thin in just a few days. I will call my wife a beauty. Not to brag, but we were gazed upon as the “royal” couple back in the college days. To think that her pretty face has actually grown this pale. Of course, pregnancy is not the only reason.

“…..suya-san….”

“……..”

“Earth to Tatsuya-san…..”

“Hu-huh?! Y-yeah, I am listening, Hitomi-san.”

“It has been more than a month, you know. MORE THAN A FUCKING MONTH.”

“Woah. You seem pissed. Calm down.”

I can tell from the expression on her face, with her eyes broadened, forehead wrinkled, and teeth clamped onto one another. She seems like that bull, who has not been given food for a long period, and is ready to take out its anger on the nearest available target.

The tatami mats in our apartment room, which is on the first floor, are torn at various places, but in such a regular manner, that the patches of brown carpet visible beneath them could almost be labeled as a fashionable floor attraction of some kind. And let me not get started on these ceilings. Only the angel in heaven knows which part of this ceiling will come slamming down on any of us within the next month.

“Calm down??!! How can I calm down???!!! So many days have passed since that tragedy was born! And there he is, still breathing and playing inside that baby couch! And there you are, looking around this shithole room as if it was the queen’s palace!”

“Pfft………where is Haruka?”

I think that I am making an amusing face right now. Hitomi-san seems frozen in ice all of a sudden. Isn’t this similar to the hospital? Is this one of those déjà-vu? Come on, I am not that scary, right? You are scarier, you know, Hitomi-san. Remember that Kaori-san from high school? And her friend, what was his name again? She called me gloomy and upsetting which got to your nerves. Didn’t you almost end up breaking her legs? And didn’t you hit her friend with the chair? God, how cruel that was! And now you are giving that scared look by just looking at my face? Isn’t that unfair?

“Sh-She is out to play.”

“I see. Then we can talk about what to do now, right? About the kid. The new one ~ ”

“Y-Yeah.”

“You remember the plan I told you back at hospital? The one about the accident of the imaginary parents of the kid…..”

“Hm.”

“Very well. Then let me update you on it. I have made some preparations regarding that– “

“Hold up. First of all, you said that you will not tell that story to the legal authorities. Then, for whom is that story? Who will you deceive with that story?”

“……”

“Tatsuya-san….Oi….”

“You ever heard of a certain characteristic of an eagle?”

“Huh?”

“Once the eagle’s eggs hatch, and the hatchlings are a little old, but just enough to open their mouths and drag themselves around a bit, the eagle grabs them in its paws, and flies with them to a rather large height. And from that height, it releases the chick.”

Hoh….Your expression forced me to take this pause, Hitomi-san. You look pretty entailed in this conversation, in contrast to just now, when you thought it had not relevance to the matter at hand. But that terror on your face does not seem to defer. You understand that I am doing this for us, right?

“The released chick falls down under the might of gravity, with its falling speed becoming tenfold every second. As it falls down, it looks up to its parent, still roaming around at the heights, with their sharp eyes directed at it. It can notice their piercing glare, but they do not give any signs of rescuing it. That gaze enables the chick to make a certain conclusion – That it is now, on it’s own. That only its OWN actions can save its life, and that it has to be of use to itself. This is the moment the chick spreads its little wings and tries to flutter in the air. It flutters aggressively, as if one of those random flutters will save its life, as if those wings are its only left lifeboat.”

Your eyes are still broadened, Hitomi-san. You are paying attention, right? That is great.

“This is the moment when the parent eagle makes a decision. In its mind, the parent eagle assesses the child – it assesses whether the chick is worthy or not. The parent assesses its usefulness. If the chick is deemed worthy, which in most cases happens, the parent eagle snatches away the child JUST before hitting the ground. If it is deemed unworthy, then bad luck. It falls to its death. ”

“……”

“……”

“A-and w-what d-d-does it have to do with the current situation, Tatsuya-san?”

Hitomi-san, right about now, looks like someone who has been drugged and hallucinated. I can almost hear her rapid breathing. I am sure that if I close my distance with her right now, I will even be able to hear her heartbeats. Did that little fun fact really scare you that much?? It was just an amusing piece of trivia. I was quite fascinated to learn about it, you know? Yet, you are giving a rather unusual reaction.

Oops. Was my timing bad? Or did you interpret it differently? OR WAS IT BOTH?

Well, it saves the time if you got the hint.

“This information is mostly irrelevant to our current situation. MOSTLY.”

“……”

“The relevant part is about the parent eagle assessing the child and discarding it if it is useless. That is all. All other details can be conveniently skipped, Hitomi-san ~ ”

“In our situation, without the need of me telling you, this kid is not only useless, but even worse – it is harmful for our existence. To improve our situation, according to the premonition, we needed a girl child. So this child is a candidate to be disposed off. Only because he is a confirmed harm to us.”

“Ha-hh.”

“Then, let me tell you the updates on the plan for real now.”

Why did I waste so much time in telling that eagle tale? Was it really in order to find relevance to the story? Was it really meant to form a basis for this discussion which we are going to have? Was it really that necessary? Could I not have just told her about the updates instead of spewing all that trivia?

No. It was necessary. It was of utmost importance. By framing that trivia, now both me and Hitomi-san, can relieve ourselves from the guilt. The guilt which both of us have been keeping deeply buried inside of our hearts! The guilt which we have been trying to desperately avoid since the boy came to the world! The guilt which has not taken over us yet, and probably will not be able to take over either, but has still been scorching our insides! The goddamned guilt of abandoning our newborn just because it was not born the way it was supposed to be! With this, we have pushed our blames towards the kid. Yeah, he is the one at fault. It is his own fault for being born to us. And it is God’s fault to send him at such a bad time. Yeah. I am not to blame. Hitomi-san is not to blame. Haruka is also not to blame.

“Do you remember Kogasaki Tamako, Hitomi-san?”

“Your late mother’s friend? Didn’t she also pass away?”

“Yes, indeed. She has got a daughter – Kogasaki Shiori-san. She is a good friend of mine.”

“Okaaaaay ~ …..and what does that have to do with anything?”

“Kogasaki-san runs her orphanage in the outskirt area of Okinawa Prefecture, in Taketomi.”

“Taketomi??!! Isn’t that like, an isolated habitat?”

“It sure was in the past. Though I would not call it a dense settlement, but it has indeed improved due to increased tourist intake. Actually, it still being a somewhat cut-off place works in our favour.”

“Ha….how so?”

“I will go to Taketomi along with the kid. There, I will tell the exact same story to Shiori……”

“ ’Shiori’, huh? So you were on first name basis with her??!! I see…I see….”

“Hitomi-san, I already said, she is my friend, a good one. Calling her by first name just shows friendly affection. You do not have to be jealous.”

Yes. There is really nothing between me and Shiori. We do love each other, but it is not like every love in the world is about exchanging kisses. There are different kinds of love. Between us is the friendly one. So you can stop pouting while facing away like that. You should refrain from acting cute like high school kids at this age,  you know? It is quite unsettling for me to watch.

“I am not jealous! And this situation is not really appropriate to talk about such idiotic things. Whatever you call your dear Shiori friend does not matter right now.”

Shouldn’t those lines come out of my mouth?

“Coming back to the topic on hand…..I will tell Shiori the story of the so-called accident and the so-called left-out kid. This will ensure her to take the kid in…..”

“You said that we would claim to be the infant’s relatives, am I right?”

“Precisely.”

“What if Kogasaki-san tells us something like-‘Isn’t it better if you take care of the kid, being his relatives and all…’, what would we do then?”

“That is where our excuse of being economically crooked comes into play. Being with Shiori through three years of high school, I know exactly how to handle her. I will convince her, that due to our condition, we are not in a position to provide adequate facilities to both Haruka and the new kid. Also, we will have to leave Karuizawa.”

“Wait…why? Why do we need to leave Karuizawa?”

“Shiori knows that I live in Karuizawa with my family, as well as about our economic situation. This actually makes things easy, as we will not have to prove our economic condition to use it as an excuse to severe ties with the boy. We will leave Karuizawa in order to avoid any future trouble we may get entangled with, as you had your delivery done here in this very town. Our newborn suddenly vanishing will attract suspicious gazes from all directions possible. As we severe ties with the kid, we will simultaneously severe ties with this town of Karuizawa too.”

Yes. We will break our ties. With Karuizawa. And with the boy. For our sake. But the blame, lies with him.

                                                                    *********

Chapter 1, Part 2 extra(A): Kogasaki Shiori’s monologue

Childhood is the peak of innocence, isn’t it? Though it would be biased to say that only children can be innocent, but still, the likelihood of a child showing innocence, isn’t it at least a bit higher than an adult? When you start knowing the world, when you start observing the surroundings, when you start looking at the sky with a different purpose, is when you know, that you are putting first steps into adulthood. But all that knowledge, all that observation, all that career is never free. It charges you the virtues of childhood. Knowledge takes the place of innocence, observation covers away creativity, careers take away dreams, ADULTHOOD ROBS CHILDHOOD.

That is why, I live with children. I breathe with them. I play with them. I study with them. I dream with them. Then, am I not in my childhood?

BUT I GATHER KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THEM TOO. I OBSERVE THEM TOO. Aren’t gathering mature knowledge and observation the signs of adulthood? Then, am I not in my adulthood?   

                                        AM I AN ADULT, OR AM I A CHILD?