Uhm hai, I'm Quetea, a pretty new author. This is the first story I'm publishing so please go easy on me!
But do give me your opinions about the story so far! Just be nice about it okay?
Additionally the ! in a statusscreen means something has changed, makes it easier to view what changed and stuff.
When I woke up I was once again greeted by the familiar void I had grown so used it, I was in a pretty good mood seeing as a woke up again, I had a feeling it had been a while since I last woke up. My body did feel a bit taller at least, so that must've been it right? I quickly sat up in my bed, stretching myself for the first time in a long time.
I had always been pretty sickly, even if we're not counting me being blind, I would only be awake for a few months every year thanks to my illness, so I was looking forward to spending some times awake again. Just as I was about to reach for the bell that sat on my nightstand, like it always was, to summon one of the maids, an unfamiliar message scrolled across my eyes.
[Congratulations, you have awoken]
Now getting messages from the system isn't that weird, everybody gets them, it's just that I've never seen one like this before. Oh and with seeing I do actually mean seeing, for some reason the only thing I've ever been able to see are the system messages. I willed the message away and it disappeared from my sight, probably never to be seen again. I grabbed my necklace and hurriedly willed the status screen to appear to make sure nothing bad happened to me while I slept.
[Status]
---------------
Mari Vindaler
Condition: good
Traits:
- [Bloodline]
- ! [Awoken]
Skills:
- [Fast learner]
- [Calm mind]
- [Analysis]
---------------
Looks like I got a new trait, that's a bit worrying. Why you ask? Because unlike skills, which only come into existence through effort, traits can be negative as well. Now [Awoken] doesn't sound that bad but I'm still a bit worried.
I really want to know what it does right now but unfortunately my identification stone is a low tier to remain portable. You need an identification stone to view your current status, the higher the tier it is the more information it shows you, but higher tier ones not only are incredibly expensive but also very large and heavy.
Anyways I quickly rang the bell and after a few minutes I heard the door open and the voice of a girl, presumably one of the maids.
"Oh miss Mari, it seems you have woken up, should I inform your mother for you?"
In her voice I could hear the tone of pity I had always been confronted with, but I let it slide this time.
"Yes please call mother, and ask her if she can bring a higher tier identification stone with her"
My voice sounded incredibly raspy, barely coming out of my throat, probably from not speaking for such a long time.
Luckily the maid was able to understand me well enough.
"At once milady"
I heard her light footsteps tread over the floor and the familiar creak of the door: signaling that she had left. I let out a sigh and grabbed my hair, seems like it grew a lot longer than it was before, it reaches to around my waist now. Supposedly I have silvery white hair, though not like I would know being blind and all.
While I was thinking about getting my hair cut I heard the door once again, and was greeting by an excited, yet familiar voice from a young girl.
"Sister Mari, you're awake again!"
No, it wasn't my mother like I expected, but my younger sister Eli instead, a welcome surprise. Eli has always been very attached to me, but because I'm asleep so much of the time I can't play with her as much as she'd like me.
"Yes Eli, I'm awake again. It's good to hear you again."
As I took note of the faint smile on my face I felt a push from my side, it seems like Eli jumped on the bed again.
"Oh! sister Mari I brought the identification orb for you! Are you proud of me now?"
I was pretty surprised to hear that, isn't the identification orb supposed to be locked up pretty securely? How did she get her hands on it? While pondering this I gave Eli a quick pat on the head as I took the orb from her and willed my status window to appear once again.
[Status]
---------------
Mari Vindaler
Level: 1
Race: human
Condition: healthy, blind(permanent)
Traits:
- [Lesser bloodline] you have special blood flowing in your veins, grants higher trait growth rate
- [Awoken] something has stimulated the mana within body, if a mana core isn't constructed soon the mana will break down your body
Skills:
- [lesser fast learner] slightly raises skill acquisition rate
- [Calm mind] you have better control over your emotions
- [higher analysis] improves the rate at which information gets processed
---------------
I immediately flew into a panic by the ominous description of [Awoken], if I could see my face right now I bet I look super shocked!
Uh, what? My body will slowly break down? SERIOUSLY???
Luckily thanks to my [Calm mind] skill I managed to recover from my panic pretty quickly. Still I have to form a mana core already? isn't that normally done over several years?
Also an extra thank you to reader DestroyerMon, who kindly pointed out a small typo, it's much appreciated!
Is she gonna be like toph that is cool if the character is handled excellently
There are a few similarities, like them both disliking being pitied for being blind.
Personally I'm not going to go as far as Avatar in giving her an ability to offset her blindness, it will always be an impairment for her, she'll find way to manage around her but her alternative way of seeing won't be as good as regular sight.
Her strength mostly comes from other areas, as well as some habits developed by living as a blind person
nice.
Thank you~
Luckily thanks to my [Calm body] skill
It's calm mind not body
Ah my bad, thanks for pointing it out!
Nice premise. Looks like it has a lot of potential. Let's see how this turns out. Good luck !
Thanks, I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying it so far~
It’s a really interesting premise to be sure and I have no complaints on grammar and spelling.
If anything, I would suggest making slightly longer chapters. Though since this is the first chapter I’m not sure if it is indicative of the length or frequency of release.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks, that’s a relief to hear!
And I’ll make the coming chapters a bit longer then~~