William had just concluded his late-night surgery. As he walked to his office, the corridor was relatively quiet; he sighed in relief, grateful that he could take a break without a frequent influx of patients.

He massaged his sore neck and diverted his path towards the cafeteria; he needed a coffee. 

That’s when he heard—a distant giggle of a child. He paused in his tracks, looking around for the source, mumbling to himself,“Irresponsible parents, leaving their children unattended.” 

Just then, he saw a small figure darting to the storeroom. He froze, feeling surge of familiarity at the sight of that face, and called out, “Jhonny is that you?” 

He walked in the direction of the figure, only to find the room empty. It was dark, abandoned operating theatre now utilized for storage. 

He walked closer to one of the cots, which was covered in cobwebs; his finger tracing its rugged edge. 

He turned on his heels and exited without looking back, heading directly to his office. He slumped against his chair, the memories he had tried to suppress resurfacing.

FLASHBACK ( 13 years ago )

William had just entered residency at twenty-five. Exhaustion and overworking had become backbone of his schedule. Due to his brilliance and potential, his professor often asked him for assistance in surgeries, which he gladly accepted for the exposure.

This time, his professor had instructed him to perform the initial examination of a new patient: Jhonny, an eight-year-old suffering from a perforated bowel waiting to be operated on.

William acquiesced; this was a new department for him, working with kids. He prepared himself, and entered the room and saw a little boy lying on the bed who looked distressed. 

He gently greeted the child and resumed his assessment, checking the chart to see if Johnny was being given his dosage on schedule.

Little Johnny tugged on his sleeve to grab his attention and asked. “Are you a doctor too?”.

“A doctor in training,” William corrected, flashing a smile as he ruffled Johnny's hair, drawing out a giggle.

Over the next few days, William comforted the scared kid, explaining every doubt at a basic level to ease his worries. Still, the frequent IVs and blood transfusions made Johnny cranky.

William tension grew as the time of surgery approached; he had gotten attached to Johnny as well.

“Will I be okay, new doc?” Johnny questioned, holding his teddy closer. 

William nodded, reassuringly, “You'll get well soon, buddy. Just stay strong for this procedure, okay?” 

“Promise that you'll protect me, doc?” Johnny asked, holding out his pinky finger. William linked his own with it.

A few hours had passed. William couldn't focus on his shift, his eyes constantly flickering to the operating room where Johnny was being operated on. He had to assist another senior doctor with a case study while Johnny was moved to post-op care. 

Several hours passed by before William recalled he had to check on the kid. He rushed to the room, berating himself for delaying the administration of the meds. 

In a hurry, he grabbed a medicine vial and injected it into Johnny's IV. William went to recheck the chart to double-check the details when the oximeter on Johnny's finger emitted a steady beep.

On the screen, the respiratory rate and capnography suddenly started tanking. William stared in confusion as the monitor alarms filled the room.

 his gaze fell to the vial he was holding. His eyes read the label: it was not the antibiotic he was supposed to administer. Instead, it was a neuromuscular blocking agent. The colour drained from his face as the realization settled in.

“Johnny!” He whispered, panicking. He froze in place. He would lose his medical license if this mistake reached his senior’s ears.

His body refused to move or try to stabilize the emergency. His concern for his degree won out; he watched in horror as Johnny asphyxiated, as his muscles paralyzed internally.

Then it all went quiet; the beeping alarms faded, and Johnny’s trembling ceased...

FLASHBACK ENDED 

Back to present 

William, still seated in his chair, replayed the scene in his mind—how he had lied to the hospital staff and hidden his involvement, and concealed the vial before the nurses walked in upon hearing the monitors.

He might have managed to avoid facing the penalties, but he still relived the guilt every day. He could still hear the promise of little Johnny; he remembered how the child saw him as a friend and a hero, and he had utterly failed to keep the promise.

Just then, a knock at the door of his office snapped him out of his thoughts as a nurse walked in and spoke,“Doctor, we need you to check on a kid in the pediatric unit.” 

William frowned before answering, “Haven't I told you that I prefer not to take pediatric cases?”

“I am sorry, the other doctors are currently preoccupied or on leave. You need to attend that child,” the nurse stated before leaving the room.

William took his stethoscope following the nurse out of the office; his protests and reservations faded as he focused on the work at hand. The young patient accidentally pushed a toy off the bed. 

William bent down to pick it up, but as he did so, he saw a small figure peeking at him through the corner of his eye. He turned his head sharply, but there was no one there.

He scrambled to his feet and handed the plush toy back to the child: he constantly looked over his shoulder with unease. The grip of his hand on the instrument clenched as he became hypervigilant of his surroundings.

Perhaps this perpetual torment was his deserving atonement. It was the cost of silencing his conscience to keep living: a price paid with lack of peace and a paranoia that would haunt him for a lifetime.

William excused himself, heading to the rooftop as he needed a break(escape) from the crushing weight on his shoulders. His steps felt heavier than usual, and once he reached the top, he leaned against the railing.

The night air swirled around him, cold and biting, as it pricked his already numbed body. He lit a cigarette, holding it to his lips as he drew in a puff. 

A thought drifted to his mind: What would the outcome have been if he had not acted so selfishly?

THE ALTERNATE ENDING HE MISSED 

As the monitor beeps filled the room, William regained his composure and assessed the situation. He focused entirely on stabilizing Johnny, this time exercising caution as he administered the correct dosage. He waited anxiously until the boy's vitals finally returned to normal.

As a nurse entered the room, he confessed his mistake. Despite the sharp glares and their disappointed words, he stayed calm. 

He was told to wait outside as the attending physician took charge of the situation. William paced back and forth, imagining the staff and his professor discussing the gravity of his negligence.

Just then, he got summoned to the office of the chief medical officer. He took a deep breath presenting himself to his superior.

“What did you do, William? I did not expect such recklessness from you,” The chief of management reprimanded.

William looked down, ashamed to meet anyone's eye.

“I'm sorry, William. I will have to dismiss you. Be grateful your license is not being cancelled.” 

William, after hearing their decision, left without protest. A few days had passed when he visited the hospital for paperwork and saw Johnny. 

He had assumed that he would have fallen in the child's eyes after his near-fatal mistake, but to his surprise, Johnny waved at him excitedly.

“Hi doc! You saved me, just like you promised,” Johnny spoke, holding his hand out for a high-five.