The scuffle with the thugs had taken place earlier this morning. We had walked now for about three hours and the scenery was changing to a more... civilized theme, I suppose?
We passed through several hamlets.
At each one Ibehru would check the local "post office".
In some cases that was just a basket hanging inside a barn - and in one case the "Royal Post Office" - as the badly handwritten sign proclaimed - was an empty nest just inside the doorway of an otherwise busy chicken coop.
Mail...
... with that bit of extra on it.
It was past noon now and we were approaching the next hamlet.
"Let’s have a lunch break!" [Ibehru]
I nodded - good idea - my poor hooves were starting to get sore from the pebbles that were embedded all along the dirt road.
As we got closer we saw a huge woman looking down into a hole where two fuzzy haired heads were poking out.
Occasionally a bucket was handed up to the woman, who then spread the contents - dirt - around on the ground nearby.
As we got closer the huge woman turned towards us - I suppose my hooves gave us away...
"Irongrip! You’re a wee late, aren’t you? Stopped to take a nap, didja?" [Boatica]
The impressively sized woman shouted with a huge grin.
Irongrip?
Was that maybe Ibehru’s family name?
Weird.......
Would fit a dwarf more than an elf, no?
"Boatica! No - we ran into some thugs..." [Ibehru]
"On this road? They must have been real daft!" came out of the hole from one of the fuzzy heads.
"You gave them a good thrashing, right." [Boatica]
Boatica stood akimbo, both fists on her hips, her grin even wider than before.
"What are you all doing out here?" [Ibehru]
Ibehru looked down into the man deep hole.
"Oh just moving the YouKnowWhat - and this year, I’m going all out and fancy like, and making both a HIS and a HERS! This one, being farther from the inn, is the HIS, of course. Can’t have Ladies trudging all the way out here in the dark, can we?" [Boatica]
Oh.
Outhouses.
I guess plumbing was a bit too much to expect out here, where there was no river or other running water handy.
Luckily as a donkey, I never bothered thinking about such "niceties" as outhouses or plumbing.
The world is my lavatory, so to speak.
Hmmm.....
Now that I think that out "loud" - that didn’t exactly seem to be all too "brag worthy", now was it?
"So, Irongrip..." [Boatica]
Nope, not family name, can’t be...
Cutesy nickname?
Like "Curly" for a bald guy?
Yeah... That must be it...
"Got anything for us this week? And did you still want some lunch, this late?" [Boatica]
The Amazonian giantess pointed over her shoulder at the inn.
"Yes... and YES PLEASE! Only had a small break fast1Originally "break the fast", later just "break fast" as we have here, and these days we just use "breakfast" in one word. One did not usually eat over night - well, I do, but I'm a donkey - so the first thing you eat on the new day is considered "breaking" the time of "fasting". This has been a "donkeysplain" moment., and that was before the sun rose!" [Ibehru]
"Great! Let me get washed up and ..." [Boatica]
Boatica looked down the hole at the two "mole men".
"You two - we are down far enough. Go ahead and build the YouKnowWhat now." [Boatica]
Two "AYE AYE MOM" drifted up from the hole as we started to walk towards the inn.
As we got closer to the inn, I grasped the layout of the lot.
The two new outhouses were being built in the clearing behind the two storied inn.
A high hedge-work blocked the view of the outhouses from the inn, and I dare say also helped keep certain unwanted smells from reaching the inn.
As the three of us - "Irongrip" Ibehru (chuckle), the giantess Boatica, and little cute Donkey - ie, me - reached the inn, Ibehru turned to me.
"Sorry donkey - just wait out here a bit like always, ‘K? I’ll bring you some oats..." [Ibehru]
I trotted up to an open window and poked my big head in.
This part of the inn looked to be the common and eating area - three long board tables ran from the door to the back wall, where a short bar type area presented itself.
On the left wall was a semi open kitchen area - the large cooking fireplace was glowing a warm orange, several large lidded iron pots hanging from hooks at various heights, all giving of slight puffs of steam.
Dinner probably being prepared in them.
On the right wall a huge white ceramic tiled oven took over the whole wall - it obviously doubled as a heat source in winter, and as the mouth watering smell that even reached me out in the yard surely signalled - it was also the bread baking facility.
Instead of chairs, there were two and three seat benches alongside the tables.
As it was already quite past lunch time, there was only a handful of late guests.
Most of them greeted Ibehru either with variants of "Hey Irongrip!" or "Mail’s here!".
Immediately after Ibehru sat at one of the tables a large specimen plunked himself down across from her - his arm up in the ancient invitation for a bout of arm wrestling.
"Watcha say? Lunch on me if I lose again?" [MuscleUncle]
"Your on, Muscle Uncle!" [Ibehru]
Oh, that was his actual name?
Nah....
Ibehru firmly gripped her opponent’s huge paw with her dainty hand.
The serving girl who had been about to take Ibehru’s order put on a stern no-nonsense face and slapped the table with her free hand
"GO! ...and..... Irongrip for the win!" [ServingGirl/Referee]
I had blinked and missed it - Muscle Uncle’s hand was down faster than a penguin swallows a mackerel.
"Two out of three?" [MuscleUncle]
The Muscle Uncle was grinning wide.
The serving girl waved the two warriors to get into the start position, slapped the table again.
"GO! Anddddd... Irongrip for the win! Again!" [ServingGirl/Referee]
"Sigh, well you got me again - if this goes on I’ll just hand over my smithy to you and you can be the new blacksmith!" [MuscleUncle]
"Sorry Muscle Uncle... if it is any consolation - you do seem a bit stronger lately." [Ibehru]
STRONGER?!?!?!
Muscle Uncle’s arms were as thick as my upper hind leg!
Something was smelling as fishy as a group of penguins in the summer heat.
A couple of farmhands also tried their luck - these were not meek little men, either, and easily matched the Muscle Uncle’s mass.
The result was the same, and Ibehru handled them in the same fashion as the smith.
Yeah... something stank here.
Boatica loomed up out of nowhere, wiping her hands on her clean kitchen apron.
Her arms were even mightier than those of the Muscle Uncle - really impressive guns2I think it is based on "ship guns" or cannons from the 1700's... but means really big upper arms... I might be wrong on the etymology, take it with a big grain of pepper. Sorry, I ran out of salt....
I had a sneaking suspicious that she could pick two of me up and carry both of us around as if we were expensive and delicate handbags.
"My turn! I’ve been training!" [Boatica]
With what?
Lifting houses???
"Let’s show these weak men who only have strength to work 14 hour days what we real women can do, who work 18 hour days, everyday!" [Boatica]
Now this... this was going to be interesting.
I highly suspected the guys had been fooling and pretending that Ibehru was beating them.
Yeah...
That was it.
Right?
No way a small slim elf girl with reed sized arms could even slow down a smith’s arm.
Boatica had a serious face on, now, as she dropped her elbow onto the table - she took up a whole two person bench, in case anyone was wondering...
The two clasped their hands - Ibehru’s tiny hand completely disappeared in Boatica’s kodiak-bear sized grip.
The serving girl once again did her duty as the referee.
Slap.
"GO!" [ServingGirl/Referee]
Silence.
Except for the grunting.
It was escaping Boatica’s clenched mouth.
After a moment, sweat started beading on Boatica’s forehead.
She was clenching her teeth even more now, and readjusted her legs to get a better counter balance and leverage.
And Ibehru...
Just smiled.
Then slowly she pulled her hand down to the table, until the back of Boatica’s hand gently touched the wood.
"Irongrip for the win!" [ServingGirl/Referee]
Was that a slight smirk on the serving girl's face, just now?
"Ah, pootatatoot! I lost... AGAIN." [Boatica]
Boatica stood and wiped her hands again on her apron.
"Well... I suppose no real surprise there when you’re dealing with one woman army Irongrip..." [Boatica]
Wait....
So...
Did I hear that right?
Not only were they calling Ibehru "Irongrip" but now also "one woman army"?
Ehhh.....???
Oh - must be some sort of country folk joke, just to keep Ibehru a return customer.
Yeah........
Otherwise, if there was a grain of truth in all this, I’d be feeling a right clucker now, for having attacked the thugs if my help had never really been needed anyways.
So for my own sake, I decided to ignore the games these country bumpkins were obviously playing with Ibehru just to keep themselves in her "good book".
Also, I was betting Ibehru’s lunch would be covered by some sort of agreement with the Royal Postal Service, so Muscle Uncle wasn’t actually having to cover that for her, and his bet was actually also a joke. Right?
After lunch...
"Ah, that was a delicious lunch like always, Boatica! You could cook for the Royal's you could!" [Ibehru]
"Meh, they are too picky eaters... anyway here is this weeks mail - sorry, quite a bit this time. Safe travels, you hear?" [Boatica]
"You know me... always cautious!" [Ibehru]
Ibehru put the received post into the bag on my back, and then we got back on the road.
During lunch, my big fluffy ears picked up that this was not actually just a hamlet, but a full sized village famous for producing some of the best cabbage the country enjoyed.
Its name was Valedorna...
Oh...
Why is that familiar?
