My first thought was born upon a single point, luminous in the darkness of my closed eyes. It dropped into the water's surface, thus I came to know of my existence, and that of the line, the plane and the dimension. By extension everything that ever was and that would ever be, they became mine, and in me. Now that time and space manifested for me to exist out of nothing, I can expand and contract, I can think, I can feel, and I can sense that the pin needle sinking to the bottom of the sea is the ultimate expression of joy. But once it reaches its destination, it lays at rest, heavy as a boulder and incapable of movement or returning to the zero.

How was my past life? I wonder the same, I am not sure how I reached this place. When I was that point, I jumped on the cliff before being aware of what it really was, only now I am aware that it led to my death. Yet, I still live. How did I cheat the reaper? I suppose it is useless to guess when I know so little.

First things first, what do I know about myself? The thought makes me chuckle. I am Cloto, with a lot of surnames and a lot of titles, but the one I usually go by is First Princess. People must enjoy having a large list of descriptors attached to them and to others, I am the only Princess in the Empire’s royal family, yet they stress that I must be called First. Perhaps the world is eager for a Second Princess to be born, but with what scarce memories I have of my father, he does not share the same enthusiasm.

I am not a person that produces many results, be it on either plane of existence, but as Princess the heavy responsabilities of this world will inevitably fall upon my shoulders. I never cared for any of that, frankly I expected one day for my sole brother to succeed father, let him deal with the succession problem and allow me to live a quiet life. However, just last week father issued the decree: Michael would never ascend the throne while he was alive, and neither would he qualify on father’s death. The throne belonged to me alone, unless I chose to vacate “half” of the spot. He would rule from behind while I held the final say.

I could not see the intentions of my father, and though I didn’t particularly take his words to heart, Michael did, thus creating a rift between us. He knows that I would make no effort to hold my position, what would be the point of all this. Unfortunately this leads to my current point: perhaps the same point I dreamt about yesterday night. Without any rhyme or reason I was assigned to uphold court matters, whereas Father claimed sick and waved away all his responsabilities.

And here I stand, with Michael accompanying from behind the curtains and whispering in my ear every word I should proclaim to make matters proceed as usual. It is not the first day, since I immediately had to take reins of the vacant spot our father left, lest this empire falls into disarray. Honestly it’s been quite boring this week, I don’t get to play much and though I see some of my playmates, amongst the noble’s sons and daughters who took the chance to grab a spot, in front of the court I need to look at them as if they were nothing. Those old geezers still hold some preconceptions of an era prior to mine. They still have their uses, but I’d rather swap them quickly.

Most of the things we dealt with this week were financial reports, festivals and the like. Things an administrator should do, and thankfully Michael is the best administrator I know, and that’s not only thanks to the fact I don’t know many of them. Everything seems to be running fine under his scrutiny.

Until today, that is. One young nobleman, beautiful I must add, with an unusual curly hair, brought to my attention the matter of his lover, not one of my playmates if I recall, who disappeared last year and no matter how much they searched, they never found her. Not even the corpse or the clothes. Nothing.

-First Princess, I have worked tirelessly for the sake of the Empire during those short years, but I cannot let go of this matter. I’ve searched every place she could’ve been, and many where she wouls never deign to visit. This subject humbly asks for help from his sovereign.

The nobleman kneels down and solemnly bows, his forehead touching the cold floor and flattening his nose. I quickly notice his black emblem, which holds a strange resemblance to my personal symbol, the three moons. Scanning around the court, a rather substantial amount of the nobles slightly changed their emblems, clothes and whatnot to fit my tastes. How quickly people are to change sides when they see benefit, I close my eyes, momentarily disgusted by this sight. Do they think Father is dead?

Michael wanders around impatiently as the other nobles expose their thoughts to the court, though none can see his shadow hovering behind me. There are many arguments for each case, more than I think can exist for a case that appears to be so simple. Eventually, my brother stops behind me to whisper. About time.

-First Princess, this case was left unsolved by the Emperor when it appeared, he probably had his reasons to act deaf in front of this plea. However I... I mean you, have just received control over the court and it is not a good idea to ignore it, lest you create enmity with the Duke.

-Cut to the chase. Offer aid, do nothing, or make another suggestion?

For the first time during this period, Michael stays silent.

-I don’t know... I would have to probe further to consider why the Emperor did not act before. I cannot make a choice based on impulse... Ah, of course I’m not saying you are thoughtless

Oh but it is exactly what you mean, thought I can take it as a compliment. I fiddle with my earrings while watching them squabble below, so this is saying I have to actually do something that would shape the future of this land in an unpredictable way? I usually do other things when I have nothing better to do, but since I truly have nothing better to do this time, might as well.

I lift my hand slightly to call off the commotion.

-Duke Farhad, you may rise.

He cups his hands before his chest and salutes again.

-I thank the First Princess.

Waving him off, I continue to play with my earrings. I turn the other hand towards the curtain and Michael, reluctantly, joins his palm with mine. I breathe in deeply and close my eyes.

-I will tell you what I see, and you are free to understand it how you wish. Afterward, we can decide whether or not we will be lending you any help.

I sense the gazes of the entire court directed towards me, and this weight takes form inside my vision. Some of them are expecting, perhaps mother’s supporters, for she too is bound to this gift, though they would be disappointed to know I will never attain her level of clarity. On the other hand, others might find my words closer to their reality. Some are scornful, my brother’s supporters no doubt, he never mingled well with me. In fact, he was never too fond of anyone in the family, perhaps not even himself, it might be the reason father refuses to concede to him, and why the nobles are not too keen on him either. I cannot refute the existence of fiery gazes on the crowd, and those come in many different shades and colors, but the most prominent exists amongst father’s supporters, as they cannot control their desire to create and that also constitutes the creation of children. I chuckle at the thought they won’t be able to take me in bed, and even if that were to happen, nothing good would come from it.

The last gazes are neutral, to a point. They hold the myriad of human emotions that pertain to the material and not the spiritual. I should expect no less from the bunch that followed me for whatever reason, maybe to contemplate the carnal pleasures together. We will have our fun later.

As the thoughts whirl at the back of my head, I smile and tell them a story not so beautiful.

-One year ago a pregnant virgin woman fell down a well in the Duke’s estate. I cannot recognize her, I’ve never seen her before as you know, but I would wager you couldn’t recognize her after a few days either.

-What does the First Princess mean?

I chuckle and look down, staring at the shining hollows inside the well.

-She was too afraid, too tired, but most of all she dreaded falling further into the dark abyss below. She continued to look down, as if something would appear out of the shadows and slurp her into its stomach. I cannot say for sure how long she lasted, but she was well fed and fresh water dripped to her lips frequently. After a few hours, her stomach started to grumble, but alas she had nothing to eat, and her body correspondingly started to eat itself alive.

-Preposterous! You are making this story just so you can cut on extra expenses! – an old man wearing an orange robe says.

-Whether or not that is true, how can you expect a pregnant woman to survive in that place? She’s either dead or was sold as a slave. Maybe that was her plan to escape? – a yellow robed lady chips in.

-Shut your stinky mouths! – the youth says.

My brother pinches the palm of my hand and I sigh tiredly. I slap the armchair harshly and the whole room is silent. I stare at them not so kindly – it is not difficult to make such a face, I was never kind to begin with.

-I am not fond of those who base their arguments on common sense, my Empire has no lack of them. I would rather have a jester be a part of this assembly than you two. Drag them out.

Incidentally they were both supporters of my brother, but he doesn’t seem too keen on them either. Like cockroaches, they find their way into our Empire no matter how strict sanitation is. Turning a deaf ear to the condenations and pitiful pleas, I wave my hand and continue the tale.

-Many times people passed by the well, but no one thought a person would fall in there, not to say your lady, who just happened to pass by the place. Her fear was such that she couldn’t see the light coming from above, couldn’t hear the patrolling guards and maids shouting, and in time couldn’t even ask for help. The darkness became her own little world, she forgot there was a world above. As it appears, Duke Farhad stuck his head with a lamp to look below, shouting for the beloved, but she was too weak to reply, merely a bag of skin and bones. She lived every day in fear, pain, hunger, as her flesh withered and her eyes sunk to the back of her brain, unable to shed tears. The mother fed the daughter, who was the first to die.

Finishing what I had to say, I clap my hands twice and end the session. Duke Farhad is inconsolable, and there are obvious signs that he wishes to protest, but the most pressing matter is to see whether the skeletons are in that abandoned well, on that point I agree with him. One might wonder that he didn’t make enough efforts to save the woman from that plea, perhaps father knew all along and dismissed the issue out of spite.

I silently fade away behind the curtain and descend the stairs to the back of the palace. Alongside brother, I return to my rooms, where a beauty might be waiting for me. Whether male or female, or both, maybe neither, it doesn’t matter. At some point, Michael stops, probably finished with his rationalizing and post-analysis. He’s always like this, tiring himself for no reason. It is admirable in a way, I cannot muster so much energy myself for matters beyond my comprehension. He sighs, as if defeated.

-What a pitiful woman.

I stop walking and glare at my brother icily.

-There is nothing to pity about her. She could’ve climbed to the surface with her own strength if she wasn’t so afraid of pain. Ironically, the pain came nonetheless.

Chuckling at her misfortune, I observe my brother retreating to his shell of thoughts and dismiss the issue.

-The most laughable thing is that she fell to the bottom, but she didn’t know. Otherwise, she would’ve planted her feet firmly on the earth and look up, climbing the rope. The baby she didn’t give birth to only served to weigh her down.

Michael frowns and parts ways with me, muttering “how could she not notice it? It was so obvious...”. I cannot help but consider if that kid would’ve grown into my brother’s supporter had she a chance of life. Or, given her status as a virgin mother, maybe she would come to my lap.

Opening the doors to my chambers, muffled laughter escapes the crevices and I am greeted with the sight of men and women lying on my bed, playing with each other’s parts, mixing red and blue on the cup. I absent mindedly take off my clothes and drop them to the floor, but I do not head their direction, rather I go to the sauna where my servants expect me. They are beasts of women, with wide bosoms and plump thighs, hair that shines blood red and that slither on the cold floor. I would claim to be one such beast, if I allow myself some pride, though a more refined one. However, my hair is black and does not touch the ground, not for a lack of length, it is sufficient to trap them all into my web, but there is no need to struggle on lower heights. They call out to me with flirtatious voices and amorous glances, I’m too exhausted to care. I close my eyes and sink into the hot water as they pass their fine hands over my body and clean my flesh with cotton and painted lips.

The warm feeling and pleasant caresses immediately invigorate me, yet I still do not find myself in the mood for carnal pleasure. Perhaps it is time to renovate the harem, or perhaps it is time for me to visit father’s. A maiden brings a bottle of wine between her breasts and pours it on the glass I hold. This one seems a little too eager to earn my good graces, but I do love some aged wine, so I faintly touch her breasts while I swirl the liquid on the cup. Blue and red, swirl and swirl, every whirl is another round of sex and alcohol, and just the thought of it makes me sick. Naturally, I do not dislike my current situation, but today’s case left a bad taste in my mouth.

-Princess? Am I not to Princess' liking? – the maiden asks.

-I am just not in the mood today, you all can go inside and play. I can take care of myself.

Water drips from their bodies into the hot sauna and I close my eyes, breathing deeply and gulping my own saliva. Their scent sends shivers throughout my body and I find myself lacking the strength to breathe. So many flowers, so many scents, for one moment I regret my decision, but as I open my eyes I find them gone.

Swirl, swirl, swirl... By the time I’m done bathing, the wine is hot and not suited to my tastes. I throw it away and head for the side chamber, somewhere peaceful where I can wipe my body and clothe myself without being aided or interrupted.

I close my eyes and see the Duke looking coldly upon the woman's skeleton and the unborn’s remains, burning the white into black. I’ll have to warn my brother about any strange disposal of ashes outside the palace’s premises, I look down upon those young foxes scheming in the open. Perhaps a drop of my sweet blood would stir up a Phoenix’s heart inside the baby, as for the woman, she belongs to the earth. I will make my way there once I am rested.

Massaging my temples, I go to sleep alone. Tomorrow there will be a beauty on my arms, but tonight I will enjoy the contrast of spending time with myself.