I was just a random teenager from the earth until an hour ago, and now I am standing in front of an actual God of Hell.
Now, I know what you are thinking 'Oh Great, this is gonna be another one of those cliche stories where Mc gets killed by truck-Kun and God gives him some wishes for some stupid reasons.'
If you were thinking that then you were correct. After a long and boring day in school, I was walking back home. After walking for about 10 minutes, I could finally see my house in the distance on the other side of the road.
I started to cross the road, then I suddenly saw a cat that was about to get run over by a car. You might be thinking that I tried to save the cat and got killed in the process.
Then this time you are wrong, I didn't try to save the stupid little pussy. Instead, I wanted it to die. I had a huge grin on my face and I was thinking about stomping on its corpse after the car ran it over.
No, I am not a psychopathic murderer who loves to kill animals. The reason I hate the cat so much is that it has made my life a living hell for the past month.
When I return home from school I always find a pile of cat shit on my bed, when I try to sleep it always comes to my window and makes noise the whole night. It always bites me whenever it finds the opportunity, and after every time it tortures me it has an aggravating grin on its face.
I try to retaliate but it's very nimble and always escapes at the last second. I was happy thinking I was finally going to be free from the cat's torture. But like always it narrowly dodged the danger.
After dodging the car it turned back and looked at me with the aggravating grin like always. The smile on my face immediately disappeared and was replaced by anger. Before I could do anything I heard a truck horn *beep beep*
That's the last thing I could remember before I arrived at this white room. I looked around and saw nothing but an empty white room. I was feeling a lot of different emotions, I was angry, scared, confused.
Suddenly, a man appeared in front of me. He had a beautiful face, with a sharp jaw and angular cheekbones, he was tall and had a well-defined body. If I had to use one word to describe him it would be 'Perfect'.
For a second he made me question my sexuality. I didn't say anything and just stared at him. After a brief period of silence, he finally spoke.
"I know I am handsome but you don't have to stare at me that much."
I finally came back to my senses. Then I looked at him and became horrified. I started running away from him but after a couple of steps, I hit an invisible wall.
I turned around and looked at him in horror.
"Ho-how did you appear out of thin air and how are you able to fly."
He slowly came down from the and stood on the ground.
"I am sorry if I scared you. Let me introduce myself. I am Yamaraj the God of Hell."
His words were like a nuke inside my head. I started to Panic.
"Gods are real! If I can see you does that mean I am dead? And God of hell? Why am I in hell, I have never committed any sins? Wait, is masturbation a sin? If so then I can understand why I am here."
"Wait, young man, you are getting ahead of yourself. Calm down for a bit."
I calmed down a little hearing his words.
"Now that you have calmed down let me answer a few of your questions. Yes, You are indeed dead but you are not in hell because you have sinned. You are here because I might have mistakenly caused your death."
"Wh..what do you mean?"
"Do you remember the cat that was troubling you?"
I clenched my fist the veins on my forehead popped up.
"How can I forget that fucking cat, he made my life hell and also caused my death, that piece of…"
*cough cough* "Any way that cat is a devil prototype created by me to slowly torture people."
"What! Why did you want to torture me what have I done?"
Yamaraj scratched his head while awkwardly chuckling "Well, the thing is, the cat somehow escaped our supervision and entered the earth and that's how it found you."
"How can you laugh at such a thing, now because of your mistake I am dead. Send me back to earth."
"I am sorry, I can't do that but since you like anime a lot, I will send you to an anime world of your choice and I will also give you 1 wish."
"Ok, I will use my wish first. I want to slowly torture that cat for a year and kill it."
"Sigh, I can't do that. It was my fault, not the cat's fault he did what he was created to do. I cannot punish him for my mistakes."
"Ok, if it's your fault then kill yourself."
"Sigh, you are quite the vengeful person aren't you. I am the God of hell so I can't kill myself even if want to. I will make you this final offer.
"I will send you to the world of your choice and give you 2 abilities of your choice that helps you survive. If you don't accept it then you just have to spend the rest of your life in hell."
I thought about what he said for a second and I was forced to admit that I couldn't do anything in this situation. I had no power in this situation. So I chose to give up for now and follow through with his plans.
"Ok, I will accept your offer but give me a bit of time to think about it."
He nodded his head and didn't say anything. After thinking for a while I finally decided everything.
"I want to go to Narutoverse."
I chose Narutoverse for 1 simple reason and that is because when I was young I loved naruto and always wanted to be part of the Naruto universe. So I decided to fulfill the desire of my younger self.
He nodded his head. "Ok, that's acceptable. What are your wishes?"
"My first wish is to have a regeneration ability."
I chose regeneration because I don't want to die prematurely because of some stupid reasons like disease or other stupid shit and regeneration also gives me a huge boost on my combat and training.
"Ok, what's your second wish."
"I want a blood manipulation ability."
I chose this one because it's an insanely powerful ability. I can kill people in an instant by just removing all the blood from their bodies. I was grinning just by imagining how insanely powerful I would be in Narutoverse.
"Ok, I will grant you your wishes, good luck with your next life."
I was about to ask him a few more questions but with a snap of his fingers, he sent me to the Narutoverse.
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I never understood these wish/ROB beginnings in SI fics. Why even have this here? You could have just had a dude reincarnated into the Naruto-verse with a dual-bloodline limit and it'd effectively be the same thing without the cringe.
Given he hasn't been incarnated yet, I feel it's unlikely anything substantial from the first chapter - the supposed "hook chapter", is going to carry over to the "real" story. Even his hatred(?) and distaste for cats could've been developed in the narrative instead of casually tossed out as some shallow backstory that ultimately doesn't mean anything. Hell, there doesn't even need to be a reason - not being a cat person is okay!
I suppose if you wanted to establish that the MC is a shallow and short-sighted idiot, then.. Congratulations I guess? He's told by some random deity-figure that he'll be sent to an anime world because he's such a weeb, and even given a wish - which he immediately wanted to waste spending more time torturing the cat for well over twelve times as long as he'd even known it existed before.
After reading this first chapter, I unfortunately find myself not really that interested in seeing how this character goes on to develop in subsequent chapters. The only thing I'm mildly curious about is how his blood power would be leveraged.
While I wish you the best of luck in your writing, I don't really feel like this story is for me. Or rather, I don't really care enough to keep reading.
because its a common theme in ISEKAI
You know for some reason I triggers me that people forget that narutoverse already has a blood control ability
who?
Idk if you know but you wasted the second ability on your character. If he has blood manipulation then he can infinitely regenerate if he has enough nutrients in his blood. You can watch deadman wonderland for a example. If I was you I would have said blood manipulation and ability copy where you could have copied every kekkai gankai and jutsu’s just by touching the person and knowing what ability you want to copy and the person will not even know. Then you would have unlimited amounts of trump cards. Then the MC would only have to worry about getting those jutsu’s and bloodline abilities and obtaining enough chakra to use them. And you would be able to steal the abilities of each mangekyo sharingan like obito’s phasing ability / madaras fluid battle movement / sasukes Amaterasu manipulation and the abilities of rinnegan/tenseigan and all that ugh the potential.
By your own logic he could use blood control to implant the kekkei genkai of others
Wow, this is a mess. Why directly write to the reader, this sh*t sound obnoxious as hell nad is telling unneeded information. The lacks a lot of detail and doesn't paint much of a picture into the mind. If the opening was somewhere along the lines of
"It was a normal day in the city of {blank}, cars were driving down the main road, and many students were walking home from a long day of school.
Slouching from the unbearable weight of his backpack, a young man with dark circles below his eyes and pale sickly skin stopped in his tracks at a marvelous sight that managed to catch his attention. Dropping his backpack his posture straightened as a sinister smile appeared on his face.
Rushing to his cheeks as uncontrollable euphoria overcame him, his once pale yellow cheeks began to blush with a vitality befitting someone his age. Chuckling at the disturbing sight of a child rushing to save their cat from being run over, his silent laughter grew into hysteria as blood painted the pitch-black asphalt."
This entire chapter feels like an unneeded mess of information. Rather than detailing abstract ideas like happiness and beauty, or psychopathy and evil, with concrete actions, you're leaving them undefined and boringly vague. Their also the fact the entire prologue for this character is uninteresting beyond the fact that he's a psychopath who wants to be reborn in naruto because he likes the show.
It would be a lot more interesting to see him wanting to enter the show in order to push his own ideological beliefs (whatever they may be) and have them questioned by the inhabitants of the world constantly.
In the MC's race to prove his ideology is more valid than this world's inhabitants, he begins to question his own after being confronted with different beliefs about how this world should be. This adds a lot of interesting tension and provides a lot of new conflicts that engage the reader. For example, an arc could be devoted to the MC trying to corrupt a character (for example Hinata) while another character attempts to prevent that (for example Neji). If the MC wins it validates his Ideaology and invalidates Neji's.
Gimi one of'em cats plz there's a few peeps I'd love to set em on
Hm
Mate It's not f*ck off, It's f*ck on!
if you don't want criticism about your grammar, then why did you put a patreon with this quality? stop it and get some editor. you're just being shameless money grubber.