After Ash and I’s ‘interesting’ affairs yesterday, we fell asleep in one of the many empty rooms in the sanctuary. We both had a nice, peaceful rest.
After our pleasant night together, I was brought out of my sleep by the soft sounds of her breathing. A perfect way to start the morning, following a perfect night. I had no idea what awaited me.
Time’s quite an interesting thing, don’t you think? The whole world runs on time, even though it’s such an abstract concept. Who was the dude who said, “Hmm… right now feels like 11, you know?” It’s undeniably helpful to have this system in place, but sometimes it’s a hassle. Sometimes even just getting the time can be a problem.
You can get the time in a variety of ways. Firstly, you can look at the sun. It’s a little primitive, but it works and gives you a general idea of what time it is.
Secondly, you could just ask someone else for the time, maybe they know more than you do?
The third and final way is a magical clock. They’re quite expensive because of enchantment costs, so you don’t see them often out in the boonies, but they’re necessary for everyday life if you live a less relaxed lifestyle.
Luckily for us, each room in the sanctuary has a magical clock.
8:42.
Fuck.
What was once a peaceful morning, spent by the side of my lover, quickly becomes a frantic race to get ready as Ashirra slowly becomes more and more lucid.
“Get up, the test is in like… 40 minutes ago!”
Ash is still in a daze, “Huh?”
“The exterminator test, we totally missed it!”
“The… exterminator test?”
“The one we’re supposed to cheat on, and if you’re not in tip-top shape I’m going to fail, assuming we haven’t already?”
“Oh right, that test.”
“Yeah, the one that if we fuck up, sets us back months.”
“Right, how could I have forgotten… Oh, gods!”
Now we’re both frantically pulling on clothing, and fixing our appearances. I don’t know why she’s even bothering, as she’s going to be invisible for the time that she’s out of the sanctuary, but whatever.
“Bye Ash, see you in a bit,” I say, giving her a hurried peck on the cheek and chanting to leave the sanctuary.
I’m back in the library, but I have no time to relax and read. I grab my stuff and bolt out the door as a young, pretty librarian gives me a dirty look.
Remembering the way to the Exterminator’s Guild, I sprint all the way there. I’m late as fuck, but maybe luck is on my side?
I throw open the door, ready to apologize profusely for being late, but I don’t even make it a step into the door before I walk face-first into a tall blonde man on his way out. It’s like walking into a brick wall, and I end up falling back on my butt.
“Geez, running from a wolf or something?”
He offers me a hand.
I take his hand, look up at his face, and make a sudden realization. This is not a man. This is the same tall, muscular, fairly attractive woman I’d already mistaken for a man a few days ago.
As I’m pulled to my feet, I say “Sorry, I’m a bit late for my test, so I...”
She interrupts, giving me a stern look. “A bit late? Your test was almost an hour ago, I’ve been waiting the whole time!”
“Y-You’re Tanya?”
“One and only.”
I look down. “Um… sorry ma’am.”
She lets out a long sigh. “Ugh… it’s fine. Most exterminators can’t keep a schedule for shit, so this is hardly anything new.”
The building is a little more crowded today, with a few people milling about in the common area. There are a few men who seem more than a little rowdy seated around a large table.
One of them responds to Tanya saying, “We can’t all be hardasses all the time, not like you anyway!”
There’s a resounding laugh from the occupants of the table.
She responds, “Yeah, yeah, talk shit when you can stop getting beaten up by goblins.”
“It was one time, and the little fuckers had the jump on me!”
“Blow it out your ass.”
This is met with even more laughs, this time at the expense of the fellow who spoke up.
She gestures for me to follow her, so I do. We walk behind the desk, and she pops open a trapdoor, which leads into a dank looking cellar. We climb down the steps, she claps to ignite some magi-torches, and we continue walking. Soon, we’re in a sturdy looking, stone room. There’s a ring in the middle, that’s obviously used for mock fights, and weapon racks surrounding the outside of the room.
“This is where we’ll be doing the analysis. Grab a weapon of your choice and step into the ring.”
“Uh… I’m a mage. Shouldn’t there be a magic test?”
“I don’t care about how strong your magic is, or how well you know magic theory. If you can’t use it in a fight, you’re dead. That’s the only thing that matters, and it’s the only thing I’ll be testing.”
This is… different than I’d expected. The plan with Ash stays the same, however. I message her (another useful feature of the Bestiary) and she leaves the sanctuary, with invisibility cast on herself.
Ash has a limited amount of mana, and invisibility is a continuous drain on that, as well as her focus. Her capabilities are substantially weakened, but I hope it’s enough to get us through.
Tanya doesn’t seem to have noticed anything. So far so good. I grab a shortsword and step into the ring.
She takes a look at the weapon I’ve grabbed, rolls her eyes, and shifts one of the weapon racks aside, pulling out what can only be described as a comically large greatsword. It’s as big as she is, and she’s not exactly small. There’s an obvious heft to it when she picks it up, but she wields it smoothly, obviously not bothered by the weight.
She steps into the ring.
She immediately assumes a combat stance. “Weapon up mage, the fight starts the moment I enter this ring. In the forest out there, it starts before you’ve even seen your opponent. Remember that.”
I take what I think is a combat stance, but she shakes her head, “you better be real good at magic, because what I’m seeing right now really doesn’t impress me.”
She begins to draw closer, and I back away right into the edge of the ring.
“Another rookie mistake. You’ve got nowhere to fall back to now. You gave up all of this space for absolutely no reason.”
She’s close enough. It’s time to activate my trump card. I stretch my hand towards the sky and strike a dramatic pose.
“Behold, my Ethereal Chains!”
She assumes a defensive posture, but nothing happens.
“Uh… go go, Ghost Chains!”
Crickets.
Tanya seems disappointed. “Hey… are you really a mage?”
Suddenly, familiar runes appear all around her, and the chains that held me easily begin to clasp onto her muscular body. They fail to pull her to the ground, as they did to me, but she appears to be bound.
Quick, gotta say something a mage would say. What would a mage say?
“Behold my magical prowess and cower!”
That sounds pretty mage-y I think?
She lets out a dark laugh and gives one of the chains a test yank, before pulling with a huge amount of force, shattering the chain, and causing the others to fade away. Oh shit.
“If you think you can hide behind your magic in a real fight, you’re gonna be dead in 10 minutes.”
She takes another step towards me, entering the range of my sword. I take what I know to be a pitiful swing, and she easily deflects it. She gives me a light push and I fall out of the ring.
“You’ve failed. Handily.”
Fuck.
“But everyone fails the first time. Get up. We’re going to go until you can’t stand anymore. Then I’ll decide.”
Double fuck.
I step back into the ring and get my ass handed to me again. This goes on for hours. Ash has to tap out half-way through and re-enter the sanctuary, leaving me alone against Tanya.
“You’re so focused on this big, dumb sword. How many times have I hit you with it, tell me.”
*pant* “Z-zero.” *pant*
“That’s right. This sword isn’t your enemy. I am. The sword is just a piece of metal. I'm the threat. If you keep focusing on the sword, I’ll just punch you in the mouth.”
Another fight, another crushing failure.
“You’re still too focused on the sword. Look at me.”
Once again into the ring.
“Mage, I’M the threat. Pay attention to me, not the sword.”
With each failure, she gets more and more heated, until finally, she bursts.
“GOD-DAMMIT MAGE! I AM THE THREAT!” She pounds on her chest to emphasize, “YOUR OPPONENT'S WHOLE BODY IS A WEAPON. IF YOU CAN'T GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL YOU'LL FAIL EVERY SINGLE TIME.”
This time, I heed her advice better. I was too frightened of her sword the other times, but after getting my ass beaten by everything but the sword, I’m more afraid of her. My eyes are focused on her core, rather than on her blade. I immediately have a better grasp of what she’s doing. My whole body hurts, and I think I’m about ready to puke blood everywhere, but I can feel this fight going better already.
She's calmed down immensely after seeing my improvement. “See, now that you’re looking at me, your body is naturally reacting to my movements. Your spacing is better, your posture is better, you’re already doing much better.”
Almost faster than I can react, her arm moves, sending the greatsword in a massive arc towards where I’m standing. I barely have a moment to sidestep before the sword smashes into the ground where I was standing.
I’m once again on my butt, outside of the ring, but at least I’m still alive.
“If you’d been focused on the sword, you wouldn’t have had time to react. You would’ve been cut in half.”
“I can damn well see that… what the fuck was that? I could have died!”
“But ya didn’t, and you’re better for it.”
I want to say more, but my vision blacks out, and I fall unconscious.
Wasn't that ... overly awful?
not really. if she doesn't actively terrify the noobs, the noobs in question WILL die in their first encounter.