“You do realize that it's... okay?”, her voice sang and I sucked a breath, limping my body to the side of the bed. Defne could see those words were enough to make me go all haywire in an instant. 

I told her what happened with me, with dad, with her. 

Grinning, I looked anywhere but her. Trying my best to not get emotional at everything. 

I didn’t want her to know about this but at the same time I wanted her to know. A shuffling sound from the blankets reached my ears as I made my eyes to see her coming close to me, her hazel eyes determined for something. 

“But are you okay?”, she asked in the same worried tone she uses on me. Her question made me question everything. It was not even that big of a deal but I was making it one.  

Why was she right?  

My eyes snapped at my fingers which were filled with moisture and twisted multiple times. 

Defne glanced between my hands then my face and a sigh escaped her mouth. 

“You will encounter a lot of things in life, Ariel.” 

My heart accelerated at that, and my eyes widened at what she said. The blotchy sky outside the window resembled the way I looked, maybe. 

“you’re allowed to do that.” 

“Maybe next time,”, an answer flied out of my mouth. A reassuring smile appeared on my face as I held her hands with my clammy ones, slipping them in between her fingers. 

I was allowed to feel like this, but I needed time to gather everything that has fallen south in my life. I have to recall all those things I used to love in this time instead of liking someone whom I may not even know what they even are in reality.  

“Why?”, Defne's voice cracked in frustration, I could even breathe her worried eyes in the room. 

“Because this is not for me, not yet,”, I squeezed her hands with a smile.  

Defne didn’t need to worry about every little thing in me, she shouldn’t. 

Maybe my words were not convincing enough but Defne chose to leave this conversation for some other time. She got up and paced around the room. I looked at the places she searched for something then she took out my silver laptop and smiled mischievously at me. 

I squinted my eyes at her when I caught her purpose. 

“let’s watch something.”, she softly spoke as if she wanted to see a Disney movie with Tinker belle in it but I knew her better. 

“By watching something you mean what exactly?”, I carefully strained my question and in resistance. 

She laughed and opened the laptop in her hands and typed something in it until I heard the music coming from it. She increased the volume till full and put it on my old wooden study desk and turned back at me. 

She held her hands out with sparkling eyes.  

“Maybe we can dance then, we’re at least allowed to do that.” she rubbed her polished nails against each other as I glanced back and forth between her hand and eyes. 

I got up and took her hand, her hands reached for my waist and our movement synchronized. I bubble of happiness formed in my heart when she lifted me up in the air and twirled. 

If it was someone else, I would have been ready to take insults about my weight but Defne treated me like I was the most fragile leaf on earth. She treated me as if I was nurtured in the laboratories with the utmost care and rainfall. 

The music started to play again after it ended and that’s how Defne liked a song. She would replay it again and again until she memorized it. 

Maybe I could allow myself at least this much. 

 Defne twirled me around, my heart which was at peace suddenly started throbbing in nervousness and anticipation when I found myself in the same white room with brown wooden floor. Time passed by way too quickly and I was dancing alone in front of all the students to show a demonstration to Ms. Amari as Mrs. Caroline stated. 

As I finally landed on both the feet of mine on the ground at the last rhythm of the music playing in the background, I came in sense with my surrounding and not only of my beating heart. I noticed some people clapping in praise, some were seated on the ground while holding onto the metal ballet barre, and some other facing the window which blinded my eyes while they clapped. 

The claps reached my ears more and more, I looked around the room, then on my pointe.  

It rained today, with grey clouds and chilly air. I loved rain during the winters, it just made everything much more cold and colder. 

Mrs. Caroline came forward with a smile on her face and her hands on top of another clapping against it, my eyes widened when she did because she had never smiled at me except yesterday’s incident, she never had that proud smile on her face before or I'm just imagining it? 

Her wrinkled hands which showed the experience she has lived and seen, softly took mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“That- that was beautiful”, she whispered with slight tears cornering her eyes begging to fall down. 

Her words suddenly hit me with something, something sad. 

“You are, lying?”, I stated it as a question. I myself didn't know the feelings behind her words and why she whispered it. 

A frown etched on her forehead, “No, why would I do that?”, she croaked out in confusion, squeezing my hands again as if trying to make her words through me. 

“Then why are there tears in your eyes?”, I couldn’t help but demand an answer because it was not ‘it’ for me. She shouldn’t cry, it was something people did when they were sad or angry. If she felt my dance was good then she shouldn’t cry. 

“Because it was beautiful”, she smiled at my question and stroked my head with one hand as if I was a five-year-old child trying to understand the difference between cherries and strawberries. 

I couldn’t understand her, she was playing word games with me. either way, I nodded my head to make it seem I understood her point. I don’t even know why she made me dance if she was going to cry. 

She went back while throwing one last smile at me and gathered the attention of other dancers to start practicing, we all formed a row and lifted our legs and hands up, coordinating with everyone. But something felt weird, something not usual. I felt eyes on me. 

I dreaded at the thing which was going to be confirmed by me, I turned my head in the other corner of the white walled room with wooden floor, and caught her staring. She was looking at me, again. 

Why, why was she so intimidating when she shouldn’t be? She was just another woman who crossed paths with mine in an unnatural way, why my hands would sweat profusely like it started doing now every time she looked at me like that. 

I tried to look back at her for a longer period to make her look away in embarrassment but she didn’t, she was blankly staring at me. She was just staring and staring right through my soul and body. 

And that’s how she affected me and my cheeks which went crimson in embarrassment when it should have been her, I felt all hot and bothered. I looked away, and focused back into the practice while Mrs. Caroline was counting. 

We all formed a circle and dipped our upper body down, someone poked me in between I looked at my right to see Defne raising her eyebrows continuously making her green eyes shimmer under the white lights. 

My mouth twitched at her actions, and widened too when I saw Mrs. Caroline standing right behind her with her infamous stick. I tried to warn her through my eyes immediately but that idiot was still poking her tongue at me, sweat started forming on my head when Mrs. Caroline held up her stick. 

I tried to warn her more and Defne laughed instead, oh my god. This girl. 

Defne widened her eyes too in a funny way, mimicking me to mock me and Mrs. Caroline darted her eyes in my direction, bringing her fingers to her mouth to shut my mouth up. 

I gulped at her and turned my face. 

“Defne”, Mrs. Caroline whispered close to her ears. And a scream followed with it. Defne screamed in fright. 

But no one halted their practice neither did I, I watched her getting pulled by the ears while dancing with the others. 

“Is there something wrong with your neck, darling”, Mrs. Caroline asked in worry while holding Defne's neck with one hand. Defne shivered in refusal 

“But you are shaking you neck so much. Are you sure?”, Mrs. Caroline brought up the hand which was holding the long, light brown stick close to Defne's body. 

Defne stepped back and looked up at Mrs. Caroline with pleading eyes. Mrs. Caroline raised her eyebrow in question and noticed where her eyes were looking and looked down at her stick. Defne took this chance and started running, Mrs. Caroline followed her with her feet speeding up behind her too. And that’s where worry flooded in me for both of them. 

“Stop, you little girl. You never focus in my class”, Mrs. Caroline almost got a hold of Defne but Defne was in track team in middle school she would always use that as an advantage. 

“I'm sorry, I'll never do it again”, Defne huffed it out of her lungs while running, I looked around frantically to help her but the people were still practicing while keeping their eyes filled with amusement at the show, they were getting shown in 3d. 

Unintentionally I looked at Ms. Amari too who was having the same expression as most of them, her right eyebrow was raised in amusement at the sight of Defne running with Mrs. Caroline trailing behind her with a stick while spouting pg-13 profanities out of her mouth. 

“Let’s take you to a doctor!”, Mrs. Caroline suggested, still running in her heels. That woman could run that was for sure, I would wear heels and trip for every breathe I take in. 

“For what?”, Defne screamed back, still trying to run in her condition. I could notice her tiredness on her face, they have been running for 5 minutes now and we had stopped practicing at this point. 

“For your brain, you rotten water”, Mrs. Caroline threw her stick at Defne, I gasped out loud when she did but it landed on her left side instead. 

Defne halted her steps and bent down, huffing repeatedly and so did Mrs. Caroline. 

“that’s- not- very- teacher-like", Defne said in between gasps and huffs while looking at Mrs. Caroline who was in the same position as her for oxygen. 

Mrs. Caroline closed her eyes in annoyance and hit the back of Defne's head. Defne rubbed her head to soothe the place where she got hit and pouted at Mrs. Caroline, and got a raised eyebrow in return. 

They sure were quite the entertainers in class, when no one dared to go against Mrs. Caroline's words, Defne surprised her whole 20 years of career. But it would be a lie to say that she didn’t adore Defne, everyone knew that. 

A sudden laugh escaped my mouth at the sight when Mrs. Caroline hit Defne with her stick on her butt, Defne jumped in surprise and came running to me. 

Her eyes were playful yet hurt from the amount of hits she got, and the still remaining pout from earlier temporarily covering her lips. 

“She tortured me,” her cries filled my ears and I laughed more at her, getting a glare in return. 

“Shall we go home, it’s getting late now”, I asked her in a worried tone when I looked around at the people already getting ready for going home. I gathered my things and went into the changing room to change the sweat dripped clothes which stuck like a second skin with mine.  

The changing room had nothing but showers and wooden colored lockers, and I didn’t feel like bathing at all. I quickly changed until I heard a box falling down from the racks of lockers. It was falling on me before I had any time to scream, I felt a body pulling me against them. 

The box which landed on the ground with a harsh sound, was filled with all sorts of objects and I was sure it would have left quite a wound on me if that collided with me. I looked up at the person who helped but lost all rationality when I saw her looking down at me. 

I could feel her breath on my nose and I knew I had turned all shade of crimson in different places. She was still looking at me with those grey pairs, I felt her hands being tightened around my waist. 

“What- what are you-”, I became a stammered mess, and noticed her jaw getting structured close. 

Something shot in me when I studied her expression, she was annoyed. Her eyes gave out the annoyance and something more than rage in them. My legs backend themselves and pulled away from her hold. Horror struck in my throat at that. 

“I- I’m sorry for troubling you,” I turned around without looking back, more like I couldn’t. I didn’t want to see that look on her face and didn’t want to burden her more. 

I instinctively knew she didn’t like me and my shenanigans, it was enough to bring tears in my eyes. I was a sensitive mess but didn’t want to cry, not in front of her. She was the last person I wanted to do that in front of. But I felt them pricking my eyes already, giving me the last push to walk out faster from that room as soon as possible. But I felt her hands grabbing my waist, again. 

Tingles spread across the places she touched me, I looked up at her in confusion. She was looking at me with blank eyes now making my eyes water more. I didn’t like this. 

A drop of tear slid down my cheeks as she kept holding me in silence, but still, I couldn’t help but admire her platinum strands which swayed in the mercy of the cold air and her dilated grey eyes. She wiped my tears with her free hand and I sighed in her touch. 

How can she make me a jumbled mess but the most comfortable at the same time? 

I felt her hands cupping my cheek and I leaned into her touch, her essence had something on me. I opened my eyes again and looked at the tattoo under her shirt which was begging to peak out and then at her high cheek bones and her clenched jaw. 

“Are you hurt?”, she whispered close to my ears and scrutinized my face. 

I couldn’t understand anything about her, nothing. 

At one time she looks at me like I'm a nuisance and the next second she treats me like a feather. 

I moved my head sideways in refusal instead of saying anything, my throat was caught up in too much shock to spout any nonsense.  

Her hands loosened around my waist and I felt empty, again. She does that again and again. 

Realization hit me when I saw that we were in quiet a compromising position and I pushed her with my hands a little, but she didn’t even budge. 

A little distance was made in between our chest, I took my own sweet time to admire her chiseled features but shrunk down under her strong stare. 

“You like to attract trouble” 

Her deep voice vibrated strongly within the places she was holding me, and I took it for another thing. Her words underlined deep meaning like her ocean eyes. 

“You’re left-handed”, I didn’t know what got into me but her long fingers looked the best to avoid the embarrassment and meet the fascination about her fingers at the same time. 

Intertwining my tan ones with her white one, I examined her hands. I squeezed it, but her hands were sturdy and big. The vines were covered till her fingers. It was a mixture of green and white, like snow tropical. 

“I am, and you have hurt your right feet”, her deep voice made my inner peace vibrate with tingle. It felt like she was close to me, when she wasn’t. 

But winter had unexpected weather and unexpected snow showers, but it didn’t last for long until snow melts away and the reality is shown in hateful colors. 

“Ariel” 

A name and a voice I didn’t liked covered the room filled with tension. My whole body froze while swallowing the warmth which was long gone. 

A woman’s voice whom I trusted with my life was heard today, my whole being faltered visibly when I saw her. 

My throat tightened around like cuffs but like always I responded as if I was just taught few words, 

“Mama" 

 

 

“something’s wrong with being near to winter” 

 

 

AUTHOR’S CORNER:- 

I’M BACKKKK, I’M FREAKING LATE I KNOW. PSHHH 

I’m trying to get back on writing after hustling through school and other work. 

Gawd, please forgive me if you felt something not right in the ballet part, I don’t have much information regarding that field but I'll do my research on it too. 

Anyways, how do you think Amari and ariel will progress? 

And what about the appearance of her mother? 

Do you think she will be bad or on the good side of our ariel baby? 

I wanna knowwww. 

Anddd I know I'm very late and the month has already passed but HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, EVERY DAY IS A PRIDE DAY BABIES!!!!!!!! 

YOUR EXISTENCE MATTERS SO MUCH TO ME,TO YOUR PEOPLE WHO GENUINELY LOVE YOU AND OF COURSE TO YOURSELF. 

I WUV YOU<3 

                               -Giselle