Van's POV

I stared blankly at the ceiling of my room. The heavy, demanding gaze of the textbooks in my room made me uncomfortable, but I didn't want to study. It wouldn't be good to stain them with tears.

The emptiness in my chest hurt. It had been there for a while, but it had grown so much recently. 

Axel found his mate.

It hadn't sunk in properly until I walked into Axel's room to see him sitting on the bed next to Oliver. Axel's heart pounded uncontrollably—I could hear it—and his scent ripe with desire, a glazed look of yearning on his face as he watched Oliver talk, his lips parted.

Axel was completely enraptured. My Axel was completely enraptured with someone else.

He wasn't mine, but he really might as well have been. He was my best friend. My childhood friend. My future alpha. My partner in crime. My responsibility. My confidant.

My long time-crush.

I had been with Axel birth—quite literally, in a cradle next to his moments after he'd been born. The elders loved to tell the story of how Axel was a fussy child, crying and whining all the time. But when we first met, he'd quietened down, staring at me and grabbing. When his pacifier had fallen out of his mouth, I had pushed it back in. 

There were countless pictures in our photo albums of us two cuddling together.

I was there beside him through everything. When we were learning to walk, Axel would encourage me with his baby babble, stumbling over to me and pulling me around. Of course, it just ended with us both sprawled on the ground, but the sentiment was there.

He'd always been a troublemaker, and I was the only one who could stop him. Whether it be him ruining his mom's garden, stealing cookies, breaking vases, stealing girlfriends and breaking hearts, I was there beside him, chastising him. 

It had always been that way. Axel would throw fits if I wasn't placed in the same class as him. Everyone thought his rebellious streak started in fifth grade when his parents refused to bargain with the school to have me in his class. 

I wasn't kidding myself—I knew it was just Axel throwing a tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted. But what he wanted—to the point of defying his alpha and fighting with his parents day after day until he got his way—was me.

How was I not supposed to fall for him? 

I rolled over, hugging my pillow to myself. It just made me acutely aware of the scent surrounding me—I was wearing Axel's hoodie, one he had left in my room the last time he slept over. 

My chest ached. It was a best-friend-hoodie, not a boyfriend-hoodie, and the difference had never been more apparent.

I knew Axel wasn't the best. He was horrible—going from kissing girls he knew someone else liked, to picking fights with people who refused him anything, to picking fights to boost his own ego. It was awful, and Axel had yet to grow out of it, despite our best efforts. 

In fact, he was charming enough to have people join him regardless. 

When Jayy joined our pack in middle school, we didn't know that he had lost his parents, just that he was the nephew of the current Gamma. And none of us knew that Jayy had retreated into himself as a result of that trauma. 

All Axel knew was that Jayy's quiet, apathetic, blank gaze was something he disliked. He felt challenged by Jayy's presence—not all that surprising, considering Jayy was quite a formidable Gamma. 

But Axel's actions were certainly horrible. If I had been in the same class, I would've never allowed Axel to bully Jayy like that. Somehow, James had pushed the two of them to becoming friends, and Jayy let bygones be bygones.

I didn't. It appalled me, how Axel could go from cruelly pushing Jayy around in class, to laughing innocently with me at lunch moments later. I knew Axel was awful.

As self-righteous as he was around others, he smiled at me the same way he had when we caught our first fish, so much unadulterated boyish charm that it disarmed me instantly.

His endless confidence? How could I resent his bravado when it was backed by him coming to me, asking for my advice, 'Should I go out with her? Should I text this? Does this look okay?'

For all his egoism, his insecurities about his appearance, skill, and strength were all secrets only I  was privy to. 

Only I knew how Axel used his boasts of his 'natural alpha superiority' to hide his crippling fear that he wasn't worthy of the Alpha title, that he only received it because his older sister didn't want it.

And Axel knew the most about me. His clinginess had decreased a bit with age, and I developed an air-tight lid to place over the feelings I knew I shouldn't have. Even so, he could read me with ease, and I couldn't resist his concern—especially when I knew I was the only one he treated with such care. 

It was dangerous to grow attached to our codependency. But how could I not? I'd never known otherwise. Even when he was mated, he still came to me hourly asking for my opinion. 

Of course I liked it. I was his most important person.

And then Oliver came along.

There wasn't ever really a chance of Axel and I being together. We both had our roles set out for us by destiny—I was to become the beta, and Axel the alpha. My place wasn't by his side as a lover, but as a right-hand man.

Even so, I couldn't help but dream. We'd be a perfect couple, wouldn't we? If I said jump, Axel said how high. I knew how to deal with him better than anyone else, there was no one he trusted more than me. 

And then his 18th birthday came along, and there were no sparks. 

I had woken him up by jumping on him, the way I did every year, ignoring the tiny part of me that said I could kiss him, right there and then, his mouth was only inches away from mine, and jumped on him until he woke up.

He was annoyed by my unconventional way of waking him up, until I pushed a wrapped box at him. It was my first birthday gift of many to him, a pair limited edition designer shoes, signed by his favourite NBA members. 

It was a difficult present to get, but the way his face lit up made it worth every penny.  

He hugged me, spewing thanks, and I was just glad he was so distracted that he didn't notice my heart beating erratically in my chest.  He might find his mate today. I knew it wouldn't be me, but I hoped.

We spent the entire day together, until it was time for the celebration in the evening, out in the backyard in the moonlight.

Contrary to what Axel thought, he wasn't getting the title. Uncle Greg did intend on passing down the Alpha role, but not any time soon. 

I honestly understood completely. I supported Axel, and when he did become Alpha, I'd be by his side. But he—we—weren't quite ready for that. 

Axel was competent as a leader. He had a dominating presence, a borderline haughty countenance that demanded respect. But he had the physical strength and capabilities to back it up. And even more importantly, he had the soul that made others others want to listen. 

He'd trained well, and had taken on more and more responsibility with guarding pack borders and training. 

As an Alpha, he was definitely capable—if only he didn't have that awful, spoiled attitude.

Axel was too used to getting his way. His lack of respect for others he deemed 'lesser' was troubling. The awful womanizing habit of his was just an example of that. No one wanted an Alpha who was selfish and entitled. 

Uncle Greg knew he'd been too soft on Axel, too indulgent to his son. We knew it too, but Axel didn't want to recognize it. But Uncle Greg's declaration that Axel would inherit the alpha title when he was fully mated forced him too. 

It made sense, I had to admit. Everyone pitied Axel for the trouble he'd go through, courting a human and convincing them to join this supernatural life. Even if his mate was a pushover, it would teach him a few lessons. At that point, he'd hopefully have matured enough to become a solid, dependable Alpha.

But before Uncle Greg could even let Axel know his final decision on the Alpha title, Axel's eyes lit up. 

I could only watch from the sidelines, a growing sinking feeling in my chest as I watched Axel's nails elongated, fangs growing out from his canines. Axel looked frantically from side to side, stumbling, half-transformed, battling for control with his wolf. 

His gaze searched mine, and for a moment, my heart stupidly swelled with hope—only to be crushed moments later when he dismissively looked away.

"Mate," Axel boomed, a declaration, a beg, a promise. He stumbled forward, eyes glazing over. 

Then, he fell to his knees and threw up.

It took me a moment to push my crippling disappointment, hurt, betrayal, and despair away to  help him up. 

It wasn't me. 

If it was, he would have claimed me by then. 

It was exactly what I expected. That didn't mean it didn't hurt. 

Watching Axel struggle with a fever for the next few days, I tried not to panic. Even if I couldn't have Axel as a lover, I was not going to lose him as my closest person, my best friend. 

I didn't want him to replace me. Even though Axel had said it over and over—"I don't even want my mate, what's wrong with having a little fun? Besides, I already have you, don't I?"—I knew it wasn't just me being paranoid.

It was inevitable. 

When Axel eventually fell for his mate, he'd care for them more than me. If he had to choose between his mate or me, he'd most certainly choose his mate, in due time. 

The thought made me grit my teeth, dread and desperation sending shivers down my back. I didn't want that. I wanted things to stay the way they were. Even if Axel couldn't be mine, I'd rather have him beside me than kissing someone else.

So I wasn't Oliver's biggest fan.

I really wasn't Oliver's biggest fan.

I was self-aware enough to feel some guilt about it. If I was a true friend, I'd support Axel out in his conquest to find a mate, with no ulterior motives.

But instead, I wanted to keep a wedge between them. So that even if they did get together, the place beside Axel would still belong to me.

If Axel's mate was on one shoulder, I'd be even closer on the other shoulder.