A TURN OF THE MOON
by
Jessica Drew

Day Eight
Emma

The next morning I padded down the stairs, my plush white robe bouncing at my thighs. As I went through into the kitchen I casually brought my wrist to my nose, breathing in the pleasant floral scent of the body wash I had used. I started looking for the beans to make our morning coffee, then remembered.  Damn. I’d used the last of them yesterday. I chewed on my bottom lip. Well, Lauren wasn’t going to be happy. I mean, I wasn’t happy! Lauren had even bought me one of those joke shirts a few years back – one that said, “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning coffee”.

Sighing, I tapped my fingernails against the kitchen counter. I gazed out of the window. At least it looked to be another nice day. I decided to make myself useful and grabbed the fold-up laundry basket. Sliding the back door open, I stepped out onto the porch. I paused and looked across the lake. To my left I could see the trail path that Lauren and I had walked along yesterday. I had to admit it felt good to get out, even though my heart had leaped anytime we saw someone.

I began to take the clothes off the drying rack and pile them up in the basket. The sudden screech of an electric saw made me jump and I brought a hand to my chest. I looked over towards the house at the other end of the lake.  Great. So much for sitting out on the porch today.

* * * * *

I came back upstairs with the fresh laundry, setting the basket down in the bedroom. Lauren had a towel tied round her and had just finished drying her hair.

“Oh, is my ivory bra in there?” she asked, turning from the vanity table.

“Yes… err, actually, I was thinking of wearing it myself,” I said, feeling a little awkward. Yesterday I had worn my own lavender underwear that Lauren had bought me as a gift. Today I was back to borrowing again.

“Oh, well go on — you take it,” Lauren said.

“No, no…” I said holding up my hands. “They’re your things, you should wear it.”

“For now, they’re our things,” Lauren said, smiling warmly. “What were you planning on wearing today, anyway?” she asked, as she put the hairdryer back into its box.

“Well, I was going to go with a grey top,” I said, turning towards the dresser.

“Oh, okay,” Lauren said, “but you could probably do better than ivory to go with it.” She rose from the vanity stool and stepped over to the dresser. Sliding the top drawer open, she began to leaf through her collection of neatly stacked bras. “Here,” she said, pulling one out. “This will sit nicely under grey.” Lauren handed me a pale pink bra. I hesitated for a moment, then took it, noticing that it had some delicate lace around the edges of the cups, similar to my own lavender bra. I’d never have thought to match pink underwear with a grey top. I’d just thought I should wear a lighter colour underneath. I assumed Lauren knew what she was talking about, after all she had quite a few years more experience than I did!

“So, uh, what are you wearing today?” I asked, still clutching the pink bra. I watched as Lauren went over to the wardrobe, holding the knot in her towel. She opened it and pulled out a light beige dress.

“What do you think?” she asked, holding it up against her body.

“Oh yes, I like that one,” I said. Lauren smiled, looking pleased. I could remember her wearing it a few weeks back, though she hadn’t asked my opinion then. I watched as she laid the dress out on the bed then searched through the laundry basket for the ivory bra and panties.

I turned back to the dresser, finding the grey top that I wanted to wear. It was a fitted t-shirt with short sleeves and a scooped neckline. “Oh, I’ve got some bad news,” I said as I pulled it out.

“Uh oh, what is it?” Lauren asked, removing her towel and picking up the ivory panties. She began to slide them up her legs.

“We’re out of coffee...” I said, bracing myself for Lauren’s reaction.

“No!” Lauren looked dramatically up to the ceiling.

“I know, I know...” I said, putting a serious tone into my voice. “It’s going to take time for us to adjust. But we’re a team and we can get through this!”

“Is that supposed to be an impression of me?” Lauren laughed and threaded her arms through her bra, tugging it into place.

I smiled and returned to the dresser, looking to see if I could find the matching panties for my bra. “Ah,” I said quietly to myself, pulling them out. They were a perfect match - pale pink, with the same lace edging along the waistband. As I felt the fabric, I looked more closely. This was a thong, with only a thin sliver of fabric at the rear. I glanced across at Lauren, but she was busy putting on her dress. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to be wearing these. I sighed and pushed the thong back into the drawer, searching instead for something more comfortable, and less revealing. I found another pair. The pink didn’t quite match the bra, but it was close enough. These had a nice lace edging not only across the waistband, but along the leg openings as well.

“Scott, could you zip me up?” Lauren said. She had her back to me and brought her brunette hair forward, away from her neck.

“Of course,” I said, placing my underwear on the bed and walking over. I carefully drew the zipper up her back. “There,” I said, taking a step back.

“Thanks,” Lauren smiled and moved over to the mirror, smoothing out her dress at the front and back. The hem of the beige dress was loose and brushed freely just above her knees. It was more fitted at the top with short sleeves and a scooped neckline.

While she checked herself, I slid out of my robe and reached for my pink panties. Stepping into them, I pulled them up until they sat flush against my body. I ran a finger around the leg openings to smooth out the lace trim. Next, I threaded my arms through the bra straps, leaning forward slightly to pull the cups down over my breasts.

“Here, let me,” Lauren said. I turned my back to her and she hooked the pink bra for me.

“Thanks,” I said softly, feeling the tension of the bra against my body.

“Pink works well for you... being a blonde and all,” Lauren said, looking at me as I stood there in my underwear.

I turned towards the mirror to adjust the cups of the bra. “Not too ‘Barbie’?” I asked with a half-smile.

“No. Not too ‘Barbie’,” Lauren rolled her eyes.

I continued dressing. I pulled some black leggings from the laundry basket, shrugging them up my legs and over my hips. I then slipped the light grey top over my head, threading my arms through the short sleeves. I pulled it down and straightened out the neckline. Checking in the mirror, I tugged on each sleeve in turn, noticing how they sat high on my shoulders. My pink bra barely showed through the grey fabric at all.

I watched Lauren in the reflection of the mirror, as she took a couple of bracelets from the vanity drawer and slid them on her wrists. “Here, don’t forget your necklace,” she said, coming back over to me. She seemed tall behind me. I swept my blonde hair forwards and let Lauren fasten the chain around my neck. She held my shoulders for a moment as I straightened the chain, my wedding ring hanging just above my cleavage.

She seemed to pause, giving a quick smile before turning from the mirror.

* * * * *

We both finished getting ready and made our way downstairs, heading through into the kitchen. I hopped up onto one of the bar stools while Lauren went over to the fridge, pulling out a carton of orange juice.

My mind kept drifting to this afternoon, when Emma would be coming over. I knew her fairly well. She was Lauren’s best friend after all - plus she’d been the maid-of-honour at our wedding. But I didn’t know her that well. To know quite what she would make of me, or how she would react.

“Hey, you okay?” Lauren said, handing me a glass. She must have caught me staring off into space. I nodded and sipped at the juice. She leaned her elbows against the breakfast bar. “So, how much are you missing that coffee?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well... how about we go to Gabriella’s?” Lauren said carefully.

“Go... out for coffee?”

“Only if you wanted to.”

“It just sounds a bit... public,” I said rubbing at my bare arms.

Lauren looked up at the clock on the wall in the kitchen. “We’ve missed the morning rush. It’ll be quiet at this time.” She paused, studying my face for a moment. She reached across the counter to put a hand on my arm. “I’ll leave it up to you.”

* * * * *

I stood at the back of the garage with my arms folded as the automatic door shuddered upwards. The cars shone in the light, gleaming black and red. My eyes settled on the SUV in front of me. It looked more like a tank now.

Lauren looked through her purse, checking she had everything. She grabbed the keys to the red convertible and unlocked it, opening the passenger door for me. She gestured for me to get in and looked to be about to say something.

“Don’t you say it!” I said, raising a finger.

Lauren placed a hand on her chest, in mock surprise. “Say what?”

“You were going to say it, weren’t you?” I said with my hands on my hips. “Ladies first.”

“Get in! I was going to say get in!” Lauren said playfully. “Besides, if I said that, we’d both be here all day, wouldn’t we?”

I rolled my eyes and slid into the passenger seat, forgetting how low down the convertible was. My legs stretched out in front of me, like I was sitting on the floor. Lauren closed the door after me and walked round to the driver's seat.

I pulled the seat belt across my body, trying to work out how best to place it across my chest. There didn’t seem to be a right way to wear it. I ended up letting it run down between my breasts. It felt awkward and messed with the shape of my grey top.

Lauren opened the driver-side door and handed her purse to me before getting in. I noticed how she smoothed her beige dress down at the back before sitting and swinging her legs in. The convertible purred to life. She tapped the garage remote as we rolled out, the door rumbling shut behind us.

Lauren hit the accelerator sharply to get us up the incline of the driveway. I felt myself pressed back in my seat and gripped the edge of the door tightly. I felt strangely out of control, like I was on a rollercoaster, waiting anxiously for it to climb to the top. We reached the end of the driveway, and I could see old Vic’s house opposite.

I felt Lauren pat my thigh. “Ready?” she asked. I nodded. With a faint squeak of tyres, Lauren turned onto the road.

With the top down, I felt the wind pick up around us. I reached up, trying to tame my blonde hair as it whipped around me. I leaned over and pressed the button to bring the roof over. It slid over us and we raised the windows. I was glad to be sealed away for the moment. Lauren glanced at me and smiled, seeming to understand.

I’d agreed to our next outing before I’d even stopped to think about it. I knew the longer I dwelled on it, the less likely I’d be to go. I gazed out the window, the trees lining the road causing the sunlight to flicker. I looked back as our house, and then the lake, disappeared from view.

* * * * * 

As we approached the outskirts of town, the world began to fill up – more cars, more people, more noise. Everyone going about their usual everyday lives. Everyone except me. I didn’t have my usual life anymore. I was navigating something entirely new. I was out here struggling to even go out to get a stupid cup of coffee, and nobody even knew about it or could understand. Nobody except Lauren. I looked over at her. She looked almost serene as she shifted gears, turning at the traffic lights. She seemed to sense I was watching her.

“Do you think you’ll have anything to eat while we’re there?” Lauren asked.

“I don’t know…” I said, smoothing a hand over my grey t-shirt. “I feel like my stomach’s tightened up today.”

“Are you worried about the café? Or about Emma coming over?” Lauren asked as she scanned the sidewalk. We were close to Gabriella’s now, and she was on the lookout for a place to park.

“Both… plus, you know, just general existential dread.” I said dryly.

“Oh, well we’ve all got that,” Lauren glanced over and smiled. 

“Oh, someone’s leaving!” I said, pointing at a parked car on the street that was starting to pull out. Usually, we parked in the lot downtown.  Gabriella’s was a little further out, so I appreciated Lauren trying to park somewhere closer, so I didn’t have to walk through the centre of town.

Lauren pulled the convertible forward and then reversed back into the space. 

“Am I close enough to the sidewalk?” she asked.

“Yes you’re good,” I said, peering down from the passenger window. Lauren pulled the handbrake on and switched off the engine. I unclipped my seatbelt and straightened out my top.

“This better be the best coffee I ever had,” I said, handing Lauren’s purse to her.

“Even if it’s not, you make sure to tell Gabriella it was, otherwise you’ll be in trouble!”

I held Lauren’s gaze, my smile faltering just a little. She nodded reassuringly at me.

“Come on, I’ve got you,” she said.

I opened the car door and swung my legs out onto the sidewalk.

* * * * * 

The bell above the door tinkled as we entered Gabriella’s. I followed Lauren in, shrinking behind her.

It was a small establishment, with less than a dozen tables. The décor was rustic with a hodgepodge of collected and found items adorning the walls and shelves. At the rear was the serving counter, with the menu written out by hand on a chalkboard behind it. Various enticing homemade cakes sat on stands under glass lids.

I’d been here with Lauren a handful of times when we first moved here, but mostly this was her and Emma’s haunt. A place where they could meet up and talk about… well, whatever it was the two of them talked about.

Gentle piano music drifted through the café. Only a couple of patrons were leftover from the morning rush. A woman sat at her laptop, busy tapping away and barely looked up as we entered. An older man was reading a newspaper and sipped his espresso. He did pause for a moment, smiling warmly as he gazed up at us. It was just starting to feel a little uncomfortable when he rustled his paper and returned to reading the headlines.

Lauren glanced back, checking I was still okay.

“Buongiorno!” a joyous, accented voice came from the doorway behind the serving counter. Gabriella stepped through, her arms laden with milk cartons. She was a middle-aged woman, short and stocky, with her black hair worn in a neat bun. She wore a black blouse and skirt with a white apron over the top. She somehow managed not to drop anything as she set the cartons down next to the coffee machine.

“Buongiorno Gabriella!” Lauren greeted back, rolling the “r” in her name.

“Ah, Signora Lauren!” Gabriella said, her face lighting up with recognition. She pronounced Lauren’s name “Lor-en”. “Please sit wherever you like, I’ll be right with you.” She had a kind face that creased with well-worn lines whenever she smiled. And she smiled often.

Gabriella busied herself while we took our pick of the tables. I adjusted the hem of my top before sitting down at the table furthest from the door, with a view across the length of the seating area. Lauren pulled out a chair and was about to sit down when she paused.

“Hey, swap places with me,” she said.

“Why?” I whispered, looking up at her.

“Just trust me.”

I sighed and got up, sitting so that I was now facing the rear of the café. Lauren slipped into the seat I had just vacated.

“Why did you do that?” I asked, leaning forward over the table so I didn’t have to talk too loudly.

“Well… now you won’t be checking every second to see if anyone’s looking at you,” Lauren said smiling.

I folded my arms. “I see… very good,” I conceded.

“And just in case you were wondering…” Lauren paused, sweeping her gaze across the room. “No-one’s looking.”

I nodded, running my hands through my blonde hair.

“My apologies ladies,” Gabriella said, coming over to our table. I cringed inwardly. There was that word again. The word that proved that I wasn’t simply a guy dressed as a girl for Halloween. This was something far more deeply rooted. Something that shifted the way the world saw me. 

I watched as Gabriella lightly placed a hand on Lauren’s shoulder. “How are you my darling, I’ve not seen you in a little while,” she said, warmly.

“I know! Things just got… busy,” Lauren said, glancing at me for a moment.

“And who is this lovely signorina?” Gabriella said gesturing toward me.

I froze and my heart began to pound in my chest. I watched Lauren’s expression drop as well. It was a simple enough question. And one that we were completely unprepared for. I blushed, realising I still hadn’t said anything. 

Lauren reached across the table clasping my arm. “This… is Susie,” she said.

My eyes widened. I silently mouthed the name back at Lauren in disbelief.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Susie,” Gabriella said, completely unaware of what had just happened between us. “Now what would you like to drink?”

Lauren spoke first, giving me some time to collect myself. “I’ll have the usual, a latte,” she said. “Better make it a skinny.”

“Si, very good,” Gabriella said, “and for you, Susie?”

I looked up blankly, unable to keep up.

“I’ll… uh, have the same,” I replied. I don’t even know why I said it. I never ordered a latte.

“And a couple of croissants please,” Lauren added.

“Very good,” Gabriella smiled and went back behind the counter to start making the coffees. 

I quickly leaned forwards. “What was that?” I said, hushing my voice as best I could, despite my exasperation.

“I’m sorry! You weren’t saying anything!” Lauren whispered back.

“But, Susie? I said a little louder. I glanced behind me to check if anyone else had heard. Luckily the background music seemed to be masking our conversation.

“All I could think about was the other night, when we were coming up with names together,” Lauren said. “You’re lucky I didn’t say Gladys!”

I shook my head and exhaled. Before long, Gabriella returned with the lattes, the china cups and saucers clinking as she placed them in front of us. She turned back to the counter, picking up the plates with the croissants.

“Where is your friend today, Emma isn’t it?” she asked, setting the plates down, along with a knife each and a small pot of jam.

“We’re seeing her this afternoon,” Lauren said. “I’m sure she’ll be jealous of missing out on your croissants!” She smiled, tearing off a piece of fluffy pastry and popping it in her mouth.

“Well, send my regards. Enjoy, my dears,” she said, looking at us both before heading back to the rear of the shop.

“She’s so lovely,” Lauren said, reaching for the jam.

“Uh, yes she is,” I blew on my coffee, bringing it to my lips. Despite being called “ladies” and the whole “Susie” thing, Gabriella had an effortless charm. My heartbeat was beginning to slow again. “So, what time’s Emma coming over?” I asked.

“About two-ish,” Lauren said. 

I nodded. I’d agreed for Emma to come over as I had sensed that Lauren needed to see her. I knew that, for Lauren especially, talking to a female friend was different to talking to your husband. I chewed on a piece of croissant.

“So, I saw the cinema’s going to reopen soon,” Lauren said, sipping at her latte.

“Yes…” I paused, staring down at my coffee.

Lauren looked past me toward the serving counter. “Gabriella, do you know what day the cinema’s supposed to open?” she asked, raising her voice so she could hear.

“Oh, I’m sorry my dear, I do not know,” Gabriella said.

“I think they said Tuesday,” came a female voice from behind me. I turned to see the woman with the laptop peering over the screen at us. She smiled and then went right back to typing.

“Thank you!” Lauren said to her, then turned her attention back to me. “It’d be nice to go again,” she said, searching for my gaze.

“Yeah, when all this is over,” I said.

“Of course.”

“Hopefully in time for the new Guadagnino film,” I said, looking up.

“Oh, when’s that out?”

“Next week I think…”

Lauren nodded, but I knew what she was thinking. She didn’t want me getting my hopes up. I ate some more of my croissant.

“Oh, you’ve got a crumb,” Lauren said, pointing down at my chest. “On your boob.” She leaned toward me to brush it away, but hesitated. “I’ll, uh… let you get it.”

I looked down at myself and quickly brushed the flake of pastry from my chest. I felt my cheeks warm and I tugged self-consciously at the neckline of my grey top.

“So, since when do you drink lattes?” Lauren asked, glancing down at my coffee.

“I wasn’t thinking… But it’s not bad,” I admitted, bringing the cup to my lips.

Lauren grinned and leaned in, lowering her voice. “First my clothes, and then my coffee order. What’s next?”

“Well, I kind of had my eye on your side of the bed,” I teased as I crossed my legs.

“No you don’t! You know I have to sleep furthest from the door,” Lauren said lightly.

“I know – so any intruders will get me first!” I laughed a little.

“Well, you are the m—… I mean, it’s your job to protect me,” she said, stroking her hair back behind her ear.

I cleared my throat and gulped down the last of my latte. I hadn’t exactly done much protecting of late. Instead I had been fragile and dependent. In that moment I wanted to just hold her, to feel my arms easily wrap around her like they used to. To feel her head resting against my shoulder.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bell tinkling above the café door. I turned in my seat as two women entered mid conversation, smiling. They looked to be about our age. I watched as one of them pointed to a table. They walked over and slipped into a seat opposite each other. 

Is that how we had looked when we entered? Just two women, out for a coffee, enjoying each other’s company? Part of me had expected Gabriella to point at me in the middle of the café and yell “imposter!” But it hadn’t happened. Instead, she had welcomed us in. She’d called us “ladies”. It had all just… happened.

“Do you want to go up and pay, or shall I?” Lauren said, bringing my attention back. I straightened up in my chair. 

“Oh… ah…” I rubbed my hands against my leggings.

“Let me guess – no wallet!” Lauren smiled.

“No pockets!” I said.

“I’m just kidding, but maybe next time we go out you can borrow one of these,” she said, holding up her purse.

I hadn’t even thought about where I would carry my wallet, let alone my phone or keys. It was lucky Lauren had come prepared.

* * * * * 

With Gabriella’s starting to fill up again, it had felt like a good time to leave. On the ride back, Lauren played some Taylor through the car stereo. She sang along a little, and I found myself tapping along to the beat on my thigh. The urban sprawl of the town gave way once more to hills and trees. As we turned onto the main road that ran alongside the lake, I felt myself relax and I rolled the window down, the breeze cool against my face.

Arriving home, Lauren pulled the convertible into the garage, parking up next to the SUV. As we made our way in through the back door, I suddenly felt exhausted. We’d only been out for coffee, but it had really taken it out of me. Our flats tapped against the wooden floor, echoing through the quiet house.

I flopped back lengthways onto the sofa. I kicked off my shoes, letting them clatter to the floor. Lauren dropped her bag onto the kitchen counter, along with a couple of packets of coffee beans that she’d bought from Gabriella.

“You did good today,” she said, tapping my legs so I’d move them. I slid them up and Lauren sat down on the sofa next to me.

“It was… nice,” I said. I slid my legs back so they lay across Lauren’s lap. She rested her hands on my calves.

“I’d like to get tidied up before Emma comes,” Lauren said. 

“I know… I just need a moment,” I said, closing my eyes. I took a deep breath, my chest rising. When I opened my eyes again, I looked down at my body. At my grey top, tented by my breasts. And the black leggings I wore, that highlighted the curve of my hips and the contours of my legs, not to mention the flatness of my crotch.

“She’s… she’s not going to believe this,” I said quietly. “I mean… I know she knows. But how’s she going to understand?”

Lauren looked over at me and rubbed at my leg. “You’ll just have to trust her,” she said.

We divided up the chores between us. I vacuumed downstairs and tidied up the kitchen, while Lauren made the bed and cleaned the bathroom.

* * * * * 

I could hear Emma before I saw her.

As Lauren answered the door, I quickly checked myself one last time in the lounge mirror. I ran my fingers through my hair so it hung evenly across my shoulders. I tugged my leggings up slightly, then smoothed my hands across my top. Finally, I straightened my ring necklace. I sat down on the sofa, then stood again, not knowing what to do with myself. I looked toward the hallway. I’d run out of time to worry about it. Emma walked in, closely followed by Lauren, still in mid-conversation.

“It feels like an age since I’ve seen you, I was starting to—“

She stopped dead and stared at me, her mouth hanging open. She glanced at Lauren, then back to me.

“You are actually kidding me,” she said.

“Surprise…” I said quietly, feeling my cheeks flush red.

“Scott? This is crazy… let me look at you!” Emma stepped forward, clasping my hands in hers and looking me up and down. I was used to Emma being quite short, but now she stood only an inch or so shorter than me. Her long light brown hair was worn in a braid, with a few loose strands around her face. She wore fitted blue jeans and a loose floral print blouse over her curvier body.

Her gaze settled on my face, her eyes darting. “I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess I was thinking you’d still look like you… just with boobs,” she laughed nervously. “But, you’re actually cute!”

“Uh, careful Ems, he doesn’t like that,” Lauren said.

“Sorry… this is just all so… wow,” she let go of my hands and reached up to cup my cheeks.

“Why don’t I make us some drinks while you two get settled,” Lauren said.

“It’s okay, I can do it,” I said quickly, taking a step back. I was suddenly conscious of how high my voice sounded. “You prefer tea to coffee, right?”

Emma took a moment to answer. “Sorry, I’m doing it again… staring.” She blinked a couple of times. “Yes please Scott. Milk, one sugar.”

I stepped away to the kitchen area, glad for a moment to catch my breath. I filled the kettle, glancing across the open-plan space toward the lounge. Lauren and Emma had sat right next to each other on one of the sofas and were speaking quickly and quietly. When Lauren glanced up and caught me looking, I turned away.

Once the kettle had boiled, I poured the hot water into the tea pot. I set it down on a tray, along with three cups, some sugar and a jug of milk.

The cups clinked a little as I carried the tray over, but at least I didn’t spill anything. Emma and Lauren seemed to stop talking as I approached and set the tray down on the coffee table, between the two sofas.

I smoothed my hands over my leggings and sat on the sofa opposite. 

Lauren smiled and nodded reassuringly at me. Without saying anything she got up and moved to sit next to me, facing Emma.

“So, this must all feel pretty wild,” Emma said. “Are you doing okay, or are you still, like, freaking out?”

I took a breath. “I mean, I don’t think I’ll ever stop being freaked out,” I said, rubbing my palms together.

“He’s doing so well, I—“ Lauren broke off. “Sorry, I shouldn’t answer for you,” she said.

“It’s okay,” I smiled at Lauren, then looked back to Emma. “I’m doing okay, I guess... all things considered.”

“Well, you look amazing,” Emma said. “Who’s your tailor?” she smiled at us both.

“Oh, this?” I said, looking down a little sheepishly at my clothing. Not only was Emma seeing me as a woman for the first time, but I was dressed like one too, right down to my underwear.

“It just seemed practical… for now,” Lauren added, looking a little embarrassed herself.

“Oh, I’ve no doubt,” Emma smiled. “But you’re pulling it off, Scott, even with the VPL.”

“VPL?” I asked, confused.

“Emma, don’t…” Lauren said.

“Visible panty line,” Emma said, plainly. “I wouldn’t worry about it, though, especially if you’re just kicking around the house.”

“Yes, just the house…” I said quietly, glancing at Lauren as she poured the tea out for us. She added some sugar for Emma.

“So how far does this go?” Emma asked. “I mean, you’re a woman now, but I mean… have you checked everything?”

“Emma!” Lauren said, louder now.

“What? I’m just asking!”

“It uh… all checks out,” I said, quickly reaching for my tea cup. I glanced at Lauren, who was looking at me, a little surprised herself.

“So, what’s the next step?” Emma asked, without missing a beat.

“Uh, wh-what do you mean?” I stammered.

“I don’t mean about that! I mean, where are you guys at with getting all this sorted out,” Emma rolled her eyes and smiled.

Lauren cleared her throat. “Well, we had this meeting with Doctor Rourke from Axis, didn’t we? And now we’re waiting for his update on the cure. That’s… in a few days time.”

“An… update?” Emma stirred her teacup with a spoon and picked it up.

“Yes, but he seemed pretty sure of himself that they could fix this,” I said, glancing at Lauren.

“But let me guess, nothing in writing,” Emma said.

“They can't really give full assurance,” I added. “It’s just how these companies work.”

“All I know is that these big companies work for themselves,” Emma said as she sipped at her tea. “Have you got any legal advice yet?” 

“Not yet, but I’ve been doing a lot of research,” Lauren said, leaning forward on the sofa. “Actually, that’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about. Don’t you have a cousin in the city who works in legal?”

“Rachel? Yes! Oh, she’d love something like this,” Emma said, getting more animated.

I rubbed at my shoulder, beginning to feel a knot of tension.

“I think we need to drag Axis over the coals for this,” Lauren said. “Just the principle of it. I mean, this is gross bodily harm, right?”

“Definitely negligence, psychological distress,” Emma added.

“Well, I’m all ready to take them down,” Lauren said, folding her arms.

I rubbed at my forehead. My head was spinning. We hadn’t even discussed any of this yet, and suddenly it was all coming at me at once.

“I just don’t think we can keep quiet about this,” Lauren continued. “Ems, if you don’t mind getting in touch with Rachel… make the introductions.”

Emma was already reaching for her purse. “I’ll do it first thing in the morning, let me text you her details as well.”

“Thanks Ems,” Lauren said, “I don’t care what this will cost. I think the sooner we—“

“Can you just… stop!” I blurted out. “You haven’t asked what I want… How I feel about all this…” My voice cracked and my eyes began to moisten. I could feel myself about to lose control of my emotions. I rose to my feet and hurried toward the staircase.

* * * * * 

I was curled on my side, hugging a pillow to my body, when I heard a gentle tapping at the bedroom door.

“Scott? It’s Emma… Can I come in?”

I lifted my head and cleared my throat. Swinging my legs round, I straightened my top, then ran my hands across my hair to smooth it. I sniffed and rubbed at each eye.

“Come in,” I said quietly.

Emma entered, looking cautious. She walked over and sat next to me on the edge of the bed.

“Are you okay?” she asked, placing a hand on my back.

I fidgeted with my fingers as I looked down at my lap. “It just feels like all these plans are being made… everything’s happening around me… but I’m the one it’s happened to. No one cares how I feel.”

“You know that’s not true,” Emma said.

I closed my eyes, regretting my words. “Lauren just seems so calm about all this. You’d think this would have shaken her up more.” I glanced across at Emma, her eyes softening as she rubbed gently at my back.

“Well, how do you want her to react?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, staring off.

“Scream? Cry?”

“Maybe? I don’t know!” I repeated.

We sat in silence for a moment. 

“Listen, Scott, there’s something I want to tell you,” Emma said. “It’s about when you first had the accident.”

I felt the small hairs go up on the back of my neck. I turned to her. “What is it?”

“Lauren called me from the hospital,” she began. “You were still unconscious at this point. She… thought you were dying.”

“I… I didn’t know that,” I said quietly.

“And then you started to… change. No one could tell her what was going on. Scott… she lost it. I’ve never heard her like that. It was heartbreaking. There was nothing I could do or say to her,” Emma said, her expression softening. “It was like she was still losing you, but in a different way.”

I felt fresh tears roll down my cheeks.

“And then she just… stopped,” Emma continued. “It was like she suddenly decided she was going to be the strong one. To get you through this.”

“This isn’t something I can just get over,” I said, feeling the emotion come back into my voice. “Sometimes it feels like she just wants to make everything… comfortable.”

“It’s her way of coping,” Emma said. “That doesn’t mean she’s getting everything right. This is messy… really messy. For both of you.”

“Yeah…” I said, taking a deep breath.

“I mean, seeing you like this… it is a bit of a mind fuck!” Emma said, softening her words with a smile. “I mean, it’s you… but it’s not you. And Lauren’s going to be feeling that ten times more.”

Emma patted my thigh and stood up. She checked herself for a moment in the vanity mirror. “Are you ready to come back down?” she asked.

“I’m ready,” I said, wiping at my cheeks.

Emma picked up a perfume bottle from the vanity and brought it to her nose. “Ooh, I may have to steal this!” she smiled.

* * * * * 

We went back downstairs together. Lauren was still sat on the sofa, looking smaller somehow. Emma went through to the kitchen to give us some space.

“Hey…” Lauren said, looking up.

“Hey.” I fingered my wedding ring on its chain around my neck.

“The tea’s gone cold,” she said quietly.

“I’m sure we can get it warm again,” I said. Lauren rose to her feet and we hugged. I rested my head against her shoulder and she stroked my hair gently.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and kissed my cheek. “I got carried away. I just see what this is doing to you… how much you’re struggling, and I want to do something about it.”

“I know you do,” I said.

Emma rejoined us and we all sat back down together. A fresh pot of tea was made. I could tell Emma was deliberately steering the conversation away from us now, talking about herself and her job instead.

She finished the last of her tea and set her cup down. “Well, I’ve been talking too much now,” she said standing. “I should probably leave you in peace.”

“Thanks for coming, Ems. I mean it,” Lauren said, giving her a big hug.

“Anytime you need me, I’m here for you,” she said. “And that goes to you too Scott,” she said, coming up to me. “Uh… is it okay if we hug?”

“Yeah… yeah it’s—“ Emma stepped in and wrapped her arms around me before I could finish. I let out a small laugh, surprised at first, then relaxed into it. 

“Thanks Emma,” I said quietly.

She smiled and held my gaze for a moment, then turned away. 

Lauren went to see her off at the door. I took a breath, then gathered the empty cups and teapot onto the tray. As I carried it back through to the kitchen I could hear a soft ringtone chiming. I set the tray down and realised it was coming from Lauren’s bag on the kitchen counter. It wasn’t her usual ringtone. But then I remembered. Lauren had set up an email alert. 

I nearly skidded into her as she walked back through.

“Woah, slow down!” Lauren said grasping my arms to steady me.

“Lauren, I… I think we’ve got a message,” I said, tripping over my words. “From Axis… your phone….”

“Okay, okay.” Lauren said, the tone of her voice lowering. She went over to the counter and grabbed her bag, pulling her phone out.

“Is it them?” I asked, unable to stand still.

“Yes, it’s from Axis Labs,” she said, scanning the message. “They… want to bring our appointment forward. To tomorrow.”

I felt my body tense. Lauren looked up from her phone and we held each other’s gaze. Outside, I could hear Emma’s car fading into the distance.

* * * * *