Trembling as much as the reflection next to me, I walked up the desert drive. Directly ahead, there was a familiar white house with a small wooden stairway. Two pride flags hung limply near the door, as if in surrender to what was happening within. Almost throwing up, when my foot touched the first step, I continued on to the front door.

As soon as I opened it, all the senses hit me at once. The echoes of fists beating against the doors. The pungent smell of old vodka mixed with orange juice. Both our hands clutched tightly into sweaty death grips.

Entering the main hall, Lilly of the Fog opened the first door on the right. There was a messy bed on the floor, a suitcase hidden under blankets, and a desk. The last of these had a the letter left on it. The page covered with pills, and stained by two empty bottles of something strong.

I turned to face Lilly of the Fog. Her pupils dilated and fer face red and swollen. Her tail and horns entirely gone. A cut began to open on her foot, leaving a puddle on the ground.

A chill went through my chest; frantic, I grabbed her, "You're not fucking leaving me here in this fucking ham-fisted fucking metaphor! We're not really here!" I began to shake her. And, when, that didn't work, I tried dragging her back toward the door.

However, the Lilly of the Fog would not budge from where she stood, frozen. “I can’t do it!" she gasped.

“We already left," I said, desperately trying to pull free of the awful warping in what had actually happened. "Remember? We survived the pills ... and we left! We left that night!”

However, the Lilly of the Fog would not wake from whatever trance had made her forget. She only turned, her face a twisted despair. "No ... she did."

She?

Who the fuck was she?

No, I had to calm down—I had to think! Instead, however, I found myself pacing like an animal in a cage. “Okay, okay, okay, so … someone we left behind.”

The Lilly of the Fog cocked her head, like she had vacated sanity entirely. “The one we tried to muffle and silence, just hoping she would fade away. We tried to kill her. So now she's going to kill us!”

“But ... there wasn't like an actual person!” I snapped. "It was like ... an inner child or some shit."

“Not anymore,” Lilly of the Fog said and then gasped in horror. “We should have known. We kept thinking that we’d wake up and realize that it had all been a nightmare. We couldn't have been the ones who left!”

"Then why are we still here!" I shouted, even as trying to argue fact felt pointless. But it was the only thing left I had to hold onto.

The Lilly of the Fog looked like she was going to reply. But when she opened her mouth, she caught sight of something over my shoulder. Her face went pale, and her voice was snatched away.

Trembling, I had to force myself to turn around. As soon as I did, the world shook. Like some inhuman force slamming into the door.

I ran and threw myself against the door. "Help ... me ..." I gasped breathlessly, pleading with the Lilly of the Fog. Somehow, it was enough to wake her from her stupor enough to join me.

Just as quickly, however, it slammed again. Knocking us both back to the ground.

In a breath, I was back on my feet, putting all of my weight into trying to keep the door from crumbling in. "This isn't what happened!" I repeated, my own thoughts beginning to melt into memories. "She gave up, we snuck out, Kavtagro spirited us away, end of fucking story!"

The next impact to the door sent lines through the wood. A splinter split from the rest, embedding itself in my arm.

I groaned in pain, all pretenses of strength leaving me. Like the Lilly of the Fog, left only with abject terror.

"It wants out," the Lilly of the Fog whispered, tears trailing down her face. "It wants to destroy everything! We can't let it escape!"

The final blow split the door open, revealing a shadow that was so much worse than the human I feared. It towered, empty black sockets where its eyes should have been. Horns scraping against the ceiling like something straight out of hell.

The creature then struck the doorpost with its shadowy fists. Then again, and again. Until it became a rhythm, like the beating of drums. The louder the percussions became, the more a haunting sort of smile began to glow from her fanged mouth. A sadistic sort of glee I knew all too well.

“You …” I said, barely above a whisper, choking on my own words. “I felt you ... trying to get out of me.”

"You ... left ... me ... behind!" said the creature, their voice a banshee wind of pain and hate.

"Don't listen to it!" the Lilly of the Fog cried out, shaking her head as if denial could make the creature go away. "You can't let it take us! You can't let it become part of the World!"

I lunged, knowing that all of those claws and teeth and horns would soon be tearing through me.

At least I thought it would ... until the shadow collapsed under my weight. Its body like paper and dust. Its wrists crumbling between the crushing force of my hands. Where it could only stare at me, full of hate. Unwilling to give me the satisfaction of seeing it afraid.

I looked over at Lilly of the Fog, who was now as perplexed as I was. I shook my head and said, "She's ... weak."

"You were weak!" the shadow gasped. "Look at the misery around you. I was the only strength that could have survived this place!"

"But I was the one left!" I shouted, angry.

"Liar," the shadow hissed. "You could not. I could. I opened the door. You left me behind. To become soft ... happy. Making this my cage!"

I felt the words like a punch to the gut. At the same time, I could feel its shriveled bones cracking. On an impulse I could not explain, I released it.

The shadow immediately pulled its claws back into itself. Again, it would not show that it was wounded. Not to me.

"What are you doing!" Lilly of the Fog gasped. "You can destroy it! Before it infects everything!"

I ignored her, closing my eyes, and letting the fear pass through me. I kept my guard up, I knew it would still slash my throat if given the slightest chance. But there was something I needed to know. And I knew I could not cause enough pain to make it tell me.

"Why did you protect Xania?" I asked.

It seethed and opened its mouth to say something cutting.

"Don't bullshit me!" I said, slamming my fist into the floor next to its head. "Just tell me the truth! I was trying to protect Xania because she meant something to me. But not you! You could have taken out both her and the guggles. But you didn't. I just want to know why?"

"The same reason," the shadow panted, before needing to draw breath. "The same reason that you did not just strike me. Because the only thing I hate more than you, is becoming like them!"

I shook my head, not understanding.

"Humans!" the shadow hissed.

Almost immediately, I rolled off of the shadow, staring down at the creature who hated me more than almost anything. We weren't united in love, or in purpose, or in any other metric. Only this one ... the only one that could have made me feel like I truly understood.

Finally, I turned away, no longer willing to fight her.

"Do not need ... your pity," the creature seethed.

"And I don't need your bullshit," I spat back, but that was all I would do. "So ... I'm going to get you out of here." I stood, finally ready to help the shadow through the door it had opened so long ago. Only to be left to starve and suffer in the worst moment of our life.

However, the Lilly of the Fog stepped between us. Like she wasn't going to let me pass. "You can't let it out. It's ... not human .... and it won't ever let you be one either."

I nodded, realizing how true her words probably were. But that the shadow wasn't human was also the reason that I ... loved her.

Loved?

I wasn't sure that was the right word, but it was the only thing I could think of.

"Don't do this," said the Lilly of the Fog as she moved next to me, trembling from whatever the trance had done to her. "Listen to me! You could be happy again! You could go home, and everything could be easy, like it was."

I didn't respond.

"It doesn't even want to live!" Lilly of the Fog said, turning around as if to desperately try to prove her point. "Creature, would you curse us for putting you out of your misery?"

The shadow stared between us for a moment before uttering. "I would be glad for my last breath to be spent hating you."

I closed my eyes, my body shuddering. Remembering everything that had led to this moment. Yes, I had utterly failed everything that Kavtagro had meant to fix me. But ... that didn't mean that I hadn't learned anything at all.

The first lesson? That sometimes the only important thing was to get the fuck out.

So I pushed past the Lilly of the Fog, knelt over the shadow, asked, "If I let you ... can you come with me? Not the World, not the Lilly of the Fog. Just ... me."

The Lilly of the Fog grabbed my shoulder, "Lilly, this is a creature of darkness and pain."

"I know," I gasped, my jaw tight. "But she saved us from this place. She saved us from Derk. She saved Xania from the guggles. I know that she could destroy me. But I'm willing to take that chance for the person who got me out of here."

The shadow studied me, their primal thoughts utterly unreadable. "You do not fear me?"

I shook my head, having to fight a lump in my throat. "No ... I'm still terrified. But since when has that ever made a difference?"

For a moment, all was quiet.

"I ... accept."

The Lilly of the Fog reached to stop me.

But I wove out of her grasp, let out a half-crazed smile, and shrugged. "Fuck it." Then I reached. Like it was made of nothing, the shadow slipped into vapor, passing into my body.

And ... like Qasven had taught me ... I surrendered to it power.

Then there was only myself and the Lilly of the Fog. Waiting in an empty room, the hollow shell of a reality stripped of all its terrifying power.

The Lilly of the Fog let out a shudder, like she couldn't believe what I'd just done. Until all she could do was sigh and say, “The door is open, but her escape will be a long journey—just like ours.”

I nodded, unsure if I had done the right thing ... or made the greatest mistake of my life.

Perhaps sensing my thoughts, the Lilly of the Fog said, "The shadow was on the edge of erasure. It will take her a while to gather her strength. Whatever happens ... you have some time. I ... only wish I could have convinced you to give yourself more of it."

I nodded, touching a hand to my chest, where I could feel the darkness settling in.

There was a sudden crack as some of the wooden flooring gave way. As if there had been a sinkhole just waiting under the house the entire time. Instead of a hole, however, I heard rushing water beneath me. It was the cave—the one I had nearly died in a year ago, upon arriving in the world I now called home.

As I stared down into the abyss, I said, “I've wondered … if we are worth all the pain that it’s taken to get to where we are. And now ... all the pain that’s ahead."

The Lilly of the Fog stepped next to me and nodded. "You know that I've wondered the same."

"I didn’t think we were," I whispered. "The riptide below, it’s like it's asking the same question. How can survival even be worthwhile if we only see more darkness on the other side?”

The Lilly of the Fog swallowed, and looked at me as if she didn't know whether to pity me ... or fear me.

I took the back of her head, and then pressed my lips against hers. The Lilly of the Fog froze for a moment, but then melted into my embrace. Returning the desperate kiss that was, in itself, the only answer we could give.

Then, gently, I pulled away and dove into the abyss.