'Sorry for the short notice.' I apologized with what little of my weak voice I could muster. 'Don't forget to tell Andrew. I'll make sure to hand over my absence note next week.'

'Sure, sure. No worries.' Erina replied. 'Rest well, okay.'

'Thanks a lot.' I said before hanging up

'Ugh!'

            Even having to sit upright to call Erina was a strenuous affair. The moment I lay myself back, it felt as if my headache intensified tenfold. Whatever energy reserves I had was burnt empty, and I couldn't even lift my neck up. I shivered violently as I pulled the bedsheets all the way up to my forehead.

            This was the stupid prize I won for the stupid game I played. I should've known that this would've been the outcome of running in the rain for God knows how long. It seemed that whenever Andrew was involved, I lose my reasoning; he really is my demise. Well, no point mulling over it at this point, I thought. In the time I waste on lamenting my actions, I could instead be sleeping off this cold. Ideally, it'd be like that, though the pounding on my head and the excruciating pain in my throat -not to mention difficulty breathing thanks to nasal congestion- made it difficult for me to rest properly.

            I at least knew I shouldn't be resting on an empty stomach. At the same time, though, I knew I'd pass out on the way downstairs if I were to order delivery. I came to the decision to rummage the kitchen for whatever I could comfortably manage to consume. I settled to down whatever was left in the measly carton of milk in the fridge; the cold helped to soothe my throat momentarily. Afterwards, I dragged my feet back to bed. At that point for sure I was completely drained. I barely had the strength to open my eyelids, which worked to my favor somewhat as it helped me fall asleep.

            Once again, I was slowly drowning through thick and frigid water. I had sunken so far below that the light on the surface was no longer visible. There was a gaping hole in my chest where the unwound film had burst out. There seemed to be a new frame; one depicting me and Hyung arguing. The rest of the roll was pitch black. Did that mean I would have more painful memories to come?

            If so, what more will I have to experience? What more will I have to lose? I already lost my home, my puppy love, and I even jeopardized my bond with the last person I could depend on. I already have nothing at this point. What worse things could life have in store for me?

            I turned myself to face the depth below me. Seeing how dark the abyss was, I reached my hand out, as if to call towards it, begging it to swallow me whole. I shut my eyes, surrendering myself to the abyss and letting it pull me further down. At last, it answered my call, and grasped me by the wrist. Just make it end already...

            I woke up with a jolt, my whole body drenched in cold sweat. If anything, I felt worse now; my stomach was burning from having not had a proper meal since morning, though my swollen throat and the lingering bitter taste on my palate killed my appetite. From the light of day that permeated through the curtain, I knew it was at least noon. It was dejecting to know that after all the hours I'd spent sleeping, I was nowhere near better. On top of that, I felt gross when I noticed my sweat had soaked into the bedsheets. I pulled my shirt off, using it to wipe off all my perspiration before dressing myself with something fresh from the cupboard.

            Having slept for a considerable amount of time, it was difficult for me to fall asleep again. It left me to daydream while staring at the ceiling. What's Hyung up to now back at home? Was anything interesting happening at school? What lessons was I missing out on? Who's Erina hanging around while I'm not there? What's he up to now?

'...Eh?'

'No... what am I doing... why am I thinking about him?'

            As much as I resisted, the moment I started to think about him, not even my sickness could stop me. It got to a point where I began to think of unlikely scenarios, such as him approaching Erina the way he approached me when she was sick, under the justification that it was his duty as class rep to make sure nobody was lonely. I immediately shrugged off the thought, recalling how, at best, he was indifferent towards her, and at worst, he seemed to disfavor her -and for what reason, I hadn't the slightest clue. 

            I grabbed my phone from the nightstand to find a missed call from Andrew. I swiped off the notification before my thoughts could fly elsewhere. It didn't make any difference, however, as I ended up scrolling through his social media page. I stared at his pictures longingly, as if to pine for him. Eventually, my grip gave out, and my phone slipped off my fingers and onto my face with a thud.

'Fuck!'

            The blunt pain on the bridge of my nose somehow accentuated my headache. As I clammed my eyelids shut and buried my face in my palms to bear the pain, I somehow fell asleep again. When I awoke, the light permeating through the curtain was already scarlet. Despite spending a grand total of less than an hour awake the whole day, I was anything but fit. If anything, my empty stomach made me feel even weaker. I was so badly congested it almost made me suffocate; I tried to straighten up to clear my airway only to fall back from malaise after barely catching a breath, and the cycle continued. Eventually I was on the verge of a temper tantrum, punching the mattress as I gasped and wheezed.

'Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!' I cursed repeatedly, kicking the wall beside me. Where I had previously been trying to keep a positive mind, having difficulty breathing was my breaking point, and I couldn't help but curse my fate. I cursed the fact that my body chose to break down at the worst possible time, when I had only myself to depend on. With my emotions running high at that point, it wasn't long before my pillow would be stained by my teardrops.

'I hate this! I hate this!' I cried. 'I want my mom! I want my Hyung! I want...' The image of a tall, lean boy with wavy brown hair was conjured in my mind; at my lowest point, I began to wish he were here. At the moment when I no longer had the strength to suppress myself, it was evident that Andrew will always occupy my whole mind and heart, and it made me curse myself even more.

'I'm always gonna be thinking of you, aren't I, Andrew?' I laughed at myself in defeat. 'I'm trash. I'm sorry, Andrew, I couldn't help that I'm trash.'

'Bzzz...' The sound of my phone buzzing beside me snapped me out of my fit. Without checking, I answered the call.

'Hello?'