I finally worked up the courage to press the bell. I’d been worried practically all day now, since my best friend had messaged me this morning saying that he wouldn’t be coming to school because he’d transformed in his sleep. He hadn’t answered me after I’d asked about what exactly that transformation was, so I’d decided to give him some space. I knew that everything would eventually be all right; it was just a thing that happened sometimes to some people. It was rare, but it was relatively well understood, and it supposedly never actually went bad.

And yet still, I couldn’t help but be worried.

Finally, his mom opened the door. “Please, come in.”

We stopped awkwardly in the corridor; it was obvious, I probably had to be prepared to go up and meet him.

“So, uh, is he alright?” I asked somewhat foolishly.

“They’re… Well, they still need some time, but they’re doing better than I would have expected. And please, do use they/them for now,” she answered.

I nodded. I didn’t exactly understand, but from what she said I had a decent idea of what she meant, and I wasn’t one to go out of my way to disrespect others.

After thanking me for my non-existent understanding, she invited me to the living room. I’d been there too many times to count, but the suspension of the reveal still made it rather difficult. I walked through the door and around the corner a… rather beautiful girl revealed herself.

“Oh, hi. So, uh, I guess this is me now,” she said. I mean, they said, right? Yeah, they, at least ‘for now’, whatever that means.

I spent an embarrassingly long amount of time just standing still, recovering from the surprise. I wouldn’t exactly say I hadn’t expected it in some way; the thought of that being the kind of transformation my friend had endured crossed my mind a time or two or seven during the day, but I thought it was just my brain being kinda garbage, I didn’t expect it to be what actually happened.

After realizing I did what could be seen as staring, I quickly corrected myself. “Oh, right, sorry. Yes, hi.” I looked to the side, ashamed.

My friend — for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to even think their name anymore — nodded, and invited me to sit on a couch.

“So, like I said, I guess this is me now...” they repeated.

“So how are you feeling? Are you going to try to find a way to change back or something?” I asked them.

“That’s not possible, actually. We did some reading on that, and turns out it’s something called ‘true permanent’ transformation, so there’s no going back…” they admitted.

“Oh… That… that sounds awful.”

“Oh, right, yeah, it kinda does if you say it like that I guess, but it isn’t exactly the full story. Those transformations aren’t something that happens to people, it’s more like people do it to themselves subconsciously, and even if this wasn’t the case, it’s apparently impossible to cast a permanent transformation on someone without their consent.” They sighed deeply. “In other words, some part of me thought it would be the best for me to look like that, and while I’m unsure if I agree with it, I… don’t exactly dislike it either… Turns out, this whole gender thing is more complicated than most people make it out to be… I hope it’s okay with you.”

For some reason during their explanation, I started feeling… weird. Unpleasant, in a way, and I really hoped it wasn’t visible, as I just wanted to support my friend.

“I-I mean, all that really matters is that you’re okay with this.” I tried my best to sound supportive, and kinda failed.

I didn’t understand why I was suddenly having problems controlling my tone and words. I've been doing that for years, but something about the current situation seemed to interfere with it.

My friend looked at me curiously for a moment, then said. “Yeah, I know, thanks… I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’ll need some alone time to really put this all together…”

“Absolutely. Umm, just let me know if you want to talk or… anything…” I replied awkwardly.

“I’m glad you understand. If everything goes alright, I might show up in school on Friday if I’m feeling ready.”

Friday? But it was already Wednesday, and not only could this stuff be apparently organized so quickly, but also they were actually considering it? I mean, they did seem more open with the way they spoke compared to before, but it was still a huge change from avoiding going to school under any possible excuse.

We then proceeded to say our goodbyes, and I was on my way home.

I could have taken a tram there, but I decided to take the half-hour walk instead. After all, I had things to think about, and surprisingly, it wasn’t my friend. Their case was surprisingly straightforward; either they felt comfortable like this, and I would support them, or they didn’t, and I would help as I could to get them to where they could be comfortable. After all, they were still my best friend I’d known for years, a person I was really close to. This didn’t change anything in that regard.

But… some part of me apparently didn’t agree. I was feeling all weird since seeing them, sometimes even going as far as getting some hurt in my stomach, and… I had absolutely no idea why…

I reached the door to our apartment without getting any answers from myself. I guessed I had to do it the hard way then… And big surprise, our parents weren’t home yet. Who could have predicted that. It’s not like they did that every single day.

I met my sister Sophie in the kitchen. “Oh, hi. Back so soon? I hope it went okay.”

I’d messaged her what I knew when I was in school to let her know I’d be out late, so she knew as much as I did before I visited my friend.

“Umm, yeah, they’re actually doing better than I expected.”

“They?” she asked.

“Yeah, it turns out they kinda, uhh… transformed into a girl…” I answered.

“Huh. So the shy shorty might have been a girl… Must be kinda cute.”

It was entirely fair for her to make that assumption; that’s the one I would have made. After all, they were the shy kid that needed protection from the bullies, at least for the last couple of years. It wasn’t easy being the confident one, but at least I could do it, and had the body to put behind it, things my friend lacked, so I did it for them. Now, however…

“Actually, they kinda got taller? Like, still shorter than me, but taller than you I think…” I said.

“Taller than me? Damn, that’s some unexpected development. Can’t wait to see them come out of their shell and see how it’ll turn out,” Sophie said.

“You’re saying this as if it was a sure outcome…”

“I mean, I’m dating a witch, you pick up on stuff like that. Trust me, they’ll be alright,” she responded.

“I guess…”

“Now what’s got you to lose your cool like that?”

Oh no, was it that obvious? I’d calmed down a bit by now, and if Sophie’d noticed it, they surely did. Great, they already had enough to worry about; I was supposed to help them, not give them more trouble! And what was I doing, making it all about myself again?

“The thing is… I… I don’t understand what’s going on. I went over everything I could come up with on my way here, and… I have no idea…” I admitted.

“Well, that kinda sucks… I’m sure you’ll figure it out though, sooner or later,” she tried to console me, and I guess it helped a little.

I nodded and headed to the bathroom. I didn’t exactly know why I did, but the answer came as soon as I let the water flow from the sink, and splashed it onto my face. I had to calm down.

I looked in the mirror, and I didn’t recognise the face staring back at me. It was normal for me to feel that way; my reflection never quite felt like it was me, which actually helped me fake the confidence I needed.

The rest of my body contributed, too; I was tall, broad-shouldered, and, thanks to my morning workout routine, in quite good shape. At some point when I was a kid, I got kinda fat, to a degree that my parents got me a private trainer to help; that was mostly a disaster, but the habit to exercise every morning stayed. You’d think that’d mean P.E. was easy for me, but I actually was kinda bad at team sports, and the hyper-competitive nature of most of the guys really rubbed me the wrong way.

So there I was, with a face and the body that didn’t feel like mine, but they served their purpose. I would have assumed that this wasn’t how one was supposed to feel, but they kept telling us that you’re supposed to be at turmoil with yourself during puberty, so I just assumed it was normal.

As it became more clear that my odd feelings would fade soon enough, I went hunting for shiny Pokémon to distract myself until it was the time to go to sleep.

The next day went by surprisingly slower, and, for some reason, I was feeling worse than when I was worried sick about my friend. I honestly kinda hated myself for that, being selfish again, instead of supporting my friend… They’d asked me to give them time, and I did just that, so at least I didn’t make anything worse. I hope I didn’t anyway, I wouldn’t put it past me to have somehow screwed up without even knowing.

I spent my evening the way I spent it the day before, with an exception of getting a message from my best friend. To my great surprise, they said they’d decided they’d come to school the next day, and asked me to meet them fifteen minutes before classes started. I answered I’d show up; of course I would, even if I wasn’t as determined to support my friend as I was, I literally lived five minutes away from school.

That situation was making me all weird again; the thought of my friend going back to school already, the thought of seeing them, their new face, again… It left me with a weird pang in my chest every single time. Needless to say, I had a rather hard time falling asleep that day.

As I arrived at school, and walked through relatively empty corridors, I wondered if my friend was actually going to show up. My worries were dispersed quickly, though, as I saw them standing next to the door to our classroom.

They… They were… well, beautiful, obviously but also just… the way they presented themself was just… wow. They wore white sports shoes, tight jeans, and a long-ish white t-shirt with a black flower print. Their long straight black hair was brushed to one side in a way that was… well, really cool.

But… despite the fact they looked so different, I couldn’t help to recognize them as my best friend -- not, like, physically, but spiritually or something. I just looked at them and my brain had no problems connecting the mostly shy dork I’d known for years with the stunning girl standing in front of me.

“Oh, hey, you came,” they said as they noticed me.

Even the way they spoke was just… more confident, more honest. It was doing some things to me I didn’t even understand.

“Umm, yeah, of course, I want to help,” I replied. “So, uh, are you going to wait outside for the teacher to introduce you?”

Why was I losing my cool again? I was specifically trying my best to avoid it, my friend had enough worries!

“Actually, I kinda want to do it myself. It’s just… important, you know?”

I tried my best to hide my surprise, something I was becoming increasingly bad at…

The rest of the time before classes was spent on awkward smalltalk, all the awkwardness of course coming from me, despite my best efforts. I also gave them the notes from the classes they’d missed, but due to my uselessness during those days, they weren’t of much use…

Every single class that day started the same way, though the first one was the biggest event. My best friend gave an introduction in front of the entire class, and they were confident doing that too. And it wasn’t just any kind of confidence, but the energetic kind that was extremely difficult, if not impossible to fake. I tried. They just weren’t ashamed to show themself like that at all. I wondered what that felt like, and felt a painful pang of envy.

Despite all that, something was still bothering them. Most people probably didn’t notice, but I could tell. During P.E. they sat at the bench, not having bought proper clothes for it yet. They looked lost in their thoughts, and I caught them looking at me a few times. I, of course, was doing even worse than usual, and I even got hit with a high-speed ball to the face once. At least I didn’t lose any teeth this time…

Luckily for both of us, that was our last class that day, and I met them up not far from the changing rooms. We walked out of the school in awkward silence between us, and they just stopped. I turned around to face them, and they looked rather stressed.

“I can’t keep putting this off, we need to talk,” they said.