Previously on "My Real-Life Romance Route is Glitched":

- Kenta Tanaka, self-proclaimed VN protagonist, entered his second year of high school.

- Swallowed a sakura petal in front of Ice Queen Shibasaki. Affection: -2/100.

- Accused childhood friend Hana of being an assassin.

- Got hit in the head with two loafers from forty meters away.

- Still thinks it was worth it.

「 System: Loading Chapter 1... 」

...

The classroom smelled like old wood, chalk dust, and the distinct aroma of missed opportunities.

I touched my forehead.

Still tender and had a faint red imprint of a loafer's edge. Hana's aim was inhuman. I checked the school handbook. Nowhere did it say "students may not throw footwear with lethal precision." A loophole I intended to exploit if I ever needed to defend myself in a turf war.

But that was a problem for future Kenta.

Present Kenta had a more immediate concern.

Seat assignments.

I stood at the front of Classroom 2-B, holding a crumpled paper slip that would determine my fate for the next three hundred sixty-five days. In visual novels, seat assignments are never random. They are narrative destiny. The protagonist always sits:

• Next to the window (for wistful staring purposes).

• Behind the heroine (for pencil-tapping-on-shoulder interactions).

• In front of the tsundere (for insane shenanigans).

I unfolded the slip.

Seat: Row 3, Seat 4.

「 System: Scanning classroom layout... 」

「 Row 3, Seat 4: Window adjacent? YES. Heroine proximity? PENDING. 」

I looked up.

The classroom was half-full. Students milled about, comparing slips, claiming desks. Basic social simulation stuff. But I had trained for this. 

I scanned for the window.

There.

Row 3 Seat 4. Right by the window. Sunlight streaming in. A gentle breeze carrying sakura petals through the open frame.

It was perfect.

「 System: Window secured. Optional: Dramatic hair-ruffle by breeze. 」

I walked toward my destiny.

And then I saw her.

Sitting in the seat directly behind mine.

President Shibasaki.

Her long, jet-black hair flowed past her shoulders, held back by a simple black headband. She was already seated, her posture so straight you could use her spine as a level. Her uniform had zero wrinkles. She looked less like a high school student and more like a corporate CEO who had been shrunk down and forced to attend homeroom.

She was reading a book.

Advanced Thermodynamics.

…She reads that for fun?

「 System: ICE QUEEN ROUTE - PROXIMITY CONFIRMED. 」

「 Estimated Flag Opportunities: HIGH. 」

「 Estimated Chance of Verbal Destruction: ALSO HIGH. 」

I swallowed.

This was fate. The game was handing me her route. Seat in front of the ice queen? That's a classic. Day one, she'll ask to borrow a pencil. Day three, I'll notice she's fallen asleep and cover her with my jacket. Day thirty, she'll accidentally call me by my first name and then pretend it never happened.

Heh, my plan is magnificent as usual.

I sat down.

The desk creaked.

Prez did not look up from Advanced Thermodynamics.

That's fine. The ice queen never initiates. The protagonist has to.

I turned around slightly.

"Good morning, Prez," I said. "Looks like we're seat neighbors."

She turned a page.

"The seating arrangement is alphabetical by family name," she said, still not looking up. "Shibasaki comes before Tanaka. This is not fate. This is linguistics."

「 System: Ice Queen - Dialogue Choice Detected. 」

「 1. "Still, I'm looking forward to getting to know you better." (Romantic Flag) 」

*「 2. "Cold as always, President. I like it." (Playful Flag - RISKY) 」*

「 3. "You're right. My mistake. I'll just focus on the window then." (Retreat Flag) 」

I chose Option 1.

"Still," I said, injecting maximum protagonist sincerity, "I'm looking forward to getting to know you better this year."

She closed her book.

Slowly.

She turned her head. Her eyes met mine.

They were dark. Unreadable. Like staring into a black hole that had read Nietzsche once and decided he was too optimistic.

"Tanaka," she said.

"Yes?"

"Last year, you tried to ask me to the cultural festival by standing outside the student council room for forty-five minutes, then running away when I opened the door."

「 System: Memory unlocked.」

"That was... a strategic retreat."

"You also left a note. It said, and I quote: 'The moon is beautiful tonight, but not as beautiful as your spreadsheet organization skills.'"

Why did I write that.

Why did I write that...

"I was... appreciating your administrative dedication?"

She stared at me for three more seconds.

Then she opened her book again.

"Please face forward, Tanaka. Class is about to begin."

*「 System: Ice Queen Affection: -1/100. (Up 1 point from -2. Progress!) 」*

「 Note: "Up 1 point" still means NEGATIVE affection. She likes you LESS than zero. You have negative rizz. 」

I faced forward.

The window was very nice. Very scenic. The petals were still falling. A bird landed on the windowsill. It looked at me with what I could only describe as pity.

That's fine.

Negative affection just means there's more room to grow.

A hand tapped my shoulder.

I spun around.

Heroine event already?

It was a boy.

Yamada. My best friend. He's your typical comic relief character. Round face. Big glasses. Perpetually confused expression.

「 Affection meter: 85/85 (maxed out, not a romance option, unfortunately)」

"Kenta," Yamada whispered. "Why is there a red mark on your forehead that looks exactly like a shoe print?"

"Hana threw her loafer at me."

"From how far?"

"Forty meters."

Yamada blinked. "That's not possible."

"I know."

"You'd need superhuman strength and aim."

"I know."

"...Are you going to report her?"

I thought about it.

Hana's affection meter was already down to 58/100. Reporting her would probably drop it into the negatives. The Childhood Friend route would lock forever.

Also, she'd definitely throw the other loafer.

"No," I said. "I'm going to recruit her."

Yamada's glasses slid down his nose. "Recruit her for what?"

"My harem."

"That's—Kenta, that's not... you can't just—"

"Watch me."

「 System: New Objective: Recruit Childhood Friend [Hana Sato] to Protagonist's Harem. Difficulty: S-Rank. Reason: She will kill you. 」

The classroom door slid open.

Hana walked in.

Her dark brown hair was styled in its usual side braid on the left, the rest loose around her shoulders. She scanned the room. Found me immediately. Her eyes narrowed.

Then she walked to her seat.

Directly behind Shibasaki.

Which meant she was diagonally behind me.

Which meant she could see the back of my head for the entire year.

Which meant she could throw things at me without even turning around.

「 System: Childhood Friend [Hana Sato] - Seated in sniper position. 」

「 Warning: Do not turn around. Do not make eye contact. Do not breathe loudly. 」

I faced forward.

Very, very forward.

The window was beautiful.

The petals were falling.

The bird was still judging me.

Somewhere behind me, I heard Hana whisper to Yamada: "Did he narrate his whole walk to class?"

"He's the same as usual, Hana."

「 System: Affection Meter: Hana - 55/100. Decreasing」

The homeroom teacher entered.

He has Gray hair, thinning. Tired eyes, with the thousand-yard stare of a man who had seen enough of students shenanigans.

"Good morning, class. I'm your homeroom teacher, Mr. Sato, and no relation to Hana."

Hana raised her hand. "We're not related, sir. Different Sato."

"Thank you for the clarification, Hana."

"You're welcome, sir."

"Now then," Mr. Sato said, pulling out a stack of papers, "let's begin with self-introductions. Tell us your name, one hobby, and one thing you're looking forward to this year."

「 System: SELF-INTRODUCTION EVENT. 」

「 Standard visual novel trope. Allows heroines to establish personalities. Allows protagonist to establish... regrettable first impressions.」

Students went one by one.

"My name is Kurosawa Yamada. I like video games. Looking forward to the new Dragon Quest." 

Hmph... acceptable as usual, my buddy.

Hana stood up. Her side braid swayed as she turned to face the class.

"I am Sato Hana. I like running. Looking forward to the sports festival."

She threw a glance at me.

"I'm also looking forward to new throwing opportunities."

Several students glanced at her. Then at my forehead. Then away.

「System: Childhood Friend [Hana Sato] has publicly claimed you as a target practice. Affection: 53/100.」

Shibasaki stood.

"My name is Shibasaki Rei. My hobbies include reading, calligraphy, and maintaining order. I am looking forward to a productive year with minimal disruptions."

She sat down.

Minimal disruptions.

She was looking at me when she said that.

「System: Ice Queen has identified you as a "disruption." Affection: -2/100. (Down 1 point. Regression.) 」

Then it was my turn.

I stood up.

The window light hit me perfectly. The breeze ruffled my hair. A single sakura petal landed on my desk.

This was my moment.

"My name is Kenta Tanaka," I said. "My hobby is... observing human interaction as a narrative medium."

Silence.

Mr. Sato blinked. "You mean people-watching?"

"No," I said. "I mean—"

"Don't," Hana whispered from behind me. Loud enough for the whole class to hear. "Don't explain it."

"I'm simply saying that life, much like a well-written visual novel—"

THUD

A pencil hit the back of my head.

From Hana's direction.

"It was rhetorical," she said.

THUD

"That means 'don't actually answer.'"

THUD

"Sit down, Kenta."

I sat down.

「 System: Self-introduction status - DISASTER. 」

「Affection changes: Hana - 50/100. Shibasaki - -3/100. Yamada - 85/100 (unchanged, bless him). 」

「 New character unlocked: Classmates (Collective). Affection: 20/100. Mostly confused. 」

Mr. Sato sighed.

It was a long sigh. A sigh that said I get paid too little for this and I should have become a fisherman like my father wanted.

"Thank you, Kenta," he said. "That was... something."

"You're welcome, sir."

"I wasn't complimenting you."

「 System: Even the teacher is done with you. Day one. 」

I looked out the window.

The bird was gone.

Probably flew away to avoid secondhand embarrassment.

But that was fine.

Day one was always the hardest. The routes were messy. The flags were hidden. The dialogue options never worked the way the walkthrough said they would.

But I had time.

Three hundred sixty-four days left.

Somewhere in this classroom... or maybe outside it, my True Ending was waiting.

I just had to survive long enough to find her.

Behind me, Hana sharpened another pencil.

Click. Click. Click.

Menacingly.

「 End of Chapter 1. 」

「 SYSTEM NOTE: Please save your progress. If you figure out how to save in real life, please contact Kenta ASAP.」