Silence hung solemnly above the Hao household. Hao Er, Hao San and Hao Si stood leaning against the clay wall mixed with straw, fidgeting in their spots. Their eldest brother was sitting far away from them, hugging himself and silently crying for what reason, they weren’t clear.
Hao Fengmeng looked at the coin pouch in her hands with unknown thoughts running through her head. She didn’t know what compelled her to act the way she did and was deeply regretting it. Although a small, selfish part inside her danced in joy upon feeling the weight of the contents in the pouch.
“How much?” Hao Zhu Lin’s deep voice broke the suffocating silence, making everyone stare at him.
“How much did they give?”
Hao Fengmeng took in a deep breath as she realised that her husband was talking to her. Her body lightly shook and embarrassment coated her cheeks as she answered meekly, “1 gold, 50 silver and 200 copper coins.”
Hao Zhu Lin let out a sharp laugh as he turned to look at his wife with swollen red eyes.
“Is our son worth 1 gold, 50 silver and 200 copper coins!? If he dies will 1 gold, 50 silver and 200 copper coins bring him back!? Hao Fengmeng! You especially know how cruel the imperial palace is. Even the emperor himself is not spared! What will happen to our son? Who knows what coveting eyes will stalk him from the day he enters the palace? Today he is here, at our home and tomorrow for no clear reason, he’s been executed because of treason!”
Hao Zhu Lin’s voice rose higher and higher with each sentence he spoke. Everything was too sudden. He couldn’t accept the fact that he would lose his son in just 3 days.
“There is also a chance that he might die while being emasculated! Even if he doesn’t, what about the pain he has to go through!? What about the physical pain and the pain of him losing a part of being a ‘man’!? For three days he would not be allowed to have water. For three days! If he survives he would need to stay in bed and suffer for another 100 days! And the next thing you know he’s involved in schemes and plans and then poof our son is dead!”
Hao Zhu Lin’s words were ruthless and cut deep inside Fengmeng’s heart. Hao Er, Hao San and Hao Si huddled close together as they looked at their enraged and shouting father. Zhu Lin’s words made more tears spill from Shoucheng’s eyes as he bit down on his lip to muffle his cries.
“P-Papa, I’ll b-be fine…” With a hoarse voice Shoucheng spoke. His eyes were swollen red like his father’s yet he still struggled to give him a reassuring smile. Hao Zhu Lin’s heart broke upon seeing his son who even though was shaking with fear still tried his best to comfort his parents.
“It isn’t Mama’s fault. Also now life will be easier for you 5 and if I try hard I’ll be able to rise in the ranks of eunuchs and no hardships will befall any of you so..so I-I’ll be fine.” Shoucheng sniffled and wiped his tears away. Standing up, he walked towards his younger siblings.
Hao Er was the second son, who was 13 years of age. He had brown eyes like their mother and long black hair that was tied up in a bun with a stick. He looked at his elder brother with watery eyes as he swallowed thickly. Hao San, was the only daughter and the third child and was 10 years old. She had yellow eyes just like their father which seemed to gleam with mischief everytime. Her hair was brown like their father and was loosely hanging and flying with the wind. Her tears seemed to be neverending as she held her dirty doll tightly in her arms. Hao Si was the last son and was 8 years old. He had deep blue eyes and shoulder length black hair which was tied up in a bun like Hao Er’s. Even though he was young, he was smarter than all four of them combined. His parents would have invested in his studies to become a scholar and send him to take part in the imperial examination if it weren’t for the Hao family’s financial situation and horrid past with the imperial palace. The trio looked at Shoucheng with watery eyes as he kneeled down and hugged them.
“Di Er, Mei San, Di Si, Ge has to leave in three days. I have gotten work in the imperial palace. You three must take care of Mama and Papa when I’m not here, okay? I don’t know when I’ll return so you must take up your responsibilities. Ge...Ge will try to send money and help all of you but if I don't return, you have to take care of yourselves, okay?”
Hao Si broke down and buried himself in his elder brother’s embrace. Seeing their youngest sibling cry, the two elder ones also started sobbing and mumbling words like, ‘Don’t leave’ and ‘Gege please stay’. Hao Shoucheng pulled them closer to his chest and stroked each of their heads while comforting them.
Hao Fengmeng looked with red, guilty eyes, her hands clenched into fists as she internally beat herself over her actions. Hao Zu Lin looked at his wife’s struggle but made no move to comfort her. He could barely control his anger and sadness and just looking at Hao Fengmeng made his heart hurt like someone was easily crushing it in their palm.
“Mama, Papa, I’ll be leaving on three days so please don’t fight. I...I want to spend as much time as I can with all of you.”
Hao Zhu Lin silently nodded with clenched teeth. The Hao trio wiped their tears away with pitiful expressions making Shoucheng envelop them in another warm embrace. After patting their heads, he stood up. Taking a small sip from the waterskin around his waist, he sighed and swallowed down his tears and sadness.
“Mama, Di Er, let’s prepare dinner. Papa, Di Si, Mei San would you mind collecting firewood from the shed behind the hut?”
Hao Fengmeng looked at her son in astonishment before letting out a sound of affirmation. Hao Zhu Lin beckoned his Hao trio over and hugged them before taking Hao Si and Hao San out with him. Hao Er went and hugged his mother and patted her head twice before turning and standing beside Shoucheng. Fengmeng stood up and gave Shoucheng a bone-crushing hug and cried while he stroked her head.
“A-Cheng, mother is useless! I-I didn’t know what came over me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry A-Cheng…” Fengmeng wailed as she embraced her son. Hao Er muffled cries echoed along with hers as new tears ran down his face. He tried suppressing them by covering his face but his tiny hands couldn’t stop the sadness he felt.
With one hand comforting his mother and the other stroking his brother’s small head, Shoucheng sniffled as a few tears dropped from his eyes. Even though his heart felt suffocated at the thought of his own mother sending him to the imperial palace, he couldn’t blame her. The drought this year was much worse than the previous years. 3 people had already succumbed to the harsh heat and hunger, which had alarmed the villagers. Hao Fengmeng, in an impulsive moment, felt that sending her son off to become a eunuch would be safer than living in Hanzai village while her younger children and husband could have rather comfortable lives with the money they got. A moment of hopelessness and a flash of greed was all it took for her son to fail into despair.
After a few minutes of crying and hugging, Shoucheng heard the sounds of footsteps coming closer to the hut. He patted his mother on the shoulder before letting her go. He crouched down and wiped the tears from Hao Er’s cheeks and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
“Mama, Papa has brought the firewood. Let’s get started on dinner. Don’t cry anymore, I don’t want you to be sad.” Shoucheng looked up at his mother and smiled while she just nodded and sniffled.
“Hao Er can you please start washing the rice?” Hao Er gave his big brother a hard nod and a toothy smile before walking off to do his chores. Standing up, Hao Shoucheng once again smiled at his mother before heading off to the small shelf and picked out a few ingredients.
Hao Zhu Lin, Hao San and Hao Si came back carrying one block of firewood each and placed them in the cooking spot in the centre of the hut. Hao Fengmeng was setting up the round black pot while Hao Er poured in the rice and water. Hao Shoucheng added a diced potato inside the pot and stirred it once before covering the lid.
The family of 6 sat round the pot, the blistering heat didn’t seem to affect them much. Hao Fengmeng had a cracked plate beside her and a ladle on top of it. From time to time she would open the pot and stir the porridge inside, giving out a waft of cooked rice and a hint of potato making everybody’s stomach grumble.
Hao Fengmeng got up from her seat and walked towards Hao Zhu Lin who clenched his hands upon seeing her. A wave of unwanted anger surged through his veins and he struggled to contain it. Hao Fengmeng hesitated on seeing her husband’s actions but ultimately decided to sit next to him. The four siblings moved further away from them to give them space while Hao Shoucheng took charge of cooking.
Hao Zhu Lin sighed and rubbed his face before facing his wife. “Why did you do that Fengmeng?”
Hao Fengmeng looked at her husband’s eyes, tears pooled in them but she didn’t let them fall. “Zhu Lin...I didn’t know what came over me. I just...These days have been so hard for all of us and when an opportunity arrived I...I just couldn’t let it go.”
“Even then, to send your own son to the imperial palace, to that wretched place, how...how could you?” Zhu Lin sighed and spoke in a low voice while moving his gaze away.
“I’m sorry.” Hao Fengmeng hugged herself, her knees close to her chest. Guilt swarmed her senses and pricked her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks. She felt as if she had been possessed by the devil, by his greed. In that moment, once she heard those frivolous words and saw that coin pouch on the officer’s hands, all her past pain related to the imperial palace dissolved into nothingness. It was only now that she felt it all again, the emotions, the pain and the torture.
Hao Zhu Lin sighed once he saw his wife beating herself up internally. He knew, he always knew what she was thinking. Even though he was currently angry, he still couldn’t find it in himself to blame her because he understood why she did what she did. It wasn’t her fault that life was so cruel to them. Zhu Lin wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back and hair. He didn’t say anything and just let her lean against his chest as she wept.
Hao Shoucheng opened the lid of the pot and smiled seeing the soft cooked rice bubbling along with the cubes of sweet potato.
“Hao San go get some bowls, Hao Er bring some cloth and the hot pot stand, please.” Soft footsteps rang across the hut as the children ran to complete their tasks. Hao Shoucheng stirred the porridge once again, letting the delicious smell float around.
Hao Er settled the thick cloth hot pot stand and handed a few torn clothes to Shoucheng. He folded the pieces of cloth to make two thick bundles and used them to carry the heavy black pot onto the stand. The fire used to cook the meal was already diminishing but Shoucheng used his bare hands to save some pieces of wood which hadn’t yet burned. At that moment, Hao Fengmeng had gotten up and lit two candles and placed them on opposite sides of the hut.
The candles swayed with the wind while Hao Shoucheng scooped up generous amounts of porridge and sweet potato and handed each member their bowl. They had been eating porridge for 11 days straight yet internally they were still grateful to have food to eat. Slurping noises ensued in the hut as they didn’t use any utensils to eat. They either ate with their hands or just swallowed it down.
After having their fill, Hao Zhu Lin carried the pot outside and gave some porridge to the neighbours who had not much to eat. After that Hao Fengmeng washed the black pot before keeping it back inside the hut.
The four siblings had already prepared the bed by then. A long straw mat was rolled out and covered with a cloth which seemed to have tears in many places. Hao Er took the left corner while Hao Shoucheng took the right corner near the door. Hao Fengmeng and Hao Zhu Lin slept next to them while Hao San and Hao Si slept in the middle.
The temperature had gone down at night and occasionally a cool breeze would fan their hot bodies. Sleep arrived fast for the villagers of Hanzai village, their worries drowned by the darkness. The next day, new problems will pop up and hinder them with the older ones but for now, they have lived another day in peace.
Trivia:
- Hao Er- [二 Two] Hao San- [三 Three] Hao Si-[四 Four]
- Imperial Examination-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_examination
- Didi-endearing way to call one's younger brother
- Gege-endearing way to call one's older brother
- Meimei-endearing way to call one's younger sister
- 'A'-Cheng-endearing way to call one's family member
- I address them as 'Di Si, Di Er and Mei San' to distinguish between each member. In truth it's normally just 'Didi' and 'Meimei'.
