Chapter 27 - KappaPride

HottieHunter: 🤤🤤🤤
BlueWhale: Sir, no shirt, no service.
JimGoesGym: True gym rats never wear shirts.
LittleCutie: As a man, I've gotta say HOLY F**! How do you get a physique like that?! I eat twelve hamburgers a day and go to the gym twice a year (lie). Can I get that same physique?

The chat had completely lost its mind.

The exclusive passive effect attached to the Mythic gloves certainly wasn't helping.

Adam really, really didn't want to wear them.

It wasn't even the actual effect that bothered him. Honestly, going shirtless in shorts and running shoes was practically his daily routine. He was a fitness trainer. Half his job involved demonstrating exercises while drenched in sweat.

But that was inside a gym.

Outside the gym, the only times he went shirtless were during summer runs, beach trips, or swimming.

This? It felt different.

Like he was being forced to equip a cursed item designed by a horny developer. Similar to the bikini-style armor female characters were forced to wear in some MMOs.

He glanced toward Mei in search of support.

“You have to wear them,” she said immediately, as if there were no debate to be had. “They’re Mythic.”

Adam hesitated.

“But… didn't you say only you were allowed to see me topless?”

Mei blinked innocently.

“I said that?”

She shook her head with absolute confidence.

“You must've misheard. Feel free to go pantless too if it means you can use Mythic loot. Naked even.”

HottieHunter: YES!! I love your girlfriend.

“I'll ban you again if you don't shut up,” Mei replied flatly toward the chat.

The user immediately stopped talking.

Adam sighed in defeat.

“Fine…”

The gloves were simply too valuable to ignore.

More importantly, they were exactly the kind of item he'd been searching for.

He didn't need another rigid weapon that forced his magic into predefined forms. He needed something that allowed magic to flow naturally, freely, almost like an extension of his own body.

These gloves felt like they might finally be that answer.

Slowly, he slid them onto his hands.

The material felt disturbingly soft, almost alive.

His shirt had already been melted away earlier by Lord of Flesh's acidic blood, so at least he didn't have to remove it himself. Unfortunately, his jeans and half-dissolved shoes still counted as clothing.

The moment the gloves fully equipped themselves, both vanished in a flash of light.

A pair of boxer-style athletic shorts instantly replaced his jeans, while sleek running shoes appeared over his feet.

The shorts matched the dark maroon color of the gloves almost perfectly. The shoes were plain black with no visible logo or branding.

Altogether, the outfit looked bizarre.

Like a fantasy brawler and a modern gym rat had somehow fused together.

Adam dragged a hand through his damp brown hair, slicking the sweat-soaked strands back away from his face.

The movement only made things worse.

SeeCuteGirl-iClick: Would :KappaPride:
LittleCutie: Same :KappaPride:
Frogman: Me too :KappaPride:
Vytr26: Me 3 :KappaPride:
xYzXyZ (mod): ...yeah. :KappaPride:

The chat absolutely exploded.

Men and women alike seemed equally captivated by him.

Granessa gave him a firm thumbs-up of approval.

“Even among orcs, few could claim to possess a perfect body. But you?” She nodded seriously. “You could claim it, and no one would confidently refute you.”

“That’s why I'm dating him,” Mei added casually. “He's got a perfect face and body.”

Adam looked at her in disbelief.

“So you're just after my body?”

Mei nodded without the slightest hesitation.

“Yes.”

“Gee, thanks for your honesty… I guess.”

Before Mei could respond, a system notification appeared in front of all three of them.

Loot has been successfully distributed. Please open loot boxes to end the stream.

Because of the streaming contract terms, they were allowed to remain live for a short time after defeating a boss. However, that extra time only lasted as long as unclaimed loot still existed.

At this point, the achievement loot boxes were the only rewards left unopened.

The chat immediately exploded again.

LifeIsn'tFair: First they get Legendaries, then a Mythic, and now even more Legendaries. Life really isn't fair. :PepeHands:
Frogman: Seriously. The last player I watched beat Hard Difficulty, and his entire group only got a single SSR each from the final boss.
Vytr26: Did you not see the boss they just fought? A few Legendaries are nothing compared to nearly being melted by acidic blood.
xYzXyZ (mod): Hard Difficulty has a 73.6% survival rate. Impossible Difficulty… 0%.
SweetSarah (mod): Our streamers will beat it though! Fighting!

“Fighting?” Adam repeated curiously while reading chat.

“It’s a Korean thing,” Mei explained. “Kind of like ganbare.”

Adam stared at her blankly. Unfortunately, that explanation helped absolutely nothing.

Despite dating a Japanese woman, he still understood almost no Japanese. Korean was even worse.

Mei let out a tired sigh. “It basically means, do your best.”

“Oh.”

She pointed accusingly at him.

“This is exactly why I keep telling you to watch K-dramas and anime with me. You need more culture in your life.”

“I have culture.”

“No, you have muscles and looks. But those won't last forever.”

“I don't just coast through life on my looks.”

He paused.

“…Actually, I kinda do, don't I?”

Mei crossed her arms triumphantly.

Part of being a successful fitness trainer did involve looking good. Clients were naturally drawn toward someone with an ideal physique and a handsome face.

Especially female clients.

Although, in Adam's experience, male clients tended to be more serious about actually learning proper technique and training methods from him.

At least the straight ones. Others usually had ulterior motives.

“Okay, let's just open these loot boxes,” Adam said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I'm exhausted, and this heat definitely isn't helping.”

The desert was brutally hot.

If their bodies hadn't essentially become video game characters enhanced by stats and abilities, they probably would've collapsed from heatstroke hours ago.

And even though his body was now regenerating at an absurd speed from the passive skill, it didn’t actually help offset the heat at all, but it was helpful against sunburns.

Mei immediately brightened.

“We could always go for a swim in the oasis.”

She pointed hopefully toward the crystal-clear water nearby.

“Don't.”

Granessa's warning came instantly.

They both turned toward her.

“I sense danger there,” she said seriously.

Adam and Mei both looked back toward the oasis. It appeared perfectly peaceful.

The water sparkled beneath the sunlight, and the surrounding palm trees swayed gently in the desert breeze. It looked far more inviting than dangerous.

Still, neither of them ignored Granessa's instincts.

They slowly backed away from the water while carefully scanning the area.

After a few moments, Adam finally noticed it.

The sand around the edge of the oasis was disturbed. Not naturally disturbed either. It looked layered. Rearranged.

Like something underneath had intentionally covered itself.

Mei's expression immediately shifted.

“Oh. That's definitely a monster hiding there.”

“So no swimming…?” she asked mournfully a second later.

Adam nodded.

Mei pouted dramatically for all of half a second before suddenly perking back up.

With a flash of light, she pulled out an extravagant loot box covered in gold filigree with a diamond-encrusted lid.

Just looking at it made it obvious the contents were going to be absurd.

Loot Box (L)
Contains a guaranteed Legendary tier item.

“Gacha time!” Mei shouted excitedly.

Without wasting a second, she flipped open the lid.

A rainbow-colored beam of light exploded from inside the box alongside a shower of glitter and an absurdly dramatic musical fanfare.

The sudden burst startled her badly enough that she nearly dropped it.

Luckily, her reflexes were ridiculous.

She caught the loot box at the last possible moment, though it still tilted sideways slightly.

Something immediately spilled out.

A gigantic walk-in closet slammed into the sand with a heavy thoom, sending scorching grains flying in every direction.

Adam stared.

Then he looked down at the tiny palm-sized box still sitting in Mei's hand.

Then back at the closet.

“How could something so big fit inside something so small?”

“That’s what she said,” Mei replied instantly.

Adam sighed.

“But seriously,” she continued, “it was probably magic. Or lots of lube. Maybe both.”

“Anyways…” Adam said, deliberately ignoring every part of that statement. “What even is this thing? A freezer?”

“It’s a clothes closet,” Mei explained proudly. “A portable walk-in one.”

“They make those?”

She shrugged. “Magic fantasy world. They make everything. Probably.”

An item screen appeared above the massive closet.

Magic Closet (Legendary)
A walk-in closet connected to an alternate dimension. Filled with every outfit and piece of clothing within the known and unknown universe.

Effects:

Fashion Forward - Step inside to change outfits based on anything you can imagine. Clothing and armor rarity and effects based on Magic rank.

(Magic ranks G-E = Common, effectless. D-C = Uncommon - Rare. B = Super Rare. A = Super Secret Rare. S = Ultra Rare (small chance of Legendary). Limited to Legendary tier at the highest.)

Items last 24 hours before despawning.

Tailored - Place any item inside to custom tailor its appearance. (Item effects remain entirely the same)

Adam blinked several times while reading the description.

“I was about to say that's the stupidest thing I've ever seen,” he admitted. “But that's actually kind of amazing.”

“Cosplay!” Mei shouted. “Adam, I can cosplay with this!”

He stared at her.

“That's your takeaway? Cosplay? Not the ability to create literally any magical outfit or armor imaginable?”

She nodded without hesitation.

“Cosplay is more important.”

The chat wholeheartedly agreed.

SeeCuteGirl-iClick: True. Seeing cute girls cosplay cute characters is the meaning of life.
SeeMuscleGirl-iClick: Even better if cute girl has muscles.

Mei immediately turned toward the floating chat window.

“Chat, should I do a cosplay stream during the next boss battle?”

Despite slow mode being enabled, the chat somehow still flooded with an overwhelming wall of YES.

“Who should I cosplay?”

The chat switched instantly from screaming yes to spamming character names.

Adam barely recognized any of them.

The few he did recognize all shared one thing in common. Their outfits were outrageously revealing.

He only knew them because Mei had cosplayed some of them before.

Privately.

She was not going to cosplay them for the stream.

It wasn't that he was the controlling type who told his girlfriend what she could or couldn't wear.

The outfits were just absurd. Micro-bikini levels of absurd.

One of the characters technically didn't even wear clothing at all. She simply used her impossibly long hair to strategically cover certain areas.

Admittedly… That one had been pretty great.

While Mei enthusiastically discussed future cosplay plans with the chat, Adam quietly pulled out his own remaining loot boxes.

As he stared at them, another realization surfaced. He couldn't wear most of his magic gear anymore.

The Mythic gloves prevented it.

His enchanted cloak and magic belt were now completely unusable.

With a sigh, he opened the magic-focused loot box, already expecting disappointment.

A pair of glowing gloves appeared.

Gloves of Healing (Rare)
Gloves imbued with healing magic.
Effect: Boosts healing effectiveness by 25%

Adam stared at the item silently. Then slowly lowered the gloves.

“…Seriously?”

Out of all possible rewards, he had somehow pulled the single most useless item imaginable.

At least for him.

If he'd gotten them before obtaining the Mythic gloves, they actually would've been pretty valuable.

Now?

They were basically decorative hand warmers. Actually, they weren't even that useful.

With a look of complete disappointment, Adam tossed the healing gloves into what would soon become a forgotten corner of his inventory.

Then he picked up the final loot box. The Legendary one.

After Mei's absurd rainbow-light explosion and musical gacha celebration, he approached this box with a healthy amount of caution.

Holding it as far from his face as possible, like it might suddenly detonate, he slowly lifted the lid an inch at a time.

Nothing happened.

No rainbow beams.

No glitter explosion.

No triumphant orchestra.

The box opened with all the excitement of unpacking socks from an online order.

Adam blinked.

“…Huh.”

Carefully, he leaned forward and peeked inside using only one eye, just in case.

His expression immediately twisted in confusion. Inside the box sat a battery.

A completely ordinary-looking double-A battery. At least, it looked ordinary.

Adam picked it up cautiously between two fingers.

An item screen appeared.

Mana Battery (Legendary)
A high-tech mana storage device created by an advanced magi-tech civilization. This particular battery possesses the highest storage capacity available, capable of storing a near limitless amount of magical energy.

However… it is extremely volatile.

Effects:

Magic Charger (Two-Way) - Store magic energy inside and withdraw it later. No capacity limit.

Mana Fission - When stored magic reaches critical levels, an explosion may occur.

(Recommendation: Throw the Mana Battery as far away as possible when the indicator turns red and run in the opposite direction. DO NOT PLACE IN INVENTORY!)

Unbreakable - Even if a Mana Fission explosion occurs, the battery itself will remain intact. Unfortunately, the surrounding fabric of reality may not survive the resulting blast, meaning the battery could potentially be lost in another dimension.

Adam read the description once. Then again more slowly. Then a third time because surely he had misunderstood something.

He looked down at the tiny battery resting in his hand.

Then at the warning telling him the thing could explode like a nuclear reactor.

Then back at the battery.

“I got a phone charger for humans that might explode and kill me at any moment?”

He paused.

“What…?”