We stared at the white cat leaving the bushes. Normally you’d write it off as a stray. Up until recently for me that was the rule of the world. A cat wandering the woods was either a stray or the pet of a generally irresponsible owner letting a killing machine set on decimating local songbird populations run loose. That’s just common sense. I love cats but they can be pretty bad for the environment. 

But I know better. Sometimes a cat isn’t just a cat. Exhibit A is on the rock to my left, alert and clearly suspecting more from this fancy feline. Exhibit B is in the fur coat. A bushy white Persian cat does not get this far into the woods looking so immaculately groomed. That’s just unnatural, doubly so if it’s a stray or outdoor cat. Exhibit C would be the envelope it was carrying between its teeth. 

As I reached for it the cat spat out the envelope. Just a standard one, the kind that comes from the prison and “for the blind” manufacturing that supplies the government as a whole. Nothing magical, no gold leaf emblazoning any sort of crest, no address written in exquisite handwriting. Possibly because the paper quality is so poor the ink would bleed if anything other than cruddy Skilcraft inksticks are used on it. 

It must be a familiar of some sort. I can only assume sent from my boss, Mrs. S. Who else could it be? I reached for the envelope that was oh so dramatically delivered.

“That’s not for you.” And unfamiliar voice rang out. The voice of the intended recipient? No, it was the cat. 

“It’s not?” If I jumped at every surprise at this point it’d be a sign of complete unsuitability for this job. Talking cats are almost passé. I’ll admit, the black cat, white cat thing is concerning. My life has already had enough genre shifts, and I’d die of embarrassment if I start having to shout “Moon prism power, make up!” to use magic. It’d be a great couples cosplay though. I would just need a set of clippers for the bald spot… based on the growling I’m hearing I should stop now.

“No, it’s not. Though I’ll need you to deliver it to the pick-up crew.”

“It might have been easier to say that first.”

“It was a bit of a hike out here and you looked like you were about to open it.”

Clearly we were getting off topic. And clearly there were more pressing matters to discuss. I have been desensitized to it, but a cat talking is not normal. 

“May I ask who you are?” If she says Artemis I’m going to shit a brick.

“You can call me Mrs. A. I suppose. It’s a bit dramatic, but I might as well show a bit of solidarity with Aud- Mrs. S. Don’t forget the Mrs. part, as I’m a bit higher up on the org chart than you.” It’s plausible. Probable, even. But my mom didn’t raise someone who’d just take the word of a random talking animal in the woods. Based on what I’ve read on the topic they tend to either be a prince in disguise or a weirdo looking to eat your grandma and crossdress as her to take her place. Of course I’m basing this on the most reliable of sources. 

“It’s good you didn’t just take my word for it.” She must have noticed my hesitation. “But your friend over there should be able to confirm it.” She nodded her head towards Liah, still glaring with hackles raised at the new arrival. 

It’s true. She reeks of our boss. And reeks of demons, just like the boss. 

“I’m just as unhappy with that as you are, but she finds them to be the most convenient way to get things done. As you may have noticed we have staffing issues. We even have upper management acting as a messenger girl.” Our boss uses demons? And to think she gave me shit for a few minor curses! That bitch.

“So I guess I’ll take your word for it. I’d still prefer a bit more for ID, but I guess scent is the best we have to go with.”

“It’s a bit hard for me to carry a badge, as you might have noticed. My circumstances aren’t nearly as convenient as Daliah’s, and there’s a bit too much urgency for a more conventional introduction.”

“Urgency? You mean besides fighting off some extra from a bad Will Smith movie? All I can give them credit for is that at least they didn’t just glue some fucking gears to a top hat and call it a day.”

“The thing’s creator or the director of Wild Wild West?”

“The first, of course.” I had blocked out memories of that god-awful movie.

“Getting back on topic, I think it’d be better to say this is an urgent reminder.  Be very careful what you say when speaking with the clean-up crew.”

“Of course. Who knows what deep-state fuckery is going on.”

“We figured that’d be your response, but we had to be sure. Things are a bit too touch and go at the moment to allow any risks in the operation. We didn’t want to micromanage you, but it’s better than a slip-up causing us to lose several precious employees.” Nice of them to care about us so much. “Recruiting replacements would be a pain.” Oh, there’s the government pencil-pusher mindset I know and love. Can she even hold a pencil when she looks that?

“So one of our bosses came all this way to micromanage?”

“Better safe than sorry. I also came to let you know we want you to come in tomorrow at 0600 for an updated briefing. There’s likely to be a few changes to the plan. And Sandra, you have to show up too. I’d recommend staying with Amy here.”

“Mother-” Sandra didn’t seem happy with the change in plans. She stumbled to her feet, furrowing her brow, but before she could argue the white cat spoke again.

“If I’m not mistaken, that's the clean-up crew. I should be off. Amy, don’t forget to hand that letter off to them, tell them it’s for their boss. And Daliah, you probably should hide or change back to your human form. They generally help out a lot, but the less they know, the better. Don’t forget, tomorrow at 0600.” And with that said she jumped behind a bush. I peeked behind it out of curiosity, but there was no trace to be found. Not that there was much time to look, as the rhythmic thwop of a Blackhawk grew louder and louder as it approached the clearing. 

……………………………………………………..

The exchange actually went rather smoothly, despite the warning to be careful. They picked up the automaton, looking confused but not asking any questions. I handed over the letter for their boss, and they got back in the helo and left. Simple as. No intrusive questions, no loud exclamations of “what the hell” and nothing suspicious outside of literally being a black helicopter used in part of a conspiracy. Nothing you haven’t heard from the most respectable of radio talk shows talking about lizard people and UFO’s. 

At this point at least I can honestly say that as far as I’m currently aware there's no lizard people pulling the strings behind the government. The need for clarification on that sentence speaks volumes. 

Are there no normal, plain-jane humans in my line of work? The answer is no, considering the concerns about the effects of the archive, but it’s feeling more and more like all the weirdos and oddballs are being gathered into one convenient lunatic asylum. Considering our boss is using Goetia while in charge of watching over a repository of forbidden texts, wouldn’t it be more apt to say the inmates are running the asylum? 

“Shower’s free.” 

“I’m fine.” Our house guest hadn’t budged an inch in the past, oh, six hours. I would have thought she’d jump at the chance to wash off, considering she was still covered in dirt and sweat from our fight earlier. 

“No you aren’t, you’re getting the couch dirty.” With a huff, she closed her laptop, and accepted the towel in my outstretched hand. 

It almost felt as if I was babysitting. 

“Maybe she has homework to do?” Liah was slowly finding herself in the role of mediator. I swear she’s more responsible of a woman than I could ever be. 

“Even so, we’re really going to have to work out the kinks in our workplace. I know everything about what we do is abnormal, but we really need to get our shit together.” I collapsed onto the couch, letting out a deep sigh. Liah stared for a moment, before switching back to her cat form and jumping onto my lap. 

We sat in silence. My mind wandered back over the events of the day. What had started as a simple attempt to gauge the abilities of a new hire quickly spiraled out of control. How did things escalate so fast? One moment we were hiking in the woods for a simple evaluation, the next we had rounds flying towards a steampunk terminator. Over and over, my mind raced trying to figure out where things went wrong.

You usually don’t let things get to you this much.

“Things used to be much simpler.” I absentmindedly petted Liah. 

Really? Since when? 

“Up until that last mission we had to do. There was a lot less at stake back then.”

Excluding that time in DC?

“I’d rather not think about that…”

Sorry, sorry. I can’t help but find that whole incident funny. 

“You really can’t deny that things have gone a bit above messing around with grimoires at work while looking up information in the archive.”

No. While I’d like to say it’s nice seeing you be a bit more responsible, I find this just as troubling. 

“Sorry, I should have realized I wasn’t the only one worrying about this.”

I didn’t mean it like that.. The weight in my lap grew heavier, from that of a cat to that of a young woman. 

“Things will work out.” Her arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. My previously occupied hands found a new place returning the hug. 

“Can’t you do that in your room?” Sandra stood at the doorway, hair dripping onto the borrowed t-shirt. Had we gotten caught up in our thoughts that long?

“That was a rather fast shower.” Nope, it really was that fast of a shower. I actually think this is the most annoyed I’ve seen Liah at anyone other than me.