I’ll say this again: buying guitar cases to carry our gear was a stroke of genius. 

 

To avoid being overly conspi- um, to avoid being seen near the suspected entrance for the villain's lair in a personal vehicle, we took the light rail. Again, my plan was perfect. Absolutely foolproof!

 

“Are you guy’s cosplaying the Hex Girls? Awesome! Can I get a picture?”

 

Or not. The first time we were stopped was before we even left Suburban station. The girl got her picture and left. It probably wasn’t the best of pictures. Liah was smiling, but stiff, and Sandra just seemed annoyed. 

 

“You seem used to this.” She scowled at my cheerful smile. 

 

“Why wouldn’t I? It’s not like I spend all my time locked away in a dusty archive, or hiding away at home. I’m allowed to have hobbies.”

 

“You didn’t need to drag us into it too.”

 

“It only works if there’s all three of us. And it’s totally worth it. Just look at how cute Liah is!”

 

“Please at least try to be professional.” Sandra sighed while, unexpectedly, Liah blushed.

 

Don’t blindside me like that. And in public, too…

 

You normally don’t act so bashful. 

 

Something about your manner is different today.

 

Don’t people normally act differently in cosplay? It’s part of the fun, dressing as different characters. Of course it’s going to have an effect on how someone acts, at least a bit. 

 

Oh. That gives me an idea…

 

I got the idea that this idea was less than favorable towards me. She seemed to be lost in thought. No, she seemed to be plotting. The two are often mistaken, but the set of her jaw was far more determined than a normal flight of fancy. 

 

“So, how are we even going to find this place?”

 

“Shouldn’t you have already guessed? Dowsing seems like the simplest way.” I pulled a pendulum out of my coat pocket, struggling to untangle it from a set of hearing protection. 

 

“Pendulum dowsing?”

 

“Wandering around with a set of larger dowsing rods seems a bit too blatant. Pendulums are much more compact, and it fits the character. If you dress a bit witchy people will hardly bat an eye at playing around with a pendulum. They’ll be too busy focusing on the outfit if anything.”

 

“It makes sense, but this still feels like an elaborate excuse to get your wife into cosplay.”

 

“You’re just being paranoid, there’s no such plot.”

 

“Borderline-gaslighting now. I should file an HR complaint.”

 

“We don’t have HR, just a complex chain of blackmail and probation where we follow the rules to avoid prison time. I swear our boss stole this organizational structure from the politicians. Oh well, gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss seems to be the mission statement for our job.”

 

“Fuck, we stood too long talking…”

 

Another round of pictures later, we escaped and made our way out of the SEPTA terminal. It was cold and blustery, but there was a bustling winter market set up in front of the imposing City Hall building. Lots of people, perfect for blending in. And with the rush of winter shoppers heading towards the Macy’s and Chestnut street, three women with guitars and bulky clothing barely warranted a second glance. 

 

“Where to first?”

 

“Into the market, I want to check something.”

 

They followed as I went into the bustle of the crowd. Throngs of people looking through the various tents selling crafts and kitschy knick knacks intended to serve as “presents.” Finally, I stopped in front of a booth with a decently sized line for business. 

 

“Three please.” I placed a twenty on the counter. In short time, three steaming mugs of mulled wine were poured and handed off. 

 

“Should we be drinking on the job?”

 

“It’s the least conspicuous way to stay sitting over there.” I gestured towards seating, surrounded by evergreen shrubs in buckets. Across a walkway, skaters circled in a temporary rink.

 

We sat, and I withdrew a map, compass and protractor along with, of course, the pendulum. For the sake of simplicity, the map was already folded over, showing the Center-City area of Philly. 

 

“I’m not sure exactly how much precision I can get out of this, so we’ll probably need to get a few different reference points, a few hundred meters apart.” I spoke as I marked our position on the map with a fine-liner pen. With the help of the compass I oriented the map north. Then, with the map in the center of the table shielded by our bodies, I began to concentrate, with the pendulum over our dot I had drawn. 

 

Slowly, the pendulum began to swing, back and forth, back and forth, increasing in energy. After about a minute, the position of its swinging stabilized. It was very slightly off parallel to Market street, the street that ran roughly east to west through the center of the city. 

 

“Not promising.”  I muttered as I filled in the axis on the map. “The Masonic Temple is north of here. It could just be a fluke though. 

 

“Are we going to try Old City?” Sandra asked. 

 

“I want to try a few more locations to be sure. If we get a completely nonsense answer  then we’ll know to go back to the drawing board.”

 

“I’ll admit this is a pretty well thought out way of finding the guy’s base.”

 

“I’m not a complete airhead. Basic direction-finding is a no-brainer. If only we were tracking a signal instead of a magical location, there’d be ready-made tech we could use. Finding illegal radio signals is one of the HAM radio boomer’s favorite pass-times. They call it ‘fox hunting.’”

 

“Is this where you start complaining about the FCC?” Liah asked. It’s almost like she read my thoughts. 

 

“I haven’t been hit with a fine, yet, so not really. The club near us still haven’t found who keeps messing around on their repeater, but is it a crime to have hobbies?”

 

“Apparently yes.” Liah answered dryly. 

 

We finished our wine. I was tempted to enjoy the winter market with Liah, but a dour look from Sandra dissuaded me from the impromptu date idea. That, and we kept getting asked for pictures. Maybe cosplay wasn’t the best idea. 

 

 We made our way northwest, along a wide boulevard cutting northwest through the city. A bit of a hike, but the more distance, the more accuracy for the reading. We’re relying on a crystal on a chain after all, not the most precision instrument. It took a good twenty minutes to reach our destination.

 

“I didn’t think we’d be hitting all the tourist hot spots.” Sandra huffed. 

 

“We look pretty touristy, we might as well roll with it.”

 

I looked up at the long staircase. At the top was one of the entrances to the Philadelphia museum of art. It really is a shame that most of the tourists here never actually go inside. They just climb the stairs, do a Rocky pose, then leave. Yes, it’s that staircase. It’s easier to find landmarks like this on the map after all. 

 

Sitting at the foot of the steps, with Liah and Sandra’s bulky outfits helping to shield me from any overly prying eyes, I repeated the ritual. A small voice in the back of the head warned me that furtively shooting azimuths at crowded tourist sites in cosplay may not be the best way to remain under the radar, but it’s already kind of too late to dress more normally.

 

The axis drawn here cut roughly east southeast through the city, intersecting with the first line roughly around where Spruce Street meets Front Street. So far it’s looking like the entrance to the villain’s lair is at the former site of Tun Tavern. How depressingly moto.

 

“Let’s try once more.” I mainly don’t want to think about trying to crawl under I-95 to look for his lair. 

 

The next location was south of Spruce. Might as well get as much distance as possible for the last attempt. It was a much longer walk than to the museum, going past city hall and down Broad Street. If we’re turning this into a tourist sightseeing trip we might as well visit the infamous South Street. 

 

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Sandra asked

 

“It’s not that bad of a neighbor, especially during a winter day.”

 

“That’s not what I mean.”

 

What she actually meant was that we got stopped repeatedly for pictures. Trying to get a third reading was difficult, with the amount of attention we were getting. Maybe going to a street known for alternate music wasn’t the brightest idea for a group dressed like everyone’s favorite goth Scooby Doo band. The search for a good place proved futile, especially after the amount of attention we drew at the goth home decor store. Yes, that’s a thing. 

 

“No, I’m pretty sure it was when you started making fun of the clerk at that anarchist bookstore.”

 

We had retreated north, and were currently seated at a booth in a restaurant near 13th and Chestnut. I was about to argue when the waitress appeared. 

 

“A lager and a starter of perogies please. What about you, Liah, do you want anything? We’ll need to keep our energy up for later tonight.”

 

The edges of the waitress’s eyes crinkled, but she took our orders without saying anything. I realized how much I misspoke. We were still wearing our bulky clothes, and each of us had a guitar case next to us.

 

 I was kind of suspicious of the appraising look the waitress gave us. Did she realize we were up to something? Was it because we didn’t take off our jackets? Because flashing our fully outfitted plate-carriers would be even more conspicuous. 

 

“You do realize we’re in the Gayborhood” Sandra seemed oddly amused. “Of course what you said will be picked up on.”

 

“Gayborhood? That sounds a bit offensive.”

 

“It’s practically the official name!”

 

“I see segregation is alive and well here in Philly.”

 

“Now you’re just being purposefully obtuse. This area is just kind of the epicenter of gay culture in the city, like Castro Street or Greenwich village. They just call it the Gayborhood here.  But that’s not important. Did you really not hear what you just said? Of course she was going to jump to conclusions!”

 

“What?...Oh. Oh no…”

 

“I’ll just say this now, you two better not do anything like that in my house.”

 

“Why? Jealousy?”

 

“Getting up to, uh, stuff? At a coworkers house? It just seems inappropriate.”

 

“You’re embarrassed! To think a sorceress who tore reality apart could be so pure!”

 

“It’s far more respectable than a cackling hag of a witch acting inappropriately in my home.”

 

“We’re married so there’s nothing improper about it. Aren’t you being judgemental? Don’t tell me… you’re homophobic?”

 

“Gender has nothing to do with it!”

 

“To think, and after all that effort tearing reality apart for a girl…”

 

“Dear, you might be teasing her a bit too much.” Liah finally butted in.

 

“Fair enough. You know, despite the overall mission, sight-seeing in the city has been kind of fun.”

 

“Not with this heavy body armor.” Sandra muttered. “The air had been rather clear though, which is surprising considering they were calling for snow.”

 

“What can I say? It’s a beautiful day in the Gayborhood.”

 

An elbow slammed into my side.

 

“Now that joke was just bad.”