“You know, we have a few days before we need to show our faces anywhere.” Liah said the morning following the raid. 

We were still imposing on Sandra’s hospitality, but since we had no need to stay longer than needed we had already packed and were just finishing breakfast before heading out. She paged through her phone while nursing a cup of coffee. Considering the piled up bags of energy drink cans and computer print-outs tacked to the walls arranged to put the most ardent conspiracy theorist to shame, it wasn’t exactly the kind of place a normal person would want to tarry.

 At least not normally, but considering our profession’s seeming addiction to caffeine it was worth finishing the pot of coffee at the very least. Sandra said she bought it from an independent shop/roaster by the train station. It’s rather impressive that she can afford the rent in such a nice place; suburban with a train straight into the city for school. I heard the musical Grease was set in this area as well, a far cry from my neck of the woods's most famous media piece, The Blair Witch Project. 

“Weren’t you the one who said it was a shame we couldn’t spend Christmas with my family? It’s not too late to make it.” 

“You already said we’d be too busy to see them on Christmas. It’d just be awkward trying to explain it to them. Though that could just be your bad habits rubbing off on me.”

“So, what should we do, instead of Christmas with the family?”

Liah shrugged, browsing on her phone. 

“I dunno, the mall maybe?”

“Do those even exist still?”

“There’s a big one like twenty minutes away from here. It’ll be crowded considering Christmas is only a few days away, but it should be fun.”

The thought of braving a crowded mall in the zero-hour before the biggest gift-giving holiday in the country unnerved me slightly, but at the same time the excited energy could be infectious. Although I’m not the most outgoing person I’m not a complete hermit. 

“It sounds like fun. Unless it’s an abandoned one. I think we’ve had enough urbex to last for a while.”

“Still completely open, and one of the few malls in the nation not actively struggling to stay afloat. If you want to do a bit of urban exploration there’s a few sites…”

“No, mall is fine.” After the events of yesterday we really could use a break. Most of it seemed like a blur in the light of the completely normal, mundane day, but a few of the less-than-pleasant sights stuck out in my mind. A return to normalcy is for the best. No dimensional portals, no clockwork monsters, no disturbing rituals with bl-

A hand stroking my hair brought me back to the present. 

“Here, have another cup of coffee. Just focus on the scent. Can you feel the warmth of the cup? Focus on those things. The scent of the coffee, the feeling of the cup in your hands, the pressure of your feet planted firmly against the ground.”

“I’m not an expert, but wouldn’t too much caffeine be something to avoid?” I vaguely remembered hearing that.

“Eh, minor details… Oh goodness, you really are rubbing off on me. Anyways, just focus on things you can see, smell and touch right now.”

“You know, we really should ask for a raise.”

“I thought we were already set up to get one.”

“Oh, right.”

Now that the whole “immortal alchemist” clusterfuck was over, I’d be getting a promotion, not just a raise. So more responsibility, on top of everything else. Yay. But fixating too much on unpleasant things during what at this point is vacation time probably isn’t the best use of time. 

“So, mall?

“Do you really want to leave right now?”

“It’d certainly be better than staying here while Sandra glares at us.” Over Liah’s shoulder, an annoyed looking sorceress could be seen standing in the doorway. We might have been overstaying our welcome, especially considering Liah was still playing with my hair.

—--------------------------------------------------

“Either park or get out of the fucking way!”

A crowded mall parking lot was probably the worst way to relax. Something about the season brings out the worst in people’s driving abilities, and something about parking lots brings out the worst drivers. The combination was a nightmare. 

“I really don’t get why they’re just sitting there with their blinker on.”

“They’re waiting for the spot to open up because they see someone in the drivers seat, despite the fact that they’re just doing their make-up for some ungodly reason. Seriously, this idiot…” You know what? I’m gonna curse them. If they have the time to sit here blocking the way with their blinker on, then they have the time to keep driving to look for another spot.

“Fine by me.”

After spreading a bit of holiday cheer we eventually found a spot. It was far from the mall entrance but a little walking never hurt anyone. I may have been a bit sore from the previous day but it was good to work the kinks out. As predicted, the interior of the mall was the busiest I’ve ever seen a mall be in recent years, but not in any sort of unpleasant way. A bit loud, lots of people carrying lots of shopping bags, but overall pretty comfy. 

Rather than bask in the sense of vitality that permeated the mall, Liah moved through the crowd with a sense of purpose, practically dragging me by the hand. Cutting through a food court and several intersections, we ended up in front of a department store, Neiman Marcus. Not even pausing to look at the lesser-known brands, she headed straight towards the top floor, which compared to the packed racks seen when we entered was sparsely filled. 

Even I recognized some of the brands here. But rather than taking me to the sections filled with flashy prints or the classic “little black dresses” Miss Gabrielle was known for, she took me to an alcove populated by one I never heard of. 

“I think this one would look good on you.” She grabbed a jacket off the rack. “This blouse too. We can shop around a bit, but I’ve always liked their designs.”

Curious, I took a look at the tag. It was an Italian brand, with a subtle tone but well-made. As for the price…

“Who the hell pays this much for a jacket?”

“It’s the price you pay for not supporting fast fashion.”

“Weren’t you literally homeless a while ago? You can be a bit thrifty. Certainly not spending this much money!”

“We can afford it now. Plus you’ll need to start dressing more like management. I think a bit of a wardrobe upgrade is in order.”

“But still, for this price, I could buy-”

“A new gun or two? Undoubtedly, but trust me, you need this. I know they say dress for the job you want, not the job you have, but that’s normally to tell you to dress nicer. At this point we need to get you to a bare minimum. Excuse me miss, do you have this one in a size twelve? This skirt as well. And could you show this one to the fitting room?” Not even hearing out my side, she called over a staff member who ushered me towards a fitting room. The fact that she called the staff member over from the store's in-house styling service was either a fortunate coincidence for her goals or outright deviousness, as several other garments were dropped off before I could even get my hoodie off.

Don’t I wear a size ten?

Vanity sizing is what I’d like to say, but really you’re just forgetting this is work clothing. You’re kinda gonna have a bit extra underneath that jacket so you need the loose fit. A gun-nut like you should remember that much. 

You say that, but even with a size twelve the fit is a bit off…

Tcht! Well, we can get alterations done later. As long as it’s not blatantly obvious you’re carrying it should be fine.

Shouldn’t you get something too? You’re still dressed like, well, an art student.

It’s fashion. It’s clear I’m wearing what I want to wear, and that I’m wearing it well.  You’re the one who needs special attention. Keep in mind this is just so you can be presentable enough that employees at some of the stores I want to go to will at least give you the time of day. In your normal stuff they’d just ignore you. 

That seems a bit offensive. 

If you don’t at least try to dress like you care about fashion they’ll just assume you’re window shopping, and a waste of their time to help. Plus since you’ll need a better work wardrobe anyways, we might as well get the essentials now.

Essentials? All these added together cost more than my car!

You didn’t check our bank account this morning? We got a massive bonus for this job. It’ll be fine. Plus dressing you up is lots of fun, almost as fun as the reverse. Getting to actually put you in all sorts of outfits is practically an early Christmas present for me. 

And with that, the shopping spree was set in stone. She chose one outfit for me to wear out of the store, with the rest to be altered, complimentary of course, to accommodate the wearing of a shoulder holster. At least I was allowed to wear my shoes. 

“The black combat boots go well with this. I know better than to try and force you into heels. This is supposed to be a work outfit, after all. Ooh, let's try that store next!.” And I was dragged into Hermés for perfume and a scarf, once again racking up a receipt exceeding four figures. 

Hours later we were sitting in a restaurant, having finally left the money pit that was the mall. We had gone a ways away from the built-up shopping center hellscape surrounding the mall. We actually were right outside of Valley Forge, of all places. The restaurant had a historical building marker declaring the main part of the building had served beer to sentries posted across the street by Washington himself. With the sun beginning to set, it was easy to imagine the unpleasant cold the sentries might have had to endure.

Contrasting with the cold wind outside, the bar was warm, and well lit. Liah looked satisfied, taking sips of beer between bites of a hamburger. Sometime between running from luxury store to luxury store and taking pictures of the outfits she directed the clerks to make me wear, she had managed to book a B&B in a nearby town, and was eagerly awaiting the night's stay. 

Meanwhile I was carefully sipping a glass of wine. White, of course. The golden-brown jacket I was wearing, made from some sort of wool I had never even heard of that apparently was gathered from wild llamas brushing against bushes, cost more than I had made in several months when I had been in the Marines. The brightly-printed scarf around my neck was worth several cases of ammo, as well as the admittedly very pleasant perfume I was wearing.

 I nervously picked at the fish on my plate, working up the courage to bring yet another fork-full of it over my plate, over my outfit that could have paid for my car and then some, and into my mouth. Nevermind the fact I had a napkin in my lap; it wasn’t enough to remove the terror of possibly ruining this outfit. Not only was it expensive, but Liah had gone out of her way to pick it out for me. 

“How’s your fish?” Liah asked. For some reason she seemed to enjoy my nervousness. 

“Not bad, but mocking me with that burger is just cruel. It looks absolutely delicious.”

“It is. The beer’s good as well.” She finished it with a swig, and nodded to the bartender to grab another. “So how do you like your new clothes?”

“They’re a bit much.”

“Maybe. But you said it yourself, just yesterday, didn’t you? Clothes can influence your state of mind, your mood, and how you carry yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I love the you that just wears ratty, worn out t-shirts and hoodies. But at times the confidence given by a well put-together outfit can work magic. It can be a major mood boost as well.”

“A mood boost for me, or a mood boost for you?” I can smell the ulterior motives.

“Why not both? You’ll have to start wearing nicer clothes anyways with the upcoming promotion, I might as well pick things that I want to see. And this way you’ll know that your outfits are artist-approved.”

“But you’re still wearing-”

“It’s your job to be the high-profile g-man witch. I can get away with a bit less elaborate outfit as the familiar.” Is what she said, but really she just seemed to like having more pockets than me. Her grin growing larger as I thought that just confirms it. 

“I’ll get some nicer outfits when we go up to New York. The mall didn’t really have any McQueen, and there’s much better selection up there anyways.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Did you think today was enough for a whole work wardrobe? This was just to get your foot in the door, so to speak. There is much more I want to dress you up in. Besides, we can think of it like a honeymoon. We haven’t really had one yet, have we?”

Her predatory smile made it clear there was only one answer.