The journey back to Colonus was not as smooth as it could have been. Mostly because Warren can’t drive for sh*t. Don’t get me wrong; at first Warren drove pretty well for a guy who has never driven a car before. When Warren was driving us out of the village he did so like a normal person by going slowly and not running into anything. But, the minute we left the village is when everything fell apart. Turns out that Warren likes to go fast, like really fast. As soon as I was about to get into my book he pushed the pedal down all the way making us fly through the countryside. Adam and Nerva immediately started screaming. The former out of fear and the latter out of excitement. I told Warren to slow down a few times but the huge grin on his face told me it was too late, I couldn’t stop him. Luckily the way back didn’t involve many turns and the dirt roads weren’t very crowded preventing us from crashing into anything that could kill us. After about ten minutes everyone in the car got used to the speed. Besides Warren being a speed demon, not much of note happened on our way back. The only interesting thing was watching Nerva slowly taking over the back of the car. At first Adam sat as far away from Nerva as possible so there was this gap between them. But over the course of the trip Nerva took over more and more space until eventually she was laying on the seats taking up all the room. Adam freaked out when her head was basically right next to his legs so he jumped off, lying beneath the seats. It was a sad sight to see, like watching a male gorilla establish dominance.. Except in that case I’d feel bad for the other gorillas. I don’t feel bad here, just sad that I had to see it. Anyway that was the only interesting thing I witnessed. The journey back to Colonus didn’t take nearly as long as our first journey because of the car and especially because of Warren driving so fast. We got back to Colonus in like 12 or so hours excluding bathroom breaks we were forced to make. Next thing I know we’re in front of the gates of Colonus. I never thought I’d be so happy to see this place. I think it’s the fact that all my books are here which are my most prized possessions at this point. Warren took a while to drive to the guard at the entrance because Warren isn’t used to using the brakes. We awkwardly inched our way forward to the guard but the guard doesn’t seem to notice or at least not care because he’s too busy being in awe of the car.

“Wow, Warren, is that what I think it is?” the guard asks in astonishment.

Warren rolls down the window and replies,

“Yep this is a car. It’s nice isn’t it? Got it on my last adventure.”

“It’s nice man, real nice. I never thought I’d have to tell this to someone since I’ve never seen a car in Colonus before but the law says that you have to treat it like it’s a wagon. So once you’re inside just go slow and make sure you get the car registered.”

“Got it, thanks,” Warren responds, giving the guard his adventurer card.

As the guard looks over it he remarks,

“You know Warren, I didn’t know you knew how to drive a car. You know since we don’t use cars in Colonus I never expected anyone living here would know how.”

“Learned a long time ago. Before I moved here. Once you learn you never forget. Like, ugh, riding a bike.” Warren explains.

Warren is lying through his teeth right now. But hey, I’m definitely not going to prevent him from having a car. This is the happiest he’s looked since I’ve seen him in that bar. I turn around to see if anyone was going to say anything and luckily Nerva is smiling in agreement to what Warren said. Unfortunately, Adam looks nervous and looks like he’s about to say something. Nerva and I gave him mean looks which I hoped conveyed the thoughts, “boy if your punk ass says anything we’re killing you right here and now.” He luckily caught on and didn't say anything.

“Alright then everything looks right. Welcome back to Colonus adventurers. By the way, nice hats!” the guard compliments, handing back Warren his card.

Warren proceeds to drive into the city. Almost immediately we all start getting stares as Warren drives behind some wagons. I’m not surprised at all given what the guard said. Warren looks like he’s loving it. He has this big smile on his face so he must be enjoying the attention. Warren reminds me of an old man who just got a muscle car and is driving it around town just to show off. I think this car is now Warren’s best friend.

“Hey guys right now I’m going to get this car registered so you guys can go ahead to tell Dragon’s Descent we finished the mission without me. I’ll see you guys later.” Warren tells us.

“But what about your share of the gold?” Adam inquires.

“Forget it, one of you guys can keep it. I got something a lot better anyway.” Warren states.

“Oh fuck yeah then I’m keeping it.” Nerva says.

I would argue that we should split it three ways but it hit me that I don’t really care about the money. I have books and I live in a castle so it’s not like I’m in dire need of funds. Plus Adam doesn’t deserve the money because he’s Adam.

“Couldn’t we just split it?” Adam asks us.

Ew, Adam and I just had the same thought.

“Adam, what did you do again on our adventure?” I question in an annoyed tone.

“I-I, ugh, ok--I see your point. But, I just didn’t want to die, why is that so bad?” he points out.

“There’s nothing wrong with that Adam.” Warren assures.

“Makes you a bitch, though.” Nerva adds.

“Nerva’s got a point” I concur.

“Guys enough harassing Adam. Now get out of here.” Warren orders.

We do so and leave Warren to drive his car to who knows where. I have no idea; maybe Colonus has their own version of the DMV. I hope their version is more efficient though because the one from my world was so slow. That’s another thing to add to the list of stuff I don’t miss from my old world. Anyway with our fedoras on our heads, we proceed to make our way to Dragon’s Descent, at least until Nerva stopped us.

“Fuck I’m hungry. Y’all want to eat something first?” she asks us.

“Ugh shouldn’t we report on the mission first? I want to carry this head for as little time as possible. Wouldn’t it also make sense to eat after we got paid?” Adam questions.

“Yeah, but I’m fuckin’ hungry now.” Nerva argues.

I haven’t thought about it but I’m starving as well. We only ate snacks that Adam brought along in the car and they weren’t filling at all.

“Yeah, I’m with Nerva, I’m starving now. Let’s go eat first. You can put the head under the table or something.” I tell Adam.

Seeing that it’s two against one, Adam relents and starts to follow us to the nearest restaurant. Turns out it’s the one I was at before, the one where I breathed fire. Dang I still need to meet up with Remi to plan revenge against Will for that at some point. Anyway before we enter I see a weird looking figure in the distance. What made the figure stand out was that I swear the figure was wearing clothes from my old world. I thought I saw a normal black t-shirt and jeans but before I could confirm someone walked in front of the figure and poof they disappeared. I must be really hungry because I’m starting to see things now. We entered the restaurant to order our food and it just occurred to me that I don’t have any money on me so I can’t pay. Oh well, I’ll make Adam pay for everyone, it’ll be his way of contributing since he hasn’t done anything else. I was about to tell Adam this when a guy entered through the front door. Normally I wouldn’t care, but to my surprise, it was the guy I swear I saw outside. Now that I got a better look at him he has on a black t-shirt that reads “I love oppai”. He has baggy black pants and a samurai sword sheathed on his hip. For his face, he is beautiful with short black hair that goes upward near the front, a short--but amazing--thick black beard, and thick black glasses. This guy actually could be from my world, this is huge, maybe he can help figure out how to get home or tell me just how many of us from our world are here. Wait, not only does he look like he’s from my world, but I think I know this guy, his face looks familiar. Luckily for me he walked right to my table. I was about to greet him but he cut me off.

“I. . . want. . . food. . .” the man says.

“Ugh you are in a restaurant so that is possible.” I reply warily.

Ok, that was a weird greeting. I really hope he isn’t just a weird homeless guy. That would mean I got all excited for nothing.

“You. . .feed me.” he commands, pointing towards Adam.

“Ughhhh no?” Adam says reluctantly.

“Get the fuck away from our table” Nerva orders.

The man closes his eyes, sighs, then says,

“Very well.”

He opens his eyes wide and screams,

“HIYYYAAAA!!!” slamming his fists on our table.

Suddenly the whole restaurant f*cking explodes. Everyone in the restaurant flew back into the walls and there is dust everywhere. I’m dazed but still conscious as I wipe the dust away from my eyes and look around. Everyone else in the restaurant was knocked out by the blast including Nerva and Adam. The table that was slammed on is completely destroyed, everything else flew back. The guy is just standing there looking at his hands.

“This power. . . it overwhelms me.” he mutters.

Who the f*ck is this guy? Well whoever he is he’s about to get his ass kicked. He didn’t even let me order my food. I get up, summon my aura, and get into my boxing stance.

“You there. Where is he? Where is the man?” he asks.

“What? Who the hell are you talking about?” I question back.

“My friend, he is talking about me!” says a voice behind the weird guy.

I move slightly to the right and see that it’s Luther. Oh my god I’ve missed Luther. He hasn’t changed a bit, he’s still in his black armor and has his samurai sword at the hip.

“My friend get away from that fiend. He is not one you should associate with” Luther tells me.

“Yeah I kinda figured that since he blew everything up. Who is this guy?” I ask.

“He’s the most vile person to ever walk the earth. He is evil incarnate. He is. . . Kevin.” Luther expresses.

Kevin starts to laugh while still looking at me.

“Hehheheheheheheh. Today’s the day Luther. If you don’t change your mind today, then you’ll die by my hands.” Kevin threatens.

“Very well, come outside and face me, you fiend.” Luther says.

Kevin dramatically turns around and leaves following Luther. When they left I went over to Nerva to make sure she was ok. I put my hand on her neck and I detect a pulse so she’s fine, I’m guessing she’ll wake up in a bit. I would check up on Adam--but I won’t. I’m sure he’s fine. Once he wakes up he can heal everyone in the restaurant who was blown back by the blast. In the meantime, I gotta make sure Luther will be ok, he might need my help against this Kevin guy, who I still swear I recognize. I go outside to see Kevin and Luther standing 15 feet apart from each other like they’re about to have a western duel.

“Luther! Do you need help?!” I call out.

“I’m afraid you cannot help, my friend. This fiend is too powerful for anyone but me to handle. Get behind me quickly.” Luther commands.

If Luther says fighting this guy is dangerous then he’s dangerous. I do as Luther says, jogging my way past people so that I’m behind Luther.

“Luther having your disciple hide behind you will do him no good. He will die alongside you. The power I’ve gained since we’ve last met is too great. My power rivals that of the gods.” Kevin boasts.

“You are wrong, Kevin. As long as you keep disrespecting women you shall always be weak.” Luther retorts.

Wait what? What are these two really fighting about? If it’s about what I think it’s about then this situation just got a whole lot dumber.

“Luther! This is your last chance. See the light that all women are thots. The thots cloud your thoughts. They only want to abuse and take advantage of you. Don’t you see that?” Kevin pleads.

“Wrong! Women are perfect creatures. It is you who is truly blind. Why don’t you see the beauty that is a woman, Kevin?”

“I cannot because there is no beauty to see. Luther, I am an alpha male-gamer. I do not need to submit myself to women. Luther, you had so much promise. Yet, you force yourself to be a beta cuck. Disgusting.”

“You speak in false tongues, Kevin. We used to be so close. We used to respect women together, but you’ve taken a false path.”

“The path I’ve taken is not false. I’m simply red-pilled while you remain a nu male. The Stacys will never love you, Luther. They are too busy chasing after chads. There is no room for a nice guy like you. Because of our history I will ask you one more time, join me in abandoning women Luther.”

“I have heard enough of such nonsense Kevin. You have disrespected women for the last time. Prepare to die.” Luther says unsheathing his sword.

“You will not survive this Luther. I’ve grown stronger than you could ever imagine.” Kevin responds unsheathing his own sword.

Oh my god this fight is what I thought it was about. They’re fighting over women. Not for the love of a woman for that would make some semblance of sense but about respecting women. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen yet at the same time the best thing I’ve ever seen.

“ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS!” Luther yells charging at Kevin.

“IF SHE BREATHES, SHE’S A THOOOOOT” Kevin yells in return charging at Luther.

Their swords clash against each other as they move quickly about the street. Luther seems to have the advantage as his blows seem stronger. Kevin blocks each of Luther’s attacks but is being forced to slowly back up. Kevin makes an attempt to gain some ground as he starts to put more force behind his strikes but they don’t deter Luther at all. After Luther blocks an attack he punches Kevin in the stomach making him fly back into a building.

“Good job, Luther!” I call out.

“No, my friend! It is just getting started. Prepare yourself” Luther warns.

Kevin emerges from the building with a bunch of dust on him smiling.

“You haven’t lost your touch, Luther. That means all of my training hasn’t been for naught. I can go all out.” Kevin compliments.

Kevin dashes forward a lot faster than before. He is now behind Luther and slices him across the back. Luther immediately jumps forward and turns around. Luckily his armor prevented him from taking any real damage. They are now at it again attacking and blocking each other with their swords. Luther is now taking some damage as Kevin keeps slicing him every other strike yet his armor holds.

“Luther, I expected more from you!” Kevin exclaims as they continue to fight.

“Kevin, I thought you knew me better than that. I have been holding back this whole time!” Luther yells as he suddenly gains the upper hand.

Luther starts attacking harder than before as he slashes Kevin diagonally across the chest. Kevin jumps back, looks down and sees that he’s now bleeding. He smirks and rips his now damaged shirt off revealing his surprisingly buff body. Dang, this dude is ripped, making me feel self conscious. Makes me want to work out for once.

“It seems I cannot defeat you with my sword alone. Very well. I will use whatever means I can to liberate your soul from the clutches of the femoids. My new ability makes everything I ever touch a bomb. I just have to will it and it shall explode.”

“Why tell me your ability? Is it because a part of you is still a gentleman?” Luther asks.

“No, it’s because I want to instill fear into you. I’ve touched everything and everyone in this city. The floor beneath you is a bomb like so” Kevin says as the ground beneath Luther suddenly explodes.

Luther flies into the air as Kevin jumps up after him. They’re both like 20 feet in the air and surprisingly Luther is still in control of his body. They are now swordfighting as they fall to the ground. On the ground they continue to fight and they seem to be evenly matched. All of their attacks are being blocked by the other. They leap back from each other.

“Luther! Did you notice during that last exchange something that has occurred?” Kevin coyly asks.

Luther gasps and responds “Oh no, you fiend!” as his chest explodes making him fly into a nearby building.

Luther immediately re-emerges from the building and there’s a burnt mark on his chest but the armor is still there and he doesn’t look hurt.

“Kevin, how did you amass so much power? Training alone could not have given you that ability” Luther inquires as he slowly starts to walk approach Kevin.

“You are correct Luther. Training is not what gave me my explosive power. I did the forbidden ritual. I gave up my life so that I could defeat you.” Kevin reveals.

“Kevin no! Tell me you are kidding. There is no way you went so far.” Luther begs.

“But I did! I gave myself cancer so that I have enough power to defeat you. The more cancer I have the stronger my bombs become.”

Huh? Did Kevin just say he gave himself cancer for power? Does cancer mean something else here? The dude looks healthy so I don’t get it.

“Then, my friend, you have gained power in vain because I will not let you win. DEMON BLADE FIRST CONFIGURATION!” Luther yells as his sword ignites on fire.

Luther charges at Kevin who is making things explode left and right. The ground is exploding all around Luther. Jesus, an explosion happened right next to me. I quickly turn back to Luther who is somehow avoiding all of the explosions. He’s jumping left and right while still rushing forward. He’s now right in front of Kevin and makes a slash with his fire sword. Kevin quickly puts his sword up to block it and the sword shatters. Luther then kicks Kevin in the stomach making him fly back a few feet. Kevin immediately gets up with an angry look on his face.

“I need more power! I need more cancer! Instead of stage 10 cancer I’ll give myself stage 20! AAAAHHHHHHHHHH” he screams charging up I think.

I thought stage 4 cancer was when you die so I have no idea what’s happening right now. Kevin now looks like a DBZ character as a purple aura erupts around him and the ground is now shaking as he charges up.

“AHHHHHHH MORE POWEEEERRRRRRR” Kevin screams.

After a few more seconds though something weird happens. The aura around him just disappears and Kevin goes real quiet. He falls to the ground. I am so confused right now. Luther was just watching Kevin this whole time like me and now that Kevin has fallen over he makes his sword’s flame disappear and sheaths his sword. He slowly walks up to Kevin and looks down at him.

“I am sorry it had to end this way for you, Kevin. Your avarice was your downfall. You were a good man. But you disrespected women, so your fate was sealed from the start” Luther laments.

I walk up to Luther as confused as ever.

“Ugh, what just happened?” I ask.

“He gave his body too much cancer. He accelerated all of his cancers in an attempt to gain more power. It was too much, and he paid the price.” Luther explains.

“So, ugh, he’s dead?”

“Yes he is. May he find peace in the afterlife. Take this as a lesson, there are no shortcuts to power. Also to always praise women for the beautiful creatures that they are so you may never end up like Kevin.”

“Ugh yeah I’ll keep that in mind thanks” I reply.

I still have so many questions. Like was Kevin really from my world? What exactly is the history between Luther and Kevin? What was everything that just happened? I would ask Luther all of these questions but in all honesty I’m too tired to deal with this bs. Maybe I’ll ask Luther about it later or maybe I should try to forget that any of this happened. You know what the latter sounds like a better choice. I turn back towards the restaurant to see everyone is walking out of it. I guess everyone must have just woken up. I see Nerva and Adam exit the place looking dazed and confused.

“Oh shit did I do all this?” Nerva asks looking at all the things that exploded.

I walk up to them and say “No, you didn’t. I would explain what happened but I think it’s too stupid to believe.”

“I saw what happened. I-I woke up before everyone else did. I used my magic to heal and wake you and everyone else up after I saw that the fighting ended.” Adam explains to Nerva

“Well shit what the fuck happened?” Nerva inquires.

“Quincy’s right it’s ugh too stupid to believe. I just want to forget that ever happened.” Adam states.

“I’m going to agree with Adam for the first and probably the only time in my life. Adam, get the head and let’s head over to Dragon’s Descent.” I order.

Adam heads back inside with Nerva following him asking a bunch of questions. I go to Luther who is still standing over Kevin to tell him we’re leaving.

“Hey, Luther, my adventuring group is heading over to Dragon’s Descent to report on our quest. I guess I’ll see you during training?” I inform.

“I forgot you went on your first adventure, my friend. Congratulations! You are now one step closer to becoming a true gentleman. Tell me, have you gained any girlfriends?” Luther prods.

“Ugh I don’t think so. I did kill mafia members though.” I tell him.

“Ah the mafia. I remember when I first fought the mafia back when I was a young Luther. Saved a few damsels in distress. They all became my girlfriends afterwards. Lost touch with them after I came back to Colonus however. Anyway, I shall see you again during training, I look forward to seeing how strong you’ve become. Farewell my friend, I have to report on what just happened.” Luther says as he departs.

I wonder what just happened a common occurrence with Luther? Does he have his own weird adventures that he goes on when no one is looking? A part of me just wants to follow Luther everywhere and see what weird adventures he goes on. Anyway, Adam comes out with the yero’s head with Nerva looking angry behind him. She must still be angry no one is explaining what happened. Sorry Nerva, but what just happened was too stupid to comprehend. We proceed to make our way over to Dragon’s Descent trying to forget this whole episode.