Laryana’s hands shivered. She had known that Heidan had been killed and she had heard rumors that it had been by the other high gods. Anyway, it made sense. Who else would have the strength to kill him? And it had been Kaashuang’s palace that he left for that day. What else could have happened? She couldn’t think of anything.
And despite that, she had always hoped. Even though it became less likely for him to return with each year, she had still waited for that day. Now, her assumptions were confirmed in the worst way possible. She had to find out that not only had he been killed, he had also been hated enough to warrant going even after those the high gods considered his heirs. She still couldn’t understand.
Laryana grabbed onto her sleeve and squeezed the fabric tightly, trying to remain calm. It had been long ago and still, it hurt to hear about it. But on the other hand, this was her one opportunity to find out about everything that had happened. And she wanted to know. Every last detail of what had gone down on that day and the millennia since then, she wanted to know.
"He was a high god himself," she muttered, her voice so low that even the whispering of the wind threatened to drown it out. While she might have the conviction that she should know, it still wasn’t easy to talk about this. "Even if … even if there had been reason to kill him, why should they kill Heidan’s heirs? Why go that far? Just what happened?" She looked up at Ying Zhen, her gaze pleading. She couldn’t believe that Heidan had given them reason to kill him in the first place.
In all the years in the underworld, she had only ever known him as a kind and patient man. He had taken hours to just sit with her, accompany her, teach her about the world up there that she might never see for herself, or tell her stories of the time before he had been banished there.
That kind of man … Laryana couldn’t imagine what crime he could have committed to deserve that ending. Especially since not even his soul had found its way back to the underworld, meaning that it had been destroyed. Such a vicious punishment … for what?
She had always wondered about that. It had been one of the reasons she refused to believe that Heidan was actually dead. Instead, she had hoped that he was still holding on somewhere, slowly regaining his strength before he returned to the underworld and told her about all of it herself.
Ying Zhen looked at her and felt some regret. Why had he told her? There were some things that were better kept to yourself because knowing them would only upset the other person. Yes, he should have kept quiet about these things or been vaguer so she wouldn’t realize. It was just that he hated the gods so much that he hadn’t been able to keep his temper in check when she asked.
He took a deep breath, trying to calm down so he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He could tell her but if he did, he had to be gentle about it. This woman who had hardly set foot outside of the underworld was clearly not ready to face the harsh truth without some cushioning at least.
He hesitated for a moment but then reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder. Anyway, she had clung to him before. What was there to be worried about? If she felt some compassion from him, maybe she would take this better even if it wouldn’t change the truth. "What do you know about them? The high gods, I mean. What do you know about Kaashuang and Heidan and their relationship?"
To explain what had happened, this was where he needed to start but it seemed strange to talk about. She had lived at that time already. She might have seen Kaashuang with her own eyes. He didn’t need to tell her what she already knew.
Laryana furrowed her brows. To ask after Kaashuang, it seemed to indicate that he had played a big part in this. Could it be that this had been his doing? Her fingers clutched her robe even more tightly but she still forced herself to answer and not think too deeply. Ying Zhen would tell her. She was sure. "Kaashuang was the one leading the high gods, the first son of the old gods, and Heidan’s brother. He was also the one to banish him to the underworld in the first place and the one to decide the souls of the dead should come here. I guess it would not be wrong to say that their relationship was strained at best."
In fact, while Heidan might have never talked badly about his brother in front of her, that was more thanks to his own personality and beliefs than there not being anything to complain about. Clearly, they had not gotten along, had even hated each other.
Ying Zhen nodded. At the very least, she knew this much. Then it shouldn’t be too hard to believe the rest. "At that time, the demons did not exist yet. We only know of what happened through the official records the high gods made at that time and what was passed down among our own people. From that, it was Kaashuang himself who sentenced his brother to death." He had more to say about the manner of death he had been sentenced to but he felt that this would be too much to bear for Laryana so he kept quiet.
"So it really was like that. Why though? He should have given a reason."
"The official reason was that Heidan …" He hesitated when he glanced at her, wondering how she would take it. Clearly, she had been close to Heidan. Maybe there had even been some feelings involved. "Well, according to the official records, he forced himself on a woman of high status."
Laryana stared at him in turn. "That can’t be." There wasn’t the slightest doubt in her voice and her gaze was clear as if she really was just stating facts. "My Master, he was in love with lady Xingula. Why would he force a woman?"
Ying Zhen nodded. "Precisely. The woman he is said to have dishonored was none other than lady Xingula but from what was passed down to us they loved each other. In fact, from that union came forth a child, Chaayin.
"Kaashuang named him the first demon and after the new races were created, we were his people and he led us through those first tumultuous millennia, telling the truth of what his mother had passed won to him. What she spoke were words of love, not hate. If she hated somebody, it should have been Kaashuang."
Laryana’s brows furrowed and she lowered her head. Her master … had had a child? And she had never known? She truly should have ventured out of the underworld before. Since her master was gone, she should have gone to serve his son. That would have been right. But instead, she had never even known about him. "Lord Chaayin, is he still …"
"Alive?" Ying Zhen shook his head. "No. Not since a long time ago. When I was born, he had long passed on, killed in one of the battles the demons had to fight as so many others."
"I see." Laryana lowered her head even further, regretting her past choices. She knew she couldn’t have done much, but at least, she should have been there. "Then what about lady Xingula? How did she far?"
Ying Zhen sighed. These questions, he’d rather not answer them. But since Laryana wanted to know, what was he to do? Also, he should not underestimate her. She might seem naive but that was because she had not left the underworld in a long time and did not know about the things that had happened since the days of the old gods. But despite that, she was of the underworld and made by Heidan himself. Could she really be a simple woman? He doubted it.
He glanced at Chun Hua’s corpse and then waved for Laryana to follow him. He might be willing to tell her more but he wasn’t willing to lose too much time. He still had a task after all.
While walking through the rest of the estate, he continued to explain. "Lady Xingula did not survive either. After giving birth to Heidan’s child, she had to send him away to make sure that he would not be killed by Kaashuang as well as punishment for his father’s so-called sins. We are not sure of what exactly transpired after that but she died just a few years later. Most likely, she took her own life."
"She must have missed the Lord."
"Yes. And, well, she was being held captive, or at least that is what we believe. After all, what reason would she have had to stay at the palace of the man who killed her lover? I cannot see a single one."
Laryana nodded thoughtfully. "I can’t either. But then, Lady Xingula might not have dared to leave, especially so if there was her child involved. Maybe she thought that by staying, she could save her son. I would not be surprised. She was … a strong woman, I believe. One that would have done anything for a worthy cause."
Ying Zhen was startled into looking up from where he had been observing the familiar sight of the estate’s servants on the ground. "You … did you know her well?"
Laryana shook her head. "Not that well." She fell silent for a moment but talking to Ying Zhen and thinking of the time back then helped with staving off the horrible sights so she hastily spoke more. "She came by regularly after she met the Lord for the first time. For the most part, she spent time with him though. It was rare that she would speak to me or Nilam. The Lord talked about her sometimes though."
Ying Zhen nodded, feeling a little odd about this. It just … seemed strange that Heidan would tell her about Xingula. But then, he didn’t dare to pry. Instead, he dropped the topic and focused on the path ahead again.
Just then, the two of them had made their way through the last room of the estate. It was exactly as he remembered it from the day he found out what had happened and came to take a look. Seeing it … it brought back the memories in full but there was no relief at all, no understanding, just his burning hate for the gods that he had carried for most of his life.
He knew that if he left the house now, he would end up on the doorstep once again, seeing the same thing once more. He knew that it wouldn’t get him further ahead so he didn’t try to mindlessly walk on. Instead, he stopped in his tracks, lowered his head, and thought for a moment.
At that time, what had he wanted? What was it that he had regretted the most? He felt like if he thought about it this way, then he could find a way to let go of this just like he had finally managed to let go of his regret about the fight on the battlefield because he had realized that no matter what he did, he wouldn’t have been able to change it.
Thinking about this place in the same terms though, Ying Zhen grew uncertain. He knew what it was he regretted: That he hadn’t been there when the attack had happened, that he hadn’t been able to help at all. Whenever he thought back, what he wondered about was whether his presence would have changed anything and Chun Hua and the people in her household could have been saved.
Now, the question was: Could the soul path let him experience a reality he hadn’t actually lived? Even if there weren’t just details changed but the whole situation? Could he be part of something that he had never been there for in the first place?
It seemed that he could only give it a try to find out.
