Laurdag 8. Skerpla

After we returned to Athilda’s estates, we put Marion to bed. I wanted to speak with my mother, though Athilda tried to convince me to get some rest, but I refused. After some argument Athilda finally relented.

Athilda led me down through the house and the hallway that led to my room, but rather than entering my room she led me to the door to my mother’s room.

The door cracked open and I could hear a voice speak “Hello?” It was Mother.

“Mom?” I called back then slammed the door the rest of way open and ran into the bedroom to find my mother lying atop a bed that was virtually identical to the one in my own room.

“Thank the Norns you’re safe, ” she said looking so weak and helpless laying there.

I felt fresh tears stream down my face as I knelt down beside the bed to embrace my mother, “Sif preserve.” I muttered “What happened to you?”

Mom shook her head, “I was shot when they took you. If Athilda hadn’t found me when she had, I’d probably be dead.”

I shook my head and looked up at Athilda, “Why is she like this? Didn’t you heal her?”

Athilda shook her head, “She was weak. Had I healed her completely the shock to her body would have been so great it may very well have killed her.”

I bowed my head, “I guess there’s still a lot I have to learn.”

We spoke for quite a while after that mostly going over the details of what happened after I was abducted and Penelope’s death. After a lengthy and tear-filled discussion. I finally asked the question that had been at the back of my mind since my rescue. “What’s really going on, Athilda?”

Athilda grimaced, “What do you wish to know, child?”

I folded my arms across my chest and said simply, “Everything you learned from Olivia.”

Athilda seemed to age right before my eyes. She had always looked old, but now that age seemed to weigh her, “You know not what you ask.”

I eyed my ancestor angrily, “I’m sick of this bullshit. I think I deserve to know after everything I’ve been through.”

Athilda sighed warily, “Very well. When I finally found you, I noticed Olivia lying in the rubble not far from you. Leaving you alone with your grief, I decided to attempt a probe of Olivia’s mind. What I learned was worse than I could have ever imagined. Everything that has happened has been leading up to a single event. One which I hoped I would never live to see, Ragnarok.”

Cold shivers went down my spine as I looked at my ancestor aghast, “The Doom of the Gods?”

Athilda nodded, “Olivia and her mother were agents of the Jotun as were the Dark Elves who attacked us.”

“Olivia was trying to rearrange my brain.” I muttered, “No doubt she wanted me as an agent within your household.”

Athilda smiled sadly and shook her head, “She already had an agent within House Le Fey. No, I’m afraid her intentions were much more malevolent. She wanted an assassin.”

I looked at my ancestor blankly, “An assassin?” I asked, “I can’t even control my own power. How could I ever be used as an assassin?”

Athilda grimaced, “Do not discount yourself so quickly. In the short time since your power has awakened you have managed to defeat two powerful Seidkona. Think upon it, child. Imagine an assassin who does not know that she is an assassin. One who has been conditioned to attack when a certain stipulation has been met. One who is completely trusted by the victim.”

“Norns,” Mother spoke up suddenly, “If Olivia had succeeded you would have been a walking time bomb.”

Athilda nodded, “Indeed. Jeanne de Clisson was the mastermind. After her death, Olivia took her mother’s place. Only she underestimated you. Motivated by revenge she attempted to work you into her plans, but she didn’t account for Penelope’s interference and it cost her dearly.”

“This is beginning to make sense.” I said, “What about the man? The one I rescued the night my powers awakened?”

Athilda sighed, “The de Clissons have been collaborating with a group of extremists known as the Sons of Odin. From your description of the encounter I would guess the man distrusted Jeanne and believed she had betrayed his group.”

I nodded, “What are we to do about Ragnarok?”

Athilda gave me a pointed look, “There is not much we can do but fight, child.”

I sighed and shook my head, “I don’t like the idea of an absolute end to everything. I’ll gladly fight if it means preventing Ragnarok.”

Athilda looked at my wide-eyed, “Ragnarok cannot be stopped child. It is foreordained.”

I gritted my teeth, “Bullshit,” I growled, “Nothing is predestined. We each chose our fate. Goddesses or Jotun be damned.”

Mother and Athilda stared at me aghast, “Thor,” mother said, “you can’t expect to go against the Vattar.” Mom said after a brief silence.

“You know not the power these beings hold. I have seen it firsthand. We are as insects to them,” Athilda said.

I clenched my fists and said calmly, “Something must be done.”

Athilda smiled sadly, “Your thoughts are clouded by the day’s events. You need to rest, child.”

I tried to tell Athilda that I felt fine, but in the end both my ancestor and my mother outvoted me and I was soon relegated to my room.

I found that I was much more tired than I had believed and I was lying down when a voice spoke, “Did you mean it?”

I was so startled by the sudden question that I nearly fell out of bed. I looked about and found a woman sitting on the edge of the bed opposite me. She spoke with a calm and reassuring voice and despite her sudden appearance I found a sense of ease and well-being come over me, “Goddesses,” I muttered, “Who are you?”

The woman smiled as if amused, “Goddess, actually.”

I gave the woman a blank stare and she started to laugh.

“You mortals,” she said between chuckles, “You never seem to realize that nothing is quite as it seems.”

I had the strangest feeling as if I knew this woman and it suddenly dawned on me why as a cold shiver ran up my spine, “Goddess Frigg,” I muttered then slipped off my bed and fell to my knees.

The woman sighed deeply, “Get up!”

I did as directed and stood to look the Goddess in the eyes. On first glance she appeared as an extraordinarily beautiful woman, but upon further examination other details began to stand out. The light seemed to dance in her eyes and she almost seemed to glow as she sat there. “I’m s-sorry,” I said, “I didn’t know. Forgive me Allmother.”

Frigg rolled her eyes and spoke, “Oh, for crying out loud.” she muttered, “Just sit down and shut up for a minute.”

Startled by the Goddess’s abruptness I quickly complied.

“Did you mean it when you said you wished to stop Ragnarok?” she asked, tracing her hand across my cheek.”

For a moment I merely looked at the Goddess. Fearful of the wrath my answer might bring me and feeling that it would be foolish to lie to a Goddess I said simply, “Yes.”

The Goddess almost seemed to purr, “Good,” she said with a smile so bright that it made me want to fall to my knees and sing praises to her, “I thought you’d prove useful, otherwise I wouldn’t have entrusted the magic to you.”

I stared at the Goddess, aghast, “Y-you?” I muttered.

She nodded and continued, “Despite what you might have read in the Eddas or the Codices, Ragnarok can be stopped. Prophecy tells of a possible outcome. It is never absolutely certain. Ragnarok at this moment is the most likely outcome, but I look to change that.”

“W-why?” I muttered.

The Goddess laughed again, “Why?” she said her voice dripping with glee, “Why do you think, mortal? I do not wish to die anymore than you do!”

I trembled before the Goddess. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, “I didn’t mean to…” I said only to be cut short by a scowl from the Goddess.

“Stop apologizing and listen. If I intended that any harm come to you, you would already be dead.” She said with a disdainful flick of her wrist.

I nodded my acquiescence and the Goddess continued, “At the moment you are our greatest hope of putting a stop to Ragnarok, but should we play the game correctly, there will be another who could very well save our existence.”

I dumbly nodded my head and listened as the Goddess continued, “You have indebted yourself to the Lejosá¡lfur Queen. When she comes to you, and she will, no matter what that debt might entail, you must agree to her terms. You must fulfill that debt.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I found the Goddess’s pronouncement so odd that I forgot myself, “What could she possibly ask of me that would be so important? All I did was ask her her name!” I said, and almost instantly feared the Goddess would bring her wrath down upon me for daring to question her.

Instead she laughed, “The Elves do not see things as you mortals do. To them a debt is not equal to the deed that incurred it. They could ask you to tell a story or to murder your best friend and either would fulfill the debt.”

I shook my head, “I should never have been so stupid.”

The Goddess laughed, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, mortal. That single act is the gateway upon which Ragnarok may be halted.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but it was then I thought I heard a small clatter somewhere outside the room. I turned my head to look and found nothing. When I looked back she was gone.

I remained awake for hours wondering if I had really spoken with the Goddess or not. Perhaps I was delusional. Maybe I was still inside my mind fighting against Olivia’s incursion. I wondered too, that if my conversation with the Goddess had been real what the implications might be. What sort of debt once fulfilled would help stop Ragnarok? It seemed inconceivable that anything I did could have such a drastic effect upon the outcome of future events.

I don’t how late I remained awake, but I finally drifted off in the early morning as exhaustion overtook me.

I think that more or less brings everything up to speed. The more I write my story the more I feel as if I’m writing a fiction novel rather than a record of my life. Had I not experienced these events for myself I doubt I would believe they had actually happened.

Sunadag 9. Skerpla

Today, I finally explained to Marion what had become of her sister. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I couldn’t bear telling the poor girl all the gruesome details, nor would I tell her that Penelope had betrayed me in exchange for her sister’s safety. I merely told the girl that her sister had died in an attempt to save me. I had feared the girl might try to blame me, but it soon became clear she felt no anger towards me. In the end, the girl and I had both broke into uncontrollable tears.

Penelope was the girl’s only relative. I don’t know what will become of Marion, but I I will do everything in my power to assure that she finds a good home.

Freydag 14. Skerpla

Well, it has been a rather tough week, with Penelope’s funeral, but at least it’s finally over. It was a small ceremony with just Athilda, Mom, Marion and me. Each of us left our gifts with Penelope’s body. Then Athilda led us in prayer-song and Penelope’s remains were lowered into the ground and set on fire.

I won’t go into further detail. I’m about ready to burst into tears.

On a more positive note. I’ve finally begun learning to use my magic. The day after Penelope’s funeral, Athilda decided it was time. Anxious to put Penelope’s death behind me I wholeheartedly agreed. It’s not at all what I imagined. For starters, I haven’t actually done any magic with Athilda. Mostly I’ve done some form of meditation or another to help me “silence my thoughts.” as Athilda seems so fond of saying.

Marion seems to be doing well for having just lost her sister. Mom seems to have taken a shine to the girl and the two are all but inseparable. For the time being, the State has granted Athilda temporary guardianship of the girl.

Damn, Athilda is calling! She probably wants to continue our lessons.

Later.

Manadag 2. Heyannir

After a lengthy court battle, Athilda’s lawyers finally managed to get my old journal back. After the maid took it, I thought I’d never get it back. I looked through it and I can’t believe it has been more than five years since my change. It is so hard to believe that so much time has passed. It seems just yesterday that I became Athilda’s apprentice. It is only a matter of days now until I’m to undergo the trials. Then I’ll be a member of the Council.

Athilda allowed me my first night out in months. I took the opportunity to get wasted, which probably was a bad idea. Curiosity got the better of me and I brought a man home with me. I can’t say the experience was altogether unpleasant, but it just felt wrong. I guess I’m no longer a ‘virgin’ since my male lover was kind enough to pop my cherry.

I better get going. Athilda insists I continue my lessons despite her belief that I’m ready to take the trials. It’s no big deal. I’m still learning things; the woman is a veritable wellspring of knowledge. I guess I’ll be off then.

Eirdag 3. Heyannir

I’ve been up all night with Athilda. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me she was sick. After everything we’ve been through together she’s still keeping secrets from me. Apparently, she’s been fighting Leukemia for the last three years. When I went to find her for my lesson yesterday I found her collapsed on the ground. I’ve offered to heal her, but she won’t let me or anyone else touch her. She insists that her time is nearly up and that no amount of healing magic will save her.

She’s still full of surprises. She notified me today she intends to name me her heir. I told her there were others better qualified to run House Le Fey, but she insists they’re all “arrogant fools”. I even tried telling her I was too young to take her seat on the Seidskati, but she insists I’m the right choice. I should have seen this coming. I really don’t want anything to do with those old crones. A couple of them seem nice, but for the most part I find them all detestable.

Mom and Marion are watching Athilda while I get some rest. I guess I should be thankful, but I feel as if I should be there. I’ve spent more time with Athilda than either of them.

Marion seems to be blossoming into a beautiful young woman. I’m sure she’s already beating off the boys with a stick. She looks so much like her sister it makes me want to weep every time I look at her. My only regret with the girl is that I’ve been unable to spend much time with her since Mother adopted her. Perhaps after I’m named a Seidkona I’ll finally have some time to take her on that trip I promised.

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