Chapter 21

ZAX

– The Abyss. Choronzon, his Nature.1 –

“The net of threads that surrounds me and tortures my skin has long ago become my home, my only shelter.
I smile at the pain it brings me and, the same way others need light and water, I can’t live without it.
There were times when I bitterly cried because of this prison.
Now, after all this time, I no longer know how to survive without its torturous embrace ...”

---

 

I woke up startled by a scream that left me sitting up again on my bed.

I felt immediately lost and realized I was back in my room. The light poured in from the half-opened blinds, telling me that it was daytime outside.

The scream echoed again and I slid out of bed, forgetting for a moment that fast and rash movements would only bring me pain. I winced as my ribs ached, pressing my right side, and left the room trying to walk as fast as I could without running.

As I passed by the stairs I noticed I really didn’t have the slightest idea of how I’d gotten to my room. The last thing I recalled was sitting there, desperately trying to hold on to Gabriel’s slipping body; the soft weight of his head resting on my lap. Obviously, I also remembered how his presence had disturbed me, as always, but I was proud of myself for finally having been able to get close enough to touch him.

However, I didn’t have time to ponder about that much longer, and I rushed as fast as I could to my mother’s bedroom.

“Jonathan!” I called out, knowing it had been his voice I’d heard, and I ran to hold him when I saw him sitting on the bed, wide-eyed in a pure state of panic. “It’s fine! Everything’s fine! You’re safe!” I assured him, wrapping my arms around his shaking body, and he pushed me away, screaming at me, forcing me to make use of all my strength just to hold on to him. “You’re okay. You’re okay now! It’s over! It was all a nightmare!” I insisted, trying to make myself heard above his screams and, suddenly, his whole body went limp, his shouting ending as if he’d spent all his energy and couldn’t even speak. “You’re okay,” I reassured him, caressing his hair, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his marred bare chest.

Although younger than me, Jonathan was taller and his thin arms immobilized me without effort, making me uncomfortable. I felt too small, too frail in his arms, as if I were no more than a doll that he’d decided to hold onto to keep his fears at bay.

“Everything’s fine now,” I repeated, showing intentions to pull back, but his strength didn’t diminish, keeping me prisoner. “Jona ...”

“You have to help me!” His harsh, urgent murmur right next to my ear interrupted my scolding, leaving me apprehensive.

“Help?”

“To get out of here! Please, I need to get out of here!” he repeated and the despair in his voice left me silent for a moment. From the few times I’d seen him, he always seemed empty of any desires or emotions, almost as if he’d been perpetually hypnotized. And yet, the intensity of his voice was far from belonging to the inanimate person he’d been, and I couldn’t help wonder what had happened to leave him in that state.

“Leave here? Where to?”

“I don’t care! Far, far away from him!”

“Him? Alexander?” I guessed after a few moments of hesitation and his arms squeezed me even harder, hurting my already hurt ribs.

“Please, you have to help me!” he begged once again. Sure enough I had no idea of what was going on, but I could easily identify myself with the deep fear vibrating from his every word.

I wanted to know what had brought on that wave of terror but, agitated as he was, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to make him talk about it. And so I decided the first thing to do was to try and calm him down, and that implied taking him out of that house.

“I’ll help!” I told him and his arms relaxed enough to allow me to look at him. “I’ll help you, Jonathan.” His expression came alight with hope and I couldn’t help smile at the purity of his eyes. “But first we have to get you something to wear.” I jumped to my feet, my practical side taking the lead.

It wasn’t long before we managed to leave the house, his giant hurried stride forcing me run from time to time to keep up with him.

“Where are you going?” I inquired and he shrugged. “Just stop for a minute and think about it! You probably won’t be able to cross the barrier without them noticing,” I reminded him.

“I have no other choice. I have to try,” he replied without even turning to look at me, his expression grave and intent as he marched down the street, my mom’s old tracksuit he now wore too short for him.

“What happened after you were gone? Where did you go?” I had so many questions. Above all I needed to know why he’d left without a word. Jonathan’s expression became even tenser and his voice cut the air in a murmur.

“We followed two Deiwos that had crossed the barrier unnoticed.”

“And did you catch them?”

“Only one. They were too strong. Mari, you should take the chance and run away too!” he suddenly told me, facing me with a serious expression.

“I can’t. The Contract binds us together. If I break it, really bad things will happen.”

“Bad things,” he repeated sarcastically. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. At least Izrail is a Deiwos, a Shedim. I’m sure you see his indifference towards all Human Beings as proof that he is dangerous. And you’re right. But believe me when I tell you, there are much worse things out there. I heard that your Guardian is asleep? Then just take this chance and run far, far away. Don’t wait around for him to wake up.” I grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him back, making him stop for a moment so I could recover my lost breath.

“You and I ... we’re the same, right?” I asked and Jonathan turned away as if that simple question had been enough to hurt him deeply.

“Yes, or at least we were ... Gaalgha, as the Merifri call us, the Spirits of the Creator. But I’ve stopped being one a long time ago, the moment my life stopped following the normal cycle that all Human Beings follow.” He resumed his march down the road, although his pace had lost part of its initial urgency, making it easier for me to keep up.

“But Alexander told me you are Human, like me,” I argued, hesitating before saying his name, and Jonathan took a deep breath as if that could help dilute the bitterness marking his face.

“Human ... maybe. I don’t know. You tell me. Do you know of any other Human who has lived for one hundred years looking like a fourteen-year-old kid?”

I stared at him wordlessly. Of all the things Alexander had told me I’d never taken the factor time into account. But it was logical, right? If all he’d told me had taken place before that war. But if that was how it was, how was it possible that Jonathan was still alive?

“Then how ...?” I began to ask.

“He was my Guardian, and I trusted him unconditionally. Which Human Being wouldn’t trust an angel sent from Heaven to protect him? He explained to me what I was and why he was sent to stay by my side. We were always together, even though others couldn’t see him.” His voice was almost soft as he recalled his past, but then his expression became hard and angry. “In the end they’re all the same, Deiwos and Merifri, all alike, all selfish, prepotent bastards! With the difference that at least you know what to expect from a Deiwos. Merifri are false. With their pure and angelic looks, white wings and all, they gain our trust just to betray us later on!”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

Jonathan hesitated for a moment and, when he spoke again his voice was no more than a cold, hollow whisper, the kind of voice I expected to hear from the empty indifferent boy he had appeared to be.

“Love is forbidden to all Merifri,” he explained. “And yet they all know that there is no Guardian who doesn’t end up loving the Gaalgha he is sent to protect. Alexander told me all about this and, at the time, I even felt sorry for his pain. Loving, knowing that it’s a condemned love, that there’s nothing anyone can do, because Gaalgha are Human Beings that will soon leave this plane of existence towards another more evolved one. Believing all that I never even dreamed he’d do what he did. You saw the red marks on my body, didn’t you?” I nodded and he took a hand to his chest as if he could feel the intricate crimson pattern under his clothes. “These are the marks of my curse. In his selfishness he wouldn’t allow me to follow my path. This curse not only keeps me a prisoner of this life, it also binds me to him.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“What about ... the scars?” I asked, dreading his answer, and his bitter smile made me shiver.

“The red lines are constantly growing and expanding. If they’re not cut from time to time, they’ll end up tearing my body to shreds.”

“Is that why he fell? That he became a Deiwos?” I wondered and Jonathan nodded.

“My life is suspended. And since this war began and I became his Medium … I just can’t take it anymore! I’d rather die! But even that, he won’t allow it.” His arms wrapped around his own chest as he bent forward. Pain distorted his face and he staggered, almost falling.

“Jonathan!” I immediately placed his arm over my shoulders, trying to keep him from falling, and he gasped for air. “What’s wrong! Talk to me!”

“Don’t ... let him ... take me.”

As soon as the words left his lips, a soft shower of black feathers surrounded us. I raised my head, still trying to support his weight and, as expected, Alexander was right there in front of me. His dark-red eyes were immediately on Jonathan and his expression was one of pity, and helplessness, and pain, and, above all, the expression of a guilty person.

In a fit of despair Jonathan tried to escape him, catching me off guard, his sudden movements making it impossible for me to keep holding him. I saw him fall, his body folded over itself as he writhed in pain, biting his lower lip so he wouldn’t scream as well. From the corner of my eye I saw Alexander take a step forward and I was instantly in his way, making sure he wouldn’t reach the boy behind me.

“Mari.”

“He doesn’t want to go back with you!” I declared vehemently. In my mind, that was the only thing I was a hundred-percent sure of and that I could clearly understand. How many times had I wished and hoped in vain that I’d be able to escape as well? And, if what Jonathan had told me was really true, I certainly wasn’t about to allow him to keep torturing him like this any further.

“Mari! He needs help!” Alexander pointed out, his anxious gaze locked on Jonathan, but I stood my ground, unwavering.

“Tell me what to do then!”

“There’s no time for that! Let me through!” he commanded, trying to go around me, and I gave a step to the side, placing myself in his way once more.

“No!”

Before my astounded eyes his worried, almost frightened expression changed immediately to that icy cold mask that seemed unable to see me, sending a cold feeling throughout my entire body. I swallowed hard, aware that was the exact same expression he’d had on his face when he’d dragged me towards the kitchen, and fought my own instinct that kept insisting that I’d get out of his way. The air around us became heavier and colder, his hands curling into two tight fists.

“Let me through,” he ordered once again, his voice dropping to a murmur that sounded more like a threat, and I grounded my feet where I stood, facing him with equal intent.

I knew he wasn’t joking, that that Alexander was far from being the friendly, carefree creature who’d told me about Gabriel and their world. But, even so, I just couldn’t let him take Jonathan away. Not after he’d pleaded with me like that! I didn’t want to betray his trust. And yet, his muffled moans were starting to frighten me, even more than Alexander’s implicit threat.

“Jonathan does not want to go with you,” I spelled it out for him and cringed when he lunged towards me, his red eyes burning with anger.

“Sigweardiel.” That voice in its velvet murmured tone was all it took to freeze him in place, and to make me shiver from head to toe. I watched as he walked up to us, each step more gracious than the other, until he slowly placed a hand on Alexander’s shoulder, making him tense up immediately. “Do not forget who is standing in front of you,” he whispered almost in his hear and his purple gaze turned towards me. “Mariane.” My heart jumped into a mad race. His pale, obviously tired face looked even more unworldly under the light of the day. “If you won’t let him through, that boy will die soon.”

The cold, indifferent tone of his voice shocked me more than his words.

“He doesn’t want to go!” I insisted and, contrary to what I’d expected, he didn’t get angry at my stubbornness.

“I see. I guess you should know that not all that he told you is true. But, whether you believe me or not, the question is rather simple. Are you going to let him die?”

Indecision made my stomach hurt as I looked at Jonathan over my shoulder. His forehead was drenched in sweat, his face mortally pale. He kept hugging himself as if to keep his own body together, his knees pulled against his chest, his hands clenched so hard that his knuckles had turned white. A thin line of blood was dripping from his mouth, from the lip he kept biting into, and his body kept twitching, and writhing in pain.

I lowered my head in defeat. He was right. Even though he’d told me he’d rather die, I could never, knowingly, be all right with that. With that established there was nothing else I could do for him. Frustrated with myself I stepped aside. Alexander didn’t even hesitate, rushing by me to pick him up in a gentle embrace, before disappearing.

I stood there, staring blankly at the place where they’d just been, watching as the dark feathers slowly floated down.

“I’m really useless.”

“I could easily disagree.”

I raised my head to face him. I’d completely forgotten about his keen sense of hearing. And, although I was sure I should be mad at him for his sudden interference, the truth was that waves of pure happiness were flooding my brain. Because he was here! He hadn’t simply disappeared. And I hadn’t dreamed last night. However, I was still far from being willing to admit to any of that, and so I looked away and folded my arms frowning.

“Why did you interfere?” I asked.

“You don’t know Alexander when the matter is Jonathan. He wasn’t joking,” he replied turning to return home and I followed his steps, keeping a safe distance that would allow me to keep control over my own body.

“Even so! I could easily have dealt with it!”

“He would’ve killed you in heartbeat, before allowing that boy to die.”

I stood silent for a moment, swallowing hard. As much as I wanted to contradict him, I knew that was the honest truth. I’d seen it too, in that cold depersonalized expression.

“If Jonathan is so important to him, how can he make him suffer like that?” I demanded and he sighed, slowing down his pace.

“You probably won’t believe me even if I tell you,” he muttered, as if thinking out loud, but still kept going. “I suppose that boy told you that Alexander is to blame for the situation he’s in? It’s to be expected, since he doesn’t know any better. But the real story is very different from what he thinks is real.”

“What do you mean? I saw the marks on his body! And how much he fears Alexander. Just now, it was that curse that was making him suffer like that!”

“I never said Jonathan wasn’t cursed. The red lines all over his body are proof of that. However, the boy thinks that Alexander was the one who placed the curse on him.”

“And he wasn’t?” I saw him shake his head, his black hair, now short again, accompanying the movement ever so gracefully.

For an instant I couldn’t help stare at him, walking in front of me like he used to when we went to school. The elegant way he moved, his steps completely silent as if he were floating, not walking, his back straight and the way his hair caressed his neck at the back of his head. All those details … and how, unknowingly, I’d missed them all!

“Sigweardiel was Jonathan’s Guardian, an angel as you call them. However, Guardians can only protect Humans against Deiwos. They are not allowed to intervene or influence the lives of Humans in any way. Sigweardiel told me a lot about the Guardians’ missions and the Law that binds them. Jonathan thinks his falling was a result of the curse, but he is wrong. Sigweardiel fell because he went against the Law and interfered in the life of a Human Being, saving him instead of allowing him to be destroyed.”

“Jonathan?” I guessed, unsure.

“Yes. He suspended that boy’s life; how he did it I can’t really tell. It’s something no Deiwos can do. From what I gathered from his words, it’s as if he grabbed the Human life inside Jonathan and took it away, keeping it safe. However, in order to keep his body from dying, it’s required that another life should inhabit it. And so he shared his own life with the boy. And it’s over that life that the curse has its effect, destroying it piece by piece. And so, from time to time, when there’s little life left inside Jonathan, these crises appear and Sigweardiel has to pass a bit more of his own life into his body.”

“But if that’s so, doesn’t Alexander’s life ever end?” I asked, confused.

“It will, eventually. Although we all have considerable long lives, at the speed he’s burning through his, I’m sure he will end up depleting it. But Sigweardiel hopes to break the curse before that happens. His sole objective is to return Jonathan to his Human life so that he may follow his path as it should have happened.”

“I don’t understand.” I was confused, but sure he wouldn’t be compromising enough to give me any further explanations. “I thought dying was part of being Human. I understand it may be sad, parting ways, but doing all this just to stop him from dying? Making him go through all this pain? Only because Alexander doesn’t want to see him leave? It’s hardly fair!”

“You would be right if Jonathan’s curse would only destroy his life,” he replied, surprising me by continuing our conversation. “Had that been the case, Sigweardiel wouldn’t have done what he did. However, his curse also threatens his Soul. This curse was designed to break the body and through the body break his life, and through his life break his Soul. If that curse is allowed to have its full effect, his whole being will be destroyed.”

“And it’s expected that a Guardian would allow such a thing?” I wanted to know, perplexed at the notion, and his sarcastic laughter filled my ears.

“That’s exactly what I asked him when he told me all this. After learning a bit more about the Merifri and their laws, I concluded we’re not all that different. In fact, the only difference is that they’re cruel under the pretext of doing good. We are a bit more honest than that,” he added a little smugly. I thought it best not to mention Jonathan had told me the same thing just a few moments ago.

“So, if it wasn’t a Deiwos that cursed him, was it a Human Being?” He nodded, which further stunned me. “How? Why?”

“Deiwos and Merifri aren’t the only ones hungry for power. And the Soul of a Human Being like Jonathan can be put to a good use in many different ways, even by Humans.”

I stood silent for a moment.

A Human Being like Jonathan ... like me. I felt that addition implicit in his voice. After all, what other reason could had led him to spare my life if not for the mysterious power they all believed I had?

I raised my head internally proud of myself for not feeling miserable at the recollection of my position in all that.

“If that’s how it is, why doesn’t he tell him the truth? Jonathan doesn’t know what really happened, and judges him wrongly. He feels betrayed because he trusted Alexander. And that only makes him suffer even more.”

“I don’t understand human’s feelings all that much,” he admitted,slightly lowering his head. “But, when I asked him that, Sigweardiel just told me that it was better if the boy were to hate him. That hatred would give him the strength to live. He seems to think the truth will only make the boy more depressed and that he’d end up feeling it’s not worth fighting to stay alive.”

“It was someone he knew,” I guessed, feeling sorry for him, and he stopped for a moment to stare at me over his shoulder with an intrigued expression.

“Does that matter?”

“A lot.” He seemed to ponder on that for a moment.

“It was his father.”

“Treason is always harder to accept when it comes from someone of our own blood,” I lamented. “Especially so when it’s someone who should have protected us.”

“I don’t understand,” he admitted and resumed walking, and I felt sorry for him as well. I recalled what Alexander had told me about his childhood. Of course he couldn’t understand. “Anyway, this war didn’t help either. Because of the situation we’re in, Sigweardiel had to suspend his search for a counter-curse and dedicate himself completely to keeping the both of them alive. Even so, from all the Merifri I know, he’s the only one who’s managed to keep so many of his original characteristics for so long. They tend to disappear, as they keep living as Mazzikin. It’s really annoying. In the end it’s almost as if he’s still an Iaidon, only his wings changed color.” I couldn’t help smile because he wasn’t being honest at all. The truth was he was glad Alexander kept most of his original self intact. “Most Mazzikin that survive the fall are utterly cruel and selfish.”

“I guess that’s mainly due to the fact that he was given to you, and not some other Deiwos. You helped him keep his objectives alive,” I said and he stopped, making me stop as well.

I realized what I’d just said, and how my words sounded as a compliment. That had hardly been my intention, I told myself, stubbornly.

“He told you that?” he asked in a low whisper and only then did I understand the real implications of what I’d just said. Talking about those kinds of things made me remember other more sordid details I’d rather forget.

“He told me a bit of how you met,” I answered carefully. With some satisfaction I noticed we were almost home, which would probably mean a graceful change of subject.

“I didn’t help him at all,” he said. “Helping implies giving something. And Deiwos don’t give. I just didn’t feel like destroying someone clearly weaker than me. You can say I spared his life on a whim. He was obviously different and I wanted to learn more about his nature and about the Merifri, whom we only normally meet in a battlefield.”

I smiled again. What was that about Deiwos being honest? Not honest at all! And yet, attitudes like that only made him look surprisingly Human, proof of an immature pride, of someone who tried too hard to look like someone he was not.

“That curiosity of yours, was that also why you spared Lea?” I asked, unable to resist, and he stopped again, making me muffle my laughter, which I immediately disguised when he turned to face me, looking slightly annoyed.

“It would seem Sigweardiel talks too much about things that are none of his concern!” he grumbled and I couldn’t help smile, which seemed to disturb him.

“Can I open the door?” I asked, pointing to the door he was blocking just by standing there, and Gabriel looked back, ending up stepping aside too quickly for the usual slow movements he always forced on himself in my presence.

I smiled again, amused with his clear confusion, and went to open the door. However, as soon as I stepped in, the heavy oppressing air inside made me take a sharp breath. I left my coat on the hanger by the door and went straight to the stairs.

“Mari! Where are you going?”

“Upstairs, to check on Jonathan,” I answered but had to slow down once I reached the stairs, my ribs aching with all those sudden movements.

“You really shouldn’t go.” I stopped midway and looked back. He’d remained at the base of the stairs, his violet eyes slightly glowing amongst the shadows that surrounded him. “It’s not something you’ll like to see. You probably won’t be able to understand.”

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