Touch Me sank his sword into the last knight standing, killing the man he towered over. The last one standing however, was not the last one alive. A shivering, jibbering, coward who dropped his sword when he fell on his ass, was crab walking away as fast as he could as the white armored warrior descended upon him like the judgement of the six, inexorable, inescapable, and with no mercy for the oppressor.
The last member of Ainz Ooal Gown put the tip of his sword to the eye slit of the helmet and lifted it off as gently as if he were removing a butterfly from a flower. He then flicked it up into the air, sending straight up into the sky.
“Have you ever heard of ‘baseball’?” Touch Me asked the mustachioed man with the chattering teeth.
‘Baseball? What’s that? Is he insane?!’ Gilen wondered.
“No?” Touch Me asked, briefly looking up as the helmet came down. He raised his sword and smacked it with as much force as he could muster. He taunted the man on the ground by putting up a hand to his visor to pretend to shade himself from the sun, then whistled as if impressed with himself.
The helmet sailed off into the distance, a bright gleaming cylinder of metal that kept going until it went from being a helmet, to a dot, to nothing as it sailed well out of Touch Me’s view.
When the helmet was gone, Touch Me put the tip of his sword back to the knight’s throat. “Name your homeland.” Touch Me pushed the tip closer, the knight sucked air through his teeth and leaned away from the blade. “Lie, and it is your life.”
“The Slane Theocracy!” The knight said while trying to move as little as possible, despite shaking like a leaf.
“Why did you come here? What did these people do to you?!” Touch Me demanded the information, and the odor of ammonia came off of the crotch of the knight.
“T-To lay a trap! To kill Gazef Stronoff! He’s a h-hero and… we knew he would come help so…” Gilen started breathing harder, “Please, don’t kill me!”
Touch Me’s sword ran through the knight’s throat and came out the other side. “There is no reason to spare a man who kills children so he can trap heroes.” Touch Me muttered with utter contempt.
Blood was still dripping from the white blade when villagers began to emerge from hiding.
As Touch Me began to speak to them, the helmet he’d hit continued to sail on.
And on.
And on.
In the halls of the Slane Theocracy leadership, in the great high tower where the cardinals decided the way in which they would steer the path of humanity, a meeting was going on.
“What do we do about the Beastmen in the Draconic Kingdom?” Berenice asked, “It seems our retired scriptures just aren’t enough, and if we don’t stop them, we may have the Beastman Kingdom as a neighbor instead of Draudillon’s.”
“Well…” Raymond began, but stopped, they all stopped, they listened.
“Do you hear that?” Raymond asked and cocked his ear.
“Yes… yes I definitely do, like a whistling noise?” Dominic asked.
Heads bobbed up and down in assent.
“What could it be?” Ginedine asked and approached the open window that looked north.
“Do you see anything?” Maximilian asked.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence…
“Well?” They asked collectively.
“You have got to be kidding me?” Ginedine said a moment later. “Everybody get out of the way!” He shouted and they flung themselves against the round curved sides of the high room.
A moment later, a thunderous crash echoed over the room as stone blocks tumbled inward, and over the fragments of the now demolished table, a ruined helmet slowly skittered to a stop.
“What the hell…?” They asked as one, and Raymond reached down to pick it up with a hesitant hand, brushing the dust from off of his robe.
When the Sunlight Scripture arrived, it was to Nigun’s consternation that he found himself confronting not just one mighty warrior, but two, one of whom towered over his target and wore gear he could only describe as a godly white.
“You are from the Slane Theocracy also, I take it?” Touch Me chose to speak first, breaking the silence.
“Yes, and we’re only here for him.” Nigun pointed to Gazef, “Leave, and live. Why would you bother getting in our way?”
“Because!” Touch Me declared and held his long sword aloft and kept his shield close, “Helping those in trouble is always the right thing to do!” He declared it like a warcry, leaving stunned bunny looks abound.
“You can’t be serious?” Nigun stammered out. ‘Is he insane?!’
Gazef, ironically, turned his face up to the helmeted warrior as if wondering the same as Nigun. ‘A whole scripture… with just the two of us… for that reason?!’
It seemed utterly daft, and yet, Gazef knew the strength of the one who introduced himself with the curious name of ‘Touch Me’ was nothing to look down upon.
Touch Me leveled his sword at the scripture members. “I have already killed all your knights, so there has been enough killing today, go home. Make love to your wives, and praise the mercy of Touch Me, who spares the lives of the weak and saves the helpless. So far, you’ve done nothing that I know of, at least nothing I should kill you for. But… if that should change, if you try to kill this man who came to save this village, I will end you!”
Nigun’s confused face became a snarl, he ran a hand through his blonde hair, “Fool. Those were mere knights. We’re a scripture. They were nothing. As punishment for your interference, and his resistance, not only will we kill you both, but when we’re done, we will wipe out those villagers as well.”
“That is your answer then?” Touch Me asked, outrage boiling over into icy calm, like lava meeting the icy sea.
“It is. What will you do about-” Nigun’s words were cut off.
Along with his head.
As his head hurtled backward, toppling end over end, he watched as the white clad warrior swept through the ranks of his scripture, or more accurately, he watched the aftermath. The warrior himself was far too fast to follow. But the sight of bodies flying, broken by a shield bash, and spurting blood from a sword slash, those he could see.
Before Nigun’s head hit the ground and began to roll, the last of his scripture was dead, he knew they were, because not even moans answered his attempts to speak. His mouth moved over and over, trying to talk, his eyes opened and closed, trying not to see what he saw, hoping each time that he opened them that he would be waking up in bed and this would have all been a terrible dream.
‘Have I… seen the coming of a seventh god…? What have I done?’ Nigun wondered as his eyes began to close, his entire being, what remained of it, aware that when they closed, his eyes would not open again.
About that, he was right.
“Is this world… really as rotten as all that?” Touch Me asked without looking back at Gazef Stronoff, who had not moved an inch as the slaughter was completed and the sword was swept aside to cast off the blood until it could be sheathed.
“Yes.” Gazef answered. “My King… he does his best, but he isn’t strong enough. My country isn’t strong enough. Criminals bleed us dry. The Slane Theocracy tries to overthrow us, the Baharuth Empire wages a war on us every year that leaves us weaker, hungrier, and fewer… as we are alone… I can, I must, tell the truth to the one who saved my life.”
Touch Me turned around to find that the powerful warrior who, by his reckoning was in fact quite weak, had fallen to his knees and cast his head forward into the grass.
“Did you mean what you said, warrior Touch Me?” Gazef asked with wild, desperate hope.
“About what?” Touch Me asked while walking over to the kowtowing rescuee.
“Helping people in trouble, that being your reasoning.” Gazef asked, his heart leaping into his throat.
“Yes, back home… I tried to do that a lot, and didn’t have much luck, I was a police officer… I guess in a place like this you’d call that a ‘watch commander’ or something. But there was always more… always more…” He sighed, “And far too many got away with things they shouldn’t have because they knew the people in charge.”
“That sounds like here. Are you going to leave, back to your home?” Gazef asked.
“I don’t know if I can, so… I don’t think so. I’ve only been here for a few hours, this… series of events, is my first taste of this country.” Touch Me admitted, “It leaves a foul taste, I don’t mind telling you.”
Gazef couldn’t argue, it was too plainly true.
“But there are people worth saving. You’ve seen that too… so… can you help us? Come with me, let me introduce you to my King. You’ll see his worth as I do. Even if you don’t, at least let us reward you. Unless you have to be somewhere…?” Gazef proposed.
Touch Me found it difficult to refuse the request of a man who literally kowtowed to him. “Go on, stand up. I suppose I can do that, if we stay the night here, I’ll go with you tomorrow, perhaps… perhaps if this world doesn’t know true justice, perhaps the reason I am here is to teach it.”
“Thank you, Warrior Touch Me.” Gazef answered and rose to his feet.
That night, when the village slept, Touch Me did not, he created a gate and returned to Nazarick. He emerged in the throne room where he found Albedo waiting patiently for him. She bowed her head in deference, “My lord.”
“Have the tomb gather in the arena, all of the guardians, their servants, and anyone who they would take or send outside.” Touch Me gave the brusque order and barely paid attention when she acknowledged his order.
He went straight there without any regard for common protocol regarding the juniors arriving well before the seniors. Touch Me had little use for those ideas, and so he found himself standing at the dais while the rest filtered out onto the sands to assemble themselves in order by floor, and those like the battle maids who worked in multiple places, formed up behind the clusters of the rest.
“Are they all here?” Touch Me kept his voice under tight control, but Albedo could feel the tension in their master’s body. The cold fury that ran beneath the surface.
“Master, they are.” She answered, folding her hands demurely in front of her waist, her eyes downcast, yet bright with eagerness.
“Good.” He said, and began to speak.
“This world, as many of you know, is not the old one. My comrades, my friends… they appear not to be here. Though I do plan to see if any of them have made it this way, I don’t hold out much hope of that. But if ever they appear, I want them pleased with what they find. This world has little knowledge of the spirit of my justice! Therefore I will teach them my justice. Tomorrow I will embark on a journey, I will begin with the King of Re-Estize, who one brave soul assures me is worthy of support. While I am gone, protect Nazarick as your first priority. But also, we will use the remote viewing mirror, search for any injustices that violate my will, and then… teach the wrongdoers the errors of their ways!”
The guardians were quiet as they took that in, everybody knew something of Touch Me’s peculiar views, even if it ran contrary to their own, as the last supreme being, they would obey him completely.
But he knew quite well that they would do so imperfectly without proper guidance, and so he continued. “The Draconic Kingdom is under attack by the Beastmen.” He pointed to Demiurge. “You will save the Draconic Kingdom. Protect everyone within it, drive back the Beastmen to the border, but do not pursue them. Confine them to their own borders. When asked, tell them it is the will of Warrior Touch Me. When the Draconic Kingdom asks you why you do this, tell them the same. Tell them I will come to them in due time. Harm no one who is not or has not tried to harm anyone else except in their own defense. Am I understood, Demiurge.”
Demiurge dropped to his knees with a hand folded over his heart and head bowed. “My demons and I will carry out your will at once.
Touch Me pointed to Aura and Mare. “The Elf Kingdom is under attack by the Slane Theocracy. Inform them that their war is no longer permitted, slay anyone who attacks the other side. Use whatever magic you wish to accomplish this task. Even if you have to raise a mountain in my name.”
“Course! Lord Touch Me!” Aura said with shivering excitement.
“M-M-Master.” Mare answered with a shaky but happy smile on his face.
“Cocytus, you will go to the Katze Plains, prohibit all combat there and slay anyone who attempts to attack the other side. Harvesting pop monsters is fine, defend yourself, but under no circumstances is an army to be permitted from either side.” Touch Me gave the order, and Cocytus knelt in deference.
“As. You. Command.” Cocytus answered.
“Shalltear, you will visit the dwarves, one of the stories I heard was that they were in a bit of a spot. If they are threatened by anything, protect them, and tell them the same as the others. Touch Me prohibits war on pain of death.” Touch Me gave the order without flinching, and she curtseyed deeply.
“I will teach them the joy of obedience to the Supreme Being, I promise, master.” Shalltear said with a giggly, girlish laugh that belied her truly monstrous nature.
“Albedo, establish contact with the Argland Council state, go there as a diplomat, explain what is happening, and promise that I will visit them in due time myself. This world needs justice, and that can never happen through the waste of peaceful lives.” Touch Me pronounced, and again his servant knelt.
“I will go at once, and if they wish to test your resolve, Lord Touch Me?” She asked.
“If they attempt an assassination, mass lethal force. If they issue a formal challenge, beat your opponent, but do not kill them if you don’t have to.” Touch Me commanded.
“As you command. I live only to serve you.” She promised, her yellow eyes alight with eagerness.
“Sebas, you and the battle maids are to monitor the mirror, search for injustices, and correct it where you find it. This world needs to be set to rights, and I will make it happen.” Touch Me vowed, and a hot wind blew over them all as the will of the supreme being settled over the gathered host.
“Lastly, Pandora’s Actor, our treasury is safe enough for now, you will infiltrate criminal organizations, and exterminate those who prey on the weak. There is no need for people like that in my world.” Touch Me ordered it brusquely, and Pandora’s Actor snapped a sharp salute.
“It will be done, mein Führer, for the sake of the One Who Stayed!” Pandora’s Actor shouted with a great flourish of his arms, and from his declaration came a roaring set of cheers that went on, and on, and on.
“This is a start… but this… is only the beginning, oh yes, only the barest beginning. I couldn’t change anything at home, but here? I can finally be the hero of justice I always wanted to be.” Touch Me muttered, and rubbed his hands together, barely restraining his ecstatic pleasure at the path he saw unfolding before his eyes.
“Now go! Carry out my orders, and spread the will of Touch Me, until I go to those places myself! I will spend a lot of time traveling, but here is my home and you, my servants, where my will is carried out, there I also am!” He shouted, and the cheering began anew.
‘That might have been pretty chuunibyou… but still, is it really, if it’s true?’ Touch Me asked himself, and watched the gates begin to open below as the children of Nazarick ventured out into the world.
“Now, to get my part underway.” He said, and stepped through a gate himself when the last of his servants had departed.
