Despite how beautiful your daddy was in that moment, following him and tearing myself away from the ocean was torture. Every wave demanded that I stay. The call left my head pounding and my stomach in knots. The werewolves said words, but they held no meaning. I wasn't listening.

Sedna was gone.

I was back to being a lonely child with a sister in the hospital. But this time, there was no Ronda to keep me company. There was no home for me to return. My only option was to move forward, and so I followed the werewolves. I was vulnerable. If the pack held any ill will towards me, dear baby, it would not have ended well for your mother.

I promise to do everything in my power to keep you from feeling that vulnerability. I want to be a soft place for you to fall until you can stand on your own two feet and carve out your own life.

Fortunately, the pack is family now. Their estate is home, and you're going to be surrounded by more love than you'll know what to do with. When I first learned to live here, it was overwhelming. At this point, you know that the main house is practically a hotel with multiple families living in separate wings.

I froze the first time I saw it. "This is your house?

"Yeah," Gael said with a smirk. "I'll show you around."

I felt like a fairytale princess as Gael lead me across the manicured lawn and into the open entryway. The home was alive and echoed with the kids running and playing. They stopped and stared. I squirmed under their gaze.

A redhead in a sundress stopped chasing a boy and ran down the spiral staircase to greet us.

"She smells like the girl on the beach last night. You know, the pretty girl you told us to stay away from," she told Gael. "Is this her?"

"Yeah," Gael said, picking her up and spinning. "Her name's Moray. She lives here now."

The girl giggled.

"I... I didn't agree to... " I stammered.

"Oh," the girl said as Gael put her down. She smiled up at me with a gapped tooth grin. "If you're scared of the dark, you can visit my room. Mom bought me a new night light. It's pink!"

And with that, she ran off, leaving me alone with Gael.

I wish I could tell you that the pup and her promise of a nightlight were enough to make me feel at home, but it took time. When Lin showed me my room - a single suit that was almost as big as the house I grew up in - I locked myself in it for over a week. The number of pack members was overwhelming, and the thought of leaving my room was too much. If Geal or Lin hadn't come by to give me food, I probably would have starved.

Gael even spent days sitting outside my door chasing away anyone who tried to visit me. But one morning, he apologized as he let Lin in. 

"You can't just stay in your room," the alpha said. "It's not healthy."

"Right," I mumbled, clutching a comforter to my chest.

We agreed that I would move into an R.V - the one you're probably in now as you read this - near the beach if I visited the main house for dinner twice a week and attended school. I can't remember all the details through the brain fog, but Lin called my mother and arranged for me to transfer to Gael's high school.

Throughout all this, navigating my relationship with Sedna was also complicated. The first time I found her after her transformation was unplanned. My heart leaped when I found algebra traced into the sand. Running, I followed the trail to discover my twin teaching math to another pearly mermaid in the surf.

The stranger - who I now know is my cousin - bolted for the ocean, but Sedna chattered and opened her arms for a hug. We sat for a long time. I talked. She wrote her answers in the sand. She grows legs and visits during full moons while the wolves are running, but her pod rarely visits. Your grandmother was right; mers are wary of land walkers. 

But I'm grateful to still have Sedna in my life. You'll love your aunty too. 

And Gael stood by me through everything. On my first day at his school, he almost gave me a heart attack as he pulled me through the halls announcing, "This is Moray! She is super cool, and I expect everyone to give her at least one piece of candy today!"

To my shock, kids listened to Gael. Both our bags were overflowing when we drove home.

As time went on, Gael and I became close friends. We studied in my RV together, and he introduced me to the pack over time. 

When I was only seventeen, your father asked me to be his girlfriend. A storm raged outside. Howling wind made tree branches pound against the windows, and sleet tinged on my RV's tin roof. We sat on the couch, each with our bowl of popcorn and blanket, while watching cartoons.

The hair on the back of my neck prickled when I realized Gael's gaze was fixated on me and not the T.V. His pimply face was starting to grow a scraggly beard. Still, I couldn't help find his face cute.

"Stop staring at me," I demanded.

"I don't want to be friends." His words were almost a whimper.

My jaw dropped as every fiber in my body tensed. "What?"

"It's not enough," Gael continued as his cheeks turned a cherry red. "I want to be closer."

"Closer?" My heartbeat pounded in my ears as I tried to process emotional whiplash.

Keeping his yellow eyes locked on me, he put down his popcorn then crawled across the couch until our faces were centimeters apart. "Can I kiss you, Moray?"

I started to decline but then realized that I actually really wanted him to kiss me. Then to my shock, I heard myself stammering, "Sure. Yeah. Yes, please."

He leaned to kiss my forehead. His lips were warm and wet and gentle, but not enough. His face was tomato red when he pulled away.

My cheeks burned. "Kiss my lips?" It was halfway between a question and a demand.

"Not now," Gael said as he sat next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. He was so close I could hear his racing heartbeat, and it made me stiffen. He continued, "I don't know-how. It would ruin the moment."

"So," I asked, "what does this mean for us?"

"I want you to be my mate," he said, wrapping his arm around me. He was warm. "Will you be my mate?"

The word mate felt too mature, too sexy, and animalistic. I shook my head. "I'm not a werewolf."

"Fine." He snorted. "Girlfriend then?"

I ran my fingers through his coarse curls, considering this. "Yes."

He kissed my cheek. "Works for me."

"Kiss me properly. On the lips?" I asked again, wanting him to.

He laughed, short and punctuated. "As I said, I don't know-how. Never done it before. Can I just get comfortable with calling you my girlfriend first? Please?"

I pouted. "Fine."

Your daddy was right, though. He did not know how to kiss, and I didn't either. Our first kiss was a mess with too much tongue and teeth. It left us hot, red-faced, and doubled over with laughter.

Darling baby, perhaps you find it embarrassing to read about the romance between your parents. Maybe you're blushing too. But, if this is all you get of me and never get the awkwardness of watching your parents flirt, I want you to know that I loved your daddy.

There is so much I wish to tell you. I want to meet you. But if this is all you get of me, hopefully, your father will have the good sense to wait until you're older to give you this memoir. It's not all pleasant, but it's a snapshot of who I am. I keep coming back and editing this because I want it to be perfect. But it won't be because a memoir can't replace a person.

Oh, darling child, I don't care who or what you are so long as you're healthy. I don't know who you're going to become or the pain that will come with becoming that person, but I want to be there as you experience it.

I just heard your daddy's car in the driveway. He went out and got me pickles and peanut butter. Pregnancy cravings are weird, and I'm starving, so I'll end things here for now. Thank you for reading this. Writing this has made my hands tremble less.

Hopefully, I'll get to meet you in five months.

Love,

Your mother, Moray.