Knock. Knock. Knock.

An insistent tapping against my door wakes me up from a dreamless sleep. The last thing I remember before passing out was staring at the book on my bed, page 63 ripped out by some mystery intruder while I was in Alastaire’s room.

How long did I sleep for? Is it morning yet, or is it still the middle of the night?

The room is pitch black, so it must still be dark outside. 

I reach for the lamp on my bedside table, knocking over a mason jar filled with fairy bells and lily-of-the-valley in the process. I swear under my breath, wishing that just for once I could actually get a decent night’s sleep. 

I tap my hand around blindly on the bedside table, but the lamp switch has probably fallen down behind the bed.

Damn.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Who’s there?” I snap, still fumbling around looking for my bedside lamp switch. 

“Cupcake! You need to get dressed immediately!” The voice is muffled by the door, but I can hear he’s all hyped up and really excited about something.

Alastaire. As soon as I get this light on I am going to literally murder him. 

“Whatever it is, count me out,” I mumble. “I’m going back to sleep.”

I flop back down on my bed, hoping Alastaire gets the hint and clears off.

“Did you forget what day it is today?” Alastaire calls through the door. “We’ve got something special planned.”

That’s right. It’s Lyall’s birthday.

“It’s still the middle of the night though,” I half say, half yawn. “Can’t it wait until tomor-”

“It’s already tomorrow Cupcake,” Alastaire says. “We’ve only got about half an hour until sunrise, and we need to make it to the car, so there’s absolutely no time to lose.”

“Okay, I’m getting up,” I say, pulling myself reluctantly out of bed. I slide my hand into the space between the bed and the bedside table, and finally find the light switch. 

My eyes hurt from the sudden flood of light that fills the room as I turn on the lamp.

     “Where are we taking him?” I ask, trying to sound enthusiastic despite the fact that I could definitely do with a few more hours’ sleep.

     “That’s a surprise,” Alastaire says. “You’ll find out soon enough. Just get ready as fast as you can. Wear something comfortable. Remember, less is more. I’ll be waiting downstairs with the others. Oh, and bring your guitar.”

“Sure, sure,” I mutter, dragging myself over to my wardrobe.

     My bed is calling me and my eyelids feel like they weigh a tonne, but I’ve got no choice. So I dab on some moisturizer and brush my hair before getting changed into black harem pants, sneakers, a white camisole and my trusty red hoodie. Can’t get much more comfortable than that.

 I brush my teeth as quickly as possible, before heading downstairs. 

The lounge and kitchen are empty, so I head out to the porch.

As I expected, Lyall and Ben and Elliot are sitting on the steps that lead up to the front door, talking excitedly about something but going silent as soon as I step out onto the porch.

Alastaire and Kitty are looking at something on his phone – a map from the sounds of it, the way they’re arguing about a turnoff and highway numbers.

And as usual, Felix is standing aback, coolly observing the others from afar.

“Hey,” I say, closing the front door behind me. “Should we lock it?  We’re not going far, right?”

“Naw, we’re goin’ pretty far,” Lyall says. He stands up, and I try to figure out where we’re going from his outfit, but it’s not easy. He’s dressed sort of strangely, which is actually normal for him I guess – dark shorts, sandals and a green nautical striped sweater, with a grey wool beanie. Unintentional fisherman chic. Too cute.

“So we need to get moving now,” Kitty says, charging past Alastaire down the steps. 

“But where?” I say, looking around the group. “Why won’t anyone tell me? Am I the only one who doesn’t know where we’re going?”

“Trust me Ash, you’re gonna love it,” Lyall says with a smile.

“Come on guys!” Kitty yells, already at the forest’s edge. Her skin is glowing like alabaster in the fading starlight, and I watch as she disappears into the trees like a shaft of light cutting the gloom.

I look up at the sky, realizing it’s no longer the same inky black it was when I woke up. Far, far away, the sun is rising, still minutes away, but close enough to melt around the edges of the darkness like a candle flame licking at a sheet of paper.

 The horizon is turning from midnight blue to the dark speckled lilac of twilight, the pale stars flickering out with the coming morning.

“Let’s go!” Ben yells, jumping up and dashing down the stairs, while Elliot follows with a backpack.

“Come along Cupcake,” Alastaire says, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the steps.

No sooner have I reached the path than I feel myself whisked away from Alastaire, my hand torn out of his grasp in seconds. It takes me a moment to realize that I’m in Felix’s arms, being carried bridal style across the clearing, just like he carried me the other night after rescuing me from Cameron.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Alastaire shouts, but Felix doesn’t slow his stride – if anything, he seems to walk faster.

“She’s still tired,” Felix shouts back. “She only just woke up. And she hurt her foot in the forest the other day. I’m not letting that happen again.”

 Then, more quietly so that only I can hear, he says, “you shouldn’t be putting too much pressure on it anyway.”

I’m about to speak up and tell him that my foot’s totally fine, but I think better of it and decide to keep quiet. 

It wouldn’t exactly be easy to explain how a deep wound like that mysteriously disappeared overnight.

So I close wrap my arms around Felix’s neck and close my eyes, wishing I could be walking alongside Lyall instead. I wanted to wish him happy birthday. And out of all the boys, he’s the one most likely to accidentally slip up and tell me where we’re going.

Damn Felix and his intense, controlling antipathy. Damn the stupid foot thing. Damn his warm chest and how comfortable this is and two hours of sleep and…and…

*****

“Time to wake up,” a voice whispers in my ear.

I leap out of Felix’s arms, onto the hard gravel of the Forest Park parking lot.

“Woah, look whose alive and kickin,” Ben says, nudging me. “Who’s Evan? You said his name a lot.”

Felix scowls at this, and Alastaire doesn’t look too pleased either.

“He’s someone I used to know,” I say, blinking in the bright morning sunlight.

I can’t believe Felix carried me the whole way. And I said Evan’s name in my sleep. I hope that’s all I said.

“Quit standing around talking guys!” Kitty yells from inside the car. “Seriously, we need to hot the road. C’mon!”

“Ladies first,” Lyall says, ushering me into the car. He’s smiling, but there’s something slightly veiled about his eyes, like there’s something bothering him.

Felix slips into the driver’s seat, next to Kitty, who’s in the passenger seat typing on her phone.

 Elliot’s squashed against the window in the backseat, with Alastaire next to him. Ben slides in next to Alastaire, elbowing him in the process. Even with just the three of them in the back it’s a squeeze.

     “How are we going to work this? There’s no way we’ll all fit,” I say.

     “Simple Cupcake,” Alastaire says, sweeping his hand through his hair. “You’ll be sitting on my lap.” He pats his legs and arches his eyebrow at me.

     “Not so fast Casanova,” Ben says. He shifts over and plonks himself onto Alastaire’s legs. “Your lap is all mine. Sexy thing.” He licks his lips and growls, while Alastaire makes a sound halfway between a scream and retching.  

     After Alastaire has tried and failed to remove Ben from his lap, followed by a few choice obscenities and an epic sulk, I slide into the car next, followed by Lyall. We’re so squished up that I’m practically sitting on top of Alastaire and Ben and Lyall anyway. 

“Oooh I almost forgot!” Kitty shrieks, suddenly turning around in the passenger seat and fixing me with a manic stare.

“Close your eyes, Ash,” she says, as she reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls something out. She giggles as she passes it back to me. 

It’s a length of soft black fabric, cool and silky to the touch.

     “Put it on,” Felix says coolly, his cat-like hazel eyes fixing me in the rearview mirror.

      Hold right up. What? This is some Fifty Shades of Grey shit right here. Not happening.

     “Umm… no?” I say.

     “Just do it,” he says. “The destination’s a surprise. For you, anyway. You can take it off when we get there.”

“But Lyall’s the birthday boy,” I say, turning to him. “Lyall, shouldn’t you be the one getting blindfolded? Are you ok with all this?”

Lyall smiles sheepishly, looking down into his lap with a small smile.

“Te be tellin’ de truth, it was my idea,” he admits.

     I nod, wondering whether to go along with all this, or run away from the car screaming. I sit staring at the fabric until Ben unwraps his arms from around Alastaire’s neck and takes the material out of my hand. He wraps the blindfold around my head, totally covering my eyes. 

     “No peeking Cupcake,” Alastaire says. 

     I feel the car spring to life and reverse.

     This is going to be a seriously long drive.

*****

“Is it… sunshine?” 

“No.”

“Is it seagull?”

“No.”

“Oooh! That’ll be it! Sandwich! Is it sandwich?”

“Lyall, is there a sandwich in your field of vision right now? Are you spying a sandwich with your little eye at this precise moment in time, right now, in this car?”

“Well… no,” Lyall admits, sounding rather defeated.

Alastaire sighs loudly. 

“The answer is steering wheel. S for steering wheel. You’re all a bunch of idiots.”

     The drive turns out to be less awkward than expected. After several rounds of I Spy – which I can’t play, on account of my blindfold – I drift off, lulled by the gentle hum of the car’s engine. 

I wake up from time to time to catch snippets of conversation. 

Alastaire complaining about having run out of his favorite French hair products, which he probably won’t be able to buy in Portland.

Ben telling Alastaire to quit being such a barbie. 

The whole car singing Royals, which is pretty amazing, when you consider that five sevenths of the car is the world’s most famous rock band. 

Wrapped up in the soft murmur of conversation all around me, I slip back into the warm fuzz of carsleep.

*****

Saltwater.

The screeching wails of hungry seagulls wheeling overhead.

The deep, hungry roar of the rumbling waves.

My eyes fly open, but all I see is darkness.

This can’t be happening. It can’t be. 

The unmistakable briny scent of the ocean hits my nose like a fistful of salty knuckles.

I lift my head from its resting place in Lyall’s shoulder, clawing at my face in a panic, tearing the blindfold off.

As the black fabric slips away, I see the cliffs before me, rising alongside the stretch of coastal road I’d sworn never to visit again.

To my right, the ocean glitters in the morning sun, a vast green monster crouched and waiting, ready to swallow me up.

“Hey, put your blindf… woah, are you ok Ash?” Ben asks, his expression creasing in worry.

I can feel my whole body shaking, and I’m breathing too deep, too fast, as I stare transfixed at the water.

I need to get away I need to get away I need to get away.

“Stop the car, something’s wrong with her !” I hear someone scream. 

Shrieking, my whole body tenses as I lunge for the car door handle. Lyall intercepts me, and suddenly there’s shouting all around, as the car screeches to a sudden halt.

“Ash! Ash, talk to me!” Lyall yells, his face swimming over me, his hands clutching my shoulders. “Ash!”

I try to focus on his face, those two beautiful big brown eyes so full of concern, but the sea is still there, and it’s too big and I can smell the salt and I’m drowning all over again and it all goes black.