hey would you be down to hang out again? i could use more makeup lessons and this time u can choose the restaurant! lol

Sure! Are you free tomorrow afternoon

should be yeah! meet at your place?

Sounds good! Does 1 pm work?

yeah! see u then

---

Preston carefully navigated the mascara closer to his eye. Nikki commented, "It's easier to hold your hand steady if you rest your elbow on the table."

"Oh, good to know." He paused. "Nikki, do you know someone named Aaron"

"Can you be more specific? What do they do?"

"Oh, he's a TikTok comedian or something. He said he was trans."

"Oh yeah, Aaron B. Why do you ask?"

"I ran into him in Santa Monica and he recognized me from our collab. He told me not to hang out with you."

"Really? That's weird."

"He--here, he's in my last video. Let me just play that."

He put down the mascara wand and picked up his phone.

Nikki craned over to watch. After the video was over, she sat back. "What the fuck? I'm so sorry, he's usually cool. I don't know why he was so rude to you."

Preston hung his head. "I don't know, maybe he has a point. You have way more subs than me and I got a bunch of subscribers from our collab. And you're really cute and cool and smart and I'm just--meh."

"That's not true! You're one of the most empathetic men your age that I've met. So many people would have reacted really defensively to a tweet where I criticized them. You're really open to learning and growing and I think that's really important."

Preston grimaced slightly. "Can you not call me that?"

"Call you what?"

"A man? That feels weird. It feels, like, too stuffy and formal and adult." He shuddered.

"Oh, I'm sorry! What would you prefer?"

"I don't know. Boy? Person? Uh, influencer?"

Nikki looked thoughtful. "How would you feel about... girl?"

Preston laughed. "I know I'm wearing makeup and everything right now, but I don't think anyone could take that seriously."

"Why not?"

Preston laughed nervously. "I mean, have you seen me? Or heard me talk? I'm very obviously a guy."

"I wouldn't say that's true right now. Besides, there's always steps you could take if you wanted to look more feminine."

"No, I mean--just with my personality? I know I'm kinda dumb and bro-dude-y. Like, can you imagine a girl who acted like me? Haha."

Nikki frowned. "Yes, I can imagine that. There's no particular way girls have to act, or look. If you wanted me to call you a girl, I wouldn't have any problem with it."

"That's really nice of you, Nikki, but, like, I clearly couldn't be a woman like you. I mean, I kinda wish I could, you know? I like nail polish and makeup and these clothes, even if I'm still just learning. If I was a girl I could just wear these things without it being weird or having to worry about people making fun of me."

"Oh, sweetie." Nikki walked over and wrapped Preston in a hug. "There's no difference between wanting to be trans and being trans. It sounds like you want to be a woman, but have convinced yourself that you can't be. Here, let me try something." She leaned over and stared intensely into Preston's eyes. "You're a cute girl," she said with a ferocious sincerity.

Preston shivered, feeling a sudden frisson come over... her(?) body.

"You're a cute girl," Nikki repeated, leaning in closer. Preston suddenly felt a tear running down her cheek. 

"You're a cute girl."

Preston leaned forward and kissed her.

For a second Nikki didn't react, and Preston's heart stopped, terrified that she had ruined everything.

But then Nikki grabbed her by the collar and pulled her forward, kissing her back fiercely, passionately, like she had been waiting for this for a while. A wave of relief surged over Preston's body, and she found herself melting into Nikki's embrace.

Preston had kissed girls before but it had never felt like this. She had never felt so... safe. So connected. So right. For the first time, she wasn't putting on an act, kissing the way a boy was meant to kiss a girl. She just let herself surrender to the moment, to the feeling of Nikki's warm, soft lips against her own.

Their mouths parted, and Nikki raised a hand to Preston's face and gently brushed away the tear from her cheek. Preston exhaled shakily, and Nikki stroked her cheek softly.

"Nikki," Preston breathed.

"Mm?" Nikki nuzzled her head into Preston's shoulder. Preston wrapped her arms around her, rubbing her shoulders nervously.

"Sorry I kissed you without asking..." she murmured.

Nikki giggled breathlessly, then turned Preston's face towards and kissed her again. And again. And again.

They finally broke apart. Preston was flushed and breathing heavily, and realized that at some point she had started crying again. She let go of Nikki and rubbed her eyes.

"Ugh, sorry," she said. "I liked it, I swear."

"Oh sweetie," Nikki smiled, "I know. I did too. I'll get you some tissues."

She turned away and started searching her crowded makeup table. Preston tried to steady her racing heart. God. That was a lot. That was a whole lot. 

She felt happy, really happy, but she also felt overwhelmed. She was a girl. A cute girl! A girl that Nikki liked kissing!

Nikki looked back at her and smiled and Preston's heart almost burst. She was so gorgeous, glowing in the light of her makeup mirror. Her lipstick was smeared a little but it just made her look even cuter. She laughed.

"What?" said Preston nervously.

"Your makeup," she giggled. "I think it might need a little bit of a touch-up."

Preston grinned and turned to the mirror.

Clown.

There was a clown in the mirror grinning back at her. A big, ugly, stupid-looking clown with smeared lipstick all  around his mouth, and streaky mascara tears running down his face, and blotchy red skin blooming out from under ruined foundation.

A man wearing makeup. Nothing funnier than that.

Preston pulled away from the mirror, but it was too late. The warm fuzzy feelings running through her had curdled into a cold, sick pit in her stomach.

"Here they are!" said Nikki. She beamed and handed Preston a box of tissues. Preston took them numbly.

She almost wanted to laugh. When Nikki called her a cute girl she had actually believed it for a second. And the whole time she looked like... that. 

What a funny joke.

"I can't believe that just happened," Nikki gushed. "I mean, obviously I figured that you were probably trans, when you started talking about it. But I would never want to assume or pressure you in any way. And I was worried that maybe it was just wishful thinking because you're so, well..."

She leaned forward and squeezed Preston's hand. Preston tensed, waiting for the punchline.

"...because you're so pretty," Nikki finished. 

"Ha," Preston laughed dully.

Nikki loosened her grip, "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all that. I know there's a lot going on right now."

"It’s okay," Preston mumbled, "I think.. maybe I just need some time to myself to think about... stuff."

"Oh," said Nikki. "Of course. That's absolutely fair. And don't feel like you have to... I mean, I liked... kissing you. And if you want to do it again, that would... but no pressure. Um. Take all the time you need."

Preston nodded and stood up. Nikki followed her to the door, wringing her hands.

---