He was the envy of men twice his age. Rico Suarez had everything they ever wanted, and more. Slick, suave and charismatic, he was the life and soul of the party. There was never a dull moment with him around. Everyone either wanted to be him, or be with him. Undeniably sexy, he was blessed with adonis genetics, and an eye for fashion. A lethal combination, he scored every night and got everything he’d ever dreamed of; a stable job as a promoter, a Porsche, the mansion of his dreams and a slew of pretty humans at his disposal.
Rico Suave. Mister Vain. Adonis. The admiration of many. Loved, adored, idolised and reviled by some, he was on everyone’s minds. Being the talk of the town, the gossip and rumors never ceased:
“Did you hear he had a real life tiger at his last party?”
“I know he had a rave with penguins once!”
“Well I saw a polytunnel of love there.”
Rico couldn’t deny that he bathed in the attention. He loved every single moment of it; a euphoric, intense high that he didn’t want to come down from. Everyone in the supermarket knew his name, and the bodega, and the coffee shops. Even the construction workers knew him as a force to be reckoned with.
Untouchable and charismatic, the mountain of personality and machismo smashed his way through life like a sledgehammer swinging through slabs effortlessly day after day. Hour after hour. Night after night. The mess he left behind suffered himself no consequences. His gain was what made him a millionaire practically overnight. The high life seemed like the only life he’d known, far away from any grubby streets, rundown houses and cheap stores that lined his hometown.
Glittering sidewalks, luscious palm trees, sparkling fountains and large mansions were his new found home. Lashings of money and private gateways, brand new cars, expensive watches, shimmering pools, gold plated door handles, Cubanos, Dior, Gucci, Yves, a million here, a million there. Life had never been so good. No need to front anymore. He’d made it, and he was set for eternity. All his debts had been paid off, and he was living the dream.
He could have whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. Even call first dibs on whoever he wanted…
...So why did he devour those sloppy seconds?
“Whatever happened between us happened by accident, so don’t get your hopes up.” Rico added between gritted teeth. “You’re lucky I even did the first round.”
The song pumping through the walls and vibrating against the floorboards made his point clearer. No soy romántico. He wasn't one in the slightest. Cold, rough and intense, he was known for his hardcore sex sessions. A man of pleasure, not passion.
A figure appeared from across the room. The silhouette in question yelled back. "Rico, I must have been good enough to get the first round!"
"Yeah keep telling yourself that. I was drunk and out of it." He stared across at the sharp outline of the figure's scowling face. "I wouldn't have screwed you in a million years if I was sober."
She began to step out into the sunlight. Her golden wig shimmered, and her familiar hazel eyes twinkled. Standing there half naked, in her sweatpants, she let out a laugh when his face dropped:
"Mar...tin...a?"
She sighed back. “Why is it on the one time you actually get to have sex with me, you belittle me?”
Rubbing his eyes, Rico let out a groan. “Look, I didn’t know it was you.” He took a step closer and reached out his arms to hug her. “I’m sorry.”
She accepted the hug reluctantly. Wrapping her long arms around his muscular physique, she asked: “Can’t you be a bit more supportive, Rico Darling, please?”
Rico thought for a moment and let out a sigh. “Look, I’ll try. This whole thing’s entirely new to me.”
It was true. He’d always know her as the extremely intelligent and breathtakingly handsome Sergeant Major Martin Everett; the life and soul of every party, the no-nonsense advice giver, the soft soul encased inside a macho exterior.
She’d decided to retire from the army, dump her long term partner of ten years, come back to A-Hills and come out once again.
Rico hadn’t been this close to her in a long time.
Pulling himself back from the hug, a scent of strawberries and coconut filled the air. She looked at him with a half smile formed across her face. “It’s new to me as well.”
“I’ll try my best, and be there for you whilst you find yourself. You’ve been nothing but good to me over the years as well.” A smile formed across his face. “And I appreciate that.”
Martina nodded back. “And if you need anything, I’m there for you.”
“Well… there is one thing…”
“What?”
Rico thought for a moment. “Can we go and explore things together?”
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It’s aight Votes: 3 75.0%
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Yes, I want more! Votes: 1 25.0%
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No! Votes: 0 0.0%
Chapter seemed decent okay the first off. First chapter so it could still be improved on and there are a lot of chapters haven't seen yet so can't tell for sure how story will go.
I don't like to use those polls bc - I'll be honest, sometimes it doesn't portray an accurate in depth of how one feels about what one just read.
Your story sounds like a Wattpad story or one of those Romance novels you find in stores, so that is an interesting thing haven't read in awhile like that.
Think it would be good to work on that flow of the characters - you move from character info dumping like a narrator tone reading the story to conversation between characters to character info dumping from a character perspective of what the other character is like.
Yeah, thanks for your feedback so far.
I guess. I've never seen a poll being used on a story before, because I wanted to check it out. I'll get rid of it on the next chapter. Thought it was a neat feature. If I want to ask questions, I guess that I will use author's notes in the future.
Yeah, I guess you can find the Wattpad-ness in it. (I used to be really into it a few years back), and the Romance novel in stores? I find that part interesting lol. Never been compared to that before.
Thank you. I guess I could work on the character flow more. I'm trying something new that I haven't really written before, so this is experimental. I am figuring some things out and this is a rough idea, but I am hoping to flesh it out more as I go along. I might go back and add more to the first chapter, since it might come across as a bit bare bones to some.
@Jihn np. read a few romance novels before so i guess it felt a similar vibe. and a few wattpad stories.
I'm not the best with giving critical feedback and I may be a bit erroneous, but hopefully it'll help stir in the right direction for what you're going for.
XD. Yeah, working on something new kinda of got to me too for an assignment since I had to write in a different genre for a story draft than my previous story drafts.
All in all, I think your story has good potential and not too bad.
Agree on the polls. Haven't tried it yet on here, but it seems nice. Wish you good luck.
Also reading this scene..is there going to be a lot steamy scenes in this story? Or is it like rated R-15? etc.?
@SeaHiatus Ah, I see.
No, thanks for what you've given me here so far. It's helpful.
Yeah, writing in different genres and tenses can be a bit jarring at first, but I'm trying to get the hang of it.
Good, glad it has potential xD
Thanks, you also.
Hm... I'm not too sure yet. At the moment, it seems R-15 but I'll find out soon enough.
Okay so it was hard to see that line where it cut off. It took me a bit to see why it suddenly changed from a distant narrative like an introduction to the background character to immediately jumping into a scene. Perhaps put ~~~ a more solid break so it can show.
After that break the second part sorta felt bit off. How did he had s*x with her if he didn't know her? Needs at least some explanation why he didn't know who he was with. Also, it went from a conversation speech (he finding out who she is) to taking a bit back to slight character info dump again (background of the woman character) and then back to the scene again.
Story started off sounding a nice flow, but after that break the rest of it didn't felt that smooth.
Thank you for your feedback.
I have changed the seperator to something more legible. I thought it was clear enough, but I guess it wasn't.
Yeah, maybe I should expand on it and make it more clear that the woman is his friend, and he didn't remember much because he was drunk. Well, actually it would have been better if I had have started that scene when they both wake up drunk, right? And made it longer.
@Jihn potentially yes. I thought the protagonist was drunk, but it didn't subtly hint it in the story so that kinda made me question how he never knew who he slept with. it'd be good to at least know cause with that sudden shift it felt like thrown in a sudden scene don't know what happened at all.
@SeaHiatus Thanks. I will work on this soon. I didn't realise that it came across as too sudden.
author on shf asked for feedback on story so giving feedback in comments here about the chapter:
adonis genetics
I know you want to use adonis to describe how his genetics make him look really beautiful, but adonis is a noun, not an adjective.
Ok, thank you.
Thank you for this chapter nya! Dudes just unhappy because he’s too materialistic.