When I turned to look at the two people, tied up on the wall, the woman became deathly pale. I realized that my appearance right now was quite scary, so I shifted my body to cover my claws and scales again. When my body began to move the woman flinched and looked scared to death but when the changes where done she at least stopped shivering.
When I was thinking about how to initiate some kind of communication, the man on the wall woke up and looked around in a dizzy state. His eyes landed on Leo and it took a moment before he realised that what he was looking at wasn't human.
He soon spotted the corpses of their kidnappers and following that he saw his terrified companion next to himself. Then she said to him.
,,Don't flipp out or make sudden movements Niko'' (Anika)
He asked her with a light stutter.
,,A Anni is th that an enemy?'' (Niko)
He knew that their life depended on her answer.
,,..... believe me when I say that if that was an enemy we would be dead already'' (Anika)
When Leo heard her say that he jumped at the opportunity and and pointed at Anika and nodded.
Seeing that Anika was surprised and asked.
,,.... do you understand us?'' (Anika)
Leo pointed again and nodded
,,Why did you help us?'' (Anika)
Leo thought about how to answer and then took a step forward. Niko gave a quiet *shriiik* in surprise and Anika twitched so Leo stopped and raised his hands.
,, It's okay Niko.... I don't think he wants to harm us... (Anika)
Leo nodded and came closer again. When he stood before her Anika could feel her heart race. He stretched his hand out and one of his fingers pointed to her bindings.
,,You helped us because we were captured?'' (Anika)
Leo nodded again since this yes and no question thing worked for now.
I guess I can free her from the ropes now that she is calming down.
Leo shifted some dirt away from his arm until the tip of his claw could be seen.
,,What is it doing? Anni get away!'' (Niko)
Seeing the shifting dirt and the claw reveal itself Niko was nervous and afraid again but after seeing the full claws Anika was almost calm in comparison.
,, Niko I said it's fine if it had planned to kill us we would be dead already.'' (Anika)
Ignoring Niko's sudden outburst Leo just cut the ropes on her arms and legs.
When Anika stood up and rubbed her wrists she never looked away from the dirt man that now looked much smaller.
,,Thank you.'' (Anika)
After a few minutes Leo decided that Niko was calm enough and freed him too.
When the situation was peaceful Leo began walking to the entrance and clapped his hands once. While the two in the cave wonder what he was doing, a little green bird came flying and landed on Leo's shoulder. When he returned the two looked at the bird and then spoke.
,,Hey Anni, that is a Emerald Bird right? '' (Niko)
,,Yes. They are rarely seen because they have excellent senses and use them to avoid danger. The bird following him means he probably realy is friendly. (Anika)
Wait. The little bird is actually a rare beast? Maybe I can show that I am friendly to strangers with it by my side.
While the two were talking the now tied up Dolt woke up.
,,uuuuhhh what a nightmare I thought I was going to be killed by some... dirt .... man.'' (Dolt)
When he realised his situation he fell silent.
Comments (18)
Moderation is best monolithic sized chapters are inconvenient when you need to pause at some point not exactly easy reading material if you lose your point either.
Btw, you should definitely revise the story a couple of times. There are a lot of small inconsistencies in the chapters before this one that makes it unable to flow well. An example: "The creature was a lizard with a long tail, it later turned around to face me." It becomes better if you write: "The creature was a lizard with a long tail facing the opposite direction of me, it later turned around to face me as it heard my footsteps." Essentially information is missing, and the unknown thing is corrected through actions, when it should already have been known in the first place.
If you don't know where the lizard was facing towards before, and then saying that it faced you, it is really weird. Because it might have already faced you. It might be that when you wrote you knew how things are, flowed and looked in your head, but you sorta forgot to provide the proper information to the readers to make the events make sense. I have done that mistake a lot before, and it's nothing weird for new writers. (Which I am, sorta, kinda.)
So I recommend for you to look through all your previous chapters to fix any inconsistencies similar to these, along with the occasional spelling errors.
Also, you should very sparsely use the looking at the same events through different characters thing, as it is literally telling you things you already know with small details added from a different character. The story does not progress too well in this way unless it is to hype up the protagonist, and revealing what the character thinks, which should have been obscure enough for you to be unable to understand it. You could use the thoughts of this character that the MC should have been completely unable to understand to cause a massive impact on the story later on, and cause an emotional connection between the reader and the character. That is my humble thoughts.
Or you could just have the character tell the MC what it thought in that situation later on. That works too.
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I will answer your second monster comments later on the pc because it f*cking annoying to scroll while writing on the phone. As far as little errors in describing and spelling go I can only say sorry they will probably stay for the first 100 chapters or even into a next project if I ever decide to end this one and make something else. I am literally the most amateur noob author there can be. I never wrote a story and I write in my second language.... so that is something that can only improve over time.
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@Schmidtyyy Thanks! Do read the monster comment, but it will take a while. It is pretty big. But as long as you keep writing and collecting information about writing, you will eventually become quite good at it, technically. I can give some tips I think: Writing is a lot about logic, just like mathematics. If you know what questions to ask yourself, knowing what to think about, and why some things work, and some things doesn't, you should be able to create fine works. Example: If I know about plot lines, why using them are much better than not using them, and asking yourself the question "How do I drive this story forward while making it exciting", it makes a world of difference. Eventually you will learn to build on and bend the plot line and elements of the story into something much more refined. An example is world building. Basic world-building is just building a world with a bunch of different things and a story about it. Advanced world-building is connecting everything together, like knowing not only the trader, but also the supplier and the buyers. This allows you to foreshadow stuff from later on. Because everything is connected like a family, you can do some pretty cool stuff with "Cause and Effect". The manga "One piece" did this excellently, and that is why it is a masterclass in world-building.
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Dolt was working for a Nobel to kidnap an Adventure and sell her as a s*x slave. Meaning he be Protected or die of an accident in jail. If they are smart they interrogate and cut his throat or leave him to die. Bit bloodthirsty for heroes but he is a Rapist a Murder and Vindictive. Three reasons to kill him.
Meatbun Delivery~
Thank you for the chapter ( ●w●)
as a reader, i say "MOAR!!!"
but you as an author, should settle on what is comfortable to you. then work your way up to longer word count.
So I thought of a way for him to talk. He just has to dissect on of the humans and remove their lungs, throat and vocal cords and use them himself. Now that would be creepy. But it fits with his corpse collecting. Thanks for the story, it is quite enjoyable.
Said this before he could build a Frankenstein or Solomon Grundy born on a Sunday Body.
Great minds think alike..
Talking will take a while longer. He will probably be get the ability to manipulate flesh and skin but I don't want to make him a organ collector.
@Schmidtyyy who said, Collector. I was thinking more Walk over to Dolt Put a small hole in the back of the head while he still lives to Pull out his Brain... :) Wait until Dead pops in the Core!
Not Exactly heroic but that's one way to get his Male Equipment back... Yes, my imagination late at night is a bad place.
I need the light on.
@dragondeathlord ohhh I know what you mean.
Everybody has one of those dark torture chambers in the beautiful palace that is our imagination. I mean I am always open for new ideas. Lets do a quick brainstorming. If I let him speak via organ or for what event else he would need other organs for. How can I implement them into his body. Since its organic it can rot which means I have to bridge that with something like his body can keep or repair slight damage to him Material. I could just use the mass system for organic stuff or I could splice it into mass and biomass. I think it has some story potential in terms of an inner conflict in form of for example because he became a Golem he can easily kill even though he could have never done so in his previous life. It could also be a split of good and evil paths. I planned to make it so that only a limited amount of mass can be controlled by one core so he has to get a second and so on. I could open a path by give him the option to use I don't know 50 brains to condense one as an alternative to a precious ore.
Opinions and ideas below greatly appreciated.
@Schmidtyyy when I originally suggested the idea I thought that they would rot so only usable for a short time. But yea stick with more mineral based then biomass. Unless he becomes a flesh golem. Basically choose one, either mineral or flesh. And I think flesh would get him attacked.
@Lancelot9402 the idea to use biomass will be used just because I want some mc in a human city action but even now I don't know if I could not just use clay or something as skin and just hid was a cloak.
@Schmidtyyy I mean once he can use skin as well as minerals personally he will just become too op. Like he needs to have some draw backs. Like being clay and only talking through telepathy. Or can only write.
@Schmidtyyy Add undead Organs? Like a ghoul or Zombie Voicebox? Something not subject to decay. Or manipulating Mana to reinforce Parts that are now pieces of his body would it not prepare them and stop decay and repair them? Material manipulation 4(using Mana to repair) Physical resistance(adds Mana to strengthen) 2 at greater Levels Should do both as he showing some ability to do that now. And Flesh Golems are a D&D thing not really undead a Robot made of dead. Other Possibilities are limited. It is definitely dark and he might have other choices but his options are limited and having the ability and choosing not to use it the Temptation is always there. Forcing the MC to make choices for moral Reasons instead of limitations. (say he gets feelings for the girl but can never speak them.. But then realizes he can use anthers dead body part to speak.. Not exactly Romantic but what would he do if he finds he can maintain it without rotting? If his skills grew could he pass as human? Eat food? Make love? Very dark indeed.... Perhaps even if there is no practical reason it's evil he just gets Creeped out?
@Lancelot9402 @Schmidtyyy Well Golems ARE OP! That the Legend. And not like OP MCs are that uncommon. And in a Fantasy world what more Powerful this MC or a Dragon? Or a Wizard? Wizard can literally make a Golem their bit*h. But as Limitations What if it Drains him of mana Or you use the old standard.. Golem starts feeling Anger RAGE! Maybe including Flesh in his design a bad idea because as mana maintains it starts becoming undead and its power affecting him or Maybe the human's Memories and Spirit? Imagine he steals Dolt's dead body as I half-joked about and he starts thinking how hot Anika looks and that she a little tease and Might even find himself walking towards her with very dark thoughts and the body's memory. Like SHE GOT ME KILLED! I GOING TO TEACH HER TO OBEY!
Then the MC Rejects the body before it can take over. Very interesting stories there.. Especially if even a weak man's death WISH could start to override him. I Mean What would a Powerful Mind of an OP Villain's Body Like a Dr doom do? Perhaps a True Resurrection? Might be a way to revive a person that soul was destroyed! Could explain why Golems are extinct. They are OP, go crazy, and be Possessed easily! And the followers of that dead Villain whose soul was destroyed?? They would Like you to Absorb the body of their dead Leader!