Care of Magical Creatures went by without incident, and Divination went okay, what with me making up the biggest load of bullshit to feed the examiners, and the one random vision of Ron in the crystal ball getting attacked by flying brains, which I put down to my lack of sleep. 

When we reached the top of the Astronomy Tower at eleven o'clock, we found a perfect night for stargazing, cloudless and still. The grounds were bathed in silvery moonlight and there was a slight chill in the air. Each of us set up his or her telescope and, when Professor Marchbanks gave the word, proceeded to fill in the blank star-chart we had been given.

Professors Marchbanks and Tofty strolled among us, watching as we entered the precise positions of the stars and planets we were observing. All was quiet except for the rustle of parchment, the occasional creak of a telescope as it was adjusted on its stand, and the scribbling of many quills. Terry and I grinned at each other across the tower occasionally, and we observed each other through our telescopes. He aimed his telescope pointedly at Draco's ass, and I snorted loudly, the two professors turning to frown at me. Half an hour passed, then an hour; the little squares of reflected gold light flickering on the ground below started to vanish as lights in the castle windows were extinguished.

As I completed the constellation Orion on my chart, however, the front doors of the castle opened directly below the parapet where I was standing, so that light spilled down the stone steps a little way across the lawn. I glanced down as I made a slight adjustment to the position of my telescope and saw five or six elongated shadows moving over the brightly lit grass before the doors swung shut and the lawn became a sea of darkness once more.

I put my eye back to my telescope and refocused it, now examining Venus. I looked down at my chart to enter the planet there, but something distracted me; pausing with my quill suspended over the parchment, I squinted down into the shadowy grounds and saw half a dozen figures walking over the lawn. If they had not been moving, and the moonlight had not been gilding the tops of their heads, they would have been indistinguishable from the dark ground on which they walked. Even at this distance, I had a funny feeling I recognised the walk of the squattest of them, who seemed to be leading the group.

I couldn't think why Umbridge would be taking a stroll outside after midnight, much less accompanied by five others. Then somebody coughed behind me, and I remembered that I was halfway through an exam. I was about to enter Venus on my chart when, alert for any odd sound, I heard a distant knock which echoed through the deserted grounds, followed immediately by the muffled barking of a large dog.

I looked up. There were lights on in Hagrid's windows and the people I had observed crossing the lawn were now silhouetted against them. The door opened and I distinctly saw six sharply defined figures walk over the threshold. The door closed again and there was silence.

I felt very uneasy. I glanced around to see whether Harry or Terry had noticed what I had, but Professor Marchbanks came walking behind me at that moment and, not wanting to look as though I was sneaking looks at anyone else's work, I hastily bent over my star-chart and pretended to be adding notes to it while really peering over the top of the parapet towards Hagrid's cabin. Figures were now moving across the cabin windows, temporarily blocking the light.

I could feel Professor Marchbanks's eyes on the back of my neck and pressed my eye again to my telescope, staring up at the moon though I had marked its position an hour ago, but as Professor Marchbanks moved on I heard a roar from the distant cabin that echoed through the darkness right to the top of the Astronomy Tower. Several of the people around me ducked out from behind their telescopes and peered instead in the direction of Hagrid's cabin.

Professor Tofty gave another dry little cough.

"Try and concentrate, now, boys and girls." He said softly.

Most people returned to their telescopes. I looked to my left. Harry was gazing transfixed at Hagrid's cabin.

"Ahem - twenty minutes to go." Professor Tofty said. 

Harry looked down at his star-chart. I glanced at Terry, and he did a hand gesture at me. 

There was a loud BANG from the grounds. Several people cried "Ouch!" when they poked themselves in the face with the ends of their telescopes as they hastened to see what was going on below.

Hagrid's door had burst open and by the light flooding out of the cabin we saw him quite clearly, a massive figure roaring and brandishing his fists, surrounded by six people, all of whom, judging by the tiny threads of red light they were casting in his direction, seemed to be attempting to Stun him.

"No!" Hermione cried.

"My dear!" Professor Tofty said in a scandalised voice. "This is an examination!" 

But nobody was paying the slightest attention to their star-charts any more. Jets of red light were still flying about beside Hagrid's cabin, yet somehow they seemed to be bouncing off him; he was still upright and still, as far as I could see, fighting. Cries and yells echoed across the grounds; a man yelled, "Be reasonable, Hagrid!" 

Hagrid roared, "Reasonable be damned, yeh won' take me like this, Dawlish!" 

I could see the tiny outline of Fang, attempting to defend Hagrid, leaping repeatedly at the wizards surrounding him until a Stunning Spell caught him and he fell to the ground. Hagrid gave a howl of fury, lifted the culprit bodily from the ground, and threw him; the man flew what looked like ten feet and did not get up again. Hermione gasped, both hands over her mouth; I looked round at Ron and saw that he, too, was looking scared. None of us had ever seen Hagrid in a real temper before.

"Look!" Parvati squealed, who was leaning over the parapet and pointing to the foot of the castle where the front doors had opened again; more light was spilling out onto the dark lawn and a single long black shadow was now rippling across the lawn.

"Now, really!" Professor Tofty said anxiously. "Only sixteen minutes left, you know!" 

But nobody paid him the slightest attention: we were watching the person now sprinting towards the battle beside Hagrid's cabin.

"How dare you!" The figure shouted as she ran. "How dare you!" 

"It's Minnie!" I whispered.

"Leave him alone! Alone, I say!" Professor McGonagall's voice said through the darkness. "On what grounds are you attacking him? He has done nothing, nothing to warrant such -" 

Hermione, Suzanne, Parvati, and Lavender all screamed as I yelled, "What the fuck?" The figures around the cabin had shot no fewer than four Stunners at Professor McGonagall. Halfway between cabin and castle the red beams collided with her; for a moment she looked luminous and glowed an eerie red, then she lifted right off her feet, landed hard on her back, and moved no more.

"Galloping gargoyles!" Professor Tofty shouted, who also seemed to have forgotten the exam completely. "Not so much as a warning! Outrageous behaviour!" 

"COWARDS!" Hagrid bellowed; his voice carried clearly to the top of the tower, and several lights flickered back on inside the castle. "RUDDY COWARDS! HAVE SOME O' THAT - AN' THAT -" 

"Oh my -" Hermione gasped.

"Go, Hagrid!" I yelled over the parapet. "Fucking get them, the pieces of fucking shit!" 

Hagrid took two massive swipes at his closest attackers; judging by their immediate collapse, they had been knocked cold. I saw Hagrid double over, and next moment he was standing again with Fang's limp body draped around his shoulders.

"Get him, get him!" Umbridge screamed, but her remaining helper seemed highly reluctant to go within reach of Hagrid's fists; indeed, he was backing away so fast he tripped over one of his unconscious colleagues and fell over. Hagrid had turned and begun to run with Fang still hung around his neck. Umbridge sent one last Stunning Spell after him but it missed; and Hagrid, running full-pelt towards the distant gates, disappeared into the darkness.

"Fucking bitch!" I yelled at her, and my voice echoed around the grounds. 

There was a long minute's quivering silence as everybody gazed open-mouthed into the grounds. Then Professor Tofty's voice said feebly, "Um... five minutes to go, everybody." 

When the end of the exam came at last we forced our telescopes haphazardly back into their holders and dashed back down the spiral staircase. None of the students were going to bed; we were all talking loudly and excitedly at the foot of the stairs about what we had witnessed.

"That evil cunt!" I said furiously, having difficulty talking due to rage. "What a seriously twisted, EVIL piece of fucking shit! A pathetic Hitler wannabe! A fucking BITCHler!" 

"Evil, evil woman! Trying to sneak up on Hagrid in the dead of night!" Hermione gasped. 

"She clearly wanted to avoid another scene like Trelawney's." Ernie said sagely, squeezing over to join us.

"I love how he took them all out, the legend!" Terry said in awe. "I wish he got Umbitch too, though." 

"He did well, didn't he?" Ron said, who looked more alarmed than impressed. "How come all the spells bounced off him?" 

"It'll be his giant blood." Hermione said shakily. "It's very hard to Stun a giant, they're like trolls, really tough... but poor Professor McGonagall... four Stunners straight in the chest and she's not exactly young, is she?" 

"Dreadful, dreadful." Ernie said, shaking his head pompously. "Well, I'm off to bed. Night, all." 

People around us were drifting away, still talking excitedly about what they had just seen.

"At least they didn't get to take Hagrid off to Azkaban." Harry said. 

"I suppose he's gone to join Dumbledore, hasn't he?" Kylie asked. 

"I suppose so." Hermione said, who looked tearful. "Oh, this is awful, I really thought Dumbledore would be back before long, but now we've lost Hagrid too." 

I gestured Terry to follow us, and he did, looking grim. I felt like my face wasn't grinning or smirking for once in my life. We traipsed back to the Gryffindor common room to find it full. The commotion out in the grounds had woken several people, who had hastened to rouse their friends. Seamus and Dean, who had arrived ahead of me, Kylie, Terry, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, were now telling everyone what they had seen and heard from the top of the Astronomy Tower.

"But why sack Hagrid now?" Angelina asked, shaking her head. "It's not like Trelawney; he's been teaching much better than usual this year!" 

"Umbridge hates part-humans." Hermione said bitterly, flopping down into an armchair. "She was always going to try to get Hagrid out." 

"And she thought Hagrid was putting Nifflers in her office." Katie piped up.

"Oh, blimey." Lee said, covering his mouth. "It's me who's been putting the Nifflers in her office; I've been levitating them in through her window." 

"It's alright, mate." Fred clapped him on the shoulder. "You were just doing your duty to the school." 

"Plus she'd have sacked him anyway." Dean said. "He was too close to Dumbledore." 

"That's true." Harry said, sinking into an armchair beside Hermione's.

"I just hope Professor McGonagall's all right." Lavender said tearfully. I pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tight. Me too, Lavender, me too. 

"They carried her back up to the castle, we watched through the dormitory window." Colin said. "She didn't look very well." 

"Madam Pomfrey will sort her out." George said firmly. "She's never failed yet." 

"You would know, wouldn't you, Bushy?" Terry said. 

It was nearly four in the morning before the common room cleared. I felt wide awake; I was so angry with Umbridge I could not think of a punishment bad enough for her, though Ron's suggestion of having her fed to a box of starving Blast-Ended Skrewts had its merits. The Insurgents deliberated what we were going to do, and we decided on tomorrow as the best time to completely fuck up her regime as Headmistress.

~~~ 

"Let's do this." I grinned at my three best friends. Right now, the professors were probably gathering up the History of Magic exam papers, letting the fifth-years leave, and wondering where Terry and I were. The other years were just about to be let out of their classes too, and it was the perfect time to do it. 

"Go!" Fred whispered excitedly; we chucked the four Mega-Portable-Swamp pellets that we had been developing into the corridor, then dove for cover. Several students shrieked as the pellets exploded, covering them from head-to-toe in Stinksap, and as they tried to wipe it away or Vanish it, it reappeared twice as bad. 

Soon, the entire corridor was seeping with the Sap, making it seem as if a giant swamp was growing within. There was a great deal of shouting and excited screaming as the fifth-years approached up the staircase, eyes wide as the ones at the front of the crowd backed away. Floppy appeared at the front, his eyes meeting mine, and a nasty smirk unfurled on his face. 

"Fuck." I said. "RUN." 

Fred, George, Terry, and I sprinted away down the nearest staircase; Floppy followed, Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott, Crabbe, and Goyle hot on his heels. Spieler and Rudd appeared out of nowhere and joined them; the four of us leapt down the staircases towards the Entrance Hall, heading straight for the doors as we shrieked with laughter, the rest of the school following, a huge crowd of students bellowing and laughing and getting in the Inquisitorial Squad's way, and just as we reached the doors - 

"NO!" 

I spun around. Umbridge was standing on the staircase, her wand raised, her face the picture of fury. There was a great deal of shouting and movement as our fellow students gathered around us, cheering and clapping us. In fact, it looked like most of the school was assembled here. 

It was just like the night when Trelawney had been sacked. Students were standing all around the walls in a great ring (some of them covered in the sap); teachers and ghosts were also in the crowd. Prominent among the onlookers were members of the Inquisitorial Squad, who were all looking exceptionally pleased with themselves, and Peeves, who was bobbing overhead, gazed down at me, Terry Fred, and George, who stood in the middle of the floor with the unmistakeable look of four people who had just been cornered.

"So!" Umbridge said triumphantly, once more looking down upon her prey. "So - you think it amusing to turn a school corridor into a swamp, do you?" 

"Pretty amusing, yeah." Fred said, looking up at her without the slightest sign of fear. 

I laughed loudly, staring right into her ugly eyes. 

Filch elbowed his way closer to Umbridge, almost crying with happiness.

"I've got the form, Headmistress." He said hoarsely, waving a piece of parchment. "Approval for Whipping... I can do it at last... they've had it coming to them for years... I've got the form and I've got the whips waiting... oh, let me do it now..." 

"Very good, Argus." She said. "You four," She went on, gazing down at me, Terry, Fred, and George, "are about to learn what happens to wrongdoers in my school." 

"You know what, Umbitch?" I said. "I don't think we are." 

I turned to my best friends.

"Hopper, Red, Bushy." I said. "I think we're much too hot for this place, now that Umbitch has brought it down with her zero out of ten looks." 

"Yeah, I've been feeling that way myself." Terry said lightly.

"Time to test our talents in the real world, d'you reckon?" Fred asked.

"Definitely." George said.

And before Umbridge could say a word, we raised our wands and said together:

"Accio brooms!" 

I heard a loud crash somewhere in the distance. Our broomsticks, two trailing the heavy chain and iron pegs with which Umbridge had fastened them to the wall, were hurtling along the corridor towards their owners; they turned left, streaked down the stairs, and stopped sharply in front of the twins, Terry, and I, the chain clattering loudly on the flagged stone floor.

"We won't be seeing you." Fred told Umbridge, swinging his leg over his broomstick.

"Yeah, don't bother to keep in touch." George said, mounting his own. 

As Terry mounted his, he said, "We encourage everybody here to show this bitch what you're made of." 

And as I mounted mine, I turned to Umbridge. I grinned at her, her furious flabby face just amusing me even more. "Lord Voldemort is back. I hope he gets you first. You deserve everything that's coming to you, and worse." 

Umbridge glared at me as I smirked. Fred and I looked around at the assembled students, at the silent, watchful crowd.

"If anyone fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three, Diagon Alley - Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes." Fred said in a loud voice. 

"Our new premises!" I said. 

"And our new accommodation." Terry winked at Draco, whose face stood out in the crowd now from blushing. I turned and winked at Kylie too, who smirked back at me. 

"Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat." George added, pointing at Umbridge.

"STOP THEM!" Umbridge shrieked, but it was too late. As the Inquisitorial Squad closed in, Fred, George, Terry, and I kicked off from the floor, shooting fifteen feet into the air, the iron peg swinging dangerously below. I looked across the hall at the poltergeist bobbing on his level above the crowd.

"Give her hell from us, Peeves." 

And Peeves, who I had never seen take an order from a student before, swept his belled hat from his head and sprang to a salute as Fred, George, Terry, and I wheeled about. 

But then I turned around again, too tempted to just insult her one last time. 

"Oh, and one last thing, Professor." I said. "That cardigan is tacky." 

Umbridge gasped, and I grinned. Fred, George, and Terry grinned widely at me, their eyes all twinkling with delight and happiness, and we turned about once more to tumultuous applause from the students below, and sped out of the open front doors into the glorious sunset.