I ran away. I didn't know what to do in that situation, so I ran away. I didn't even realize it until I was long gone that it's raining, and I don't have my umbrella with me. It doesn't really matter at the moment. My brain is still trying to process what happened. Alicia kissed me. What does that mean? Is that another friend thing? No. I'm not that naive, I think. I know you don't kiss a friend on the lips. Maybe a hug, or a kiss on the cheek if you're really close, but we aren't that close. Are we? My emotions are a mess. My mind is screaming at me. Trying to explain what this warm feeling is, but right now that feeling is being blocked out by something else, confusion, denial. Only I don't really realize it.

"How did that feel". That is the last thing she said before I ran. How did that feel? I don't know. How was it supposed to feel? I've never kissed anyone before, I don't have any experience with guys. I've never been romantically involved with anyone. My mind is racing, trying to decipher what just happened. Why did Alicia do that?

My mind is dragged towards that first time we were at Sophia, and those two women whispering. Why am I remembering this right now? Wait. Whispering? I only assumed they were whispering. What if. Oh. Oh no. I quickly shake of the thought, as I'm afraid to explore that any further. My mind is wandering to different emotions, memories of different things, my own meager experiences, stories I've heard, drama series on TV. I need to talk to someone, but I don't have anyone I can talk to about this.

"Is she treating you okay? I know she can be a bit, forceful?" Oh! Cat, maybe I can talk to Cat, she seems to have known Alicia for a while. Forceful? Is this what she meant? Changing direction I run towards Sophia, weirdly enough I wasn't too far away from it. I arrive and pull open the door, normally I'm timid, quiet, awkward, well, at least that's how I think of myself, but right now I'm not myself. I pray that she's working today, and the goddess is answering my prayers. Cat is there, looking at me with a look like she knows something's up. She turns around towards the window between the counter and the kitchen.

"Cover for me for a few minutes, I have an emergency on my hands I think."

Cat comes over to me, dragging me into a backroom and giving me a towel.

"Here, you're drenched, try to dry yourself and I'll find some clothes you can change into, then we'll talk, okay?"

I don't know why she's helping me. We don't really know each other, but I'm glad she is. I can feel my mind starting to unravel whatever happened, like the curtain in front of the puzzle is being lifted, teasing me with whatever is hiding behind. I wipe myself down as best as I can, and half a minute later Cat comes back with sweatpants and a hoodie. I quickly get changed, not even caring that she's in the room. Her cheeks take on a tinge of red and she turns around to give me some privacy.

"You're really daring, don't you know where you are?"

Huh? What does she mean? Apparently she noticed my confusion, because she quickly shakes her head.

"No, nevermind. So, can you tell me what happened? I assume this has something to do with Alicia?"

My brain has shut off a few of it's functions, speech being one of them. I open and close my mouth repeatedly, trying to form words.

"Um. She invited me over. Then she had me lay on her lap. She had been gone for a week due to work, but then she asked me to sit up and close my eyes, and then, then, then she...she kissed me." My voice tapering of to a whisper, I look up at Cat after a few seconds, hoping she heard me, as I don't think I can form another sentence right now.

"Wait, she kissed you? That's what's ruffled your feathers?"

I tilt my head, but then I give her a nod. I think this is the only way I can communicate at the moment.

"But aren't you two already..oh. Oh no."

What? Aren't we two already what? I don't understand what she means.

"I'm sorry. I assumed that since Alicia brought you here. You knew who she was. What this place was. Even our conversation last time pointed in that direction, but I realize now this entire thing has been a huge misunderstanding."

A misunderstanding? This place? What does this have to do with Alicia kissing me? My mind is nudging me with a sentence Alicia mentioned the first time we came here. "my kind". 

"I'm sorry, what was your name?"

"Eleanor."

"Eleanor. Do you know what this restaurant is?"

I tilt my head? I mean yeah? It's obviously a safe place for women, as I haven't seen any men in here, either working or being a customer.

"Oh, obviously you don't. Eleanor. This is a lesbian bar."

A lesbian bar?

An explosion hits my brain as images, words, and emotions are flying around. The curtain has been lifted, I finally understand so many of the confusing things I've experienced since Alicia came into my life. This place, the questions, the touching, the kiss. "My kind". Alicia is lesbian. My mind is muddling through all of the different things in my head, trying to make sense of them as one question keeps popping up. What does she want with me?

"Eleanor?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I got lost in my mind. Cat, I have a question. What is Alicia like in your eyes?"

Cat looks uncomfortable at my question, her hands are fidgeting behind her back as she averts her gaze.

"I don't think this is a good time."

Oh no.

"Please, I need to know."

Taking a deep breath she sits down on the chair besides me and takes my hand into hers. Normally I would shy away from the contact, but right now I'm too preoccupied being anxious and thinking up worst case scenarios.

"Alicia is a player. She looks like a goddess descended on Earth, and she knows it. I have never seen Alicia with the same woman twice. So when I saw her with you I assumed you were another one of her flings or one night stands. Obviously I was wrong. I don't know what Alicia is thinking, bringing you here or what she's been doing to you. She's not a bad girl, she might hurt someone by breaking things off. A lot of the girls falls for her, but instead of dragging it on she rips of the proverbial band aid, hurting them then and there, but they won't have to suffer for a long time."

Great. I'm even more confused now. This story and Alicia's actions are contradictory.

"Thank you Cat. I know what I have to do."

The last thing that plays on my mind as I leave Sophia, are Alicia's words. "How did that feel." I finally understand. She wanted to know if it felt disgusting to be kissed by her. She already knew I had no experience romantically, and that I'd never had a crush. I have a place I need to be right now.

I need to talk to her.