“Introducing, the Perilous Jester, the Last Laugh, the Face of Madness, the Jokester of Damnation, the Champion of Arar, the one and only Spiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

John’s next opponent was unusual. He was dressed like a clown, from his pointed shoes to his jingly hat. He wore a ridiculous smile on his face, and chuckled madly as the crowd screamed his name. “Spiz! Spiz! Spiz!” He made a bow to the audience and then waved his fingers at John.

John decided to just blast the clown out of the arena. He weaved a huge gust of wind and sent it hurling at the clown. The clown did a strange dance, whirling this way and that and the wind missed him. How could it have missed him? He’d sent it through that entire side of the arena. The clown laughed and waved his fingers at John once again.

John weaved cannon balls of lights and threw them at the clown. Let’s see him dodge this, he thought. The balls moved too fast for the clown to react. They hit his chest, but were bounced back, his body getting stretched as though he was made of rubber. Was this clown even human?

The clown darted at him, moving incredibly quickly. He took out a whip and struck so quickly that the whip was a blur. John was forced to defend. He created a shield of aura while he wondered what to do. He phased a distance away and coated himself with darkness. The clown looked around him, scratching his head as John disappeared into the ground. The only indication of John on the arena floor was a small shadow that was stealthily moving towards the clown. With his stealth circuit on he was nearly undetectable.

The clown stamped his feet in frustration and great furrows appeared in the earth. He began to juggle colorful balls of light and threw them all over the arena. One of the balls hit John forcing him out of darkness. He phased as soon as he emerged, moving behind the clown, and swung his glaive. The glaive slashed the clown’s neck and the clown’s head fell to the ground. Done!

The clown’s body fell to the ground but a second later it got up. It reattached the head to its body and stood ready to face John once more. This was impossible! John phased behind the clown once more and blasted it with his laser pistol. Holes formed in the clown’s body, but then sealed up a second later. The clown cackled and grabbed John’s throat. John tried to wrestle out of the clown’s choke hold and finally managed to break free. What was this? Was the clown unkillable? How could that be?

John phased behind the clown and struck him with a flurry of slashes and thrusts. Each time the clown would fall, or be cut into pieces but a few moments later all the flesh and blood would be absorbed by his corpse and he’d come back to life. There had to be some weak point. Everyone had a weakness. The clown decided to take to the offensive. He took off one of his white gloves and blew it up like a balloon. The balloon exploded and John then saw ten clones standing where one clown had been. What were these now? Clones? Was the clown Naruto in disguise?

The clowns surrounded John and began whipping him. He could phase through some of their attacks, and black a few others, but some of their attacks inevitable hit him. He felt flesh tear away from his body. He was a bloody mess. John attacked with renewed vigor, twirling in a circle as he struck with his glaive. His blade passed through the clown’s bodies connecting with nothing but air. This was too much. He had to buy himself some time to think up a new strategy.

John ran around the arena as the clown chased him and noticed a strange thing. When he was in front of one of the metal sheets lining the arena’s boundary the clown would disappear and reappear on the other side of the arena. He stood in front of one of the sheets as he pondered. He saw his own reflection staring back at him. Maybe the clown was scared of reflections. He pulled off the metal sheet from the boundary and held it as a shield as he turned to face the clown once more. He ran towards the clown with a roar, his glaive’s tip pointed at the clown’s head.

“How di...di...did you know?” the clown stammered. “The only counter to my mass hypnosis. Please, don’t kill me,” the clown cowered.

So it was hypnosis. John raised his glaive. “Why should I spare you? What advantage would it give me?”

“I’ll owe you my life. It would be yours to command,” the clown said, nodding his head very quickly. Hope rekindled in his eyes.

John weaved wind around his glaive and hit the clown who fell on the ground unconscious.

“Kill! Kill! Kill!” the crowd chanted.

John ignored them and walked out the arena’s gate. He was summoned by the Empress immediately after returning to his room.

“Why did you show mercy?” she asked him. “I remember telling you to kill all your opponents.”

“I agreed to work for you, but I’m not your soldier,” John said with defiance.

“The only thing you’re good at is killing. What use are you if you let mercy dictate your actions?”

“I’m good at other things,” John protested. “Poetry and music. I can tell stories. I’m proficient in the basic sciences. I can draw. I may not have a sense of humor but I can still tell jokes. I can juggle. I can cook.”

“I already have people who do all that.”

“And you already have soldiers trained to kill.”

“They cannot go to the places you can. I’ll allow you to be merciful in the arena, but this is the last time.”

“Out contract only stipulates that I work for you. It does not mention anything about being your soldier.”

“Silly child,” the Empress laughed. “What does the contract matter? If the Asi Conglomerate say I’ve broken it, which they would not dare do, I’ll simply pay them the price they ask. It is not much.”

“So I’m nothing more than your slave?”

“You’re still getting a salary. Don’t worry. You will kill only people who deserve to be killed. These things need not worry you for now. Win the championship first.”

John was nothing more than her hired killer. She wasn’t grooming him for any great position in her court. He felt disappointed. He needed to climb up the ranks of the galactic hierarchy and find Earth before he died of old age. He needed to be like Ovin the Destroyer, able to demand things from empresses, and scare realm masters with a single stare. Ovin, now there was a man who could get things done.

John slept peacefully that night and was soon awoken for his match. Time passed by very quickly when one’s mind was at peace. John walked onto the arena floor, ready to face his next opponent.

The announcer began the introductions.

“And across from Wild Child, weighing two thousand six hundred pounds, the Eater of Creation, the Devourer of Planets, the Famine Apocalypse, the Mountain of Despair, the Champion of Ira, the one and only Tuuuuuuuuuusssssssssaaaaaaaa!”

“Tusa! Tusa! Tusa!”

John fired a fireball at Tusa, as soon as the gong sounded. Tusa opened his mouth and sucked it in. He really ate it. After the announcer’s introduction, John wasn’t surprised. He had been expecting as much.

“Eat this then,” John launched darts of darkness. Tusa sucked it all in and then groaned as he patted his large stomach. He really did have a strong stomach.

John phased next to him, and struck the back of his neck. The glaive’s blade got sucked into his skin. John had to let his weapon go. He jumped back three steps as the gigantic Tusa slowly turned.

He jumped ten feet into the air and landed on his back, splitting the ground around John. John felt too shaken to phase. He tried to regain his balance, but Tusa had already gotten up and had John’s hands in a vice like grip. John kicked Tusa’s stomach but the impact was absorbed once again.

Tusa wrestled with John, slowly forcing him to the ground. What was the fat man trying to do? Sit on him? John wouldn’t let that happen. He decided to play dirty. He weaved wind, causing a tornado of sand to hit Tusa. Tusa had to cover his eyes and John escaped his hold. He kept the tornado planted on Tusa, but Tusa opened his big mouth and swallowed it. He ran after John, his speed turning from a walk to a run to a relentless charge. John phased to get behind Tusa, but Tusa turned at that moment, ready to grab John once more. John jumped back just in time, and phased away.

An idea struck John as he jumped away. If Tusa could really devour planets it wouldn’t work, but John knew that Tusa’s stomach had to have a limit. Nobody’s appetite was endless.

“Hey, big man. Eat this!”

John weaved spatial balls. They were small and invisible but carried great weight. Each ball must have been half of Tusa’s weight. Within the balls he planted spatial rifts. He sent them flying and Tusa sucked them all in. Tusa immediately fell to the ground and whimpered. The ground cracked from the impact.

“I surrender,” Tusa screamed in pain. “Get them out of me! Get them out of me!”

John phased by his side. “Do you promise to obey me from now on.” It would be good to have such a strong subordinate. It might cost a fortune to feed him but it was worth it.

“Yes,” Tusa screamed. “I’ll obey you.”

John unraveled the weaves and left the arena, to the sounds of the crowd’s booing. The fight was too short to please them. The crowd was losing patience with John, but he didn’t care. There was only one match left and that was the big one, Oor versus Hatish.