The Wizards of Wreckworld are the most reliable magic-users in the Nine Realms. And they’re for sale.

• Chisel

7 Hours Later (Lowgarden Time) - Copycat - On The Trail

It’s early morning and we’re back on the trail to the Sprained Knee Hills. A new trail, since we lost the old one. Cy thinks we can get there in two days if we keep a brisk pace. He’s in front, keeping a brisk pace. Presto and I are rear guard, smoking and slowly falling behind.

“So, how was last night?” I ask, as I smoke to banish my hangover.

“Great! I highly recommend getting kidnapped.” says Presto. He’s smoking for the hell of it. Apparently he’s immune to hangovers.

“The goblin ninja seemed nice.”

“I don’t think so, but she sure was fun. She was trying to get information from me, but I ended up getting information from her.”

“By leveraging your superior lovemaking skills?”

“Nope. I just didn’t know anything.” says Presto cheerily. “I guess the tree was supposed to grab you. There’s a bounty on your head.”

“Huh. What’d I do?”

“That’s what she wanted to know. Before she sold you to Wrecker.”

Cy stops walking. Turns back to us.

“Who’s Wrecker?” I ask.

“The eternal god-king of Wreckworld. His real name is Pontificus or something.” says Presto.

“Polonius.” corrects Cy.

“Whatever. He’s a dickhead. We all call him Wrecker.” Presto smokes. “He runs a school for wizards.”

“He brainwashes the lost and hopeless.” corrects Cy.

Presto shrugs. “He does both. It’s a tight operation.”

“Well I ain't a hopeless wizard.” I say. “What’s he want with me?”

“Nobody knows.” says Presto. “But he wants you bad. He’s offering one thousand battle magi for your capture. ”

“Holy fuck.” gasps Cy.

“Is that valuable?” I ask.

Presto laughs. “It is if you want to kick the shit out of somebody.”

“Why aren’t those goblins chasing us?” Cy asks.

“I told them Wrecker was scared of Copycat. If they let us go, we could take him out.” Presto smokes. “So that’s on the to-do list.”

“Defeat eternal god-king.” I nod. “Got it.”

Presto laughs again. Starts walking. Cy is dumbfounded. I give him a pat on the back. “Let’s go, big guy.” We get moving.

I guess I should be freaked out by the outrageous bounty, but I’m kind of relieved. Powerful opposition makes my quest more credible. I’ve been low-key worried that I’m delusional.

We trek at a good clip for the rest of the day. We’re more serious now. Still high as balls, but serious. We can see the Sprained Knee Hills in the distance when a two ton Minotaur materializes and crushes Presto with a huge mace.

“Fuck!” Cy summons the eternal flame and torches the beast. The flaming monster turns from Presto and smashes Cy, slamming him to the ground. Puts a heavy hoof on Cy’s neck, and bears down. The flames surrounding him gutter and die out.

I swing my club and smash the minotaur between the eyes. Again. Again. Nothing. He doesn’t even flinch. Cy’s fading out - a hard teleport that will destroy his mind. I hold my club like a spear and jab the bull in the eye. That gets his attention. His mace flashes towards me in a short, brutal, chop. Breaks my chest. I flop down. Can’t move.

He looms over me. Raises his mace high for a tremendous blow. I can’t move. I’m helpless. The panic I feel is no mere emotion - it’s a physical force, consuming my body, erasing my mind. I gotta get out of here. The world starts to blur. It’s kinda familiar…

No.

Fuck this.

I will my body back together. For time to slow. For another chance. To do things differently. I refuse to lose everything again. My mind. My friends. I refuse to become a monster.

No.

The mace descends and a horrible pressure in my chest rises to meet it. The two collide in a thunderclap, blowing us away from each other. When the dust clears, the minotaur is looking bemusedly at his scorched, scarred, mace. I’m back on my feet, not doing good, but healed enough to stand and fight. Beside me is an orc woman - tall, beat up, black vest - casually swinging a club. Holy fuck, is that me?

The other me gives a wink, circles to the right of the minotaur. I nod and circle left. The minotaur tries to watch us both, gives up and swings his head towards Other Me. I fake a jab at his eye, he spins to block, and Other Me swoops in to crack the side of his knee.

He yelps and turns. I give my hardest two handed swing and connect with his thumb. The mace hits the ground. Other Me cracks his knee again. He crumples forward, pawing for his mace. This time the eye jab is real. He howls, raising his hands to protect his face. I slam his other thumb. Other Me is hacking at his ankles - huge overhand swings like she’s chopping wood.

We ignore his impervious head and rock hard torso, cracking and bruising his hands, knees, ankles, and eyes. Eventually, the minotaur whimpers and curls in a ball. I back off to help Cy, keeping one eye on the treacherous beast.

Cy’s all fucked up. Shoulder flattened, throat ruined. I refuse to accept it. Will him whole. His neck and chest pop back into shape. He sputters to his feet. Looks around warily. “Ow.”

I turn. Mino’s still down, Other Me has Presto back on his feet. Good girl.

Cy looks from me, to Other Me, and back. “Copycat. I get it.”

I shrug. Walk over to my other self. “What happens now? Do we merge or something?”

“No thanks.” She runs off into the woods.

Huh. Was not expecting that.

Cy grunts. “That should end well.”

“Should we go after her?” I ask.

Presto shakes his head. “When a woman destroys a minotaur, she sometimes needs to run wild in the woods. It’s best to let it happen.”

We stand around awkwardly.

“Thanks for the healing spell.” says Cy.

“You’re welcome.”

“I still feel terrible.”

“Me too.” I rub my chest. “I don’t think I’m doing it quite right.”

“It was awesome.” Cy grins. “But yes, let’s stop trying to cure hangovers. This is worse.”

Presto does some stretches. Unpacks some beer and sandwiches. Cy walks over to the minotaur. Picks up the mace. “This is mine now.” The bull whimpers.

We leave some beer and sandwiches for the minotaur, and head out, munching and drinking as we walk.

What a fucking day.