This is inspired by a series of events which lasted for 2-4 months a few years ago, I don’t remember when, so I guess it was 2015.

First, we need to talk about Nestle. We all know Nestle. They make food and stuff. They also have many cases filed against them for child labour and illegal usurping land, but we are not gonna talk about it, instead, we are gonna talk about how good Nestle is.

Nestle is so good, once the government said,

“Could you produce less waste?”

And Nestle said, 

“Sure.” And they stopped producing wastes. Nestle, like other multinational companies does not produce any wastes of any kind, no waste, nothing. No waste. Absolutely none at all.

So, there was this guy, and he was like,

“Hey, this river on which your factory is built, the fishes in it are dying.”

And Nestle said,

“Oh yeah, we....release some...heavy...Aluminium. Sorry, we will fix that.”

And they did fixed it! Or so I think, I couldn’t find anything related to that case on internet. It just disappeared so I hope it was resolved peacefully.

But even though the event was completely erased, people by this point, had heard of it.

And, you see, people are very intelligent. People aren’t stupid, they think. 

So when people heard the report, they thought

“Hey heavy metals! I know of them. They are that pencil thing. The black one. I know of it.”

And that started the rumour which was the beginning of the end.

The rumour which led to quite a disturbance in economy.

[Nestle adds lead and arsenic in their food]

Now, this is, we all have to admit, quite normal. 

I mean, name one company which hasn’t been accused of adulteration. I am gonna make it easier, name one company which hasn’t been accused of adulteration in past year.

But, you see, something happened that had never happened before.

And that is, people used their brains.

Now, if you imagine lead, you would imagine a big black chunk. And you are right, lead does looks like that.

But, the lead that is often added as an impurity, isn’t pure lead, but lead acetate, its most common ore.

Here’s what it looks like.

Notice how it looks like glass? (Chances are I got lazy and didn’t added the picture, so google it yourself)(Edit: I was lazy, but I managed to do it)

Readers, we have our next rumour!

[Nestle adds glass to food]

But you see, people aren’t stupid. People don’t just believe everything they read on Facebook or Twitter. People think.

So people thought,

“Why would Nestle add glass to food?”

And people reached to an answer!

[Nestle adds glass to instant noodle to make it crunchier]

Oh, but you know what else is crunchy?

[Potato chips have glass added to them to make them crunchy]

So, yeah, the famine starts now.

People refused to buy all these, to the point where government had to intervene and announce they have tested all these and they are safe.

And people believed that, they just didn’t buy any snacks.

But you know, people think.

And they thought,

“If glass makes food crunchy, what about soft food?”

And readers, let me tell you, we have now reached the point where if you switch on your TV and go to a news channel, they shall all have the same exclusive. Every channel, same news.

[Dumplings are made of Dogs]

Now, let me tell you something.

When you start as a journalist, you don’t get the good stuff.

Chances are, you won’t even get mentioned, you are nothing but a reporter who happened to be on the site. Just a nameless staff reporter.

I once went to these caves, about an 3 years ago, Ajanta caves they were called, there I met 2 of them, journalists who have to roam all around hoping to catch a good scene. I suppose they were at the caves in hopes it would collapse, but it didn’t.

Those 2 reporters, as soon as I entered the cave, they started their recording.

“Good evening viewers, today we are here at Ajanta Cave to see the limits of a human body.

Here you can see a young individual, so young and full of excitement who is ready to venture in these caves.

Viewers, let me tell you once again, we are in Ajanta caves, and it is pitch black here and truth to be told, we aren’t brave enough to go into a thousand-year-old cave. This is so fragile, I feel like tapping on this rock will break it."

Readers, if you ever go to Ajanta Caves, let me tell you they are quite well lit and there are many pillars to support the structure.

Now talking about Ajanta caves, they are a group of 4 caves, 

Tiger, the easiest where you have to walk

Panther, where you have to crouch

Porcupine, where you have to crawl

Ape, where you have to climb.

This incident occurred at the Ape cave, where I had to climb a wall just so you know, I kinda fell which just led to more commentary

“Look at this young man, he has fallen once, but we all know he shall rise again, because he shall not give up and lose to these mere rocks!”

Dear reader, the reason to recall this incident is to explain one point,

Noobies journalists are hungry for attention.

Coming back, so we have our snacks famine, no snacks are now available in market.

So, there was this junior journalist, who thought he could gain some fame if he takes advantage of the panic.

This particular journalist, he went to a river and started recording and scooped out some water, showing it has black insects in it.

And behold people, we have our next world ending rumour.

[Water contains pre-historic insects that scientists have no way of killing]

And you know what, water is a big no no too.

People refused to drink water supplied by government and instead bought packaged water bottles, not realising that both have same source.

But the price difference exists, you know, government gives water at 0.0005 cents(approx) per litre per month while private companies gave it at 0.5$ per 1 litre bottle.

The government decided to use this opportunity to support smaller companies, and gave providing them infrastructure in return of using their brand name while giving out water.

This incident continued for a week, people would buy like 20 litre bottles every day to use. Since it was just government water with a brand name on it, it was cheap too, just 1$ per 20 litre bottle

But this calmed down relatively quick, people realised that government is giving cheaper water, so it must be good.

Keep in mind that the snack famine is still going on.

Now one day, I received a message on my class group.

Special emphasis on word ‘class group'

This wasn’t a friends group, it wasn’t a family group, it was a class group.

The message was a link to a Facebook article, and was sent by my history teacher.

The Facebook article had picture of this angry looking lady.

Real angry looking. She looked so angry, as if she has been trying to kill a mosquito for minutes, but it slips out every time.

Alongside that angry lady, was a list of sodas and the amount of rat poison in them.

And people, we come to next world ending rumour.

[Coca Cola has 15% rat poison]

So, no soft drinks as well. 

No snacks, no drinks. 

Dear Readers, some of you might be thinking,

“Well, I can’t drink all that, but at least I have an old trusty lemonade with me, right?”

Wrong Mr./Mrs Reader, 

[Lemons, tomatoes and onions have uranium added to them to keep them fresh for longer.] 

This was even posted in national newspaper. Pictures of people gaining a few extra hands after eating them went viral.

So, no lemonade as well.

Huh.

Well, at least I can sip a cup of tea in peace.

[Milk has paint added to it]

Readers, for the last rumour, I am going to elaborate a bit.

People stooped buying lemons, tomatoes, onions and milk, for the next 3 days.

The number seems small, but think about how much dairy is sold in a day.

About 5 hundred thousand tons of dairy is consumed every day all over the country.

And for 3 days, people didn’t buy it. Well, many were buying it, but we are gonna ignore them.

This was such a big loss, the milk companies had to increase the price of milk by 0.1 cent per litre for the next few weeks in order to compensate for it.

Moving on,

Now that government’s plan to calm the public had failed, private companies took into their hands to reveal the truth.

Private companies went on the stage and said,

“Hey people! I have the truth!

You know rice? The thing you have been eating?

That’s fake rice! Plastic!

The only real rice is my rice, I promise. I have this science guy say that my rice, best rice.”

And our next world ending rumour

[The government sucks]

At first, this was just innocent advertisements.

Then pictures of rice melting in heat became viral. Even plastic cauliflower became famous.

Soon, we had this wheat company which said that each and every of their grain has been individually picked.

Rice companies saying they have let their rice ferment for 36 years, which proves that it is not fake.

(I don’t know the logic behind that, I quick google search revealed that rice apparently releases these juices when fermented which prevents the fermentation of other rice, so it could be related to that.)

Readers, let me tell you an incident.

I was buying bread, when I saw that it has “Hydrogen Peroxide Free" stamped on it.

Readers, if you don’t know, Hydrogen Peroxide is a cleaner.

It’s like bleach, but stronger. It can remove almost all stains. It’s also much poisonous, but no one can be stupid enough to drink it, right?

So, I saw that stamp, and I thought,

“They are giving free Hydrogen peroxide?”

I looked around, expecting to see a small sachet of my cleaner taped to bread, but I couldn’t find it.

So, I went to the shop keeper, and asked him if he has the hydrogen peroxide which I am supposed to get.

And he explained to me that free hydrogen peroxide means I am not getting any.

Which is sad.

I wanted some.

So, this continued. Nothing special happened. Till one day people decided that we should go back to traditional way.

Brown rice,

Brown sugar,

Whole wheat bread.

And people realised that have really bad taste. Completely yuck. So they went back to buying snacks like normal people.

And everyone was happy!

The End.