“Now what?” Lily didn’t even know who had said it, if it had even been said out loud. Not at first, of course. At first, they had kissed. Of course, Lily had never kissed before. Not like that, at least. Sure, she’d apparently kissed a girl when they were both, like, two. That had been the beginning and end of her experiences there. 

Lying in bed, arms and legs all tangled up, their senses completely overwhelmed by the presence of the other person, that had been entirely new. Rachel had clearly known what she was doing, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t been wasn’t messy or needy. By contrast, Lily had been trying to cover the gap in her experiences by sheer force of will, although there had been a voice in the back of her head that told her to hold back. The last thing she had wanted was for Rachel to feel like she was being pushy, overly dominant, masculine.

So she’d been a little more passive than she maybe wanted to be, letting the more experienced woman pull her in, wrap an arm around her waist and make her feel so eminently desired it had threatened to completely wipe any thought from her mind and replace it with the raw sensation of being there. 

Something she had never considered, something that, in retrospect, was pretty obvious, was that moments like that couldn’t last forever, and that they didn’t always spectacularly end with a fade-to-black. Sometimes, someone just has to get up and pee. 

Lily was washing her hands when she felt two arms slowly wrap around her waist, and a soft kiss being planted on the back of her neck, and she cried. Something about the gentleness of the kiss, of the way she was being held, felt so right. She felt small and safe in a way she never had before. She felt like… like a woman, being held by another woman. That had never been something that had been an option, something she’d considered that way. That someone would want to pull her in closer, to make her feel like she was… this. 

She turned around and Rachel immediately went from kissing-mode to protective, and it took Lily a quick moment to reassure her nothing was wrong. 

“It’s just a lot,” she mumbled. “I never knew this was allowed.”

“It is,” Rachel said, and she kissed Lily on the nose. “Not only that, but I think it’s a major upgrade. It’s not even hard to see the girl.” Lily looked at her in shock, her eyes wide, and Rachel grinned, gently pushing her nose with her finger. “See? There she is.”

“You’re going to make me cry again,” Lily mumbled. 

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said, pulling away a little bit. Lily caught her hand and smiled. 

“I didn’t say I wanted you to stop.” They both giggled softly. “It’s all still so new and so… undiluted, I guess,” Lily said. “Everything hits harder, now. Like it was all being numbed, muted, before.” She shrugged. “I guess that makes sense, considering I was trying to feel them like someone I wasn’t, I guess.”

“That does make sense,” Rachel said, and she leaned against the kitchen counter. “And if it becomes too much, let me know, okay?” 

“I promise,” Lily said. “Actually… I could use some fresh air, and I need to do groceries. Do you want to come with?” Rachel nodded enthusiastically. 

“Yeah! I need to pick some stuff up for tonight. Amelia is coming over, if that’s okay.” Lily nodded, but there was a pang of guilt that came associated with that agreement, a pang of guilt she had kind of hoped would have just gone away now that she realized she was allowed to be a girl. Guilt, because a part of her wanted to keep Rachel to herself. 

“Yeah,” Lily said. “Let me just grab my coat.” 

They were out the door fairly quickly, although Rachel had tossed Lily one of her scarves. It wasn’t much, but something about the small gesture, about getting to wear something that was, even if only barely, women’s clothing, made Lily feel all warm and fuzzy. The days were slowly becoming a little colder, although not by much, so the scarf ended up being a welcome addition to her outfit. 

But what really surprised her was Rachel, when they were walking next to each other, slowly taking her hand, her soft fingers entwining with Lily’s own. She turned to look at her ‘roommate’, but Rachel was simply looking innocently ahead. Walking quietly like that was… wonderful. Sure, most people who saw them walking would probably see a girl holding her boyfriend’s hand, but knowing there was more to them, more to her than that — it felt real. It felt nice. 

They let go when they got to the grocery store, just because romance sometimes needs to take a back seat when one person has to push the shopping cart, and slowly meandered through the store, Lily pointing out things they needed. 

“How do you know what to get?” Rachel asked as she grabbed the indicated bag of egg noodles off the shelf and put it in the cart. 

“When I’m thinking of what to cook,” Lily said, “I try to create the image in my head of what I want the final product to look and taste like, and I just kinda… work backwards from there.” She spoke quietly. Her voice was also one of those things that was becoming harder and harder to ignore, but she’d found some sources online. It was a lot of hard work and training, and she wasn’t seeing a lot of progress yet, but she was also determined as hell. 

“You just memorize it?” Rachel asked, a little surprised as she put a hand on the shopping cart’s bar, right next to Lily’s, their fingers touching ever so slightly. It sent a jolt of wonderful electricity up Lily’s arm. 

“Well, sort of, I guess? I just know what goes in what I want to make,” she said, and then pointed at a small basil plant. “The rest sorts itself out.” She looked at Rachel and blushed. “Sorry, I wish I could give a better response.” 

“Nothing to apologize for,” Rachel said, and bumped Lily with her hip, then jumped up. “Oh!” She pointed at a fridge as they passed it, hurried over, and retrieved a box of something.

“Coffee jelly?” Lily was curious more than anything, and cocked her head. 

“Yeah! You’ve never had it before?” Rachel asked. Lily shook her head. “Okay! We’re having it tonight, then!” Rachel scurried over a lane and came back with a can of whipped cream. “I promise you’ll love it.”

Lily was a little bit skeptical. She tended to just stick to ice cream when it came to desserts, but then again, if there was ever a time to try new things, it had to be now, right? They continued their exploration of the store, only occasionally stealing a kiss, while Lily went over the grocery list in her head and the cart slowly filled up. 

“So,” Rachel asked while they waited at the check-out line, “what now?” The question had been playing around in Lily’s head too, although she didn’t know when it had first popped into her head. Probably when they had still been wrapped around each other in Rachel’s bed. She blushed thinking about it. 

“I don’t know,” Lily said, and that was true. It was more than just not being able to make a decision. She simply had no frame of reference for something like this. From what she’d heard, her own parents had sort of fallen traditionally eyes-across-a-crowded-room in love (although apparently, fancy wines had been involved in some fashion, and they had both been banned from the restaurant) so she didn’t really have anything to compare this to. “I guess… I guess I think I’d like to see where this goes? If that’s okay?”

Rachel smiled. “I’d like that,” she said. “Can I ask, though… what is ‘this’ to you?”

“A dream come true?” Lily chuckled. “I don’t know, really. I guess I’ve had feelings for you for a while,” she confessed. “So for me, this is definitely… uh… a lot?”

“That makes sense!” Rachel said happily. Even when she was standing still, something about her had ‘twirling’ energy. She wore the kind of dresses that flared out when she spun around, and Lily found herself yearning in a way she couldn’t put to words. Rachel put a hand on her arm when she caught her looking. “We’ll get you some dresses that go spinny,” she said. “Advice from Amelia.” With a wink, she turned forward, leaving the flustered Lily to push the cart closer to the register. 

“I think a part of me,” Lily said, a little more softly, “kind of maybe wants this to be something real?” The flustering was getting worse. When Rachel turned to face her, it was clear a blush had crept up onto her face too. 

“Oh my, Lily,” she said, matching Lily’s quiet tone, “this is all going so fast. Next you’re going to ask me to move in with you.” Her lips split into a wide grin. 

“I — but we — oh,” Lily said, and squinted. “How dare you.” 

“For what it’s worth,” Rachel said, breezing right past that, “I like to imagine that too. I’ve felt… really comfortable living with you, for completely impossible to pin-down reasons.” They both chuckled. “And I like to think we work pretty well together,” she added. “Not to rush into things, of course, but I wouldn’t mind having you as, oh, I don’t know, my girlfriend.”

She pursed her lips and looked at Lily, who was rapidly becoming a puddle of emotions and trying not to show it. “Aa. Really?” Lily squeaked. Her tormentor nodded. “I think I’d like that too. But like… wouldn’t that clash with Amelia?”

Rachel cocked her head in confusion as she stepped in front of the register to pay. She didn’t say anything, probably not wanting to create an awkward situation with the girl ringing up their items, instead just frowning to herself. When they were both laden with plastic bags and out the door, Rachel stopped for a moment. “Why would Amelia be a problem? Has she mentioned something?” 

“Oh, no,” Lily said as they started walking again. “Just… If I’m your girlfriend, wouldn’t that affect your relationship with her? I mean, you only have the one, right?” 

Rachel’s frown deepened. “I… That’s not how I see things,” she said. “I like you, Lily, but like… Are you saying you want me to break up with Amelia? Because I don’t…”

“I don’t know,” Lily said, feeling the conversation slipping through her fingers and not knowing how to hold on to it. How had things gone from cute and sweet and happy to this in such a short amount of time? It was giving her whiplash. “I mean, that’s how it works, right? If you really like someone, you stop with this whole kind of… I don’t know. I think I just kind of expected…”

“I’m sorry, no,” Rachel said, looking at the ground. “Like, I like you a lot, but I’m not monogamous. That’s not really something that’s negotiable, Lily.” She seemed to be genuinely upset, and Lily wanted to do something to fix things. She felt she had somehow done damage to what had only a minute ago appeared to be a burgeoning relationship. But she still felt weird when it came to Amelia, and she was allowed to say that, wasn’t she? She wanted to be Rachel’s girlfriend, wasn’t it normal to want to be the person who made Rachel smile? Lily was lost in thought, both of them looking straight ahead as they walked home. She didn’t know what to say, what to do, but she knew something had to be done. 

Salvation sat on their front porch. Amelia waved as they both approached. “Hi!” she said, “I’m sorry if I’m a bit early, I just got done with my homew— What did you do?” She looked between the both of them, rolled her eyes and pointed at the door. “Both of you. Inside. Now.”

Elamimax

she's this close to smacking them with a rolled-up newspaper.

The story is finished and available to read right now for Patrons, who will also have exclusive content and chapters (like a smut chapter after the main one for this story), so consider checking out my Patreon, along with a lot of other as-of-yet unpublished stuff (like an entire secret in-progress story!), and even some exclusive chapters. It's not expensive, and it really does help me out a lot!

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Heck,

Ela