The moment I realized my sinful feelings, I regretted building a good relationship with my daughter. Alexandria has been more physical since then and trying to get closer to me, yet I can't even look at her in the eye. All I could think about was her spread legs in front of me whenever I look at her.

 

I understood I shouldn't have these feelings, yet I don't know how to suppress them. Frankly, I don't think I'd want to. I know I have to stop looking at Alexandria intimately like this, but every time she touches me, asks me to bathe with her, sleep with her, I can't suppress my heart from skipping a beat. I can't help but fall deeper for her whenever she smiles at me. I can't help myself but imagine how she would look if I touch her whenever I see her bare body. I can't stop myself from thinking about her whenever I can't see her. I just can't.

 

I knew I lost my pride as her mother when I realized that I want my daughter the way pirates covet for their slaves. I could feel my cravings accumulate every time I think of her to the point that it hurts. I need to let it out. I need to vent on something. I need to be with her. I need my daughter, I want Alexandria.

 

Similar to how I can't stop myself from loving her, I won't stop myself from hating this disgusting monster inside of me. I hate myself for wanting her. Of all people in the world, why did it have to be her?

 

When my child showed me her status, I felt relieved and disappointed when I knew how high her charm stat was. I couldn't understand it. I should feel relieved that my lustful thoughts were because Alexandria inherited our Avital's charms, but why do I feel a little sad?

 

Regardless of how I'm currently feeling, I felt better after discovering that my emotions are all because of Alexandria's charms and nothing more.

 

Knowing the reason was more relieving than I thought. With Leo gone, I took charge of her magic classes. Although we have completely different elements, I can still teach her how to defend herself against magicians, especially against one with more destructive magic.

 

I also used this time to teach her about the deeper workings of our organization. Seeing her eagerness to learn made me proud to be a pirate for the first time in my life. I wanted her to recognize the adventure that laid hidden amidst the cruelty of pirates. I need her to know how unfair society is, especially for innocent angels like my princess. She needs to know when to be kind and when to burn everything to the ground.

 

Alexandria was showing her potential more and more as I continue her education. Her battle tactics were improving to the point that I needed to take her seriously from time to time. She was growing faster than any kid I've ever seen before. Everything was going well until I receive news about my husband, who has been missing for the past six months.

 

Remembering that I still had a husband this way wasn't exactly comforting. All I could think about was how I could improve Alexandria's education further. My mind was full of ways to better spend my time with her or create more memorable memories with her. She's all I could think about. Leo never crossed my mind, not until now.

 

The initial disgust I felt resurfaced in my heart. How could I be so cruel as to ignore my husband's existence? How can I be so heartless as to only care about my daughter and spare not even a hint of worry for my husband? My husband who has always tried his best to make me smile despite our unwanted circumstance. My husband who never once complained about my undesirable attitude. Why am I so ruthless?

 

I completely distanced myself from my child after that. I had Zilpa take a light magician for Alexandria as her teacher. It doesn't matter if I get hurt in the process. I need to give myself some space to allow myself to get away from her charm's effects. Knowing that one is affected by it does not help in overcoming it, I suppose.

 

I started reclaiming my duties and worked my arse off in improving Ziba's Hundred Island Pirates. It's a good thing that I'm spending less and less time around Alexandria. She looked like she's enjoying herself under her teacher's guidance. Zilpa told me that she was an excellent mage in Narendra City, east from here. She was still in her early twenties, yet I can't help but think they look good together.

 

What should I do if my child starts liking her? What can I do if my daughter starts wanting her? Do I have the right to do something if Alexandria chooses her over me? I'm only her mother, her disgusting mother who lusts over her daughter.

 

I thought this distance is supposed to help me recover from my daughter's charms? But why can't I stop my heart from hurting whenever I see her treating her teacher well? I know that children are supposed to be gentle and good people, but why do I hate it so much whenever she's kind to her teacher? I know what I'm feeling is all in my head. None of it is real, but why can't I be happy for my daughter whenever she's having fun without me?

 

My thoughts aren't genuine; I know that. It's all an illusion created by my daughter's charm stat. I love my child the way mothers love their daughters. I only look at her lustfully because of her charm, nothing more, nothing less. I'm not the monster I thought I was, right?

 

But why, why do I still expect her to choose me. Why do I still want her to ask things from me? Why do I still look forward to her invitations? Why do I feel relieved that her teacher is nothing but a slave? Why do I keep filling my thoughts with her? Isn't the whole point of what I'm doing is to stop liking her? To stop being a monster?

 

So why do I hate myself so much for not choosing to be with her?

 

 

---

 

I came home very late one morning, and I've had a lot to drink the night before when I attempted to drown out all the anxieties that are eating me up inside. After freshening up to sober up, I found myself in front of Alexandria's room. I didn't know why I was there, but I missed her so much that I could feel the weight pressuring my entire being.

 

Before I knew it, I was on her bed, laid down like I owned the place. I could see her figure in the room, doing her own thing in my mind. I could see her changing, walking around, exercising, sleeping. I could smell her scent all over the bed. Her sweet fragrance is invading my nostrils, plunging me into a field of flowers.

 

I could stay here all day, thinking about her smile, remembering every inch of her body, and imagining the way she touches her body whenever we take a bath. I could see it. I could see myself feeling her the way I want to, the way she wants to.

 

I know I shouldn't. I know this is wrong, sinful, immoral, corrupt. But I can't stop myself any longer. I slip a hand down my long skirt, cradling my flower in between my legs. I could feel the wetness of all my frustrations. As my clit twitched, I could see Alexandria's face looking at me lustfully the way I know she never would. As my finger slipped in between my flaps, I could see Alexandria cradling my legs as she sat on top of me while slipping her hands inside my shirt.

 

I could see her caressing my breasts as my free hand squeezed my mounds. I could feel her breath as she kissed my lips, trailing her tongue down my neck while my fingers slowly slip inside me. I could hear her muffled moans as she sucked on my nipple while my fingers pinched and pulled on them. I could smell her tantalizing aroma as I pulled her closer to me with her hands between my legs while my fingers rubbed against my spots intensely and aggressively. I could taste her saliva as our tongues intertwined while my fingers explored my insides.

 

I want her, and I can't live without her. I'm a monster.

 

I left the house, acting as if nothing happened after that. I couldn't look at her the same way I always do, not after what I did. I slumped on my chair as I buried myself with all the paperwork stacked in front of me. Otokar and Suzie were with me in the room. They were glancing at me worriedly that only made the atmosphere more awkward.

 

I let out a heavy sigh as I look up from my work, looking at them with exhaustion, self-loathing, and resignation.

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing. It's just you look more miserable the more you work here. If you want to go home and spend time with Alex, do it. O and I can take care of these."

 

". . . No, I don't want to be at home. I need to work. I've been putting all of this off for too long. Ziba needs its queen."

 

"But yer majesty, we don't need a queen who be forced to work as one."

 

"O! Don't listen to that scrawny dog, my lady. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

 

I let out another heavy sigh. I know what Otokar and Suzie are saying, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I let my head fall on my desk as I close my eyes, feeling my fears and worries creeping back inside my heart.

 

"Somethin' wrong, yer majesty?"

 

"I don't know what to do. I'm in love with someone I'm not supposed to, and I can't stop myself from loving that person despite knowing it's immoral."

 

Silence lingered in the area for a few minutes before Otokar spoke up.

 

"It be natural fer us gentlemen o' fortune to sleep with other people, especially since Leo's been gone fer more than 'alf a year. Ye be our queen. They be the worst scallywag o' the seven seas if they reject ye."

 

"Haa, I hope it was that easy. I need to set an example for Alexandria, and I can't do that to sweet Leo."

 

"Whoever it be, I be sure Leo will understand ye yer majesty. 'e loves ye that much."

 

"Speaking of Alex, my lady, will you be following tradition and introduce us on her sixth birthday? We haven't had any chance to meet with her."

 

"Right. It's my daughter's birthday in a few months, and I don't have a birthday gift yet. I'm the worst."

 

" 'ow be that lass?"

 

"She's an amazing girl. She's always curious about anything and everything. Even if I show her other futures than a pirate, she always asks how the organization works and the like."

 

"Alex wants to be a pirate? Are you going to give her Night Dew, my lady?"

 

"No. . . I. . . "

 

"Wait, yer majesty. Ye want Alex to be a buccaneer? Ye want 'er to live the way we do?"

 

"It's what she wants. It's not like I can say no to what my princess wants. Besides, unlike us who have piracy as our occupation, pirating is her way of life. I could see it in her eyes whenever she studies anything about pirating."

 

"Ye think she can do it, yer majesty?"

 

"She's an Avital. She's bound to succeed in buccaneering without any effort, not to mention that she's a perfect being. Alexandria learns faster than anyone else, versatile, open-minded, and is always ready to hunt. She barely looks like a five-year-old."

 

". . .I think she'll be a fine Cap'n, yer majesty."

 

"I know she will, which is why I need you to have our carpenters make a new jack for my princess. It wouldn't be appropriate for your captain to have no ship, don't you think?"

 

"W-wait! Did you say 'your captain'? My lady, if you're giving O to Alex, then that means you're sending me too. I don't want to serve another captain, and Alex is just a kid! A child can barely handle a deck full of pirates."

 

"Ye be really goin' to give me to Alex, yer majesty?"

 

"Yes, together with Brailch and Ainur. I need the four of you to look after my child whenever she sets out to the sea."

 

"What about Night Dew, yer majesty?"

 

"It's about time Devorah and his band of bandits take over Night Dew's helm. They've been with my father all this time, even after our absence. It's the least they should receive from the pirate king."

 

"But she's just a kid, my lady! I doubt she even knows what a crow's nest is!"

 

"Careful, Suzie, that's my child you're referring to."

 

Suzie choked on her words as she bit her lip. She stood up with clenched fists and stormed out of the room. I let out another sigh as the door slammed behind her, leaving Otokar and me in a room full of documents.

 

"Ye really like 'er, don't ye?"

 

"What do you mean by that?"

 

"If it were anyone else, they'd be swimmin' with the fishes by now."

 

". . . She's like a younger sister to me. Of course, I'd hate to turn her into shark bait."

 

"Yet ye did nay mind 'avin' me cleaved to the brisket, yer majesty?"

 

"I didn't. . . I was crazy back then. Can I count on you to convince Suzie?"

 

"By yer will, yer majesty."

 

 

---

 

It took Otokar to convince Suzie the first few months for a compromise, and when she saw my daughter for the first time on Alexandria's sixth birthday gained her cooperation. It was pretty unsettling for me to see the look in their eyes as Alexandria smiled her brightest with every gift she received, but I understood it wasn't anyone's fault. My daughter is simply that charming, while my people were just victims of her beauty. How could I ever fault anyone for something uncontrollable?

 

Their marriage proposals were particularly annoying. They kept introducing their children to my daughter while discussing the benefits of their marriage to me. Having my daughter tie the knot with one of the more influential bunch among my people would be best, but my heart isn't ready yet. I want to believe that although she doesn't show it, she's uncomfortable with the situation, which is why I rejected all their offers.

 

Seeing my daughter's reaction as she received Matris Amore was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. Her eyes twinkled brighter than any star, and her smile shined more brilliant than the rising sun.

 

After receiving Matris Amore, she started spending her afternoons in the harbor with her new crew. It was heart-warming to hear that my daughter has been earning the trust of her hands rather than forcing them. The slaves she received from Devorah were probably the most valuable gift she's received aside from Matris Amore. She even had me build a separate building for their dwelling. Alexandria never went anywhere without the two of them. I thought she'd start considering them a part of our family, but she named them 'One' and 'Two,' so I suppose she's not that attached.

 

The three of them did everything together, except whenever my daughter is at home. Whenever Alexandria was training, learning, or even socializing in the harbor, One and Two would always be behind her. They looked like bodyguards who were guarding their princess. I wanted to get jealous of their relationship, but I knew they were nothing more than slaves, and I was too busy managing the organization to care about them. I just want my daughter to be happy.

 

Our lives continued as it is, and my feelings towards my daughter were becoming more familial rather than romantic. I became confident enough that I suggested a month-long expedition as her first voyage in the briny deep as her seventh birthday. She didn't want something grand like the one she had the previous year, and I wanted to allow her to showcase the pirating skills she's learned.

 

It was an eventful month. Alexandria earned her crew's respect and got to explore some of the lower-leveled dungeons on each island. One and Two also gained a lot of experience while fighting in the dungeons with my daughter's help. I reckon they're as strong as novice pirates by their stats. They'll grow more powerful in the future, especially under Alexandria's guidance.

 

Some kids had also gotten interested in my daughter's morning routines that they started following her schedule. One of them was Uri, Devorah's child. It would be best if they get closer, but perhaps not too friendly.

 

My daughter was in a good mood this entire time, and I was getting comfortable about everything. I wasn't jealous whenever I see or hear Alexandria's growing friendships with the kids her age anymore. I was getting less irritated whenever I couldn't see my daughter's shadow. My heart was finally settling down until I received the news of Leo's long-awaited arrival.

 

I was excited at first. I can finally see my husband after all this time and forget about everything regarding my daughter. Unfortunately for me, Leo just had to bring his other family with him. I was annoyed, of course, when I saw them. Not because of his infidelity affecting our marriage, but his adultery harming his relationship with Alexandria.

 

When we talked about it as we arrived at home, Alexandria led his other children to her room and entertained them there. My daughter is so thoughtful, isn't she? Her mother, on the other hand, is the most sinful woman who has ever lived.

 

Instead of betrayal and disappointment, all I felt was relief and pity about our situation. I was relieved because I had enough reason to cut my ties with Leo. Sure, it was a pity that my daughter would lose her father, but I have been both Alexandria's mama and papa ever since Leo's absence. I can take care of our daughter just fine, and this train of thought disgusted me even more.

 

Have I gone so low that I wished for my marriage's misfortune to satisfy my immoral conduct?

 

These emotions were my bottom line. I can't bear to live with myself. After all, I had to get away. I need to get away, for the sake of my family, my daughter. Alexandria deserves a better mother than something like me.

 

I packed my luggage and left the house. I can't face Alexandria at this rate, not while I'm like this. I locked myself in Ziba's inn while I organized my thoughts and buried myself with work. I drank and cried myself to sleep every night that Otokar had to take care of me on some nights. He never let Suzie see me like this, or else she'd be disappointed by my current state. Not that I can blame her, of course. I'm pretty disappointed in myself, after all.

 

One night, while I was preparing myself for another night of drowning in liquor and seld-loathing, I realized that I needed more alcohol than what I had in stock. I went out of the room, only to find someone standing there. I was about to scream and burn the person outright, but as it turns out, it was none other than my daughter, Alexandria. The last person I'd want to see me like this.

 

I thought that I was so drunk for a second that perhaps I was hallucinating, but my daughter's warm hug washed all my hopes and dreams of this being an illusion. I tried to pry her away, send her back home, but she wouldn't.

 

How am I supposed to think straight when she's here, looking so beautiful despite tears welling up in her eyes? How am I supposed to organize my thoughts when all I can think about is how I hate myself if you blame yourself because of me?

 

I can't hide it any longer, not when she blames herself for my leaving. I have to tell her regardless of the consequences. If she hates me, is disgusted by me, and wants nothing to do with me, I'll simply have to accept it. No matter how heart-wrenching it may be. I have to continue my life knowing that my daughter, the love of my life, hates me so much and that she can never be mine.

 

I already prepared myself that I won't be experiencing happiness ever again but to my surprise, I could never be happier after hearing what my daughter said next. She said she also liked me. She said that she wasn't disgusted by me, and she also wanted me the way I want her. My daughter also loves me the way I love her.

 

I'm not a monster, after all.

 

 

---

 

I couldn't be any happier after realizing my love for Alexandria. My mood turned an entire 180 degrees when I returned home with Alex in tow that I opened my heart to Leo's other family. Leo was still in captivity when I reestablished my relationship with Alexandria, and she hasn't looked for him as vehemently as I thought she would. I think she really hates him after cheating on me. Perhaps I ought to reward him for bringing us closer instead?

 

I banished Leo with a ship full of his crew and supplies as punishment for his transgressions. He's lucky that he still has his life intact after humiliating me like that in front of my people.

 

Hulda was the one who carried out my punishment as I was too busy being with my new lover, Alexandria, which was why I was surprised when Jana came to my office one night.

 

"Wait! Please! Lady Xandra, your excellency, m'lady, your majesty! Please, I beg of you. . . Please spare Sir Leo!"

 

"Let her go, Suzie. Why should I spare my unfaithful husband, Jana? You're lucky I didn't include you in his punishment."

 

"Because he's not the father of my children!"

 

My heart dropped down to my stomach when I heard Jana's words. If Leo wasn't the twins' father, then who was?

 

". . . What are you saying. . . ?"

 

"My, my children. I, I was Jack's plaything, Leo's younger brother. H-he was the freebooter behind the new base in OAN, and Sir Leo rescued me when they attacked. I was being abused by that monster, and he took me in after learning that I was pregnant. He said that it was his way of atoning for his brother's sins by taking responsibility. So please, your majesty, m'lady, I beg of you, please spare Sir Leo and punish me instead!"

 

My mind blanked as I had Otokar send Jana back home. How could this happen? Why did he lie to me? If the twins aren't Leo's children, and he didn't commit infidelity, th-then, Alex has no reason to hate him. Will she back off if she knew that Leo wasn't the unfaithful bastard who hurt her mother like she thought he was? Will she disapprove of me once she knows that Jana is her aunt and the twins are her cousins instead of her step-siblings?

 

No, I can't let Leo take Alexandria away from me, not when we're finally together. I can't let this happiness slip from my fingers anymore.

 

He has to die.

 

"Suzie."

 

"Yes, my lady?"

 

"Scuttle Leo's ship. Make sure that dead men tell no tales."

 

". . . Are you sure about this, my lady?"

 

"Don't make me repeat myself."

 

"By your will, my lady."