It was a profoundly awkward drive to Noelle’s house. Dustin didn’t say anything the whole time, but he kept sneaking looks at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. By the time we got to her driveway, my nerves were completely shot.

“Okay, what?” I finally snapped, once we had come to a stop and I turned off the engine.

Dustin’s eyes jerked away, looking out the window again. “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, you keep staring and not saying anything! Do I look terrible? Is that it?” 

My lips twisted into a frown. By the time Dustin’s mom had finished, I was almost convinced that I looked good, that I actually looked like a girl. But with how much Dustin had been staring at me, now I started to question that again. What had he noticed? Or was there just something about me that was subtly but unmistakably male, and now everyone would just be so subconsciously bothered by my face being wrong that they’d stare at me until they figured out the truth? I gripped the steering wheel tightly, keeping my hands from shaking.

“No,” Dustin said slowly. He still kept looking away from me. “It’s just that… you’re pretty.”

That wasn't what I expected to hear.

“...I am?”

His eyes met mine, and then they skittered away again. He was… blushing? “Yeah. Though, I mean, you looked cute before the makeup too.”

I blinked. And then I let out a choked laugh. “Oh. Okay. You’re messing with me, huh?”

“No,” he said, sounding weirdly serious. “I’m not.” 

“Cute?” I said, my voice wavering.

He froze in place. “Oh. Uh. Sorry, I guess… That’s not what I--” He grimaced. “I’m just saying, I’m sort of amazed how different you look now. And also sort of not? I-I’m rambling. You’re just pretty, okay? Take the compliment.” He crossed his arms, obviously trying to signal the end of the conversation.

That was fine by me; I couldn’t quite manage to look at him any more either. We both stared out our respective windows as I felt my own face growing hot. “Th-thanks,” I said.

“Yeah.”

The silence lengthened, as thoughts swirled around my head without making sense. The only thing I could focus on was: he thinks I’m pretty? Jeez dude, you can’t do that to me. If he thought I was ugly, I could just go hide forever. But this? I didn’t know how to deal with this.

“We… should go inside,” Dustin said.

“Right,” I said. “Yes. That makes sense. Let’s do that.”

I clicked my seatbelt open and climbed out of the car. Dustin and I didn’t look at each other the whole way as we walked up to the house, and I silently followed him inside. He didn’t even hesitate, climbing up the stairs and making his way to Noelle’s room.

I hung a bit behind, feeling more self-conscious than ever. It was only as we were standing out in the hallway and Dustin was knocking on Noelle’s bedroom door that I realized that now she was going to get to see me too.

“Wait,” I said. “Maybe I should go to the bathroom and check my…”

It was too late. The door swung open, and there was Noelle. “Hey!” she said, smiling broadly at Dustin. “Took you long enough. I got some work done on the project, but we need to make sure we can figure out clothes and makeup for…” She caught sight of me awkwardly hanging in the hall, and her eyes went round, the smile disappearing.

“Um. Hi,” I said, trying to smile even if I was worried it wound up more like a grimace. My fingers toyed with the blonde fringe of the wig, and I stared down at my feet.

“You…” Noelle trailed off. She looked at Dustin, a question in her eyes. “He…? What?”

“Does it not look good?” I said quietly.

Noelle shook her head vigorously. “No, you look fantastic!”

A tiny but genuine smile crossed my face at that, as Dustin muttered, “Told you.”

“But how?! Did you always know how to do this? Where did you get a wig?” Noelle pushed past Dustin and grabbed hold of my hands, getting me to finally look up at her.

“Dustin’s mom,” I answered. “She showed me what to do. I might need a bit more help on Monday itself, but I think I understand well enough.”

Noelle glanced between me and Dustin, surprise plain on her face. “Wait,” she said slowly. “You met Dustin’s mom?”

“Yeah. Since he lives on my street, I stopped by earlier. It took us a little longer than expected, but I watched the kids while Dustin took care of some chores, and then his mom helped me out with the makeup and stuff.”

“Oh, so you met his whole family, huh?” Her words came out a bit sharper than I expected. I looked between the two of them. Noelle was no longer smiling, and Dustin looked… confused, bordering on guilty? But suddenly, Noelle's smile was back. “How nice,” she said brightly. 

“Noelle…” Dustin said, but she raised a hand, cutting him off.

“But you can’t look that pretty without wearing pretty clothes, too!” she said, looking into my eyes. “We’ll have to pick out something appropriate.” She pulled me towards her room, practically skipping, and I stumbled after her.

Dustin moved to follow, and found the door abruptly closing in his face. “Sorry babe,” she said. “Girls only!”

“Oh, I…” he started. The door shut, practically slamming closed, and I winced. “I’ll just do some more research for the presentation,” I heard his muffled voice say through the door.

I felt like I was missing something, and I looked at Noelle to try and put together the pieces. But all I caught was the briefest glimpse of a flash of annoyance before she regained her composure.

“Everything… okay?” I said.

She shook her head, still smiling. “Just great.”

“Really? Because you're acting like something's... less than great?”

She let out a sigh. “Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“I just…” She paused, shooting me another glance, which softened into a puzzled smile. She shook her head. “Jeez, you really do look good. You’re even cuter this way.”

I swallowed, feeling my cheeks grow warm.

“Oh! I’m sorry though. I said ‘girls only’ when I kicked Dustin out and… Oops! I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine!” I hastily said. “I mean, I’m all made up like this. It’d be weird for you to not call me a girl, you know?”

“But, like… you’re not.” She shook her head. “According to Sam I’m really bad at all this, and screw it up all the time, but I’m trying to do better. Just because you look like a girl doesn’t change the fact that you’re a boy on the inside. Right?”

“...Right,” I said, frowning a bit.

“Just a really cute one,” she said, winking at me. I felt my heart skip a beat as I muttered something incomprehensible in response. “And you’ll be even cuter when we get you in a dress!”

“If… if you promise not to make me look ridiculous,” I said. “I mean, the point is that we need to fool everyone, right?”

“Right,” she said firmly. “Don’t worry. You can trust me: I’m going to make you the prettiest boy in the world.”

I felt a twinge of uncomfortableness with that. I had to admit that I had been looking forward to trying on a dress, just a little bit. But something about her words suddenly felt wrong and made me anxious all over again.

But that made sense. What boy wouldn’t be uncomfortable with the thought of putting on a dress? 

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

I took a deep breath, my fingers once again nervously smoothing out the dark blue fabric of the dress I was wearing. I still couldn’t quite believe that this was the one that worked. At first it had seemed like one more in a sequence of several that hung on my body in weird ways, too loose in some places and too tight in others. I was right about most of Noelle’s dresses being the wrong size for me. But when I stepped out of the closet, wringing my hands at the way this one made me look like a beanpole in a trash bag, Noelle’s eyes had lit up in that worrying way. She had insisted I try wearing a wide belt with it, and I don’t know if it was some kind of magic or what, but that finally worked.

I traced my fingertips from my stomach down to where the dress flared out. I had curves now, or at least looked like I did, no matter how slight they were. After a lifetime of wearing baggy clothing, it felt really strange to wear something that undeniably hugged my body and showed off my shape. Even more so, it felt strange to like it. Maybe it was all just an illusion, but for the first time I felt like I understood why people enjoyed dressing up. It wasn’t just a hassle and reason to be uncomfortable. You could look good, and it turned out that looking great also felt great? Who could have guessed?

I shook my head. I couldn’t just keep standing around, twirling in place as I craned my neck to stare at myself. I looked good, yes, and that sent all kinds of warm feelings welling up inside me, but I wasn’t convinced I looked like a girl yet. Noelle had said it, right? Maybe I was just a pretty boy. And that… would be… fine. Except! The whole point of this was to be able to convincingly pretend to be 100% female for the duration of the presentation.

That’s what I needed to figure out, from an unbiased perspective. And that’s what this next test was meant to prove.

I tried my best to smile as I walked forward into the kitchen. Apparently it wasn’t that weird for Sam to be hanging out there. But what I didn’t expect was to see his back as he put a carton of milk back into the fridge. How much milk did that boy drink, anyways?

As he turned, the fridge door swinging shut, he suddenly froze in place as he caught sight of me.

“Um, hi,” I said in what was practically a whisper. I was still pretty uncertain about my voice, despite Noelle’s attempts to reassure me.

Sam blinked once. Twice. Then he suddenly unfroze, setting his glass down and running one hand through his hair in a way that only came across as slightly stilted. “Hey,” he said. “Hi. Hello.”

“Hi,” I said again. I twirled one lock of blonde hair around my finger, not sure of what exactly to say next. Did he see right through me already?

Apparently not, though he must have subconsciously noted something was up, as he glanced away and then back again and then away once more. “So, uh, you a friend of Noelle’s?” he asked, leaning back against the fridge as he crossed his arms and tilted his head up. 

“Yes,” I said. “I just came down to grab something to drink.”

“Cool,” he said. “Cool cool cool.” He winked at me. “Don’t let me get in your way, then.”

We stood there for a moment, looking at each other awkwardly.

“Um. But…” I gestured at the closed fridge he was leaning against.

“Oh!” he said, flushing red. “Yeah. Ha ha.” He spun on his heels, opening the door and looking inside. “You know what, how about I just get something for you. What do you want? We have water, iced tea, milk, uhh… Diet Mountain Dew, Orange Crush, Big Red. Ha. All the colors you could want! Except blue maybe. But if you wanted blue I could um, go to the store and get some… Powerade… Uhh…”

“Iced tea is fine,” I said, cutting off his rambling.

“Great!” He pulled out a pitcher and busied himself with finding an empty glass, studiously not looking at me the whole time. I took a few steps closer, waiting on the other side of the kitchen island.

Finally he looked up, bashfully presenting me with a glass of iced tea. I couldn’t help but smile, relaxing a bit. He kind of reminded me of an excitable puppy dog for some reason now. It was strange—I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on here exactly, but as weird as he was treating me, it was kind of nice, too. And it didn't feel like he was just humoring me? Hm. I couldn’t figure out what he was doing. Was... was he trying to talk in a deeper voice than he had yesterday?

“So,” he said, as I sipped a bit of tea. “You come here often?”

I blinked. “To… the kitchen?”

He blanched. “Uh, no. I… just thought that was something people said. I mean, uh, I guess it doesn’t seem like Noelle has friends over very much.”

“Ah. Well, we only just started working on this group project recently for class.”

He nodded eagerly. “Right, right.”

“So the first time I came over was yesterday.” I took another long sip of tea, watching his face carefully.

“Makes sense,” he said. “That’s funny though. I was here all yesterday and I don’t remember—” He cut himself off, looking up at me sharply. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, as his eyebrows drew close together in obvious puzzlement.

“Good to see you again, Sam,” I said.

Some complicated emotions that I couldn’t quite parse flashed across his face, until he just settled on looking shocked. “Wait… You…”

Noelle’s giggling erupted behind me as she swept into the room, practically crying from how hard she was laughing. “His face!” she said. She practically tackled Sam in a hug he awkwardly failed to fight off. “I cannot believe it. I don’t think I could handle watching you try to awkwardly flirt any longer, you ridiculous dork.”

Wait, was that what he was doing? I choked on my iced tea a bit, but tried to act casual.

“Oh my God,” Sam groused. “What the fuck.”

“Language,” Noelle said, mussing his hair with the nonchalant obnoxiousness that only an older sibling could provide. Sam made further noises of protest, trying to poke her in the stomach. I couldn’t help but giggle a bit as I watched.

Sam finally managed to fight her off, retreating around the side of the kitchen island. He gave me another speculative glance. “But… you...”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, glancing aside. “It’s for, um, the presentation.”

“You’re really… the same person from yesterday?” He shook his head. “You know, I’m realizing now I didn’t even get your name.”

“Oh.” I hesitated, thinking about that. I gripped the fabric of the dress again, twisting it a bit before I realized I might wrinkle it or something and let go of it again.

As the silence stretched, Noelle gave me a weird look and then stepped in. “His name is…”

“Josie,” I said. Now they were both looking at me with surprise. “You know. While I’m dressed like this.” I shrugged, trying to look nonchalant.

Sam’s forehead creased, and suddenly he was looking at me a lot more sharply than before. I froze, pinned in place by his stare. “Josie…” he said slowly. “You…” He hesitated. “Are you…?”

I swallowed, suddenly fearful of exactly what he was going to ask. Or did I want him to ask that? Dustin’s mom had thought… But Sam was really… Ugh, all of my thoughts kept drifting off into fuzziness with no real answers. I jerked my head to the side, glancing down at the floor. The last thing I saw was Sam’s confusion replaced by a flash of sympathy.

“Are you two really going to do this for a group presentation at school?” Sam said brightly. “I need all the details. I want in.”

I exhaled, momentarily relieved.

“Oh boy, are we,” Noelle said, smirking. “So, it all started on Friday…”