“No!” I cried, jolting awake. A feeling of terror still held me tightly like a blanket. I couldn’t remember my dream but I felt like tendrils of horror were wrapped around my chest, squeezing my lungs until my breath came in ragged gasps.

“You ok, A-chan?” Rei asked groggily, sitting up from where she’d fallen asleep on a futon on the floor.

“I-I had a bad dream,” I mumbled, shaking still, even though the dream was already fading into the mist.

“It’s ok, A-Chan, Rei soothed, putting her hand on my arm. “How about I get you some breakfast?”

“O-Ok,” I replied finally with a faint smile. I buried my head in my hands as the door closed behind Rei and pulled my knees up to my chest. What am I doing? I thought miserably. I shouldn’t be here. I should be back in Tokyo trying to fix this colossal mess. I should be trying to get better rather than lying in a bed in the middle of wherever I was waiting for my ‘aunt” to decide what to do with me.

She was familiar. I had seen her before and was familiar with her. I could sense that, though the details escaped me. This house, though, was not familiar. I would have remembered it if this was where I had escaped from when I was 16 and this place was not it. My ‘fiancee’, similarly, was not familiar. I was absolutely certain I had never met him before. This whole situation was very peculiar and I didn’t care for it at all. I didn’t know who to trust anymore. I had always depended on Sachi. We had been close since I joined the band. She had put me up in her apartment when I had first joined and was still living at the hostel after Rei and Teiko left and Sachi had taken me in and shown me a whole other world I’d never imagined existed.

“Sachi,” I whispered to myself quietly. “If there was ever a time I needed you it’s now.” I couldn’t believe she would throw me aside. I wouldn’t believe it. I…my thoughts were confused, especially when it came to Sachi. I had, rather shamelessly, I thought, tried to get to know her better but she’d always seemed to keep a slight distance from me, an invisible wall I could never seem to get around over or under. She had taken on the role of group mom and took that role seriously, no matter how hard I tried to close the distance.

I found her fascinating. She was so smart and funny with a quick, sometimes biting, wit. Her smile, provided it was genuine and she wasn’t simply humoring someone could and did light up a whole room. I remembered the first time she’d turned that smile on me. It was like the sun had broke through the clouds of my life and shone directly on me. I was enthralled. There were times when I thought maybe she wanted me as I wanted her but I was sure I was simply projecting my own feelings onto her.

I had tried for months after we first met to crack the friend zone and found the walls of the zone were, indeed, powerful. While I was never good at seduction I had tried my best in whatever awkward way I could manage. I had touched her when I spoke to her, made sure to lock my eyes onto hers, giggled and laughed a little too raucously at her jokes and held onto her arm tightly when we walked together. Though she’d always responded with a friendly smile or hug and there was sometimes a glimmer in her eyes she never went past that point. Being friend-zoned really sucked, I thought miserably, turning the water off after the tub finished filling. Maybe I should have just grabbed her head and kissed her madly and passionately. There would have been no question as to my feelings, then. I blushed wildly. I could never do that, I decided. I’d be scared she’d hit me if I tried.

Besides, I wouldn’t want to ruin the friendship Sachi and I had. The trust we’d developed was as precious as my feelings for her and if I kissed her I was almost positive I’d lose that trust and I could not stand having Sachi dislike me. Though, I reasoned, tying my hair back into a ponytail, if the news reports were to be believed, Sachi already disliked me enough to kick me out of Kunoichi. Maybe if I kissed her she’d have a change of heart and take me back. Though, I doubted she liked girls in the same way I did. While most of my life was a mystery to even me I had never found boys interesting. They were lumpy and coarse and didn’t curve in the way I found attractive. Which is why I was even more confused that I had, evidently, gotten engaged. It was wholly out of character and I was almost positive I’d have remembered something like that. So, if it was all a lie then that opened a whole new avenue of questions. Not the least of which was…

“Who is this Nobuo Inoue, then?” I mumbled to myself, slipping out of my nightshirt as I stepped into the hot bath.