What a fucked-up dream, I thought to myself, the sunlight playing on my eyelids as I snuggled deeper into my blankets. It’s my punishment for immersing myself in all of those yuri Isekai novels and manga and anime, I thought. Hell, half of them turned out to be gender bender crap anyway, not even real yuri. They were just as much fetishized bait as the endless anime I watched. I made a mental note to ween myself off anything Isekai for the foreseeable future. Especially if they’re going to give me messed up dreams.

I had no idea what time it was, but I did know I had no interest in going to work. My head hurt and I was exhausted and felt I could sleep another week or two at least. As a matter of fact I decided sleeping another week would be fine, except for the screwed-up dreams I’d had. My mind drifted between an endless darkness and half-conscious rambling thoughts for a long moment before a sound became audible. Distant and unintelligible at first, as if someone was speaking to me through a swimming pool. Gradually the words began to make more sense and become less like garbled gibberish.

“…vallen,” the voice murmured.

“Nuh uh,” I snuggled deeper into the blankets and scowled, not wanting to wake up, yet.

“…Ashvallen,” the voice drew closer, and my scowl deepened.

“Noooooo,” I whined pitiably, wanting nothing more than to sleep for the foreseeable future.

“Friend Ashvallen!” I opened my eyes reluctantly to find Sayuri staring at me intently, her large heterochromatic eyes filled with worry and excitement at the same time. “Friend Ashvallen! You’re alive again!”

“Fffffffffuuuuuuuuuuckkkk,” I groaned. It wasn’t a dream. Fuck me, I thought. All that actually happened, and I was still stuck as an emaciated half elf in a shit show of a world. I fought against the notion for a long moment, flailing impotently in the face of the truth before flopping weakly onto my back like a tortoise and sighing deeply.

“Can you hear me?” Sayuri leaned in further, her face a mere centimeter away from mine and blinked at me. “Can you hear Sayuri, friend Ashvallen? Blink if you can!”

“I can hear you, Sayuri,” I mumbled, gradually coming to grips with the fact I was going to be forced to deal with reality.

“This is wonderful news!” Sayuri clapped her hands together for a moment before taking my hand in hers and petting it soothingly. “Sayuri thought you were dead forever. You were in tiny bits and pieces, and everyone said you would not heal back again, but Sayuri knew! They said ‘Sayuri is useless and crazy! Friend Ashvallen is dead, and we must move on’ but Sayuri would hiss and kick at them and make them go away because she knew!”

“Bits and pieces?” I croaked, my throat dry. “Gross.”

“Oh, hai! Sayuri and sir went around and picked up all the pieces of you we could find but could not put you back together and were sad. But then you started healing and it was really super disgusting and Sayuri did not want to watch but eventually you got more and more whole and now today you can open your eyes and talk and everything! Sayuri is sooo glad you are back alive again!”

“How…uh…how long was I dead for?” I shuddered at the notion of being in bits and pieces. I remember thinking it was probably grim but had no idea of the extent. I was, honestly, thoroughly appalled.

“Hmmm…” Sayuri tapped her chin and stared upward at the ornate ceiling, obviously trying to count in her head. “6…No! 7 moons!”

“Wait!” I gaped at her. “7 moons? 7 months?”

“Hai!” Sayuri nodded proudly, plainly pleased with her math skills.

“I’ve spent the past 7 months dead? Are you fucking kidding me?” It wasn’t possible. There was no way I’d been dead for that long. Obviously, I didn’t remember the other times I’d been dead any more than I remembered this time, but the notion that 7 months had passed me by was too much to take in.

Forget having a job. I didn’t have an apartment, friends…hell, even my family probably had me declared dead and most likely sold all my stuff. I shook my head. Even if Carrisyn wasn’t bullshitting me and could get me back to Korea, I had nothing to go back to. I stared despondently at my hands as Sayuri continued to pet them. I had nothing left.

“Did King what’s his ass survive?” I scowled in anger, hoping against hope he had so I could kill him again for ripping away 7 months of my life.

“Oh, no!” Sayuri shook her head. “He was just dust and made Sayuri sneeze. A maid swept him up and dumped him in the pond.”

“I told you to come and tell me!” A familiar, cold voice snapped from the doorway behind Sayuri.

“Oh, sir, countess, lady, sir, mistress, ma’am!” Sayuri spun around, not letting go of my hand. “Friend Ashvallen isn’t dead anymore!”

“I know,” Carrisyn growled, stalking over to loom behind Sayuri threateningly. “I would have known earlier if not for you, you rotten cat.”

“Sayuri would have told you, but you did not give her any time,” Sayuri muttered. “You said when friend Ashvallen woke up to tell you, but she just woke up and Sayuri barely had time to say hello and say how she was in pieces before sir came in and started to blame her unfairly!”

Carrisyn said nothing. She stared at me for a long moment, looking a bit as if she wanted to hit me before throwing herself on top of me, cradling me in her arms. She held me tight, and I felt her shoulders shake as my cheek grew wet from her tears.

“You made me worry so much,” Carrisyn managed through her tears. “I thought you were gone for good this time.”

“I- “I mumbled, taken a bit by surprise. I wrapped my free arm around her hesitantly, then tighter and closed my eyes. Relishing in her warmth and the comfort of her embrace. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry!” Carrisyn sniffled, pulling back, and wiping her eyes daintily. “Just don’t ever die again until I give you permission!”

“Technically you killed me twice,” I pointed out.

“I gave you permission both times,” Carrisyn snarled irritably.

“That’s kinda fucked up,” I muttered. “So what happened?” I sat up in bed gingerly, my back against the ornate headboard. “Sayuri says it’s been 7 months already.”

“Almost 8 months, actually,” Carrisyn corrected. She took my hand in hers and sighed, the tension almost visibly escaping her. “A lot’s happened.”

“Anything good?”

“Almost all of it good, in fact,” Carrisyn grinned, the smile seeming out of place.

“That’s unusual for us,” I was impressed.

“Well, Sascha became queen after her father’s ‘untimely’ demise,” Carrisyn grinned. “Her and Lysabel are engaged.”

“Engaged? Holy shit. I did not see that one coming,” I mused.

“Neither did I. Sascha’s as incorrigible as ever and it’ll take a long time for Lysabel to tame her, but I like the odds,” Carrisyn grinned.

“I almost kind of miss her trying to check out my nipples all the time,” I chuckled.

“Don’t worry,” a voice said from the doorway, “I still look in on them every morning.”

“Ugh,” Carrisyn sighed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have queen stuff to do?”

“I am doing ‘queen stuff’,” Sascha sniffed, striding into the room, and pulling a chair up beside the bed. “After all, it’s my duty to ensure the well-being of all of my subjects. Especially the heroic ones.”

“It’s good to see you, Sascha,” I smiled at her. “Uh, I mean, your majesty. Sorry.”

“Just Sascha’s fine!” Sascha grinned. “How are you feeling?”

“A bit tired but otherwise not too bad,” I replied.

“That is, quite honestly, incredible,” Sascha shook her head. “I would love to study you and see how you are able to feel anything at all at this point.”

“Magic, I guess,” I shrugged. I cocked my head slightly to the side as I peered at her, something was different about her I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“I’m familiar with most kinds of magic and have never seen anything like what you can do,” Sascha shook her head. “It’s amazing.” She caught me staring at her intently and cocked an eyebrow at me. “Is there something on my face?”

“Your eyes are different,” I said, finally noticing the ring of red in her eyes was gone.

“Well, I’m not a vampire anymore,” Sascha shrugged. “I’m just a normal, stunningly beautiful, intelligent, beguiling, wonderful queen.”

“Still as humble as ever, I see.” I chuckled.

“Why should I lie for false humility’s sake?” Sascha grinned.

“Did, uh, did I do the no more vampire thing?”

“You’ll have to share the credit for that one, I’m afraid,” Sascha chuckled. “You’re a national heroine, but I can’t give you full marks. Ironically, daddy dear gets the assist.”

“Huh?” I cocked my head to the side curiously.

“Well, Aunt Eliana infused her power and, with Carrisyn’s help, her curse inside her physical projection. When he killed the projection, he effectively ended his own curse and when you killed him you ended ours,” Sascha explained. “So, you can only claim half the credit, I’m afraid.”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t save Eliana,” I murmured sadly.

“Don’t worry about her,” Carrisyn brushed away my apology breezily. “She’s on a cruise with Zelaeryn to the southern islands right now, so she’s pretty happy about how things worked out.”

“They are adorable together,” Sascha nodded.

“Wait! Didn’t she die?” I asked in confusion, the image still burned into my brain. “She was a bit shorter than usual the last time I saw her.”

“Oh, that wasn’t anything more than a physical projection,” Carrisyn waved my concerns away with a chuckle.

“I don’t know what that means,” I confessed.

“Her actual physical form was still back at Willow March,” Carrisyn explained. “There was no way the king could have killed her with anything less than the Dawnblade. She was a vampire, after all. Not only that, but she was his progenitor.”

“Huh?” I had no idea what she was talking about, which seemed pretty much par for the course, I supposed. I rarely had any idea what she was talking about.

“When the vampire which made you dies,” Sascha explained, mercifully using little words, “you lose your curse. So when he killed Eliana’s physical projection, which included not only the entirety of her magical ability but also her curse, he effectively killed the curse for himself.”

“Your doing, I assume?” I glanced over at Carrisyn.

“Only partially,” she shrugged. “Most of it was the Rose Chamber and Eliana herself. She sacrificed her curse and her magic to help take him down. I was merely the delivery girl.”

“So,” I reasoned in my head, “when he killed her, it turned him human again? Which let me kill him, and turn you and Alarice human?”

“It was a bit more complicated than that but, basically, yes,” Sascha shrugged.

“I…see.” I did not.

“Don’t worry about Aunt Eliana,” Sascha patted the hand Sayuri wasn’t petting reassuringly. “She has many years to spend with Zelaeryn.”

“I’m glad it worked out, then.” I decided there some were things which were better to simply accept and move on from. “How are Alarice and Lysabel doing?”

“My love’s in Esterwyn right now finalizing a formal alliance between our countries and Alarice is up north helping the Elves to get their lands back in order,” Sascha sighed, plainly missing them both.

“Oh! The Elves get to go back home? That’s awesome!” I enthused, genuinely pleased.

“The new Empress and her daughter are making great progress and I think with Rhade’s help the Elves will soon be thriving once again,” Carrisyn nodded.

“Never did get to consummate the marriage,” I shook my head.

“You didn’t?” Sascha gasped in horror. “That’s awful!”

“And she never will,” Carrisyn snapped at her.

“Possessiveness was always one of your more annoying traits, my dear,” Sascha patted Carrisyn’s shoulder patronizingly. “Sharing is caring, you know.”

“She does sound kind of jealous,” I admitted, grinning as Carrisyn’s face grew red.

“She does indeed,” Sascha nodded.

“Shut up,” Carrisyn snapped. “I’m not jealous! It’s not like that.”

“You two did have some pretty amazing sex,” Sascha tapped her chin pensively. “You may have broken her.”

“Stop it!” Carrisyn growled.

“It was pretty amazing,” I agreed.

“What’s sex?” Sayuri asked, leaning forward.

“Ugh,” Carrisyn rolled her eyes. “I forgot you were still here.”

“Sayuri is here. What is sex?”

“Well,” I thought for a long moment, “when two people get nak- “

“It’s strategy,” Carrisyn glared at me.

“Oh!” Sayuri nodded sagely. “Strategy is mating, then.”

“Exactly!” I exclaimed, much to Carrisyn’s displeasure.

“Could you not corrupt the cat, please?” Carrisyn sniped.

“No promises,” I shrugged.

“Sayuri already knows what mating is,” Sascha pointed out.

“Mating is when you touch each other when you’re in heat.”

“See?” Sascha and I pointed out together.

“God damn it,” Carrisyn scowled.

“It seems everything’s worked out nicely, I guess,” I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. “I suppose that’s good.”

“Not everything,” Carrisyn admitted. “We’re still here.”

“I noticed,” I shrugged imperceptibly.

“Sascha, I don’t suppose you’d take Sayuri and give us a couple of minutes, could you?” Carrisyn asked.

“Sure,” Sascha grinned lasciviously. “Do you need any toys? Lysabel and I’ve got a few stored away we can share.”

“It’s not like that!” Carrisyn repeated in embarrassment.

“But Sayuri wants to cuddle more!” The cat girl pouted, puffing her cheeks out adorably.

“You can cuddle when you get back,” Carrisyn soothed her.

“Come with me,” Sascha gently pried Sayuri loose from my hand. “I’ll show you some really amazing toys.”

“Sayuri likes toys,” Sayuri’s tail swished back and forth excitedly.

“Then you’ll love these!” Sascha wrapped her arms around Sayuri’s naked shoulders conspiratorially.

“Oh, ok!” Sayuri enthused.

“Do not show her toys!” Carrisyn demanded.

“It’ll be fun,” Sascha ignored her and led Sayuri out of the room.

“I have everything we need to go home,” Carrisyn whispered conspiratorially when the door closed. I opened my eyes and stared at her.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Carrisyn nodded. “I’ve just been waiting for you.”

“Home…” I murmured. After all this time. The companions I’d gone to battle with have all moved on. I had no place beside them, and nothing left back in Korea. In either world, I was adrift, but I couldn’t deny I badly wanted to go home and at least try to put my life back together.

“I did mention she loves you,” Meri’s voice whispered to me.

“I see you’re still here as well, halmoni,” my lips twitched upward in a smile.

“Like you, I have nowhere else to go. My reason for revenge is resolved and the new Elven Empress isn’t my blood and is doing fine on her own anyway,” Meri replied. “I am not ready quite yet to visit the goddess to be judged and besides, I find the things that flit through your head to be quite interesting.”

“I’m glad I can amuse you,” I thought wryly.

“I will stay with you a bit longer, if you don’t mind.”

“I find you interesting as well,” I thought. “I would have missed you; I think.”

“Then for the time being I will continue to roam about in your thoughts,” Meri giggled. “After all, there is quite a bit of room.”

“Rude!” I thought.

“I am half joking!” Meri chuckled.

“Ungrateful houseguests are the worst,” I scowled.

“I can’t go home without you,” Carrisyn whispered, taking my hand carefully.

“When can we go?” I finally asked, both hopeful and frightened at the same time.

“Take today to rest and we’ll say our good-byes and leave tomorrow,” Carrisyn answered.

“Ok,” I agreed after a pause.

“Be cautious,” Meri warned. “Though her love for you is real, she is also still keeping knowledge from you. I can sense it, though what the knowledge is I cannot tell.”

Somehow that seemed about right, I thought. Though things inevitably must change, some things will always be the same. At this point, I’d expect nothing less.