|Afternoon of February 6– 1249 – On a beach in Cyprus – Attila|
They used to call me the luckiest man on earth.
No, it's not true. I wonder why? Maybe because, on my first real long journey since becoming King of Jerusalem, I had to deal with damn pirates and a storm so powerful it annihilated my vessels?
All this seems like a story, where, of course, the impossible has to happen for the sake of the plot. If there's someone writing this story, why doesn't he just go screw himself? Why not jump off a balcony? Get a bit of creativity!
Alright, these are all nonsense. I bought the game, and I wanted a more challenging gameplay mode.
But damn it, this is frustrating to play. A complex mode is fine, but this is seriously stressing me out.
For example: when will these damn seagulls stop their squawking? I've been hearing them for a few minutes already, and they're driving me crazy. I'd like to know what purpose seagulls serve besides annoying the hell out of everyone with their cries.
...
...
Wait, if I can hear seagulls, it means I'm on a beach. I need to open my tired eyes to see where I am.
I opened my eyes and saw a large beach, and Rasha a few meters away from me, the only one who survived.
Of course, nothing seems left to chance here either; the only survivor is a female human being with breasts and an ass. It couldn't have been another poor soldier who's now probably drowned.
But it's also true that Rasha is a strong person; that's why I hired her as my guard. She was also an assassin, so it's assumed she knows how to swim well (I'm not entirely sure about this).
So we can say with certainty and without fear of being proven wrong that it was her breasts (not that big, after all) that acted as natural buoyancy and saved her.
SURELY, THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENED, SURELY.
Now that I've come up with these brilliant ideas, shouldn't I do something? Oh, of course, check if this one's heart is beating.
I placed my hand on her chest and felt her heart beating regularly.
But as I look at her, I don't see her 'sleeping,' it's as if she's pretending to be dead or to have water in her lungs.
Either this one has suffered irreparable brain damage or she's pretending that I need to do something (like mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, chest compressions, and all this crap) even though she's perfectly fine.
I brought my mouth close to her ear and with all my strength, I shouted: <<STOP PRETENDING LIKE A THIRD-RATE ACTRESS, GET UP, AND STOP BOTHERING ME, I'M ALREADY ANGRY!>>
<<ENOUGH! I'LL GO DEAF DAMMIT!>> she shouted back in response.
<<Ahhh, so you see, I was right. You could have stopped when I placed my hand on your chest to check your heartbeat. It would have been more believable if you had instinctively put a knife to my throat. You're just terrible as an actress!>>"
<<Forgive me, I didn't hear what you said. SINCE YOU WENT TO GREAT LENGTHS TO MAKE ME DEAF!>>"
Ok, go fuck yourself.
After a while, Rasha said: <<Perfect, now that it seems I've regained the hearing I almost lost because of someone, let's do the classic situation assessment. We are on a small beach in Cyprus, exactly where I don't know and don't want to know. What do you think if we make a raft out of wood and get out of here?>>"
I replied: <<I don't know, maybe if you take your brilliant idea and stick it up your ass, then maybe we can think about it. I've never heard of such a stupid idea, and you must have used every neuron in your brain to come up with this nonsense.>>"
<<Listen, I know that too, okay?! You have this nasty way of dwelling on people when they say something partially wrong.>>
<<Partially wrong? Listen, I know that the Kingdom of Cyprus is not exactly our ally it seems more like an enemy, but we have no choice but to talk to their King and hope for the best.>>
Rasha fell silent for a moment and then replied: <<Yes, that's true, I'll do as my King commands.>>"
Finally, she remembered that I am her King.
At that moment, voices in the distance shouted: <<HEY! WHO ARE YOU GUYS!>>"
They were guards who saw us as suspicious individuals.
|Afternoon of February 7 - 1249 - Nicosia - Attila|
<<Look, Nicosia is quite charming>> said Rasha.
<<Yeah, for being the most populous city in Cyprus, it's not bad>> I replied.
In short, after the guards found us on that beach, we managed to convince them that we were indeed King of Jerusalem Attila and his escort, miraculously saved from a shipwreck.
They initially took us to a nearby outpost, where they verified our story (I don't know how perhaps it sounded believable), and then they sent a letter to King Henry I of Cyprus.
The next day, we received a response, and in a hurry, they took us in a carriage to Nicosia, the capital of Cyprus.
But it's unfortunate to have to visit Henry I. I read somewhere that he had quite a few problems with Frederick II, although he didn't seem dangerous during the crusade.
I mean, the only nice thing he did was call some prostitutes and clowns from Greece to entertain us. The "knights" he sent for support were few and weak.
Let's hope everything goes well.
As I was lost in my thoughts, we had already entered Nicosia.
Try to imagine an old city on a Mediterranean island, you know?
Well, neither can I! Or at least not as beautiful as I'm seeing it right now.
I mean, it's nice, but not up to the level of our ancient cities in Europe.
At some point, we saw a messenger on horseback approaching our carriage to say something to the guards.
After a few seconds, the carriage stopped, and a guard approached us, saying:<<I humbly apologize, Your Majesty, but we just received news that King Henry I is not here in the capital, but in a coastal city named Larnaka, and he's waiting for you there. I apologize for making you take a pointless detour, but he had to go there for various commitments and is looking forward to seeing you there as soon as possible.>>
Commitments? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF COMMITMENTS? I MEAN, WE'RE IN A RACE AGAINST TIME, AND HE'S MAKING US WASTE IT POINTLESSLY? BUT WHAT COMMITMENTS? I DON'T KNOW, DOES HE HAVE TO BEHEAD ALL THE DICKS OF ALL THE DAMN GUARDS OF CYPRUS????
Or at least that's what I would have liked to tell him and kill him on the spot, but I had to hold back and simply replied:<<Certainly, then please hurry>>
<<Certainly!>> said the guard.
We returned to the main gate, where they gave the horses some water and food before setting off again.
But now the horses were noticeably faster they were running. Why didn't they do this on the way here?
I feel sorry for the horses; they've already had to walk almost half a day, and now they have to run without resting. I've heard that horses are intelligent creatures; I think they know that their King is an asshole.
|The evening of February 7 - 1249 - Larnaka Castle - Attila|
Finally, we arrived in this shitty city, on a shitty island, located on a shitty continent, which, in turn, is on a shitty planet.
After a whole day of useless travelling, we finally made it to the entrance of this castle. Now that I see it up close, it looks like shit, but real shit, a total dump.
It just looks like an ugly mansion with more guards than usual.
After they let us into the castle, another guard rushed to give us more shitty news: <<Welcome, King Attila, to Larnaka Castle. King Henry I is delighted to have you here, but unfortunately, he can't meet you now and has postponed your meeting until tomorrow. In the meantime, if you follow me, I'll take you to your room.>>
Well, that's better. At least MAYBE, I won't feel like killing Henry instantly.
As we headed towards my room, the guard asked, "Does your bodyguard want a separate room or will she be sleeping with you?>>
Rasha was about to reply, but I interrupted, saying:<<She'll be sleeping with me. So I hope our room will be worthy of a King.>>
Hesitantly, the soldier responded:<<Of course, Your Majesty.>>
They led us to our room, which paradoxically was the only decent one.
<<This is your room, Your Majesty. If you need to bathe, feel free to ask this maid>> said the soldier, pointing to a maid nearby.
<<Perfect>> I said:<<Then I'd prefer to go now if possible.>>
After a few minutes, I was in their large bathroom, which looked like one of those baths with a pool full of hot water, like a spa, but without the spa.
I could wonder how they managed to collect so much hot water to fill the tub, but frankly, I don't care. I just want to enjoy this bath.
At some point, there was a knock on the door, and a maid entered, saying:<<Good evening, Your Majesty. I'm here to help you bathe...>>
She seemed very timid, and it was evident that she wasn't accustomed to such situations yet.
<<I got this; I can bathe myself>> I said.
<<But...>> the maid started to say before I interrupted, "I said I can bathe myself. Don't worry, even though I'm a King, I'm still a human capable of using my hands and feet and washing myself. So now leave me alone; I need some time to think>>
<<Of course>> she replied timidly and left.
|Night of February 7 - 1249 - Larnaka Castle - Attila|
After finishing my bath, I returned to my room, where my large double bed awaited, eager to embrace me in my, hopefully, long sleep and rest.
I was already about to fall asleep when Rasha entered, having just finished her bath as well.
As she was about to get into my bed, she asked me:<<Why did you insist so firmly that I should sleep with you?>>
I forgot that Rasha, after all, is a woman and, as such, enjoys asking silly questions.
I pondered for a moment and replied:<<I have three good reasons for you to sleep here with me: 1) We are practically in enemy territory, and if someone wants to attack us while we're sleeping, at least we can defend ourselves together. Of course, I could handle it alone, but with you here, we have less chance of getting hurt. 2) Throughout the journey, all I've heard from you is complaints or, to put it more accurately, I sense that you are EXTREMELY worried. I can't explain the reason, but it's surely related to Cyprus. I won't pry or ask you to explain the situation; therefore, I prefer to keep you close to me for observation. And the third reason, not of lesser importance, is that after all that has happened in recent years, I would like to take my mind off things a bit. Let me ask you bluntly: what do you say we have some fun together?>>
Her face, which initially showed genuine curiosity, quickly transformed into a disappointed expression.
She said:<<And here I thought you were a person with a kind heart.>>
<<But I am kind, I genuinely meant what I said earlier. If you don't want to, we don't have to do anything, and I won't get upset. But, how can I put it, I am a male human who wants to release all the tension accumulated in these days/months/years, like anyone else, through good, healthy sex>> I replied with a smile.
Rasha looked at me sceptically for a while, then chuckled and said:<<This is the strangest request for sex I've ever received, but I admit that, as a female human, I need to unwind a bit too.>>
<<So, I'll take it as a timid 'YES'?>> I asked.
<<Take it as you wish>> she said.
Rasha began to undress (she wasn't who knows how dressed before, but I think she does it to create the right atmosphere) first, she took off what was the medieval bra, or rather a sort of leather bodice to "straighten" rather than "support" or “showing” the breast (as is done now in modern times).
By doing so, I saw her breasts (from a grandiose fourth size) finally free themselves from that oppressive bodice.
After that, she took off her pants, sat down on a chair in front of our bed and started taking off her underpants (of course underpants were horrible in the Middle Ages) until I glimpsed her pussy which was unexpectedly shaved, given the context and the historical period.
I was so surprised, or rather moved, that I even asked him:<<I am incredibly surprised that you shaved it, it's a good habit and I trust you will keep it>>
She replied a little embarrassed:<<Well, before you I had to have sex with other men when I was still a murderess. So after a while, I realized that men liked it better this way, I hope you like it too>>
After I had become a stripper for a few minutes, she finally decided to get into my bed and slowly pulled the sheets to see my erect penis (which, as it should be, was already nice and ready).
She looked at it and said:<<Okay, I have to admit I thought it was smaller, but it's slightly bigger than average considering your age. But this is not enough, I have seen bigger ones and during all my experiences no one has ever managed to satisfy me even remotely, let's see if you will be able to>>
With a grin, I replied:<<Don't worry, I'll take care of it>>
She brought her mouth to mine, so we had a textbook French kiss. We remain kissing for a few minutes.
Suddenly I took her by force and put her in front of me with her belly up, so I voted to see her in full (a breathtaking sight), then I bent down and started licking her pussy and playing a sensational finger game.
I imagine that the vast and endless pornographic catalogue of the modern era has illustrated a bit to all men how to make a woman enjoy too (or at least try to).
I was so sure that I was doing well when after about thirty seconds Rasha began to breathe heavily starting to say offspring like:<<Please stop! STOP NOW!>> and when I slowed down he shouted:<<Go faster! FASTER!>>
After three minutes I noticed that he was really at the limit and decided to do the bite and fingers technique (yes, I made up the name on the spot okay?) which consists of sticking the tongue as far as possible, with the teeth above lightly the clitoris to the tongue and with one hand continue on the pussy, while with the other I slipped my fingers into Rasha's ass by surprise.
This definitively gave her the coup de grace, after some involuntary spasm she remained helpless on the bed.
I said:<<As you see, in the end, it's you who gave in like a falling sack of potatoes. Now that you've had fun, it's my turn>>
I got on top of her, slipped my cock between her tits (of a unique softness) and with one hand I grabbed her head and, since she was in blackout, I put the penis in her mouth so that I could suck it well and I continued to forcefully push it into her.
The situation was too exciting, even though Rasha seemed totally knocked out, doing everything by himself, without her resisting, has its charm too.
Maybe because my body (that is Attila's himself) was still "virgin" or maybe because Rasha's body was amazing after about five minutes of great Spanish and a fabulous deepthroat I thrust my whole penis inside her throat treacherously, in fact I almost didn't choke her.
But by the time we had come for the second round, after all the main dish had not been touched.
I took Rasha's legs and lifted them pushing them towards her, finally the time had come.
Since her pussy was soaking wet by now, I thrust it into her in one fell swoop. This made her scream at the top of her lungs and from there began the famous "fight and run" movement.
Now that I recognized myself, now I managed to last more than 20 minutes.
By now Rasha had really disconnected from reality, she was gasping and screaming at times. She was screaming so much that I think everyone at the castle heard us.
As soon as I felt that I couldn't hold back anymore, his penis came out from inside her to cum again inside her throat (yes I like to cum in Rasha's mouth, problems?)
To avoid Rasha really choking after two cumshots in her throat, I grabbed her and turned her on her stomach by bending her legs towards her, so as to create a position where she was on her stomach but was a bit up because of the legs.
The third and now final round could only be dessert, her round ass.
I began to widen it with my hands and found the anus exceptionally clean.
Obviously, I thought that maybe, in the Middle Ages, where hygiene exists but it's fictitious, maybe it wasn't convenient for me to put it inside.
Even Rasha, after he felt that I was stretching his anus, finally came to his senses and said to me:<<My ass... I've never done it there... it's dirty, isn't it? Leave him be...>>
Everything was telling me not to.
But my desire was too much, too strong. But I think no sane man would ever have given up on such an opportunity.
RNG, please, at least once, please me and don't give me any kind of disease. I beg you.
Seized by the most absolute arousal, I forcefully thrust it inside her causing a sharp cry of pain in Rasha and then her following silence.
It was all tight inside her, it was absolutely worth it.
After I resumed the famous technique, you felt that Rasha was experiencing some pain, so I said to her:<<But how you will have suffered worse pains than this>>
And she replied: <<NO FUCK! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT FEELS TO LITERALLY BE DRILLED!>>
Between the moans and screams of pain, I gave up thinking that no one really is hearing us right now, so I decided to take a hand and cover Rasha's mouth.
At one point, Rasha mustered perhaps the last few resources she had to try and pull her anus away from my penis, but every time she did, I chased her down mercilessly.
Everything in the world has a beginning and an end and it was inexorably approaching. Though Rasha's anus was the highlight of the night, I gathered all my remaining strength for one final thrust to cum inside his anus.
In the end, both of us, after giving our all, hugged each other and went back to sleep.
|Late night of February 7 - 1249 - Larnaka Castle - Attila|
<<Henry I, you're a ludicrous clown, a shame to all of humanity>>I whispered as I pondered before falling asleep.
We are inside a military castle on an island where King Henry I is in open conflict with Frederick II over claims on the Kingdom of Jerusalem, of which I am the King.
I feel like a trapped mouse.
Well, it doesn't matter much to me; if this game must come to an end, I'll accept it without regrets.
There was an eerie silence, which was broken by a faint creak of the door.
Since the door was closed, it opened slowly, and I saw a shoe step into our room; it was about time they arrived.
Three people entered through that door, all dressed in black, and three more entered through the window next to our bed.
Well, considering that this castle looks like a villa, it wasn't difficult for them to get in from there.
But there's a problem: they are six, and I am alone. Or rather, there's also Rasha, but I don't know if she has already noticed and is pretending to then attack them (like me) or if she's really knocked out.
In any case, in this game (or in life in general), one must always think of solutions alone.
Let's analyze the situation: the three assassins who entered through the window are the closest to me, while the others are approaching Rasha.
The three idiots next to me are approaching slowly but stealthily; their footsteps are hard to hear, perhaps they are professionals.
But suddenly, one of the three beside me came closer than expected, seemingly aiming to finish me off quickly.
Perfect...
As the insolent assassin's dagger pointed to my heart, I swiftly used my right hand to grab his hand.
He jerked, obviously not expecting that I would grab his hand, nor that I could exert enough force to hold it.
With my right hand holding his neck, I snapped it instantly.
In the silence, a rather loud "crack" echoed.
At that point, the insolent one fell lifeless to the ground, and I stood up to pick up his dagger.
All the other assassins suddenly stopped and stared at me.
A naked King had just killed one of them without blinking an eye and at an enviable speed.
I whispered to them:<<Be silent; you wouldn't want to wake up my lady.>>
A sinister and malicious smile appeared on my face.
Indeed, I was very, very happy to have found new toys to play with, or rather...
... SLAUGHTER.
While they were all still petrified, I threw the dagger I had picked up straight into the brain of the assassin closest to me; he died instantly (his skull was not enough to protect him).
From that moment, the other idiots started moving, attempting to attack me all together.
But already two of them were dead, and the other three were still "distant," or at least not within their reach.
The last one next to me remained, launching an attack after seeing me throw my dagger.
But what does he think he's doing? He doesn't know how easy it is for me to kill him.
Hmm... he's holding the dagger straight, pointing it at my abdomen. He looks almost like a bull, and I am the bullfighter.
I moved centimetres to avoid it; this allowed me to grab his head and forcefully twist it completely in the opposite direction, killing him.
In a matter of seconds, half of my enemies were dead.
The last three, who had already launched their attack, had to stop.
They stood frozen, but I knew perfectly well that it was their instinct to stop.
In the deep darkness of the night, their hour had also arrived...
... TO BE BUTCHERED.
Once I killed them all, I took them one by one and carried them out of the room; the guards were not there, a sign that they hadn't been killed but that it was all planned.
I placed the six assassins' corpses outside the door (lined up), then returned to the room, closed the door, and went to bed.
Apparently, Rasha was so tired that she might not have even woken up.
Well, better that way; now it's time for me to rest as well.
I got into bed, and in the end, fatigue overwhelmed me.
|Late night of February 7 - 1249 - Larnaka Castle - Rasha|
What I saw was horrific.
What I saw was terrifying.
Attila, alone, didn't just "simply" kill six assassins.
He... disembowelled them. He... massacred them. He...
I was ready to get up and fight at any moment, but my instinct...
My instinct clearly and unequivocally screamed, "STAY STILL."
Attila is a peculiar being; in normal situations, he's composed, and in difficult situations, he reveals himself as a genius, but... when situations like this arise, where he can't hold back, then he becomes...
... A MONSTER.
|Morning of February 8 - 1249 - Larnaka Castle - Attila|
After that event, no one came to wake us; no one dared to enter our room.
Rasha and I got dressed and decided to wander around the castle.
The bodies of the assassins were still there, lying at the entrance of our room.
While we were strolling through the castle, a guard spotted us and approached.
He said:<<Good morning, Your Majesty. King Henry I is waiting for you in the dining hall. Please follow me, and I'll show you the way.>>
Silently, we followed him; it was incredible how everything was so obvious that they even compelled the guard not to mention it and act as if nothing had happened.
We arrived at this sort of grand room used for meals, with the classic long rectangular table typical of that era.
At the end of the table, King Henry I was seated, while the members of the Ibelin family were seated on the sides.
The Ibelins are a family that I pity; it has always been known that King Henry I is nothing more than a puppet in their hands (perhaps they themselves orchestrated the plan), and I think I'll have to settle the score with them too.
King Henry I, had of average height, with the fortune of having both hair and a moustache of orange hue. He wore a voluminous red royal garment that from afar looked like blankets.
I won't bother describing the rest of his attire since he looked like a loser (I have the beauty and fashion standards of the future, after all).
Once he saw us, he said:<<Good morning, King Attila, please have a seat.>>
Rasha and I, still silent, took our seats:<<Waiters, come on. Hurry and bring food for our guests!>>
They immediately brought us our plates, which looked very delicious and inviting. But it was clear even to a fool that there were high chances it was poisoned.
I moved the plate they had brought me, placed my arms in a way to support my head, covering my mouth, and began to stare silently, straight into the eyes of King Henry I.
The atmosphere changed instantly; if before everyone was chattering, now everyone fell silent.
Seeing my icy gaze fixed on him, King Henry I decided to speak and began his speech:<<I wanted to eat a bit before discussing business, but I understand that for you, it may be an urgent matter. First and foremost, I want to say that I'm sorry to have such incompetent guards who allowed these despicable assassins to pass, and I express my absolute and unconditional support to you as you were about to suffer an assassination. I did some research and found out that they were Arab assassins sent...>>
Blah, blah, blah, blah...
While he was spouting nonsense after nonsense, I remained there, unfazed, staring at him intently without even blinking.
After concluding that heap of nonsense, King Henry I was about to start another speech:<<Now, moving on to business, what...>>
King Henry I stopped talking because I had risen from my chair; I was truly tired of all his lies. There's a limit to everything, especially to my patience.
Once I stood up, I approached a guard who was next to the door, smiled at him, and he, bewildered, smiled back.
The second after, he no longer had a head; I had taken his head in my hands and ripped it from his body using sheer force.
Once I had it in my hands, I brought it to the table.
Everyone was stunned; the other guard was terrified, and King Henry I and the other guests were shocked. Only Rasha, who was also surprised, was the only one maintaining a dignified appearance. The others had faces as if they had seen something horrible.
Well, that was the terror reaction I wanted to see from them.
I sat back down and said:<<Now, it's my turn to speak, Henry.>>
No one dared to say anything; so I continued:<<Henry, look, I know everything, and your plan was pathetic. It was obvious and predictable that you, along with the Ibelin family, were coveting the throne of the Kingdom of Jerusalem, which, however, Frederick II granted to me. And he granted it to me for many reasons, one of which is that if the war lasted only a few months, it's thanks to me. Your half-witted plan involved hiring six professional assassins to kill us in our sleep. Well, it was a unique opportunity for you, in the end. Too bad that you didn't account for the host, or rather, for me. I was truly angry yesterday about how you treated me; not only did you make us travel in vain, but you didn't even come to see me last night. So, I couldn't do anything but unleash my wrath on the six clowns you hired. Besides, I don't buy your crap about Arab assassins because once I killed them, I also checked their faces, and they were not Arabs at all. But the confirmation that it was you is when I displayed the corpses outside the door, there were no dead guards. So, essentially, you deliberately let them in. And you know why we didn't run away afterwards? Because even if you wanted to, you couldn't kill us.>>
Still, no one dared to utter a word; the only sound I heard was from King Henry I, whose face seemed enveloped in fear.
I continued:<<You and the Ibelin family should realize that you are worth nothing, less than zero. To go on, you can't kill me because, unfortunately for you, not only am I perhaps the most ruthless among Western fighters, but also because Frederick II has recognized my value and is willing to destroy the island, you, and the Ibelin family if you even touch a hair on my head. On the other hand, if I decided to kill all of you here and now, no one would mourn your death; indeed, it would be a joy for everyone. So listen well, you're nothing but a little weasel: to be a king, you have to be strong, in almost every sense possible. Maybe you even wanted to meet me normally, but the Ibelins ordered you to play this farce. But this shows that you're not fit to be a king; on the contrary, you are among the most vile people I have ever known>>
Still, there was a tomb-like silence:<<But despite this, I am still generous, and I offer you choices, listen carefully: 1) I pretend that nothing happened, and you provide us with non-poisoned food supplies, some boats, and a crew to get us to Constantinople as I urgently need to meet with John III. 2) I kill all of you immediately>>
After my offer, one or two minutes of total silence passed, and King Henry I finally replied in a hesitant and trembling tone:<<You'll have what you need...>>
<<See, you see? You made a wise decision on your own.>>
