6. A: Swirling Emotion

Despair, confusion, relief, excitement, shock, regret, and even anger.

All of those feeling, and maybe more. All of them were endlessly flowing together, then twisting, entangling, and madly...

Swirling inside of me.

Like that, confused, lost, and frozen in place, I silently stood there in the middle of that whirlpool, as I calmly stared at the cloudy sky, preparing to rain.

“haa..., now this feels shit.”

Then sighing and for once, speaking my honest feelings, with no joking or acting, I grow cold.

Not because of my surrounding, but because of my mind growing numb, and my heart freezing, as it madly thumps, trying to warm my body.

Simply put, .....

“I am feeling the worst.”

So now, I am sure you are probably confused about why I am like this all of a sudden, right?

Well, the thing is...

It’s not all of a sudden. I have always been like this, just trying to cover it and distract myself from it, mostly succeeding.

But not this time, it seems.

Thinking so, I glance around me.

And what I see, is a forest of giant trees, and a weird landscape of buildings corroded by nature.

Yeah, the same thing I was seeing before. Nothing changed.

And even though, this should not be possible, especially with me finally turning off the SR drive, but here we are.

Still in the same spot, in the same place, with nothing changing.

A fact that can only bring me despair.

And even though, I did my best before trying to not think about this possibility, with me instead, doing my best in coming up with solutions, and possible reasons, but...

I can’t do so anymore. Because an indisputable fact is right in front of me. And so, I guess I should just accept it.

The fact that I ...

“am really in the world of LSO.”

Weird, right? But sadly, it’s not impossible.

Yes, it’s not impossible. Even if it’s weird, crazy, and seem impossible, but trust me.

“it’s not impossible.”

.....

So, yeah, it’s not impossible.

And because I know that, the moment when the drive was completely turned off, and my vision recovered from complete darkness, only revealing the same scene of before, I was not that surprised by it.

No. Instead, I was surprised by the realization it brought with it.

The realization, that “I” was currently in LSO’s world.

And that is the source of my despair.

And so, back to the current situation, with me, calmly staring at the cloudy sky, as a bitter smile is all I can do.

Then, staying like that for a few seconds as I try to calm myself, I take a deep breath.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

“Fuuu..., Haaa..., Fuuu..., Haaa...”

so, where was I again?

Ah, right. Realization and despair, I think?

so, hmm...., yeah, I am currently feeling the worst, but hey...

We are not truly sure yet, of what’s actually happening here, are we?

“so who knows, I may just be overthinking it here, with me only seeing the worst possible scenario, right?”

Ah, but even if that was so, the fact stays that I am currently in an unknown situation, so it’s not like there is that much of a difference, right?

So yeah, instead of thinking and trying to guess what’s happening, I should instead start to understand my situation, hmm...

Hmmm ...., hmmmmmm .....

So.... understanding my situation.... is it.

Well, it’s not that hard, because I have already said it before, no?

That I am currently standing in a whirlpool that is, .... or is it more like a whirlwind? Hmm, I can’t tell.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

“Fuuu..., Haaa..., Fuuu..., Haaa...”

Oh, and if you still can’t get it even to now, then let me tell you this, but I was NOT speaking metaphorically.

No, No, I was speaking literally, okay? So just to be clear, but I meant every single word I said before.

All of that about twisting, entangling, and swirling, to the whirlpool part. All of it.

And so, here I am standing in my place, as I calmly look at the sky while trying to distract myself from a weird scene I am seeing.

But, .... it does not work. And so, I guess I have no other option but to look at reality, ha?

That for some reason, I am inside a game’s world, with a weird invisible whirlwind surrounding me.... that reality, ha? well, that seems stupid.

But still, it’s not like I don’t understand what is it, this whirlwind around me, you know?

I mean, no matter how you look at it, is not this just the same thing I did with my arts skills before? Just a little stronger.

Well, I take that back...

SsssSSHhhh.

This is not a little at ALL.

SsSSsshhhh.

Strong wind sound.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

“Fuuu..., Haaa..., Fuuu..., Haaa...”

NOT AT ALL.

And so, yeah, the reason why I was trying to distract myself from reality was this mad whirlwind around me.

SssSSsSshhhh.

Strong wind sound.

I mean, can you believe how scary it’s standing in the middle of this whistling wind? CAN you?

Well, if you can’t then let this great me tell you.

Tell you, how scary it’s the whistling sound almost destroying my eardrums, or maybe about how every move I do is met with crazy pressure, forcing me to stand still, fearing that my limbs will suddenly twist in a weird direction.

Though honestly, all of that is not what’s bothering me. No, what’s bothering me is the mental effect.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

“Fuuu..., Haaa..., Fuuu..., Haaa...”

Because as I said it before .....

But my mind is growing numb, and I am barely staying conscious, as my vision is slowly growing hazy.

Or to be more clear, the moment I lost my focus and was overwhelmed by my emotion a while ago, I suddenly blanked for a second, but then quickly restoring my consciousness, I was met with strong dizziness and this scene before me.

And so, that’s why I was looking at the sky trying to calm myself and escape reality, as I take a deep breath. All just to try and calm my overloaded mind, and stop whatever it is happening to me right now.

Otherwise, .....

.......

Well, .... let’s just hope we don’t get to know.....

And so, stopping that train of thoughts, and instead focusing on taking a deep breath, I...

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Finally .......

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

“Fuuu..., Haaa..., Fuuu..., Haaa...”

succeeded in calming down, when ...

Fuussshhh.

With a loud sound, the mad whirlwind dissipated from around me.

“fuuu...”

And feeling that, I sighed of relief.