"Now, which oneuh you needs- ah, wait, prolly the one on the cot, isn't it?" Pat said.

"I swear. If you mess this up..." S began. He left the rest to imagination. But the hostility in his voice made it pretty easy to fill in the blanks. He was quite good at that. Comes with the territory, I suppose. 

"And good evening to you too, pal." Pat said sarcastically. 

I looked over at the boy in the cot. Sure enough, not even this was enough to faze him. Most people start squirming at this point. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think Tan boy ever did. He just laughed about it, without a care in the world. Quite the far cry from how he is now, with his dear friend in this state. Oh, the drama! 

Pat kneeled down, and began looking over the boy's body. "Hmm... Almighty, well, first things-" They burped. "ffirst, we gotta take of yer robe, so we can see where the bad stuff is. Can ya sit up, boy?"

"Y-yeah, k." The boy said, starting to raise himself up.

"Hold on, let me help with that." Tan boy said, propping his friend up.

"w-wait, wha-"

"Ah, good idea, boy. It'd be nasty if he fu-" Pat hiccupped. "ed his wounds up on accident." 

"Right." Tan boy said, and he began taking off his friend's robe. 

"Should I be in the room for this?" I asked. As much fun as this is, I'd hate to overstep my boundaries. These people deserve their due respect, after all. 

"Byah. D'pendin' how bad this is, I might need an assistant. You're stayin' right here, sissterrr..." Pat said, with a bit of a slur.

"Oh, okay." I said. Well, I shouldn't go against direct orders from a medical professional, I suppose. I guess I just have to stay and watch this play out. Booo hooo.

Well, I'm still gonna look away from the undressing part. I know he's still a kid, and I doubt he'd care, in the first place but... Well, I'm still gonna look away, anyways. For my own sake. 

"Ey, kid, you got a fever or somethin'?" I heard Pat ask as I stared at the floor. "Yer all red 'n stuff."

"N-nah, I'm g-goo...." The boy said, his voice trailing off towards the end.

"Right, I didn't think about that. It is a bit chilly out, and he wasn't fully covered. Do you have any medicine?" S hastily asked, with great concern. 

"No, I'm f-fi..." The boy repeated, quietly, his voice trailing off once more. 

"Nah, nothin' I can do 'bout that." Pat explained. 

"Damn. Well, I guess he doesn't smell sick, anyways..." Tan boy said.

He doesn't what now?

"I'm fnn..." I didn't quite catch what he said there. 

"Whas this? Ya put bandages on top of yer undershirt? Y'know they're" Pat hiccupped. "S'posed to go on yer skin, right? Oy, S, 'elp me get these off of 'im."

"Right."

"Actually, just take the whole shirt off, 'tll be fastrrr-" Pat burped again.

"Right." S repeated. 

He bandaged his shirt? Why would he do that? It's like he cared more about his clothes than he did his life... Ah, I'm sure that's not the case. I'm sure he had good reasons for everything. Far be it for me to try to figure out the inner workings of an experienced hero like him.  

They haphazardly threw the the boys clothes to the ground near me. Man, they were beat up pretty bad. And that undershirt was soaked in blood! It was quite unsettling. And he was just wearing that? That seems unsanitary, right? Is that how he got sick? Or, wait, is he actually sick? Based off what they were saying earlier, it's hard to tell...

I guess part of being a hero is being able to withstand hazardous conditions. Perhaps he's so used to adversity that he simply didn't notice. Oh, how tragic! 

"Alllllright, lllletsss see what's goin-" This time, Pat didn't burp. They just stopped.

"What is it, d-" Tan boy spoke up, as well, but he, too, fell silent. 

I wonder what's got them all tongue tied? Is he unexpectedly ripped under all those layers? Maybe he is a martial artist of some kind.  

"Assistant! Get me water, stat!" Pat shouted.

"Oh, okay!" I said, snapping back into my senses. Assistant? I have a name, you know! "Uh, I have this waterskin here, but I've already drank out of-"

"That's fine, give it here!" Pat grabbed my waterskin out of my hands as soon as I took it out. Hmm, come to think of it, I wonder what they're gonna use the water for?

My question was answered almost immediately, as Pat quickly used the remaining water in the waterskin to splash herself in the face, as if trying to sober up. Then, she blinked really hard a few times. 

"Nope, that's real." She said, her face still drenched. 

"W-what is it?" The boy asked. He then looked down at his wounds. "Woah. Cool." 

Cool?

"Well, that's one way to put it... I certainly ain't ever seen anything like this."

As much as I don't really want to look... I am only human. I peeked over at him.

He was...

Unexpectedly flabby in the stomach area. Just a bit, though. I guess that makes sense, he is still growing, after all. Oh, and also there are a bunch of incredibly large cuts basically all over his body, to the point where one would reasonably question  how he's still conscious. Even more peculiar, not one of his wounds is bleeding. In fact, there's little blood on him at all, and what is there is dry. The wounds on his chest and some of the ones on his arms and legs look like they're beginning to heal, and would almost look normal if you squinted really hard. 

The fresher ones, however... It was like peering into nothingness. There was no blood, or anything. And I don't mean that they weren't bleeding, no, I mean it seemed like there was no blood at all. 

I guess heroes don't... Have... Blood? What? 

"I wouldn't suppose you know where all your blood is? Or how you're still, well, bluntly put, alive?" Pat asked.

He just shrugged.

...

That's it? 

Just... A shrug? 

Not even this?

Is...

Is this boy even human? 

I...

I felt my heart beating rapidly. I wasn't really thinking straight, at this point. I started backing away. I clutched the dagger I kept at my side. 

Tan boy looked over at me. He looked briefly at my dagger, and then up at my face. He didn't say anything. 

Yet I could tell what he was trying to communicate.

...

I let go of my dagger. 

He looked back at his friend.

And I just stood there. 

"Well, as terrifying as this is, I'm drunk and was promised money, so it's time for mmmmmmaggggic!" Pat said, slurring her words a bit and swinging her hands around weirdly. Her hands began to glow brightly, and, after a while, she hovered them just above a couple of the boy's(?) wounds.

Not much happened. Healing magic takes a while, after all. The wounds did seem to be closing as normal, though, despite their odd nature. 

Nobody really said anything, for a while. 

"So..." Pat said, her hands still glowing and hovering around the wounds. "Seen any good plays recently?"

"Nah."

"Can't say I have. You?" 

"Nope. Not really sure what's playin', to be honest." 

"Right, I get that."

The room was mostly quiet for a while, except for the sounds coming from the street, the tavern, and the light twinkling sound coming from Pat's hands as they worked their (literal) magic. If tension bursting out of the room faster than light travels made a sound, you'd have been able to hear that, too. Probably would have been deafening. 

...

Well... 

So much for a boring night, yeah?