It took longer than I thought to walk back to Basenholm. Guess I did a pretty poor job at gauging the distance, huh. Ah well, I figure catastrophe can stand to wait a few minutes, right? I mean, realistically speaking, nothing's gonna happen for at least a few hours, the day's still quite young. 

Well, I thought it was, but, actually, now that I'm outside... Think it's, like, 10:30ish. Maybe 11.  At this rate, wont be long till I'm sleepin' well into the afternoon. 

Anyways, the walk felt longer than I thought it should have. Perhaps because, as we walked, something began to bug me. Well, 'bug' might not be the right word, but...

"Hey, Sis... My hair look okay?" I asked. My hair felt kinda... Off, for whatever reason. I dunno, it wasn't really itchy or anything, it just felt kinda out of place, maybe... Compressed a little?

"Uh, y-yeah. Seems perfectly fine." Sis said. Huh, that's odd. She doesn't usually stutter like that. Guess it happens to everyone, on occasion.

"Are you sure? Feels kinda-"

"I wouldn't worry about it." 

Guess that line runs in the family. 

"Oh, a-alright." I said. To be entirely honest, I couldn't help but feel that her response was a little suspicious, but, if she doesn't want me to worry about it, I wont. Though, I did use the holes like a mirror to check, just in case. There wasn't anything off that I could see, so I ended up just sort of using my hand to comb my hair, see if that fixed anything. It didn't. Though, I didn't really try for very long. For whatever reason, though it felt certainly felt odd, I couldn't help but find it strangely comfortable. Weird. 

Anyways, the rest of our journey to town was largely uneventful. 

It was a really beautiful day. The kinda day that makes you think that nothing could possibly go wrong. 

I sincerely hoped that wasn't the case.

---

The life of a small town shopkeeper is a boring, but rather peaceful one. Especially way out in Basenholm.

At least, so thinks the shopkeeper residing there. She's content with these facts and her way of life, and she especially enjoys getting to do very little work and still making a pretty penny, but, on occasion, like most people, she craves a little excitement. 

She'd considered packing up, getting serious about training, maybe trying to recall how to use a spear, and taking up adventuring on many occasions, but, ultimately, that line of thought always ended with a sigh and simple laughter. She'd never much cared for travelling. And, though she certainly didn't mind getting her hands dirty, animals were never her forte. Plus, it's a lot of work. 

And, beyond even that, the taxman hath no mercy for adventurers...

'Come to think of it, tax season's coming up', she thought to herself. She usually dodged taxes, anyways, but, uh, actually, this is all tangential to the important events at hand today, so, right on que, the door to her shop began to open. Of course, a shop door opening isn't usually surprising, that is the purpose of doors, after all, but she was relatively certain that nobody who'd actually buy anything at her shop was in town at the moment, especially since Michaus was out doing... Whatever the hell he did. To the shopkeeper's surprise, and unfamiliar man stepped through the door.

 The man who stepped through was... Peculiar, to say the least. He was a tall, mountain of a man, almost freakishly bulky and masculine, yet seemingly without a single hair on his head, face, or anywhere on his body. Perhaps most peculiar about him, though, was the fact that he was wearing, from head to toe, a set of armor that seemed to be made entirely out of fine oak wood. 

He was, needless to say, easily among the strangest men the shopkeeper had ever seen.

The man bore an ear to ear grin as he entered, as his massive eyes looked down and around at everything within the small shop, and then straight at the shopkeeper herself.

"You. Woman." The man said, with an incredibly thick accent. "You have strong body."

The shopkeeper was stunned for a moment, but quickly blinked and shook her head reorienting herself in reality. Regardless of how weird this man is, he's a customer, and will be treated the same as everyone else.

"You're damn right I do. And what're you supposed to be, anyway, some sorta wannabe druid?"

The man laughed heartily. "Hah! I am want to be nothing! I am... Very big deal." He assured.

"Well, you're certainly one of those things."

"Baha! Yes, this is true!" 

The man laughed to himself for, frankly, an awkward amount of time.

"Anyways, lady, you and me, will we make arm wrestling now." The man said.

"Huh? The hell did that come from? And why would I do that?"

"Is fun. Is worthy challenge. Do not worry, I assure you, hand is clean." The man said, putting his elbow on the desk. "And, let us say... You win, I will tell you somethings you will like to know." 

"What's in it for you?"

"Oh, please! Nothing! I simply enjoy the game, yes!"

The shopkeeper thought about it, for a moment. Of course, arm wrestling perfect strangers for very little reason is generally not something one does particularly often, for many reasons, the least of which being the sanitary component... But, she was very, very bored. So, what the hell, right?

"Well, s'posse I've got nothin' to lose. Lets do this, ya freak."

"Yes, good! Bahaha!"

They then proceeded to, well, arm wrestle, naturally. It's not the most exciting activity to observe, unless you like looking at people that look like they're taking the worst dump of their life. Anyways, they were arm wrestling for several minutes, as both individuals have quite impressive upper body strength. Ultimately, the man clad in wood emerged victorious. Which was fair, considering his hobby is wearing a friggin' tree like a suit. 

"Bahaha! Yes, you are most strong, indeed!" The man said, grinning widely through heavy breath. "Tell me, what is your name?"

 The shopkeeper, after taking a moment to breathe and calm herself after her loss, said through gritted teeth, "Elaine."

"Bahaha! Elaine, eh? Is a good name!"

"Eh. Never thought it suited me."

"Nonsense! Is wonderful! Bahaha!"

Elaine began to stretch and roll her tired arm, in an attempt to reawaken it, and do away with some of the soreness. "Alright, you've had your fun. Now buy somethin' or get the hell outa here." She said, with just a twinge of residual anger from losing seeping out.  

"You are not going to ask for my name?"

"Do I look like I care?"

"Bahaha!" The man laughed, ever unphased, "No! I tell you anyways! They call me Comical Raft Man!"

"That's... Not much of a name, is it?" 

"It is not! Is code name! Is also very on the nose! Very silly! Is a very big deal, to some... Particular types. Real name is a big no."

"I see." 

"They call me this, see, because of my power! Is very unique, you see!" The man said, unprompted. "I can become raft!"

"Woooooooow. Craaaazy stuff, really."

"Is better than it sounds! There is no better vehicle on planet, for sure! Can ford any waters, yes! Is how I got here with employer!"

"Employer?' Oh brother, there're more of you?"

"Ah, no! I am no longer under employ! In fact... Hm... I tell you previous information, anyway! I have taken liking to you, strong woman!"

"Gee, what an honor..." Elaine said, sarcastically, of course.

"Bahaha!" 'Comical Raft Man' is easily amused. "At any rate, my previous employer, he and his little goons, they've plans to attack tiny village! Not sure when. Why, also."

"Well, that's pretty stupid of them."

"Indeed, if others are as strong as you, they will be like cake at your toes!" 

Well, that's a weird metaphor. 

"Hah, yeah. I'd give 'em maybe 10% odds of even getting past the kid. After that, they'll be wishin' they didn't. Chances are, I ain't gonna even see 'em."

"Bahaha! Is probably truth!" 

"Anyways, I got a question for you, tough guy."

"Ah, yes! Go right ahead!"

"Where the hell are you from? Can't say I've ever heard an accent like yours before."

"Ah, you are mistaken! I am no foreigner!"

"Eh? Then what's with the-"

"It's a character, truthfully." 'Comical Raft Man' said, adopting an entirely new, seemingly local accent. "Turns out, people tend to make a lot of mistakes when they think they're negotiating with a moron. Plus, it's just kind of fun."

"Huh. Seems a bit silly, doesn't it?"

"Lady, I, a guy who wears a suit entirely made of wood for no discernable reason am one of the most recognizable and sought after people in the entire international criminal underground, yet, all but a few 'master criminals' know me as anything other than 'Comical Raft Man.' On top of that, I'm one of the single wealthiest people on the continent, and I don't pay a coin in taxes." That last line made Elaine's heart skip a beat. "The world's a fucking circus, and I just happen to really enjoy being a clown."

"Oh.

. . .

Why did you tell me all this?"

"For fun, mostly."

"Huh. And you're aware how ridiculous it all sounds?"

"Painfully."

"And that I have no reason to believe a word of it?" 

"Of course. But that's fun, too, isn't it? Doesn't really matter, anyways. Whether or not you do, whether or not you tell anyone, it's all just part of these stupid carnival games. And I'll love every second of them." 'Comical Raft Man' said with a grin.

"I see." Elaine said. 

. . .

"Well, how 'bout you share some of that wealth you may or may not have and then get the hell outa here."

"Bahaha!" 'Comical Raft Man' said, picking up the accent once more. "But of course!"