Okay... Crazy old man raving about God knows what all up in my face. Looks like my bathroom break is gonna have to last a little longer than I expected.

What a stupid collection of sentences.

"YOU! IIIIII REMEMBER YOU! FROM THE BUSHES!" He repeated once he got, like half a foot away from me. His breath was less than pleasant. Though, I guess that might not be all that surprising, considering I'm not sure how far dental hygiene has progressed in this world. Still, would it kill him to chew up some mint, or something?

"I- uh- buh- uh- wha?" I said. 

"DON'T PLAY COY WITH ME!" He said as he grabbed the shoulders of my sweatshirt and pulled me up to his face. He had surprising strength for someone who looked like he had a decade or so left of life. "YOU WERE THERE! WITH THE GIRL! WHERE IS SHE? BRRRRING ME TO HER, AND I SHALL EXACT MY REVENGE!"

This guy's really somethin', isn't he?

"Uh, s-slow down, guy. I, uh, I have no clue w-what you're on about." 

"THE GIRL! SHE INSULTED ME! TERRIBLE MASTER OF DESTRUCTION! SHE LAUGHED AND SPAT IN MY FACE! I SHALL BURN EVRY HAIR OFF OF HER MISERABLE CORPSE!"

Wha- Oh, wait, hold on... Is he fro-

"D-DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, MISERABLE WORM!"

"Believe me, the look I'd rather be giving you right now is far worse."

"SILENCE! GIVE ME WHAT I WANT OR I SHALL TURN YOUR MISERABLE CLOTH TO ASH AND PISS ON YOUR CORPSE!"

What is WRONG with this guy?! "Uh, p-please don't do that."

"SILENCE! NOW, TALK!"

WhaaAAAAAAaaaaAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? "Uh, duh, buh- baaathroom?" I stammered out.

"EXCELLENT! NOW-"

Before he could finish his sentence, a rather large and tall (though not nearly as tall as the old guy in front of me. Actually, now that I'm seeing him from this angle, I think he might be a little shorter than average.), tough looking man clad head to toe in leather armor (including gloves, shoes, even a helmet) appeared into our little slice of darkness, clearly very short of breath.

"Gotta say..." He said in between heavy breaths. "You are.... Freakishly fast... For someone who's never... Worked out a day in his life..." 

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCORRECT, SIR!" Screeched the old man. "I FREQUENTLY JOG!" 

"Yeah... Yeah... I s'ppose you do..."

Yep, that confirms it. No, not the jogging thing. I've seen this guy before. The leather dude is the 'bush inspector' for that time Sis and I got attacked on our way to the 'dog bowls', that one fishing place. I hadn't yet seen this old coot, but I figure this is the guy Sis ran into, and the culprit behind the bush spontaneously combusting. Looks like she pissed him off somethin' fierce. Got a real, eh, hot temper, eh? Eh? 

The leather clad man continued, "So... Whew... What is it this time? What's got you- Oh, come on... Seriously, Lou? A kid?"

"DO NOT BE DECIEVED! GAZE UPON HIM!" The old man pulled me closer to the leather clad man. Ooh, that didn't sound good. Eek. "HE BEARS THE SAME FACE AS THE SCOURGE! HE WAS WITH HER AT THE TIME, I SAW! I WOULD NEVER FORGET THE FACE OF HE WHO WAS ADJACENT TO THE ONE WHO WRONGED ME!"

"Gah, you're just... Oh, hey, you again."

"Uh, yeah, you too." I said. Which kinda made sense in this context.

"Uhuh. Lou, just let go of the damn kid. What part of 'laying low' do you not understand?"

"I FULLY UNDERSTAND EVERY WORD OF IT! AND CONCIOUSLY CHOOSE TO IGNORE IT! MY VENGANCE WILL NOT BE DELAYED!" 

"Of course... Just," The leather clad man grabbed me and shoved me away from the old man. He wasn't super careful about it, so it kinda hurt. "You, uh... Get the hell outa here." He said to me.

"Uh, y-yeah, will do." I said as I quickly made my way anywhere else, slamming my hands together. 

"BAH! I'VE ALREADY EXTRACTED ALL THE INFORMATION I NEED!"

"Great... Now, howsabout we-" Was the last thing I heard before I tripped into the bathroom and closed the hole behind me. 

Well, he said he has what he needs, but all I told him was 'bathroom', so I doubt he'll be able to exact that vengeance he's so excited about any time soon. 

Speaking of vengeance, I almost literally ran into Sis on my way out of the bathroom. It seems that, had I been a second slower, we'd have had a pretty serious problem on our hands. 

"W-what took you so long?!" Sis practically shouted.

"U-uh... S-Surprise poop episode." Was the first thing I thought.

"I'd hoped we'd at least be above toilet humor..." She muttered for some reason, though it seemed to me that she was holding back a laugh. "And I thought you said you were just gonna pee!?"

"That's the surprise." 

"That's-" She just paused and sighed. "Whatever. Just tell if this happens in the future." 

"Uh... Okay. S-sorry. I think." Eee... I figured it best not to deny her that at the time, but it kinda feels wrong, somehow. Though, I guess I am in a unique position to be able to do that sort of thing with relative ease, but still... Eee.

S looked at me with a cocked, skeptical eyebrow and a shaky grin that was holding back hysterics. 

"It's a good thing you didn't get attacked." Sis said. Wwwwweeeeelllll... "A bathroom fight might lead to infections and-"

S couldn't hold back a chuckle, though I'm not sure what he was laughing at.

"Right," he said in between laughs, "why don't we get away from the bathrooms, alright?"

"Y-yeah, good idea." I said.

"'kay." Sis said. She calms down quick. 

"Right. How 'bout we-" He began, but was quickly interrupted by a rapidly approaching old timey housewife looking lady that I didn't recognize. Wait, was me assuming that sexist? Well, I'm being descriptive. She looked like the image of a stereotypical old timey housewife. Not that she is one for sure, but she looks like one. 

"Uhm, excuse me, might you be S?" She said, softly. 

"Right, guilty as charged." He said, turning over to her with a smile.

"My, I certainly didn't expect to find you all the way out here!" She said, also smiling, though it wasn't nearly as good as S's.

"Well, I'm everywhere, baby! It's kind of what I do."

"Oh, I'm sure!" She said with a polite laugh. "Well, I won't take up any more of your time, I just wanted to thank you while I had the opportunity. If you hadn't been there to stop those wolves, I can't even imagine what would have happened to our family!"

"Hey, don't mention it. I just did what anyone would do."

"Still, we're very grateful. If there's ever anything you need from us, know that you're always welcome in our home."

"Right, I'll keep that in mind." He said, his smile practically beaming.

With that, the lady politely said her goodbyes, and left.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"No idea. Probably the wife of some farmer I helped forever ago or something." He said with a casual shrug.

"She could also be the farmer, right? Cus-"

"Doubt it. She didn't smell at all like manure. Plus, she was lacking the bulk that comes with working the land. I almost wanted to ask her if she needed help carrying her groceries, but I didn't want to overstep."

"Oh, uh, y-yeah." Oh yeah, apparently we were in a small grocery store. To be honest, I wasn't really paying all that much attention when we first got here, 'cus I was so excited about eavesdropping. "Does stuff like that happen often?"

"Eh, not really. Once every couple weeks, maybe? It really depends. But it's not like anyone's seeking me out or anything. It's just passers by and stuff. Passerby? Passers by? Passersby?" He shrugged, seemingly unable to find an answer. 

"Huh." That sounds pretty frequent to me. 

Sis didn't say anything, but she did write something in her notepad, in purple crayon.

"Right. Anyways, for real this time, how about we actually-"

Suddenly, a terrible wave of heat blasted throughout the shop, causing most of the shoppers to recoil and S to stop mid-sentence. Again. 

"DIRECT ME TO THE BATHROOM IMMEDIATELY!" Shouted a booming, scratchy, and unfortunately now familiar voice.

Wha- uh- already?

How in the flying fu