Our relationship drastically changed when we were in our teens. By then, they had enrolled us in a Cerberus training program. Where we learned how to control the powers that we had. While Fenris trained his body and soul, I trained my mind. They hopped me from professional to professional to fix me, but it seemed I was too broken to be off the inhibitors, much to Ben's dismay.

No matter how many medications or doctors tried to treat my trauma, whenever they attempted to take me off the inhibitors that controlled my emotions, it set off a chain reaction as anything triggered me. I had gotten used to living with them. It was normal for me to not feel extreme emotions. Five years passed like this. By this time, any doctor or scientist refused to work with me. Instead, I fell under Tania, who trained me daily to strengthen my mind. It was extremely different from when I studied under the sisters, though.

Tania did not hurt me or scream at me when I made a mistake. Instead, she would repeat herself no matter how many times she needed, until I got what was being taught. Even though she was not a witch, she tried to teach me as best she could. Sometimes I just stare at her velvet black hair sway behind her, only to notice those bright red eyes glaring at me as if I were doing something wrong.

I guess she would scold me with her expressions rather than with words and violence. If only Stella knew that those alone were scary enough to set me straight whenever I wandered off-topic. The purpose of Tania's training was for me to learn how to protect myself. While also getting the control, I needed to not destroy everything around me in a fit.

The reason Tania took it upon herself to train me was that the order wanted me far away from the witches' grip. In the eyes of the order, they could not leave me alone to fend for myself. The purpose of keeping me from the view of the public was to keep the witches away from any temptation I might have given them. When I became the gate to the nether realm, the others of my kind got stronger, but only by a slight amount.

The order feared my existence would tempt them to get more if they knew. For that reason alone, they kept me away from the world within the Cerberus headquarters. Just another cage. But I did not blame them. I was dangerous. A mass murderer too. The only reason I was not dead was because the shadow demons would take them down with me.

The high-ranking officers of the Cerberus order would only know the story of what really happened that day. They cast a spell on those who survived to forget. It was a small girl who had brought the great city of Silverant to its knees. Their memory was warped and replaced for it to be Stella's coven who had done the deed. They did this to keep the peace between the order and the civilians, who called for blood when they found out what had happened. I was just ten years old then, but they did not care about that. When they called for my head to roll.

For now, they wanted Stella's and her coven's head on the platter instead. The order had a second reason for doing this, though. They wanted Stella and her coven to believe that everything had gone to plan. They wanted them to believe I had died that day. Against all odds, somehow the order had closed the portal, leaving their plan unfinished. They hoped the sisters would slip up and make a mistake so they could apprehend them. But five years later there was no additional news on them. It was like they disappeared into the shadows.

Some officers from the order thought the nether realm had taken them too, but I knew better. They were planning from the shadows to continue where their first plan failed. It would be a matter of time before they attacked once again. This time with a better plan than the last. However, leads about the matter went cold as the sisters hid from the world. For me, during those five years, I had learned to control the whispers that were slowly trying to drive me insane. I still heard them sometimes when my emotions got the best of me.

The only one that I could hear at any time was Shade, who had somehow stayed behind once the gate closed. Even though she had shrunk down a few sizes. Everyone who knew what she was treated her with respect. She was as big as a small house cat, though. Far from the ferocious form of that day. It seemed it was her permanent size, too. Well, I had the phoenix inhibitors on and emotions under control.

They officially called Shade, a familiar. By a witch that inspected her soon after the fall. She was a unique familiar, though. She came straight from the nether realm, making her extremely special. It was also rare for witches and warlocks to have familiars at such a young age. They usually needed years of practice to achieve in creating one. They also did not speak as Shade did. It made every witch/warlock that saw me with her filled with envy, which did not help with my popularity status in the order.

They already knew me as an untouchable person thanks to Fenris being my protector, but it did not stop the glances of annoyance at my presence. A leech, they called me. Others of my kin named me a traitor for being so close with the Lycans.

Even if they had little to no knowledge of what I had done. The fact, I was being trained separately and shared a room with the next precious alpha wolf. Allowed an atmosphere of resentment and bitterness towards me to form. Most did not understand why I had to be treated differently from them, they were ignorant of who I was.

Little did they know that a simple tantrum from me could level the building and the rest of the city. The part I had destroyed was still being rebuilt. Even though my magical power was suppressed, the inhibitors did not lock away all my magic. I could still cast spells, although they restricted me severely on what I could do with them.

The nether realm, even though it was quelled away by my inhibitors, still increased my magical power significantly compared to a normal witch. My spells were basically limited to simple ones, like opening a door or a jar, while my emotions were not overwhelming the crystals.

My grimoire was kept away from me, locked behind a vault within the facility in a place only a few knew of. I could feel its presence, though, even though it was far away from where I was located, probably by the basement of the facility. Grimoires were indestructible. The only thing they could do was to lock it away. In its place, they had given me a fake one that I had to carry along with me, pretending it was mine.

Sadly, caged with me was Fenris, who was forced to share a room with me as I was in his charge. I thought the sudden change annoyed him. But it did not bother him when it was brought to his attention. He continued to be nice to me no matter what, but it must have been tiring to have this much responsibility placed on a twelve-year-old. Even though now he was seventeen.

Lately, Fenris seemed to struggle with something. I never asked as I tried to keep to myself these days. I did not want to be a burden to him. For me, it was enough to just see him every day without forcing a friendship between us. We basically only said good morning and good night every day if it were up to me. Usually, Fenris would pass out of exhaustion thanks to his training when he came back at night.

Whenever this happened, I would cover him with his blanket, fearing he would catch a cold or worse. However, whenever I needed someone, anyone, he was the first one there. Whenever I woke up from a nightmare, he would be there to hold my hand. Even though I startled him awake each time.

Fenris did this even though my emotions were being controlled by the crystals. There was no risk of an apocalyptic event. He would hold my hand until I fell asleep. Rarely, I would wake up to him asleep next to me, because I never let go of his hand. Other times, I would get this weird sickness that presented itself with an uncontrollable fever and weakness theorized to be connected to the nether realm being in me. A human was never supposed to contain the power I possessed. And even though the inhibitors were in place, that power still lived within me. It placed a strain on my body.

Every time I needed anyone, Fenris was there for me. I was his burden to bear. Something I did not want to be. This day though, Fenris had just come back to our room we shared in a foul mood. Shade, who still wore the collar given to me that day by Fenris, laid in her bed. The prior night Fenris had been arguing with Ben outside of the room. Shade had tried to overhear them being a curious little creature, but I grabbed her before she could. I did not want to know what they had been fighting over.

Especially if it was over me. It always was. Throwing his bag onto his bed, Fenris glanced over to me, only to look more troubled than when he came in. Instead of speaking to me, he went into the bathroom to shower. Unable to feel too distressed over his reaction, I sat on my bed for a couple of minutes. For a moment, I stared at where he had disappeared. Before continuing to write the assignment that was given to me by Tania.

When Fenris emerged from the bathroom, his mood seemed to be the same as when he entered the room. However, much to the detriment of my heart, this time he had neglected to place a shirt on. This was unusual. I swiftly diverted my gaze back to my work. As he seemed to pace over something that really bothered him.

Deep down I wanted to ask what was wrong, but I did not want to bother him any further than I already had. Shade, though, had other plans, as his pacing seemed to annoy her. She launched at his pants. Luckily, they were baggy pants as her claws dug into the cloth instead of the skin.

"Shade, what the hell?" Fenris questioned her action.

I replied to what she complained about without gazing up at him, unable to bear seeing him like that.

"Your pacing is annoying," I answered his question.

He turned towards me. My eyes, though, were glued to the papers that laid in front of me. I was not about to look up, either. It was not good for my heart.

"Lilith, control your cat," Fenris complained over Shade's random attack.

She climbed up his pants in a bid of revenge for waking her up ever so rudely. She had forgiven him for throwing his bag and slamming the door, but not for the continuous pacing. No, that drove her over the edge.

"She is not a cat. She is a familiar," I corrected, sounding somewhat snarky, which was not my intention.

In response to me, Fenris seemed to just get more annoyed, but before he could get a word out Shade made her move.

"Ouch! Lilith!" Fenris whined loudly, startling me a bit.

Shade had bitten onto the base of his tail as he tried to shake her off. I refused to look up. Though it was not long until I gave in, feeling his fiery eyes on me. He would not surrender until I took Shade off him. Hesitantly, I got up and picked up the cat, who had chomped down on his tail while wagging her own.

Luckily, she had not bitten through the skin, as his tail still was pure silver. Trying to avoid looking at his exposed skin, I turned around, disappointed at Shade, who had gotten me into this situation. Before I could take a step away, though, Fenris grabbed onto my waist before pulling me into an embrace.

Shade fell onto the ground up right before walking off towards her bed once again. Laying his head on my shoulder, I felt the water from his wet hair drip onto my dress as he whispered.

"Lilith... Do you want to try it?"

Try it? Try, what?

In an instant, he left me bewildered by what he meant.

"I do not know what you mean. Do you need help with some work?" I mumbled, feeling flustered by his actions.

My heart raced in a marathon. It was going almost fast enough to trigger the inhibitor, but not quite. It only responded to negative emotions. Fenris growled before holding me even tighter to him. There was little to no space between my back and his chest.

"You silly girl..." He mumbled, holding me tightly slightly shaking his head.

Something was not right. Grabbing onto his hand that held my shoulder, I became scared I might have hurt him.

"Fenris... Did I do something wrong? If I did, I am so sorry. I didn't..." I began, only to be interrupted by him gently biting onto the slightly exposed skin on my neck.

Instantly, I yelped, surprised in response. He licked where he had bitten before, chuckling at my reaction. He rarely did this, but he got annoyed whenever I tried to apologize to him.

"How many times do I need to tell you? I never want to hear you say sorry," Fenris murmured into my ear.

There was a tone of sadness in his voice that I could not shake off. He pushed me onto my bed before climbing on top of me. His cheeks were bright pink.

"Fenris...?" I called out to him, blushing madly.

I never had been like this with him before. Seeing his shirtless torso made me want to touch him, too. Something I could never do. His muscles were so well defined from all his training that I could not help myself when my eyes examined them.

He was lean and fit. Back when I was only ten, I did not know what the concept of love was. Even now, I did not know what it truly was, but what I had always felt for the silver wolf in front of me. Surely, was something more than just friendship.

Even though all I ever wanted was to be with him by his side, with no need for romance. Even though being next to him was all that would satisfy me, part of me wished for more. Something that was just a distant dream. Had to be...

"I want to have sex with you," Fenris announced, shocking me to my core.

He had said the impossible. I must have misheard him. He must have said something else. Like he wanted to... To... have me cook for him or to go somewhere with me. I must have totally misheard. A misunderstanding for sure. Surely, I was utterly wrong. My ears must have missed a tune.

I must ask him to know... I must...

"Y-you w-want... w-what...? Sorry, I... m-must have m-misheard you." I stuttered, perplexed over what had left Fenris's mouth.

He could not have worded what I heard because he would never look at me that way. It must have been a misunderstanding. It had to be. My heart could not bear it. It was about to fall out of my chest. It was the first time I felt this way.

Hopefully? No... I cannot be hopeful.

 It would only lead to disappointment. Fear slowly crawled at me. My body was not... Upon hearing those words come out of my mouth, he seemed annoyed beyond belief.

"You cannot be that dense. I literally just said it." Fenris growled. 

In response to my denial, he grabbed my hands and pinned them down onto the bed before kissing my neck, sending shivers down my spine. Part of me lit up, almost as if lightning had struck me. He was trying to prove how serious he was. Intertwining his left hand with my right hand, he let go of my left to undo the buttons of my dress.

At this moment, dread consumed me. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I grabbed onto the hand that threatened to undress me with my free hand. The inhibitor bracelet had slowly activated, coming close to my meltdown.

"I-I... I-I... N-no... Y-you cannot... I-I... I-I... I-I... Do not... I-I... I am not worthy of you!" I struggled to say, crying, triggering the bracelet to make me feel hollow.

The moment it shone, Fenris appeared like he wanted to rip it off, but in doing so it would have placed everyone in danger. Instead, he took a deep breath and tried a different approach.

"Lily... I cannot think of anyone more deserving than you. You deserve the world to bend to you." Fenris tried to console me, only to fall on deaf ears.

His sweet words could not reach my closed heart. By this time, I had finally learned what the sisters had taken from me that day when they sacrificed everything I had to give. I was not worthy of anyone anymore. Never was. Especially someone like Fenris, who had people who adored him. He was someone untouchable to someone like me.

My body would disgust him. It would sicken anyone. It appalled me. I was disfigured and dishonored.

"I... do not... I am dirty..." I whimpered, feeling hollowed of emotions, tears still streaming down my cheeks.

"Do not say that. You are not dirty." Fenris tried to comfort me.

Again, it fell on deaf ears. I could not understand why he said that. I thought he must have not known what the coven had done to me. If he did not know and that was why he was saying these things, I had to correct him. Something as pure as him should never lay with something as dirty as me.

"The sisters..." I tried to inform only for him to interrupt me.

At that moment, his expression was one of pure anger, like he was trying to hold himself back when he heard their name.

"I already know what those psychos did to you. What those bitches did to you, does not count!" Fenris reassured me before kissing me lightly on my lips.

One wish came true the moment his lips touched mine. No matter how light it was. It was enough to satisfy me for a lifetime, but he did not intend to stop there.

"All of your first will be with me." He declared astonishing me.

I could not believe his words. He did not know what he was saying. That had to be it. My body was something undesirable, especially to the future alpha of an entire clan. No, he had to be mistaken, but even so...

Fenris's words warmed my heart in ways I thought I would never feel. It would be a dream to be his. But that was all it would be. A dream. The moment he saw my body, he would run. He did not know what he was getting himself into. He had never seen it before. I always wore clothes that would prevent anyone from seeing any of my scars. I even kept my hair short enough to reach my ears.

Luckily, I did not have to hide my face or neck from anyone since it was not scarred. Some type of clothing always covered the rest of my body. I only wore dresses, which I used dark stockings to cover my legs. I only ever exposed my hands and face in public and inside the room with Fenris. I was not comfortable with the body they left me with.

"No Fenris I..." I tried to explain, but there was no stopping this wolf.

And I could not resist him either. Before I could finish, his lips clashed with mine, once again silencing me successfully. The moment his tongue touched mine, I thought this had to be a dream. It was not real. Separating for a moment, I gasped as his hands peeled off my dress, exposing my deformed chest. I never wore a bra since my breast never grew thanks to the trauma that they had endured. Scars covered my entire bosom, making it unattractive to anyone.

I had dreams like this before. Usually, this moment was when I would wake up, fearing Fenris's reaction to seeing my body. When I woke up from those dreams, it would end with him having to hold my hand while I calmed down. Little did he know my dream was about his rejection. This time, however, I would not wake up. Even though the bracelet kept shining brightly, Fenris's ears twitched before lowering, almost as if he was angered by the condition my body was in.

Instead of running away, he traced his fingers on my chest, triggering tickling sensations to overwhelm my senses, leaving a trail of heat in his wake. A low, shy mewl released from my lips, triggering him to gaze back at my face while I avoided his eyes. He chuckled in response to my reaction to his touch.

"You are beautiful." Fenris breathed, caressing, and suckling my deformed breast with no hesitation.

Beautiful...? Impossible... I... I must have heard wrong.

More moans escaped my lips before I bit into the sleeve of my dress to prevent my voice from coming out anymore. It was too embarrassing to hear it. In response, Fenris lifted the skirt of my dress and stuck his hand down my stocking and underwear. The moment his fingers touched my most private area, I felt a rush of adrenaline.

I finally glanced down to see him still suckling my chest. Separating from me, Fenris met with my gaze, allowing me to see his pink cheeks. He got rid of the clothes, exposing my everything to him.

I had to be dreaming. There was no way this was happening. Fenris licked his fingers before softly caressing me down there. At first, a finger went as I yelped in response, startling Fenris, who had thought he had hurt me. He had not. It was just surprising how different it felt from back then, as well as it was a bit uncomfortable. I think my facial expression told him all he had to know. He gently thrust his finger in and out of me.

Before long it was two fingers in me. Pleasure, something I had never felt before. It swayed through my body like waves crashing onto the beach. Pulling my sleeve out of my mouth, Fenris replaced it with his mouth. Kisses... It was so many he gave me. I was being overwhelmed. Separating from me, I finally let loose of all the emotions that had been building up since we met that day at that game store.

"Fenris, I lo..." I tried to profess my feelings only to be met with Fenris's light peck of my lips.

"I know..." He whispered before kissing me deeper than he had.

He removed his fingers from within and spread me apart with his hands before trailing down my body and licking me down there. Gripping onto the bed and his soft hair, I could not control my voice anymore. I mewled his name over and over while he continued to make me feel different from what I had ever felt.

Before I knew it, a weird sensation swelled within. Another feeling I had never felt, but before it could reach its climax, he pulled away before pulling down his pants, exposing himself to me. Another thing I thought could never happen in this lifetime. He wanted me. Tears dripped down my eyes again while he wiped them away before kissing my forehead gently.

The moment Fenris entered me, all I felt was pulsing pain since he was stretching my walls to his size and length. He was much thicker than the stick they had used back then, and nothing had touched there in the past five years since the fall. Baring from the discomfort, I clasped my hands into his arms. They caged me under him while he panted for air. He continued to push himself into me until he filled me to the brim.

A moan released from his lips when he found his release inside of me immediately after entering. I did not know at this moment, but it was his first time doing anything like this too. His member twitched inside of me, causing me to release along with him. My mind went blank for the first time in my life. It felt like bliss. It took away everything, including the pain.

"Are you okay?" Fenris panted, caressing my cheek, worried it had been too much for me.

Slowly, I nodded. It had to be a dream, but it felt so real. I did not want to wake up anymore. Please do not let me wake up. Reaching out, I touched his cheek, smiling. I thought I had forgotten how to smile, too.

"Fenris..." I called out to him, triggering him to kiss me once again.

This time, though, he thrust himself into me, too. Each push was so gentle and loving that I could barely bear it. He was trying so hard not to hurt me, to make me feel good. But he was also feeling it. We both were. I could not count how many times we held each other that day, but we did mostly everything that was in the book. Fenris's touch had set anew everything that the sisters had done.

A touch that meant everything to me.