After we were alone, Fenris tested the bracelet on himself to see. It was not defective. Somehow, I had become immune to the effects of luxorite. It was like building immunity to medication after long periods of time taking it. Magical artifacts eventually, if used too often, would lose their effects too.

This created the question of when the phoenix crystals would fail, too. If they had not already. Somehow, I had transported us through a gate in my haste to escape a few hours prior. Even though the bracelet was not working on me anymore, Fenris placed it back on my arm and told me to pretend that it worked. His confidence in my ability to stay in control surprised me.

Fenris saw something within me. I could not. He trusted in me even when I did not. I had learned to suppress my emotions, so the crystal did not make me feel hollow. That much was true, but I thought it would be a backup in case I lost it. It felt like I had just lost my life vest, stranded in the endless ocean of life. After that, he checked all my phoenix inhibitors only to find nothing that specified why the gate opened briefly. It had no cracks in the crystal's appearance.

The only conclusion Fenris could come to was that my fear influenced the gate, forcing it open through the inhibition that the crystals provided. I thought it would have traumatized him to look at the creatures that changed his life once before, but he thanked me for saving him. Before suddenly dragging me into the bathroom with him. Where he expressed gratitude for my efforts with his affections.

It was not long before we fell asleep in each other's arms in my bed. The next time I opened my eyes, Fenris was fast asleep. I slowly tried to wiggle my way out of his arms. I sat up a bit, but he clamped onto my waist and used part of my lap as his new pillow. Giggles left me while playing with his soft, silver hair and caressed his fluffy ears.

They were like little clouds. Glancing towards Shade, I noticed her fast asleep in her tower. There I noticed something from the corner of my eye. In front of the bed was Ryker, who gazed at me. Stunned, I reached towards Fenris to wake him up, but before I could do anything, the elf spoke up.

"Do not wake up the wolf. It is you who I need a word with. And I am not interested in a child's body. Even more so a dysmorphic one. So, do not be nervous." Ryker began.

I tried to push down the fear of what he would say. After all, he had seen us being intimate. A child he called me, but his eyes reflected something else. Would anyone gaze at a child with such scorn? For a few moments, Ryker studied my every reaction. It was hard to pretend to feel nothing under his eyes.

"Ah... Are you worried, child? Because of what I just saw? Do not. I already knew what Fenris was doing with you. I asked him to, after all. It seems he did his job right too. Well, maybe a little too well." Ryker informed emotionlessly, leaving me shocked.

I had already thought it was something like this, but to hear it killed me inside. It hurt. I did not want to hear it anymore.

"What...?" I muttered, glancing towards Fenris, who seemed to be out cold.

What had happened yesterday tired him enough to make him sleep deeper than usual. Our voices seemed to slip by him, while I wanted to wake him up, but I just could not bring myself to do so. He had not slept because he was looking after me the whole night, too.

"Oh, poor child, you cannot say you actually believed Fenris felt the same way about you. His one job is to protect us from you. To accomplish that, I made him own your body and soul. The kindness he shows you are just a show to keep you complacent. You must know this no? But do not worry, he will continue doing his duty even after he is married." Ryker clarified any doubts I had about the matter.

I did not know how much longer I could hold the tears that wanted to erupt out of me. Feeling my emotional state, Shade woke up from her slumber, only to hiss the moment she saw him. She was about to launch at him with her tiny paws, but I did not let her. I was fine. I had to be fine. It was my duty to hold deep what I felt and never let it surface. I had to pretend to be the doll they wanted me to be.

"What do you want from me?" I asked, suppressing the sadness that was swelling within me.

For the first time, Fenris's warmth that radiated from his arms. It did little to help me stay in control. Even though I knew he was destined for another, it hurt to know that he was just following orders every time he held me. I had thought it was for control, but not because of someone else's command. That was why he held me in secret. Conflicted, I tried to stay strong.

"You told Ben, that you thought it was wolfsbane. I came to tell you, that you were wrong. Do not tell anyone else this." Ryker answered, leaving me bewildered.

I knew what I had seen. And the side effects matched it perfectly. With what Layla said happened to the other Lycans, I was more than sure Ryker had to be wrong.

"I..." I tried to explain myself, but he did not let me get a word out. 

The elf had no interest in what I had to say.

"Your theory can not compare to my technicians, who already tested the unknown substance. It was not wolfsbane. Now keep these conspiracies to yourself, girl. Before you spread panic for no reason." Ryker finished and left before I could say anything to argue back.

For a moment, he left me with a throbbing sensation through my body. I realized tears were swelling at the corner of my eyes.

‘Suck it up, Lilith. This is just another thing I am wrong about.’

I told myself until it set in. They had destroyed wolfsbane thousands of years ago. There was no way there was any left.

‘Be glad, Lilith.’

I tried to force myself to feel a certain manner, but I could not. Fenris, who was still fast asleep, held me tightly, almost as if he knew how I felt. Water droplets still fell out of my eyes, even though I tried to not focus on Ryker's words. Lightly caressing Fenris's hair, I attempted to not cry loudly, to not wake him. But my sobs were coming out, without being able to stop them.

Fenris was never meant to be mine. I thought I was okay with it. But thinking about it differed completely from having confirmation. I was not okay. It was not okay at all. I had become greedier than I should have through these years. Was what Ryker said true? Was he just following orders?

Fenris never told me he loved me. But his actions screamed it. Until this moment, I did not mind that he had never said those words to me. I always thought he cared for me, even if it was not the love I desired. Yet how could he love me?

This broken body and mind had nothing to be desired. I was the girl that made him an orphan and was his burden to bear. There was no way he could ever care for me in the way I wanted. I was the girl he should hate. Maybe he did loath me, and this was all an act. The pain... The loneliness. I did not know what to do with it, crying in the arms of the person I adored. Though I could control my emotions in front of others to a point. If it was about him, I could do very little to stay stable.

I did not notice when I fell asleep in Fenris's arms once again, but the next time I opened my eyes it was dusk. By this time, Fenris was awake and had brought food for us. When he saw my fresh puffy eyes, he asked if I was okay. To which I replied I was. An obvious lie, yet I did not want him to worry about me more than he needed to. I could tell he did not believe me. But did not push me to tell him, either.

Instead, after we both had eaten, he made me his until I was senseless. A few hours later at night while I was still in his arms, they flared an announcement all over the building. They found witchcraft was part of the source of power for the earlier explosions. However, the liquid used in the attacks was kept as an unknown substance that needed more research.

The announcement told every Lycan to be wary of any conflict and to avoid going outside for the time being. Every wolf member was told to not leave the building until further notice. They had been the obvious target during the attacks. The organization stepped security up around the town. And assigned all the other races to investigate who was behind the attacks. This ended up with Layla announcing the next day that she would stay with us while the Lycan lockdown was happening.

When Fenris went to argue, she quickly said that she needed to bond with his life charge for this marriage to work. Even after announcing that reason, Fenris wanted to send her away. But then she declared something that would cause him to freeze.

"Ryker agreed it would be a great idea!" Layla informed, showing him a key to our room.

It left Fenris somewhat annoyed. She forced her way into the room with what looked like luggage. Hearing Ryker's name made me feel empty. Was this his way of crushing my hopes? Did he want to show me the future that awaited me?

"I will sleep with you!" Layla beamed, placing her bag full of clothes next to Fenris's bed, much to his annoyance.

He had not used that bed in years.

"You can sleep in my bed, but I will not sleep there with you." Fenris countered, leaving Layla stunned by where she stood.

"Why?!?" she questioned, astonished by his resistance to sleep with her in the same bed.

After all, they were to be wed soon enough.

"I do not want to. Plus, aren't you always saying you are saving yourself until marriage?" Fenris tried to shut down the situation, only to fall on deaf ears.

To Layla, it was more like an invitation to continue pressing the issue forward.

"That was such a silly and old thing I tell the girls, so they do not go crazy. I do not mind if you take me now. As long as it is you." Layla simpered cheeks pink, grabbing onto his shirt.

I tried desperately to keep my eyes on the book in front of me. Though, my annoyance was growing. I had to separate myself from this. Taking a deep breath, I closed the book and placed it in my bag. I had to get out of here before I exploded. Usually, I would not worry much since I thought the crystal was working. But I did not trust myself. Not like Fenris did. He really was a fool.

"No," Fenris sighed, seemly tired of what was going on, noticing me getting ready to leave.

"Why are you always so resistant?!? We will marry soon!" Layla yelled at him, crossing her arms and puffing her cheeks.

Wanting a better view, Shade jumped onto my shoulder. She thought he would hurt the female Lycan.

"Well, for one we are not alone here." Fenris pointed out the obvious, hoping I would stop and stay with him.

But I walked for the door. I could not remain there for another minute.

"She is leaving." Layla countered him.

In response, Fenris grabbed me by the back of my dress as I passed by. This prevented me from taking another step. He caught me. Glancing towards him, I found myself in his gaze. Like a mouse stuck in a trap.

"No, she is not. In fact, I will sleep with my charge if you are staying here." Fenris declared, pulling me onto his side with a sly smirk on his lips.

He would not let me go anywhere. For a moment, my heart skipped upon hearing him say that to Layla, but then I quickly remembered that I did not have a working bracelet anymore. Was he trying to keep me near him at all costs because of it? Or was he using me to keep her out of the room? I did not allow myself to read into it much as the argument continued.

"What?!?!? How could I accept that?!?! I will be the one to sleep with her!" Layla changed her tune.

Fenris held me close to him. A distorted laugh erupted from his lips, as he could not believe what she had said. I had never seen him like this. It was not a happy one, but one of pure annoyance.

"That is cute. After trying to kill her, you think I will allow that?" Fenris growled, eyes cold as ice.

His face showed nothing but irritation at this point.

"Fenris, I did not know she was a victim! Please!" Layla tried to explain herself.

He was having none of it.

"I do not care." Fenris scuffed, not wanting to continue this charade between them.

"This is not fair," Layla complained, glaring at me like if I was the one filling these ideas onto Fenris.

It displeased her to know he would rather be with me. If she ever knew that he was holding me every night, it would hurt her beyond belief. Part of me felt guilty because of the role I played in it. I really did not want to be here anymore.

"My charge, my choice," Fenris informed.

Layla seemed to get annoyed at that, though.

"She will be our charge soon though." She countered.

Fenris seemed to snap at that moment. He had enough.

"Layla, she will never be in your charge. No matter what. Cry and moan all you want, but if you are staying here. I am sleeping with her. Either accept that or leave. I do not care what Ryker says about that." Fenris snapped at her.

He had enough of her complaining. It caused tears to swell in her eyes. Fenris took the opportunity that she was at a loss for words to address me.

"You want to go to the library, right?" Fenris turned towards me, asking.

His eyes lacked any genuine emotion. Not wanting to annoy him, I nodded. He sighed in response.

"Okay then, I will go with you," Fenris declared, grabbing me by my hand and heading towards the door.

Before we could leave, Layla grabbed onto his tail, triggering him to growl loudly.

"Stop! You cannot leave your future wife like this!" Layla shouted to stop him.

For a slight moment, his face warped in rage as he took a deep breath to control it. Though for how much longer I would not know. His grip on me was ever so gentle, though.

"Layla... Let go." Fenris tried to restrain his anger.

A task Lycans usually failed at miserably.

"No! Fenris. You cannot leave me like this! Especially with what is happening to our kin! Do you still put your mark on a higher priority than us?!? I mean, why can't she go alone to the library? She is just a human! And you can stay here with me to keep me safe." Layla continued to push onward.

Ben had not told her the complete story. He had scarcely informed her of what the coven had done to me. But that was it.

"Layla, enough!" Fenris yanked his tail away from her grasp.

After a short glare, he walked out with me. His grip on my hand was tight enough for me to know. He was not happy with what had just happened. However, part of me did not want to even ask how he felt. I had no right to. I clenched his hand, almost as if to soothe his mood. In response, he glanced towards me, shifting his path towards a restroom nearby.

Locking the door behind us, he grabbed onto me. Before I knew it, I was against the wall with his leg in between my thighs. When I glanced at his face, his expression was one of pure exhaustion. It always drained him when he got into these arguments with Layla.

Most of those were because of me, though. I truly was a source of discord for their relationship, which I felt guilty for. If Fenris never met me, maybe his life would have been better off. He would not have had to carry such a burden. That was all I was to him. A liability.

Even so I was happy to be held by him, even if it were just to carry out his job of protecting everyone. Even if it meant hurting Layla. The guilt I felt for hurting her was nothing compared to what I would feel without his touch. If he found any solace in holding me, then he could do whatever he wanted to me. No matter what it was.

I did not care anymore. A long time ago, I had decided to live for him. Reaching for his face, I placed my hands on his cheek and shoulder. He leaned on it, seeming a bit bewildered by my reaction to his sudden approach. Usually, I would be flustered and try to get away from him if it was in a public area. But I intended to comfort him any way I could.

Feeling bold, I pulled myself towards him to kiss Fenris's lips lightly. In response to me, he grabbed onto the back of my head and yanked me into a deeper one. It was breathtaking how passionately his tongue caressed mine. There was no hint of exhaustion when he did this to me. Eventually, we separated slightly, allowing us to breathe better for only a moment as our eyes met once again.

Both our cheeks were light pink. His expression changed to one of regret. Before he could say anything, I pulled him into another kiss. I did not want to hear what he would have said. Was it to stop this? Was it for something else? I would not know, as he pulled my legs up to his waist. The same position we were in back at the alley. One caress, then another... Eventually, he found his way inside of me.

Using Fenris's lips, I muffled my voice that his sweet touch wanted to let out. Feverously, I kissed him like it was the last time I would ever feel him. Every time we separated to catch our breaths; his facial expression was one of pure pleasure. It made me throb for him. If my body was enough to please him in this way, then I...

A smile rose on my lips while I softly caressed his ears, causing them to twitch in response. My smile triggered something within Fenris as he licked my lips. His cheeks were a shade of pink. It was not the first time he had done something like that, but it was the first time that he was looking at me the way he was. I could not explain it, other than it was the same way I always looked at him. His gaze was full of love.

Could I believe maybe I had a part of Fenris's heart? Could it be true? Could it? Could he love the girl that made his life a living hell? No... It was not possible. Yet… the way he gazed at me made my heart waver from that thought. He was not mine to have. He was destined for another, yet I wanted to monopolize him. I wanted to be his equal. His love.

‘Please... Do not look at me this way. I will want to keep it all to myself.’

The thought of someone else having him stirred within me. It was something I did not want to feel. What I had within these moments. Had to be enough. It had to be. Yet...

Usually, Fenris would be the one starting everything that happened between us, but I felt bold. Maybe I could make him an addict to me, just as much as I was to him. A dream with this battered body.

‘Maybe... Maybe... I…’

I could hope. Locking lips with him again, I kissed him just as passionately as he had. His member suddenly twitched within me, with his release. A low moan came from his lips, shoving himself deep within me. He intended to carry his seeds deep into my empty womb. Nothing waited for them there, or at least I hoped.

The feeling that Fenris's explosion left within me was enough to bring me over the edge too. My mind entered a state of bliss. I refused to separate my lips from his. Especially while the sensation consumed me. Not that it seemed to bother him much either way. However, we both needed to breathe to live. The moment our lips separated; I felt his heavy breathing. We both were panting for air.

After seeing him fight with Layla and her open advances on him. It had made me feel something I could not allow myself to feel. I thought I had it in control, but maybe it was because the bracelet was working back then. Or maybe it was a placebo effect. No matter what it was. I was just ignoring it then.

The darkness within me was growing stronger every day, as my obsession with this loving wolf was spiraling. My maturity had made me realize a lot of things from when I was younger. I could control my emotions better than I did when I was a child or a teenager. But when it came to Fenris, I seemed to have little discipline over myself.

My emotions for him could not be held in a simple container. It was dangerous to do so. So, I instead would try to imprint myself into this wolf's heart. In a way that he could never live without me, even while he held another woman in his arms. But I wanted it to be because of me, and not because of the fear of something I would do to the world. I did not want to be his burden to bear, but an equal. Someone who could proudly stand by his side.

A dream, as I could get no closer to that. I lost that possibility when I made myself into the vessel of the gate. Even though I wished it would be possible, but for it to be feasible. I would have to get rid of what made me terrifying. Maybe at that moment, I would lose Fenris when he went to marry Layla. Maybe I would not. All I knew was that I had to lighten his burden somehow. I wanted my light to be free and happy. Most importantly, I desired to see the smile he had before the fall. These moments would have to be enough, though.

A smile arose on my lips again once I saw Fenris's expression on his face. Flustered, charming... I could not resist kissing him once again. However, it was interrupted by a startling banging coming from the door. He swiftly placed my feet back on the floor as I fixed my clothing. For a slight moment, I had forgotten we were not in the room anymore but in a public area. Answering the door, we saw a human man having an emergency.

Fenris apologized for locking the door, explaining to the man that he needed a private place to chat with his charge. The man was not amused by my wolf’s explanation, though. He rushed us out, cursing at us. The entire event left me giggling in response. Glancing towards my adorable wolf, I saw a genuine smile on his lips. It left me speechless as he reached for me with his hand. With a brief hesitation, I grabbed onto it. From there, he led me towards the library, where we spent most of the day.

Though... it was not long until...