Floating, drifting…

Transient and distant, the memories of childhood nearly forgotten replaying in the dark, unfeeling depths of sleep. I still remember this day, even if I didn’t think about it that often anymore. 

There I was, hiding behind a blue elephant slide in the park, sobbing my eyes out. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t stop crying, the tears flowed like rain down my face. I know why I was so upset, the same reason as always back then. 

Three boys in my class, the bullies of the school, had been picking on me endlessly since we had moved here. No matter what I did, they wouldn’t stop. The teachers tried and failed, their parents didn’t give a fuck, and I was left suffering.

At first, boys were friendly with me because I liked the same things they did, giant robot anime, superhero tv shows, boy stuff. But now it was a source of mockery, the boys and girls in school insulting me for not being feminine enough.

“Yo, Takeru-chan.” a familiar voice called out to me, the voice of an older boy from the same school. To most people he probably seemed like a dangerous delinquent, but he was kind to me, and he often ate at the family restaurant my mom runs as the manager. “Those little punks giving you a hard time again?”

“Mmm…” I nodded, my tears finally beginning to slow down, now that he was here.

He was almost in highschool at this point in time, so the fact that he bothered to talk to a kid like me showed how good natured he really was. He patted me on the head and squatted down next to me with a smile on his face.

“If ya’ want, I can show ya’ a trick to make them leave you alone, forever?” he smirked, a glint in his eye as he said those words. I was young, impressionable, so of course I went along with what he was saying, no questions at all.

“C-can you really?” I asked him, not sure if he was telling the truth. “Nobody can ever get them to stop… not even mama…”

“Yeah, my way’ll work, 100% guarantee on that little lady. Just, don’t tell anybody I told you to do this, ok? ” he said, putting down his school bag and standing back up. “First, bring your arm close to your body like this, and curl your fingers up like a ball… make sure your thumb is outside of the other fingers! Then, snap it forward really hard, keeping your elbow as straight as you can!”

“W-Wait, isn’t that just a…”

“Yeah, break those fucker’s noses, bullies don’t like people who fight back.” he smiled, putting his hand on my head again. “And hey, if that doesn’t work just let me know and I’ll send em to the hospital for ya!”

I stood up, wiping the tears from my face with my sleeve. I tried to do the punch he showed me, but it was sloppy. I tried again, almost falling over after losing my balance. He sighed, placing his hand on my back, and his other on my arm. 

“No no, like this, keep your legs loose so you don’t fall over.” and with that, he began to instruct me on how to fight. At the time, I didn’t know why it was happening, but I absorbed the information easier than any subject in school, and after about a week I felt confident I could take on the bullies.

Exactly one week from that day, during the lunch break, I walked over to a group of the girls. They tried to ignore me, as I expected… man, I just wanted to talk to them. They returned to their own circle, ignoring me and even talking about me like I wasn’t there. 

And then the three bullies showed up. Haku, Taro, and… what was his name again? Kyoshi? I can’t really remember, anyways, they showed up and started causing trouble as usual. But today, for some reason, they decided to bother the group of girls I was trying to be friendly to. 

The girls clearly didn’t want them there, and they tried to make them leave, but they three stupid boys didn’t leave. They kept making bad jokes, insulting the childish pigtails of one of the girls… she was a child, they were suitable for her age.

“L-Leave them alone, dumbass.” I nervously spoke up, getting out of my chair and trying my best to glare at the bullies. They laughed, not taking me seriously.

“Oi look at this, little Takeru-chan finally decided she’s gonna stop pretending to be a girl.” Taro said, slapping his fat stomach. “Guess that haircut isn't just because you have bad taste, are you gonna beat us up like a real man?”

“Yeah, ya finally living up to that manly name of yours?” Haku jeered, but instead of crying I balled up my fists. This was the final straw, I was sick of these three acting tough just because they got taller than the other students a bit early.

My fist slammed into Haku’s face, since he was the leader. He dropped to the ground with a thud, then he screamed. He shouted something about how I broke his nose, but I was too busy to listen. A second punch into the chubby Taro’s belly, and he rolled over onto his back. I grabbed the third one by the collar of his uniform, then slammed my head into his face.

All three of them went down without much of a fight, turns out they were all talk after all. The girls stared at me, speechless. At the time, I figured this would make them hate me more, but the pigtailed girl, Fumi, looked at me with wonder in her eyes.

“Wow~ Takeru is really strong, I had no idea~” she looked like a maiden experiencing love for the first time, and with that my fangirl club was unofficially started.

I got called into the office and my mom had to leave work early over this. Thankfully, nobody was seriously hurt, Haku’s nose wasn’t broken after all, so I got through with just a suspension for a week. Man, my mom was pissed, but on the way back from school, as I sat in the back seat of the family car, I heard her say something.

“Guess you really are your father’s daughter.”

I never asked her about that, maybe I should? I thought, the dream memory fading as I began to wake up. It was a bit weird to dream about one of my own memories, as lately it had only been Ahriman’s invading my sleeping mind. 

Somehow while asleep I seem to have wandered into my mom’s room, and we were currently sharing a futon. Her arms wrapped around me as she slept soundly, probably not even realizing I was here.  Wasn’t I a bit too old to be wandering into my parent’s bedroom during the night?

Also, at some point her sleep shirt had gotten unbuttoned, and her arms tightly pressed me into her almost completely bare chest. My face flushed red with embarrassment as I realized the situation, and I tried to pull myself away. It was a failure, and I only ended up more buried in my mother’s bosom. Her soft skin was warm against my face, threatening to drag me back into dreamland.

“I don’t wanna see the kind of dream I have after this unwanted fanservice!” I loudly whispered, just loud enough to make her stir but not enough to wake her up, and finally I was free. I sat up and quickly moved away from her as she rolled over… and her shirt fell completely open.

Two large bouncing mounds of flesh freed themselves from their restraints, but it wasn’t exactly a sight I wanted to see. It’s your mom, your mom, calm down heart, why are you beating like this? 

“It’s ok, it’s ok Takeru… you’ve seen them lots of times… as a baby!” I tried to reassure myself that nothing weird was going on with me, but it wasn’t very helpful. “But if I was reborn as Ahriman, is she even really my mom anymore… wait, what the fuck am I saying?!”  

I fled both the room and the absolutely, 100% unwanted thoughts that were filling my head. It’s just you being confused and half asleep, you’re not thinking about your mom as a woman… Why are you thinking of anyone as a woman?!

It was getting harder to deny that it was just arrant thoughts from Ahriman’s memory fragments that were making me think about women as… well, women. I needed to talk to somebody, quickly… 

I texted Raza, noticing it was almost morning. “U awake?”

She quickly replied with “I am. Making today’s lunch for us.” 

I quietly slipped out of the apartment and went up two floors to Raza’s flat. I knocked on the door and waited for a response. Shortly after that, it clicked open and I was let in. Raza was in her pajamas, a pink heart covered set, but she wore a black apron with a cartoon skeleton on it over them… I really don’t get her fashion sense.

Her short reddish brown hair was uncombed and messy, but to be honest it made her look even cuter. My heart thumped loudly in my chest and ears, the uhh… sexually charged thoughts I was just having leaping over to attach themselves to the girl my own age standing in front of me.

“Did you need something?” she asked me, giving me a puzzled look. “It’s really early and I need to finish the bentos.”

I probably should have asked for permission, I definitely should have actually. This is sexual harassment, assult! But I didn’t ask for consent, I pushed her against the outer wall of her apartment with one hand, guiding her lips to mine with my other. I forcibly kissed her, but she didn’t push me away, in fact she embraced it.

“Oh god… I’m so-sorry.” I stammered, pushing myself away from her and looking down at my feet. “I don’t… I don’t know what came over me. Stupid… why am I so stupid?!”  

She looked at me, pressing her fingers over her pink, plump lips. She looked at me, not saying a word, and it only made things feel even more awkward between us. Had I done something really bad just now? It certainly felt like I had.

“I umm, look, I had some weird dreams again, I think. And then I…”

“So you woke up horny, then came upstairs to my apartment… hoping to get some action?” she replied, finally speaking. I couldn’t tell if her tone was disappointment, anger, or anything else… she just kept looking off to the distance, not really seeing me.

“That makes me sound like a loser guy, but yeah… I guess so.” I responded, rubbing the back of my head nervously. 

“I…” she started to speak, but bit her lip. She rubbed her right hand over her left forearm in a similar nervous way to what I was doing with my hand. “I need more time, I’m not ready yet.”

“Huh?” I looked up, staring into her eyes. “Not ready… for what?”

“D-Don’t make me say it..!” she stammered, looking quite embarrassed. “You know, s-sex…”

“Wait, does that mean you will be ready eventually?!” I gasped, and she looked away from me, blushing. I should probably go, she looks like she’s struggling. But before I left, there was something I needed to know. I blocked out all of my past life memories, locked Ahriman in a box in the deepest recesses of consciousness, I was fully planted on the ground as just myself, just Takeru. “Can I… can I kiss you again?”

She looked back at me, silently. She seemed to be thinking hard about the question, and after an eternity that was probably only really a few seconds, she responded.

“Sure.”

My heart was still racing out of control as I pulled her body close to mine. We were about the same height, with me only being a few inches taller than she was. Our faces were so close, her eyes looking like gigantic spheres. I pressed my lips up against hers again, and this time, without the shock of me doing it without warning, she responded fully. 

The embrace lasted only a moment, but it felt like a thousand years to me. When we finally distanced ourselves, I let out a deep breath, then placed my hand on my chest. The thumping of my heart pulsed through my palm, and I could feel it slowly settle down. 

“I’m gonna… go get some air.” I said, walking away from her. She didn’t say anything as I left, and I did not look back until I was at my apartment again. I changed out of my sleeping clothes, then headed down and out of the building. 

“Fuck…” I said under my breath as I walked down the empty early morning streets. That wasn’t Ahriman, that was just me, just Takeru. But… my feelings didn’t change. This was… a lot to think about, somehow it was more challenging to think about than being reborn as an evil god.

I ended up walking along the river. I had so much running through my head right now, I wasn’t good at thinking about things. So much on my mind, so much… my mind returned to that girl, that angel. Saraviael.

I wonder… if she’s alright? I haven’t seen her since that fight, what happened to her? Did she return to the heavens? To Him? No, it seemed pretty clear they wouldn’t take her back… maybe she’s still in Kamijou city?

I hope so, it would be better than her returning to that bastard. Anyone that could do something that cruel to a young girl like that… couldn’t possibly be the hero this world needed. To take a whip to one of your own children… unforgivable. Even if I wasn’t an Heir of Ahriman, I would feel the same way.

Just like that past life, those distant feelings that are not my own… I don’t care if I win or lose, I don’t care if I die, I just want to punch that bastard in the face!

“No big deal, just gotta sock a god in the kisser, I can do that… I’m the unbeatable boss of Kamijou after all.” I laughed, but it was a hollow, forced emotion. sitting down on a patch of grass overlooking the river, I let out a sigh of exasperation. 

“Are you up there, watching me? Laughing?” I growled under my breath, my eyes peering up at the sky. I pointed my thumb towards my chest and issued a challenge to the heavens. “Well if you are, then forget about those other Heirs, cause I’m coming for you, and I’ve never lost a fight… so ya better start working out again, sitting idle on that throne up there’s probably left you soft.”

If anyone was listening, they didn’t reply.

-

Rejected, cast aside, Saraviael was less than a failure, she was an outcast. The golden land wouldn’t take her back, she had nowhere to go. She was broken, utterly so.

Her wounds had healed already, of course. Only a few marks remained on her back from Father’s punishment. That wasn’t what broke within her, not her body, but her pride. Her honor as a holy knight was shattered, and she would never regain it. 

“You’ll save me? What a joke...” she mumbled, pulling a ragged blanket tighter around her. She sat in a cardboard box tucked away in an alley downtown. It was still cold out despite the time of the year, and she had no home to return to, no warm fire to sit beside. 

Her stomach growled, but she had no food. Her body was cold, but she had no coat. Nowhere to return to, no home… she was reduced to nothing. The former knight sat in her box, waiting to die. 

She didn’t want it to end like this! She wanted to live, she had never even been given the chance to be a normal girl, having lived her entire life as a warrior. She was His sword, not a person, not a loved daughter, just a weapon. 

“Father... I’m so cold… so alone...” she begged weakly, not having enough willpower to even scream at the heavens. She looked up at the cloudy sky, but soon her view was obscured.

A man stood over her, the early morning sun shining behind him like a warm aura. With the light of the sunrise at his back, he glowed like a saint with a halo, his hand extended towards her. He was just like His Grace..!

“Father!” she called out, her silver eyes opening wide. She took the man’s hand, but then realized her mistake. It was not Him, it was only a human being…

“That’s right, I am a Father…” he chuckled, pointing at the collar of his shirt, marking him as a Christian priest. His voice was soft and kind, truly kind… she felt a difference in the kind words of Father and this priest right away. “I heard you call out to me, so here I am… how may I help you, child?”

“I…” she was going to protest, reject him. Her pride did not want her to accept the help of a human, but the warmth of his hand caused a hesitation within her. “I’ve nowhere to go home to, nothing…”

She began to cry, tears welling up in her eyes. She sobbed like a child, it was the first time she had ever exposed her emotions like that to anyone. He simply smiled and gently lifted her to her feet. She stumbled, but he caught her against his chest.

“Come with me, there are guest rooms at the church for travelling nuns and priests, I can set one aside for you.” he said, adjusting his half rim glasses. “It’s not much, but it’s better than a box on the street, I think.”

She was too weary to refuse, and ended up following him to his home, a small building behind an old western styled church. Following a stranger was generally an ill advised thing to do, but she was far stronger than any human, so it wasn’t like he could do anything to her of note. 

“There’s a bath down the hall… hold on, I think one of the spare rooms has some clothes your size, wait there.” As they walked into the building, he quickly ducked up a flight of wooden stairs, then returned with the uniform of a sister in training. “I’d offer to wash your dress…” 

He looked at her tattered robes, the original form of them was completely unrecognizable. 

“I think it’s better if we go shopping later instead.” he concluded, handing her the nun’s dress. “Go on then, I’ll make you something to eat… though I’m not much of a cook. 

Saraviael entered the small bathroom, discarding her robes. She looked at the mirror in front of her, realizing how bad she really looked. Blood and grime stuck to her skin and hair, and her bruised body didn’t help anything.  She placed her hand on the place where that woman had punched her and winced. Even though it had been through her armor, it was still quite devastating.

Once the bath had been drawn, she slipped into the hot water. The pain and stress in her body began to melt away, as did the thick layer of dirt on her skin.  

Maybe this will wake ya’ up, idiot! Her voice echoed in Saraviael’s thoughts, the scene replaying in her mind. Was she really the fool… was that Shard correct?

As she pulled her naked body from the warm water, the fallen angel smelled the unmistakable scent of food in the air. She dried off her skin, then donned the slightly too big for her borrowed clothing. She returned to the hallway, following the sweet smell of some kind of fruit jam on a stove. 

The priest was just about done serving up the meal, having made a plate of pancakes. He placed it on the simple wooden table in the dining area, a pan of strawberry jam, homemade, next to it. She sat down, picked up a fork, and took a bite.

And she began to cry again.

“Delicious…”