Alice hung.

She hung herself on the crossbeam of her room with a rope coiled around her neck.  Her body shook as sobs escaped out of her eyes. Her cheeks down her neck wet with the tears. She was crying as her body swung around the crossbeam. The rope did not even make a dent of her neck. It was like the rope was tied to an iron pole.

The rope snapped. She fell face-first and felt nothing as the floor cracked instead of her head. Irritated, she removed the rope around her neck and crawled back to her bed, covering her ears and muffling her cries with the pillow. This continued for minutes until she fell asleep. She woke up and the sun was almost down. She couldn’t tell the day with how black and white everything was.

The door opened. Nia entered with her little wooden tray. She looked at the rope on the crossbeam of the room. Her eyes grow worried. She skidded to where Alice was and pulled her blanket. Alice slid to sat and looked at Nia with half-open eyes.

“Sister, please eat.”

Alice nodded. She opened her mouth as Nia places the soup. The soup warmed her stomach, and she felt the parse feeling in her throat gone. Nia tapped the spoon on the bowl and continue feeding Alice until the bowl of soup was done. Nia took the tray and plodded out of the room with a hunched figure. Alice slid her head back on the pillow, eyes staring at the ceiling blankly. She then covered her ears with her palms and cringed. Her lower mouth trembled as the world of black and white turned violent red. She saw visions of screaming and death in front of her. Visions of mountains of corpses and deserts filled with the dead. A man was thrown into guillotine with a smile on a face. A man was hung on the gallows with a smile directed at her. Another one screamed vengeance as nefarious forces grants his desires. A man died caressing her cheek, and another one died protecting her from a blow that wouldn’t even graze her.

“Ah!” She suddenly stood up, drew a sword of light and pointed it at the four corners of the room. She felt uneasy at the bed and crouched down the corner with her palms covering her ears. Her eyes shook madly as she the screams grew louder and louder that it drowned the world’s noise. Her heartbeat were lost in the sound and even her breathing felt distant as the screams grew. She wrapped her arms around herself and sunk her head in it. Body-shaking sobs escaped her again as she planted her forehead on the ground. She screamed but no sound came out of her mouth. She laughed suddenly, followed by a muted cry that made a puddle on the floor. She crawled lethargically back to her bed and wrapped herself with the blankets.

Outside, the stars shone and she saw the tiny wisps of creatures that paraded down the street. She stared at them before turning her eyes back to the door where Nia entered. Her hands were cut and burnt. She sauntered to Alice’s bed and crawled towards Alice wordlessly.

She sunk her little head on Alice’s chest. Alice stared at the little head. She was like a lamp in the darkness as she covers Alice with warmth. Wordless, she wrapped her tiny arms around Nia, her arms still not long enough to wrap Alice into a tight embrace.

Nia sniffled and Alice felt her chest wet by tears not of her own.  Alice pushed her away, but her grip around her was tight. She could pry her away like a rag doll, but Alice had no heart to do it. She flailed her hands, confused on what she should do in this situation.

“Please,” Nia sobbed. “Don’t leave me too.”

She gasped listening to her cries of help. Nia, sensing something, buried her head deeper on Alice’s chest. Alice stared at her little head and placed her cheek on it. She closed her eyes and forcibly kindled the flame inside of her. The power that she had beating like a heart. The umbilical cord connected to the Burnt Woman, however, seems like it did not respond.

Her heart ached. Tears escaped out of her eyes again as she cradled the Nia on her arms. It was happening again. A little girl cries for her help and she wanted to save her. She wanted to make the flowers of hope bloom on Nia’s face.

Yet she couldn’t say the words. She couldn’t speak the words she would say. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t light her heart on fire and proclaim the words that the little girl wanted to hear. She wanted to grab her heart and scold it.

I can’t. Not anymore. I have enough…please don’t make me do this again. Oh lord of mercy, when will it end? When will this end? I don’t want this anymore, please, I beg of you, I cannot do this again. I just have to turn my head away. That’s it. Turn my head away and keep my eyes away. A monster doesn’t care…I am a monster. That’s why the way it should be.

Her hands crept into Nia’s neck. Nia stared wordlessly at Alice. Her large round eyes was like a mirror to the soul. She saw a crying face on her eyes. There was bags on her eyes and her hair was not smoothed and combed. Alice felt her hands grow weak. It limped down to her sides as she lowered her head in shame. How could she even thought of such shameful thing?

“I am afraid,” she confessed to the little girl. “I am so afraid of losing someone again. I am tired of it.”

“Please, ma,” she begged her. “Don’t leave me.”

Alice stared at her begging. Painfully, she grabbed the last of her will from the depths of her heart. I owe her, this soul, and I should repay her…please, oh lord of mercy, let me have this. I can’t leave her alone. Not anymore. Even if it hurts, and even if I am to be left alone again. I have to do it.